Rembrandt: I got that beat. We once slid onto a world where a vampire rock band wanted Wade to be their lead singer. And one of them electrocuted me with a guitar.

Joel: Oh, that's nothing. We were sent a movie once, where there was this astronaut that supposedly turned into a monster and started killing people. In the end, it wasn't the astronaut and the monster just disappeared never to be seen again.

Quinn: Pretty bad. I see I'm going to have to pull out the big guns. There was this one world were people ate worm shit because it made them younger.

Tom: You win. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

(just then Kromaggs burst into the room and point guns at them)

Kromagg: Freeze, humans!

(they all stand up)

Rembrandt: How much time now, Q-Ball?

Quinn: (looks at timer) Less than a minute.

Rembrandt: Now that's more like it. But how do we get out of here?

Crow: Well I don't know about you guys, but he said "humans." I'm leaving.

Tom: Yeah, me too.

(they both pass right by the Kromaggs)

Mike: Well I'll be damned.

Joel: Mike, grab Wade.

Mike: Huh?

Joel: Just do it.

(Joel grabs Quinn and Rembrandt by their shirt collars and Mike grabs Wade by the waist)

Wade: (blushing) Woah! Hey! I just met you!

(ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! Joel blasts into the air with Quinn and Rembrandt and knocks the Kromaggs down as he flies right through the door)

Mike: Oh, I see.

(Mike takes off with Wade and he flies right over the Kromaggs' lumpy heads. And they land right next to Joel, Quinn, Rembrandt, Tom, and Crow)

Wade: And now we run.

(they run down the hall but don't get very far)

Quinn: Guys. We gotta go now!

(he raises the timer and activates the vortex. Wade immediately jumps in. Followed by Tom, Crow, Rembrandt, Joel, and Mike. Just as Quinn jumps in one of the Kromaggs fires a gunshot.

The vortex opens on the next world, they all landed flat on the ground and the vortex closes)

Mike: Wooooooooh! I love this thing, I tells yah!

(they all get up but Quinn looks a little pale. Then, suddenly he falls down)

Wade: Quinn!

Rembrandt: Q-Ball!

(Wade kneels down and cradles his head in her lap. She strokes the back of his head. But then she looks at her hand. Blood. Quinn's blood)

Wade: Nooooooooooooooooooooo!

(cue Sliders theme, Season 1)

Quinn: (voice over) What if you could find brand new worlds right here on Earth, where anything is possible? Same planet, different dimension. I found the gateway!

(Quinn's vision blurred back into focus. He saw a slender, angelic figure looking down on him)

Quinn: Wade?

Crow: Not even close.

Quinn: (reacting to Crow's beak shoved straight into his face) GAH!

Crow: Well, it's nice to see you too. He's awake!

(Wade and Rembrandt both run to Quinn)

Rembrandt: Great to have you back with us, Q-Ball!

Quinn: What happened? I seemed to remember being shot...

Wade: (smiling) You got better.

Quinn: Better? You mean we went through that whole melodramatic cliffhanger just to say "I got better?"

Wade: Yep.

Quinn: Huh.

Rembrandt: How do you feel, Q-Ball?

Quinn: Like if I died, no one would care.

(Wade and Rembrandt take a quick glance at each other, then slowly move their eyes toward the ground to avoid making eye contact with Quinn. Mike, Joel, and Tom walk over to the group)

Joel: Get a move on! Our time's almost up.

Quinn: How long was I out?

Rembrandt: About three days.

Quinn: Damn. I missed out on this entire world.

Rembrandt: You wouldn't like it here. Pauly Shore movies are very popular.

(Quinn shudders)

Quinn: Are we tracking Peckinpah's wormhole?

Tom: I hope so. We have no clue how to use this thing.

Quinn: Well, I autoset it so it should do it automatically. (takes the timer from Mike) Three...two...one...

(Quinn activates the vortex. The eager Wade is the one to jump in first. Followed by Rembrandt, Tom, Mike, Joel, and Crow. Quinn sticks around for a few seconds. His attention is caught by some guy who's laughing like an idiot)

Quinn: What's so funny?

Laughing guy: I just saw Son In Law 5!

(Quinn's eyes go wide and jumps through the vortex without hesitation.

One by one they all fly out of the vortex, each landing with a thud)

Quinn: (getting up and checking the timer) No wormholes detected. They must still be here.

Rembrandt: Unless they slid out of here already.

Quinn: Would you quit pointing out plotholes, Remmy?

Tom: Yeah, we got used to them. Our time on the satellite was basically just one big plothole. How did Mike and Joel eat and breathe up there, anyway?

Crow: Yeah! And other science facts!

Mike: Would you guys just relax?

(Joel is busy looking off in the distance in awe)

Tom: Joel? You OK? What's going on?

(Joel just points forward, they all follow his gaze and see a stegosaurus in front of them)

Mike: Wow.

Tom: ...the hell?

Crow: What a cheesy CGI effect....er I mean, cool, a dinosaur!

Quinn: Been there, done that, got the T-Shirt...

Wade: Huh? I didn't get a T-Shirt! Where'd you get a T-Shirt?

(Quinn just stares at her, fighting the urge to say "Shut up, Wade")

Rembrandt: Um...sweetheart? Maybe it's time for quiet time.

Wade: OK.

Rembrandt: (whispering to Quinn) You see? You can say "Shut up, Wade" more effectively if you're polite.

Quinn: I'll keep that in mind.

Rembrandt: How long do we have here anyway?

Quinn: A little over an hour. We better get looking.

(they start walking in a random direction, but in about 20 minutes their journey stops)

Rickman: (off in the distance) Sliders!

(They all lay their gaze on Rickman who is standing alongside Mallory and Diana. But there is another person with them, a small black boy with Rickman's gun pointing toward his head)

Rembrandt: Malcolm!

Rembrandt: That's right Mr. Brown! Yet another...(lifts gun from Malcolm's head)...neglected character from season three...

(Malcolm runs forward and tackles Rembrandt)

Malcolm: You forgot me, you bastard! Not only in this damn story, but season four and five!

(Malcolm begins beating the living hell out of Rembrandt)

Rembrandt: Ow...............hey..............son of a bit..........stop........................ow.........

Crow: Should we help him or something?

Quinn: I don't know about the rest of you, but I ain't beating up no kid.

Mike: Yeah, me neither.

Joel: Well, maybe we should pull him off?

Quinn: Nah, Remmy's fine. He can take care of himself.

(they watch the beating go on for another 2 minutes)

Tom: OK, this is getting old.

Wade: (jerks her attention above Rembrandt and Malcolm and into the distance) Um..............Quinn?

Quinn: Not now.

Wade: You really should...

Quinn: I said not now!

Wade: But...

(BANG! Suddenly a bullet smashes into Malcolm's skull. Malcolm falls off of Rembrandt, clearly dead. Everyone snaps their attention to the shooter, a sexy woman who somewhat resembles Quinn)

Logan: Complain about me killing a teen all you want, but you wanted to see him dead from day one just like me.

Quinn: Logan St. Clair.

Logan: (smirking) Quinn Mallory.

Tom: Pardon me for being rude, but who's the bitch?

Quinn: Logan's my double from another universe who just happened to be born a woman. She planned to use sliding to strip other worlds of their natural resources.

Logan: When this jackoff stranded me out in the multiverse. (pulls her gun up and points it at Quinn) Let me ask you something. If I hit that annoying kid from that distance, what would you bet that I would miss from here?

Quinn: You can't shoot me.

Logan: Why not?

Quinn: I don't know. Let me go think about it and I'll get back to you in a few days.

(Quinn turns around and prepares to leave)

Logan: Not so fast, Quinn.

Quinn: (stops) Damn. (trying to stall) So uh...............................how ya been, Logan? We haven't seen you in a while.

Logan: Oh you know. Same old same old. Ploting revenge. Running away from dinosaurs.

Quinn: Yeah, how'd you get here anyway?

Logan: Well, I started chasing you, but my timer shorted out by the time I got to this world. It was really weird too. Because last time I saw you was on this world right before you slid out, you were hanging with some ditzy redhead. And someone named Maggie too.

Wade: Hey! I'll have you know I'm a brunette.

Logan: Yeah, obviously, rootgirl.

(Wade starts fuming)

Quinn: (starts laughing) Oh my god. I guess you didn't get the memo. Seasons three, four, and five all gone. It was a dream. Plot points erased.

Logan: What?! I was season three! You mean you erased my legacy and I became stuck here for nothing? I oughta kill you!

Quinn: Woah, girl! I'm sure we can make a compromise. Uhhhhhhhh...let's see. Your episode was the first one of season three, right?

Logan: Yeah.

Quinn: OK...................uh Remmy, what was that other good season three episode?

Rembrandt: The Guardian.

Quinn: Yeah, that one. Let's say everything after that was a dream.

Logan: Better. Now, I kill you.

Quinn: What?!

Logan: You forget, my petty revenge.

Quinn: Oh yeah. (to the others) You know, you guys could help me. After all we do outnumber her seven to one.

Joel: Oh yeah.

(ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! Joel runs up to Logan, kicks her gun into the air, grabs it on the way down, and points it at Logan's head)

Logan: Wow. That was cool.

Joel: Thanks. This has been a pretty trippy few weeks.

Quinn: Well, now would you like to compromise, Logan?

Logan: Oh, shut your hole, Quinn. Just because the sleepy-eyed guy has a gun to my head doesn't mean I'll take orders from you.

Quinn: Ooooooooooh, feisty. I like that in a woman.

(everyone except Quinn and Logan shudders at this almost incestuous remark)

Crow: Um, if you were to have sex with your female double, would that be like an interdimensional form of masturbation?

Tom: I don't know and I don't even want to think about it.

Logan: Just tell me one thing, how come I never got a story arc? I was a good character, right?

Quinn: Ask Peckinpah. He decided to give the story arc to Rickman.

Logan: Who the hell is Rickman?

Quinn: That ugly guy over there.

(Quinn points to where Rickman, Mallory, and Diana are still standing)

Logan: Bah. What's he got that I don't?

Rickman: Sex appeal, maybe my dear?

Logan: Oh come on. You're a hairy guy with a big chin. I'm the sexy chick with an ass that won't quit. Not to mention acting skills.

Rickman: Well you sure didn't display them in Dungeons & Dragons.

Logan: That's it. Now I'm pissed!

(Logan starts running toward Rickman)

Rickman: Oh sh*t.

(Rickman takes off with Mallory and Diana right behind him)

Mallory: (to Rickman) What is your problem? I thought you had a gun?

Rickman: It wasn't loaded. I thought the boy would finish them off.

Diana: (sighs) Well...

Mallory: (interupting) In the words of Bill Paxton, "Game Over, man. Game Over!"

Rickman: Not quite. (they all stop running) Diana, we have to slide soon. You have to keep them busy and we'll (snicker snicker) come back for you.

Diana: But...

Rickman: (interupting) Just do it!

(Diana gives out a catlike hiss and runs toward Logan and tackles her. They begin to claw at each other)

Mallory: Wow. That is hot.

Rickman: No time for pleasure. Let's go!

(they run off as Mike, Joel, Quinn, Wade, Rembrandt, Crow, and Tom all run up to see the Logan/Diana catfight)

Quinn: (looks at timer) I'm detecting a wormhole. They've slid out.

Mike: How can you tell that from a glance? All I see on that thing are numbers.

Quinn: (stares at Mike) Shut up.

Rembrandt: So what now? It's not like either of these gals are on our team.

Crow: I say we sit back and watch.

Tom: I'm down with that.

Quinn: Me too.

Rembrandt: Sounds like a plan.

Joel: Why not?

Mike: So it's settled?

Wade: (rolls her eyes) Men.

(Logan is wailing on Diana, but Diana manages to kick Logan in the chest and sends her flying off of her. Diana gets into a crouching position and prepares to strike. Logan gets up and stares at her adversary with fire in her eyes. They both charge at each other at the same time and slam into one another at full force. Neither will let up. ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! Logan grabs Diana's shirt and pulls really hard. The buttons start flying off and Logan takes the shirt with her, leaving Diana standing there in her bra)

Crow: Woah!

Quinn: Hello!

Rembrandt: Now this is getting interesting.

(Diana stands there, staring at Logan. Logan just stares back. But then Logan's atention drifts above Diana's head. Diana looks at her with a puzzled expression on her face. Logan points her finger above Diana. Diana turns around and finds herself face to face with a Tyrannosaurus Rex)

Diana: Oh...

(the T-Rex's jaws shut around a screaming Diana as it lifts her up from the ground)

Tom: Aw damn. Just when it was getting good.

Wade: I hate to break up your little boy party here, but there's a huge T-Rex standing in front of us! Shouldn't we, you know, RUN FOR OUR LIVES?!

Joel: Good idea.

(they all start running)

Logan: Wait for me!

(Logan starts running after them with the T-Rex hot on their trail)

Rembrandt: How long, Q-Ball?

Quinn: (checks the timer) 5 minutes!

Rembrandt: Aw hell!

Wade: Hey, look! A cave!

Mike: What a coincidence.

Quinn: I'll say. Whenever we land on a world with dinosaurs, we always end up in a cave.

(everyone, including Logan, runs into the cave)

Rembrandt: (to Logan) What are you doing here?

Logan: Same as you, saving my pathetic life.

Wade: I say we push her out.

Quinn: (staring at Logan's ass) Not so fast, Wade. She seems to have a grudge agains Peckinpah too.

Logan: You bet. They gave my story arc to that bozo, Rickman.

Quinn: We'll let you stick around, as long as you promise that you won't kill us.

Logan: Awwwwwwwwwwwww....

Quinn: Promise!

Logan: OK.

Quinn: Fine. Time's up.

(Quinn opens the vortex. Wade gives Logan the evil eye and jumps in, followed by Rembrandt, Mike, Joel, Tom, and Crow)

Quinn: Pay no attention to Wade. You just tried to kill her all those years ago. Maybe she'll warm up to you if you sleep with her.

Logan: What did you say?

Quinn: Maybe she'd warm up to you if you're nice to her. What? What did you think I said?

Logan: I thought that you...nevermind.

(Logan jumps into the vortex, followed by Quinn.

They all pile out of the vortex in a grassy field on a brand new world and it closes behind them. It is sunset)

Rembrandt: (geting up) You know the drill, Q-Ball.

Quinn: (checks the timer) About 10 hours.

Joel: Great. I'm beat. We should be able to get around 40 winks here.

Quinn: Yeah, right. With Peckinpah still out there? I want to catch him as soon as possible.

Wade: We can't do that if we're exhausted, Quinn.

Quinn: All right. Let's find a hotel.

Wade: That's going to be a problem.

Quinn: Why?

Wade: We didn't exactly have time to get any money before this whole thing started.

Quinn: Remmy?

Rembrandt: Nothing on me.

(Quinn looks at his other companions, who all shake their heads)

Quinn: Well, let's just sleep here. But we sleep in shifts, just in case Peckinpah and company show up.

Logan: Why sleep in shifts? We got two robots who don't even need to close their eyes.

Crow: Hey, lady. Haven't you ever heard of recharging?

Tom: Recharging? (Crow slaps Tom in the stomach) Oh yeah right. Recharging! Heheh.

Crow: Our batteries are really low. We need at least 9 hours of undisturbed recharging every day.

Quinn: OK, fine. We'll still sleep in shifts. Joel and Mike can take the first three hours. Wade and Remmy will take the next three. And Logan and I (he winks at his female double) will take the last three hours.

Crow: (closing his eyes) Sounds like a plan to me. Wake me when it's time to open your hole.

(Six hours later, Rembrandt and Wade are keeping watch, albeit half asleep)

Wade: What time is it, Remmy?

Rembrandt: Almost time to wake up Quinn and Logan.

Wade: Ugh. I don't trust her at all.

Rembrandt: You didn't trust Maggie either. (Wade just stares at him) OK, bad example. Look, just give her a chance. Q-Ball seems to trust her.

Wade: Yeah, I guess you're right, Remmy.

Rembrandt: C'mon. Let's wake up the twins.

Wade: (snickering) Yeah and Quinn too.

(Rembrandt walks over to Quinn, and Wade, reluctantly, over to Logan. Rembrandt shakes Quinn awake)

Quinn: Agh! Football practice...huh?

Rembrandt: Your watch, Q-Ball.

Quinn: (yawning) All right, I'm up.

(Wade gives Logan a light smack on the cheek)

Logan: Ow! What the hell?

Wade: Rise and shine, red.

Logan: I oughta beat the living crap out of you!

Wade: Sorry. You promised not to kill us.

Logan: Key word being kill. I didn't say anything about hospitalizing you and making sure you eat the rest of your meals through a straw!

Wade: Someone's not a morning person.

(Logan gets up and starts stretching, but she sees Quinn staring at her while she is doing this. So she turns her back to him, bends over, and begins touching her toes)

Wade: Oh dear god. You do know Quinn is checking you out, right?

Logan: Of course. That's why I'm doing this.

Wade: And it doesn't creep you out that your double is getting horny off of you?

Logan: (standing up again) Look at it this way, Wade. Who is it that Quinn is attracted to the most?

Wade: Just about anyone with over a C-cup and an additude.

Logan: Wrong. Himself. I figure if he's anything like me, looking in the mirror would turn him on the most. Therefore, Quinn would get turned on by any double of his, male or female. My simply being here only reminds him that he can bang himself if he wanted to.

Wade: And you go along with this disgusting fantasy of his for what reason?

Logan: Oh, you of all people should have figured that out, Wade. After all, when we first met, I lured you in with false ideas and dumped you square on your ass. I'm just having a little fun with perv-boy over there.

Wade: I see.

(while this conversation is going on, Quinn is talking to Rembrandt)

Quinn: (staring in the direction of Wade and Logan) God what a body.

Rembrandt: Yeah, Wade ain't bad looking.

Quinn: Wade? Oh yeah. Wade...right. So uh, did you see anything interesting on this world yet?

Rembrandt: We've seen a lot of Asian people. In fact, I think we've seen all Asians.

Quinn: So this is some sort of Asian world?

Rembrandt: Seems like it.

Quinn: You and Wade should get to sleep so Logan and I can get it on................I mean so we can get a fresh start tomorrow morning. I'll wake you all about an hour before the slide.

(about an hour and a half later, the sun begins to rise, and so do Quinn's pants)

Quinn: (making his move) Nice sunrise, huh?

Logan: I hate sunrises.

Quinn: Me too. They hurt my eyes.

Logan: Who the hell is that?

Quinn: Huh?

(Quinn looks up onto a hill above them. There is a man standing there in some sort of uniform. He is holding a stick)

Logan: What is he doing?

Quinn: I don't know.

(the man raises the stick above his head and swings it)

Captain: (voice not matching lip movements) Get it on!

(the MXC theme begins playing as a stampede of Asian people come running down the hill)

Quinn: Oh, sh*t!

(Quinn and Logan begin waking their comrades)

Crow: It hasn't been 9 hours yet!

Quinn: Look, nethead, we don't have a choice! Look! (he points to the Asian people)

Crow: Uh-oh!

(pretty soon they are all running with the huge crowd close behind them)

Announcer: (off screen) What are these people running from? They're not! They're running to! The world's toughest competition in town! Today we watch the ongoing feud between interdimensional travelers and people marooned in space. It's the classic battle between Sliders and Bad Movie Watchers. Now get ready for MXC! Now for the twice the host, twice the price, Kenny Blankenship and Vic Romano!

Kenny: (voice not matching lip movements) Woohoo!

Vic: (voice not matching lip movements) Indeed, Kenny, we got an exciting show for you all today.

Kenny: Yeah. I came up with the idea for this show myself, after two cool shows were canceled by the Sci-Fi channel. Skidders and Mystery Pornography Theater 6900. In Skidders they like skidmarked themselves into other dimensions and scored with as many doubles of Amanda Peet possible. And MPT69 was this show where a bunch of guys in space watched old porn and made fun of it. Back then they didn't even bother with plot. They just had sex over the slightest thing, like fixing the plumbing. I think porn has become better now that using plots has revolutionized the industry.

Vic: Really, Kenny? I would have figured you'd would have wanted less diologue in the way.

Kenny: Right to the good stuff is fine, but it's cool to see just how chicks turn each other on, so the next time I see Jennifer Garner and Carmen Electra in the same room, I'll know exactly what to do!

Vic: Kenny! (smacks Kenny on the head with that fan thing) Let's go to Guy!

(camera switches to Guy LaDouche)

Guy: (voice not matching lip movements) Guy LaDouche here. I'm afraid I don't have much time here. My official fan club is hoping I could say a few words.

Nerdy guy sitting on a chair in the background: (voice not matching lip movements) Speech! Speech! Speech!

Guy: Today we start with Sinkers and Floaters. Next Boulder Dash. After that Wall Bangers. And finally Log Drop. Take it away, Skipper!

(camera switches to the Captain who is standing in front of a large crowd, among them are our heroes, who are trying to look casual)

Captain: Thanks Guy! (addresses the crowd) How many of you think that animals should be protected regardless of species and should be stopped being hunted for sport? Show of hands, now!

(everyone raises their hands and cheers)

Captain: Well, you're all wrong. Animals are here for the Captain's bloodthirsty pleasure. If they were meant to live they would have been able to do everything the Captain is able to do.

Wade: Bullsh*t!

(the crowd hushes in a silence)

Rembrandt: (whispering) Sweetheart, what are you doing?

Wade: Not only is he saying that all animals should be wiped out, he's brainwashing these people into thinking the way he does. I'm not letting him get away with that.

(the Captain approaches her)

Captain: You dare correct the Captain?

Wade: Yes I dare, Captain. Any animal is just as sentient as we are. Just because we developed a lot faster doesn't mean we can do with them as we please. How would you feel if you were hunted for sport by a baboon?

Captain: Methinks someone has seen Planet of the Apes one too many times.

(the crowd laughs like this joke was hysterical)

Wade: You miss the point...

Captain: (swings his stick) Let's go!

(the crowd cheers and starts running as the camera switches to Vick and Kenny)

Vic: Wow, looks like the Captain has made an enemy today.

Kenny: Yeah. I'm surprised he didn't knock her flat on her ass. I think he digs her. She's hot.

Vic: Let's get started with Sinkers and Floaters. The object of the game is to stay out of the fluid by stepping on the stones.

Kenny: But some of the stones will stay floating and some will sink.

Vic: First up for the Marooned team is Penny Robinson.

(camera switches to Penny)

Penny: (voice not matching lip movements) This is to my homies! (Penny starts stepping from stone to stone)

Vic: (voice over) Penny is the only survivor of that tragic Jupiter 2 mission all those years ago.

Kenny: (voice over) Too bad. That blond sister was hot. What was up with Dr. Smith anyway? Do you think he was gay? I sensed a sexual tension between him and Major West.

Vic: Well I think.................. (Penny steps on a sinker and crashes into a floater) Oh! She is down!

Kenny: Wow, that's gotta hurt. Let's play it again. (tape plays back) If you look closely right here you can see her lungs being torn through by her broken rib cage.

Vic: Very sad. Up next is Mirror Kirk.

Mirror Kirk: (voice not matching lip movements) I'm not a Trekkie! (starts stepping from stone to stone)

Vic: Kirk's from the infamous mirror universe.

(Mirror Kirk runs too fast and missteps)

Kenny: Ouch! You can just hear his neck snapping!

Vic: Indeed. Next for the Morooners is Captain Janeway.

Janeway: (voice not matching lip movements) I used to be a man!

(Janeway begins her run as we switch to Wade and Rembrandt)

Wade: I don't think I can do this, Remmy.

Rembrandt: Just play along with it, I think those announcer guys are exaggerating.

Janeway: (From off screen) MY SPINE!

(Wade starts shuddering)

Rembrandt: It's OK, sweetheart. We'll be off this world in no time.

Wade: I hope you're right.

(just then a woman bumps into them)

Woman: Sorry. It's almost my turn.

Wade: No problem. (she then looks at the woman who's running off to the stones) Remmy! That was Maggie!

Rembrandt: Really?

Wade: That must mean Peckinpah and his group are in this thing too.

Rembrandt: We better go after her.

(they start chasing Maggie)

Maggie: (noticing Wade and Rembrandt) Uhhhh...No time for small talk let's do it! (she steps from stone to stone and makes it across)

Rembrandt: See? That doesn't look hard does it?

Wade: I guess not.

(Wade takes a big gulp and starts stepping from stone to stone. Suddenly one of the stones falls into the water and Wade blacks out)

Rembrandt: (offscreen voice) Wade? Wade? Wake up...

(Wade's vision slowly began to focus as she began coughing up water)

Wade: Doesn't look hard, my ass!

Rembrandt: Oh, thank god you're all right.

(Wade is completly soaked. She stares at Rembrandt, who is also completly soaked)

Wade: Let me guess. You didn't make it either.

(Rembrandt just shrugged. Suddenly Guy runs up to them)

Guy: You were doing so well! What went wrong?

Wade: (stands up and pushes Guy out of the way) Get away from me.

Guy: You fell in the water!

Wade: I said beat it, loser!

Guy: You got all wet.

(Wade sucker punches Guy right in the gut. He is down for the count)

Wade: C'mon, Remmy. We gotta find Quinn and the others.

(Wade and Rembrandt walk off)

Guy: (still on the ground, resisting the urge to cough up blood) Back to you...

(10 minutes later, Wade and Rembrandt manage to find the rest of the group)

Quinn: You sure they're here?

Wade: Remmy and I both saw Maggie ourselves.

Rembrandt: How much time we have left?

Quinn: Still over an hour. I say we kill it here, looking for them. Who was assigned to what stunt?

Logan: Log Drop.

Mike: Wall Bangers.

Joel: Log Drop.

Tom: Boulder Dash.

Crow: Boulder Dash.

Quinn: And I got Wall Bangers. (smiles) Teehee. Bangers.

Mike: Why do we have to do these stunts again?

Tom: Because those who don't are fed to Gamera.

Mike: Oh yeah.

Quinn: Boulder Dash is next, (points to Tom and Crow) you two better go. We'll look for Peckinpah.

Tom: What the hell is Boulder Dash?

Vic: (voice over) Up next is Boulder Dash!

Kenny: (voice over) The object of this game is to run up the hill and pass the stones before you get like stoned or something.

Vic: Indeed!

(we cut to Crow and Tom standing in front of the Boulder Dash hill)

Crow: I don't wanna do this.

Tom: Oh, suck it in you big baby.

Captain: (blows whistle) Get it on!

(Crow starts running up the hill. A few small boulders start rolling followed by a great big one. Crow is skinny enough to get by it but he doesn't see the next boulder after it which just collides with him head on)

Crow: Agh! My legs! They're tangled in my arms!

(two MXC medics come out to pry Crow from between the boulders)

Tom: OK, my turn.

(Tom starts hovering up the hill, and does a sudden boost of power to hover over the first boulder)

Tom: Hoohah! Hikeeba!

(this little stunt costs him some power and he is unable to do it again. So when coming up on the next boulder he hides in a saftey slit. But what he doesn't know is how well ventilated the slits are, thanks to the air grates, and his hover skirt starts malfunctioning)

Tom: Huh? ...the hell? Woah!

(Tom falls to the ground and starts rolling along with the boulders. He stops facing the top of the hill, just as two more boulders come his way)

Tom: Aw hell...

(later Quinn and Mike are prepping for Wall Bangers)

Vic: (voice over) It's time for Wall Bangers! Four walls, sixteen doors. Break through the right door and score a point for your team.

Kenny: (voice over) Get banged by the wall and you get spanked by Skanky!

(camera switches to Skanky, a giant dude with big fists)

Captain: (blows whistle) Get it on!

(Mike runs through the gate and aims at the door he's chosen. ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! Mike is running in full Baywatch mode now. He is jogging full speed, getting ready to break through the wall. He heads in head first and BANG! He picked the wrong door. The MXC medics drag him off the set and back to where the contestants are prepping)

Quinn: Hey, you OK?

Mike: Why do walls hate me?

Backstage dude: (voice not matching lip movement) Yo', it's your turn.

Quinn: All right.

(Quinn runs through the gate and picks a door. RIP! He's through! He picks another door. RIP! Two to go! Uh oh! It's Skanky! Quinn dives past Skanky and into another door. RIP! Only one remaining. He carefully picks the door he thinks is right. He runs full force. BANG! Wrong door. Skanky runs up behind him and starts beating him with his giant fists)

Quinn: Ow.......................stop....................it hurts........

(After Skanky gives Quinn a good beating, the Medics drag him off the set, but not before he sees who the next contestant is. Mallory! Mallory sticks his tongue out at Quinn and tears through the first door. And the second and the third and the fourth. Mallory does it with ease, like there's nothing to it)

Vic: (voice over) It's all come to this! Log Drop!

Kenny: (voice over) Each contestant has to step across the spinning logs without falling into the fluid. If you do that, you're out. And that would just suck.

Vic: Indeed!

(Joel and Logan are standing on the platform in front of the spinning logs)

Captain: (blows whistle) Get it on!

(Rickman suddenly pushes them out of the way and steps across the logs)

Logan: It's Rickman!

(Rickman makes it to the other side)

Rickman: Catch me if you can!

Logan: I'm next.

Joel: Be careful.

Logan: (rolls her eyes) How hard can it be?

(Logan steps on the first log as it rolls forward and she bends in half as she falls inbetween the logs and falls straight into the water)

Joel: Holy crap!

(Logan resurfaces)

Logan: I'm OK!

Joel: I didn't know the human body could bend like that.

Logan: (raising her eyebrows with a grin on her face) I've been in less comfortable positions.

(Joel looks puzzled by the remark, but decides not to ask about it. He instead gets ready to run himself. ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! Joel steps from log to log with the greatest of ease until he gets to the other side. But Rickman is long gone by then)

Joel: Damnit!

Kenny: (voice over) He has gone all the way!

Vic: (voice over) Interestingly enough, this contestant has both been marooned in space and traveled through dimensions.

Kenny: So he scored a point for both teams?

Vic: Indeed!

(BOOM!)

Kenny: What the hell was that?

(BOOM!)

Vic: Sounds like it's coming from the direction of the ocean.

(BOOM! Something roars in the distance)

Kenny: Oh no! It's Godzilla! We must flee!

(The Godzilla March is heard. Godzilla stomps across the land. Without a care in the world)

Godzilla: (voice not matching lip movements) ROAR!

(Godzilla's spine begins to light up as he opens his mouth and out pops his radioactive breath as it engulfs the Captain and several others)

Captain: I regret nothing!

(Joel and Logan manage to find their way to the others)

Wade: Is everybody OK?

Quinn: I'm detecting a wormhole. Peckinpah's group just left. We still got fifteen minutes until the slide.

Rembrandt: I say we run just like everyone else.

Mike: F*** that.

(Mike flies away)

Quinn: Come back here you coward and take me with you!

Joel: I got an idea. (he slighly hovers off the ground) Rembrandt, grab my legs. (Rembrandt does so) OK, now everyone grab each other's legs, heaviest to lightest.

(Quinn grabs Rembrandt's legs, then Logan, then Crow, then Tom, then finally Wade)

Logan: Wow, I didn't know you were that skinny.

Wade: Shut up. It's easy to underweigh a robot.

Godzilla: ROAR!

Joel: OK, hold onto your lunches!

(Joel flies off)

Guy: (Chasing after them) Wait! Wait for Guy!

(But the huge monster's foot comes down on Guy)

Wade: Joel, I should have told you this before, but I'm afraid of flying!

Joel: (Sighs) Thanks for the info.

Wade: I mean it. I feel like I'm gonna puke any minute.

Tom: Watch the hoverskirt!

(Wade begins to look pale. She's finding it harder and harder to hold onto Tom's hoverskirt until one of her hands loses grip. Wade starts screaming)

Crow: Geez! Quite the set of lungs on her!

Wade: HELP ME!

(Wade's other hand slips. As she falls toward the ground she screams like she's never screamed before. That is until she falls into Mike's arms)

Mike: Woah! Where'd you come from?

Wade: Oh my god! Thank you! (she gives him a huge kiss on the lips) Thanks for saving me!

Mike: (a little dumbfounded after that kiss) Saving you? Oh yeah, saving you. Well, all in a day's work.

(Mike and Wade manage to hook up with the rest of the group on the ground)

Rembrandt: Wade! We thought we lost you, girl!

Wade: (clinging to her savior) Mike saved my life!

(Quinn stares at Wade and Mike, obviously jealous)

Quinn: Oh...........yeah! Well remember he left us in the first place!

Wade: Oh, Quinn, we all have moments of panic. He probably came to his senses and came back for us.

Mike: Uh, yeah. That's exactly what happened.

Rembrandt: When does our ride get here, Q-Ball?

Quinn: (pulling out the timer) Right about now.

(Quinn activates the vortex. Wade gives Mike a peck on the cheek and jumps in. Followed by Tom, Crow, Joel, Logan, Mike, and Quinn.

And in that order they all pile out on the next world. A world where there are a bunch of men in suits staring at them)

Rembrandt: Well doesn't this look homey. How long we got here?

Quinn: (checking the timer) 10 minutes. And I'm already getting a wormhole signal.

Wade: (looking at the men surrounding them) Who the hell are these guys?

Rembrandt: They all look the same. That must have been one hell of a birth process if they're all brothers.

(Quinn, Wade, Rembrandt, and Logan may not recognize the men surrounding them, but Mike, Joel, Tom, and Crow surely do. These men were all Agent Sandlers. A lone Agent Sandler walks out of the crowd)

Agent Sandler: Mistah Nelson. We didn't expect to see you again. Greetings Mistah Robinson. That goes double for you.

Wade: Uh, I'm totally lost. What's going on?

Mike: I must have lost that fight on this world.

Agent Sandler: That's right, Mistah Nelson. You did lose, because if I remember corectly, I killed you. I'm curious, what exactly was that hole you fell out of? I doubt it was some sort of gateway from the afterlife, because you came with Mistah Robinson, who isn't exactly dead. (He points to himself and laughs like a madman)

Mike: How much time do we have left again?

Quinn: Eight minutes.

Mike: Damnit. You guys might want to run.

(Agent Sandler clenches his fist, as do Mike and Joel. And they charge at each other in ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! Mike take a swing at Agent Sandler's head, he ducks only to meet Joel's fist. But this doesn't slow Agent Sandler down much as he starts attacking with all of his speed and strength)

Logan: Well, you heard them. Let's go.

Wade: We're just going to leave them? If we do, they'll never make the slide!

Quinn: That's a risk we're going to have to take, c'mon!

(Quinn grabs Wade's wrist and drags her off, with Rembrandt, Logan, Crow, and Tom already running ahead of them. The other Agent Sandlers pay no attention to them, because they're watching the fight. After about five minutes of running, they stop at what they feel is a safe distance)

Quinn: Two minute warning.

Wade: You are not opening that vortex! Not without them!

Quinn: And get trapped here for 29 years with lord knows how many Adam Sandlers? You can take your chances if you want but I'm not staying.

Tom: He's right, Crow and I have known them the longest and even we aren't that loyal.

Wade: So you're going to leave them here to die?

Crow: Yeah, pretty much.

(we cut from Wade's shocked expression back to Joel and Mike who are still duking it out with Agent Sandler)

Joel: Mike, If we're gonna go, we gotta go now!

(Joel starts flying with Mike right behind them. A very pissed Agent Sandler takes off as well and follows them as we cut to Quinn and the gang)

Quinn: Now!

(Quinn activates the timer and opens the vortex)

Wade: I am not leaving without them!

Rembrandt: Oh yes you are, sweetheart.

(Rembrandt pushes the reluctant Wade through the vortex and jumps in after her. They are followed by Tom, Logan, Crow, and finally Quinn.

And in that order they pile out on the next world)

Wade: (standing up and staring at the vortex) Don't close.

(Back on the last world Joel and Mike are still racing toward the wormhole in ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! And with Agent Sandler right behind them. Joel reaches the vortex and flies in. Right afterward the vortex begins closing but Mike just manages to sqeeze through. Agent Sandler, however got there just after the vortex closes and landed flat on the ground

Moments later, Joel and Mike pop out on the other end)

Wade: Oh thank god!

(Wade runs up and hugs Mike)

Voice from behind them: Like woah! That was like the coolest thing I've ever seen.

(Quinn and Rembrandt turn around)

Quinn: Bennish?

Bennish: Conrad Bennish Jr. in the flesh!

Logan: Who's the Jason Mewes wannabe?

Bennish: (staring at Logan's chest) Anybody you want me to be, babe.

(Logan shudders. Quinn looks behind him to see Wade still clinging to a very confused Mike)

Quinn: Why don't you two just get a room!

Wade: (drops Mike like a sack of bricks and stares Quinn down) Oh, I see how it is, you can bed any blonde you see, but as soon as I start a relationship with someone, you start acting like a jackass and tell me I can't?

Mike: Woah-woah-woah-woah-woah-woah-woah-woah-woah! Relationship? Did I miss something?

Wade: Shut up, Mike!

Mike: OK.

Quinn: What the hell are you talking about Wade?

Wade: Oh, don't play dumb with me. This entire time I've only fallen for two guys, Ryan and Derek, and you acted like an ass both times.

Quinn: Yeah, but who was right in both those situations?

Wade: (stunned silence) Shut up! That's not the point!

Quinn: Then what is?

Wade: The point is I love you, Quinn!

Quinn: (sarcastically) If you love me so much, why don't you marry me?

Wade: OK, I will.

Quinn: Huh?

Wade: Oh, Quinn! This is the happiest day of my life!

Quinn: Wait a minute, I was being...

(before he can finish, Wade plants a very passionate kiss on him, while the other members of their group stare at them with confused expressions on their faces)

Quinn: (when they finally break) So this marriage thing. Is monogamy a requirement?

Wade: Of course.

Quinn: Damn.

Crow: What the hell just happened?

Rembrandt: Just a little something to get the Quinn/Wade relationshippers to stop bitching.

Crow: Oh.

Bennish: Woah! Wait a sec here! (lifts up his sunglasses) Quinn? Quinn Mallory?

Quinn: Yeah?

Bennish: Like where the hell have you been! I haven't seen you in like six years!

Rembrandt: We must have landed on another world where our doubles slid.

(suddenly a huge shadow overwhelms the group as they look up to the sky)

Quinn: I don't think so, Remmy.

(they are all staring at a Kromagg Manta ship flying above them)

Wade: My god...

Quinn: We're back on Earth Prime.

Crow: Good, could we stop by our place and get something to eat. I'm starving.

Quinn: How can you think of eating when the world has been taken over by Kromaggs?

Tom: You haven't read the first stories. We always sneak off during the final fight.

Quinn: Fine, just go.

(Crow and Tom both leave while Mike and Joel try to follow them)

Logan: Hold up here. Where do you think you're going?

Mike: Well, we have to eat too.

Logan: Get your asses back here.

Quinn: We better follow that Manta ship and see if it leads us to Peckinpah. (checks the timer) Don't detect any wormholes yet, and we have three days here so we better get started.

(they all follow the Manta ship, along with Bennish)

Bennish: Man you so should have been here. There were like these holes in the sky and these alien things came out of it and started zapping people. It was so cool.

(the Manta ship lands behind a huge structure that is mostly stairs and rubble. On top of it is Peck, he is looking down on our heroes. About 35 steps beneath him are Maggie, Mallory, and Rickman who are also looking down upon them)

Peck: No more running! This ends here!

Rembrandt: Peckinpah! Would you just listen to me! I stuck around for all five seasons! I've sat through the good (Eggheads) and the bad (The Java Jive)! I beg you! Let's talk this out!

Peck: OK.

Rembrandt: Really?

Peck: Yeah sure. Just come up here and we'll talk.

(Rembrandt smiles a smile of victory and he runs up the steps to talk to Peck)

Rembrandt: I know you're not a bad guy, Peckinpah. Just call off the Kromaggs and this can all be over in five minutes.

Peck: I agree. With the five minute part anyway.

(Peck punches Rembrandt. ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! Rembrandt goes flying into the air. He lands a few steps below Maggie, Mallory, and Rickman and starts rolling down the rest of them. Getting bloodied up pretty bad too. He finishes his fall right in front of Quinn, Wade, Joel, Mike, Logan, and Bennish, all of which, except Bennish who is giggling like a schoolgirl, are staring at Rembrandt with a look of horror on their faces)

Wade: Remmy!

Quinn: Rembrandt!

Logan: Black guy I never learned the name of!

(they all run up to Rembrandt. Wade's the first to reach him. She craddles his banged up head in her lap while she fights back the tears)

Wade: Stay with us, Remmy.

Rembrandt: I have a feeling this is beyond my control, sweetheart. I'm not writing this story.

Quinn: No. You can't die Rembrandt.

Rembrandt: Oh, dying's not so bad. Maybe when I make it to the other side, I'll land on the professor.

(Wade can't help but smile at the comment, but her laughing turns into weeping as soon as Rembrandt goes limp in her arms)

Quinn: Don't cry, Wade. Suck it in and do what I do. Shrug it off. It makes things so much easier.

(Wade stares at Quinn like he just insulted her mother)

Bennish: Um...you guys? Those dudes are like still up there and they still look totally pissed.

(the group looks up back to the structure, where they see Peck still standing there while Maggie, Mallory, and Rickman all walk down the steps toward them. Wade clenches her fist, stands up and walks toward the structure followed by Quinn, Logan, Mike, and Joel. Both groups stop right in front of each other and stare each other down)

Logan: (staring at Rickman) Fungus boy is mine.

Quinn: (staring at Mallory) I'll take Mr. Smarmy here.

Wade: (staring at Maggie) The bitch is fine with me.

(Mike and Joel stare up the steps at Peck. ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! They make one hell of a jump, flying over all the steps, and land a few feet below Peck)

Joel: That just leaves you and us, Peckinpah.

Peck: Let's dance.

(Mike was the first to strike with a punch, but Peck easily blocks it with his arm. Joel takes a swing, but Peck ducks, twirls under Joel's arm, pops up behind him, and kicks him in the back sending him crashing into Mike. They both get up with a look of shock on their faces. Peck just smiles at them. They shrug it off Quinn Mallory style, get into Kung Fu positions, and do a Morpheus "bring it on" motion with their hands. Peck charges at them and they go at it again.

Logan is endlessly punching Rickman square in the jaw with both fists. Rickman tries to cover his face, but to no avail. So with Logan's next punch, he grabs her wrist and twirls around behind he, pulling her arm into a painful position. He then kicks her legs from underneath her, pulls her arm downward, and lets go. ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! Logan does a complete 720 in midair and lands flat on her face with Rickman towering above her.

Quinn and Mallory are in an old school fist fight, taking blows to the chest and the face. But Mallory fights dirtier. He kicks Quinn straight in the groin knowing that it was his most prized posession. Quinn groans and falls to his knees and Mallory gets him into a headlock.

Wade and Maggie are in the catfight of the century. They keep rolling on the ground, digging their fingernails into each other, and pulling hair. However, Wade makes the mistake of punching Maggie straight in the implant, causing Wade's hand to bounce back and smack her square in the face. Wade starts seeing stars and falls off of Maggie and flat on her back. Maggie gets up and wipes off the blood on her lip)

Maggie: You're good, baby. But not good enough.

(Maggie squats down and spreads her legs over Wade, sitting on top of her)

Wade: (still dazed) What are you doing?

Maggie: (leaning closer to Wade) Ending this the way all catfights should end. Or at least this is what Peck-baby told me.

(Maggie still is leaning closer, getting ready to kiss Wade. Just when her face is inches away from Wade's, Wade's hand shoots up and grabs Maggie by the back of her hair. Maggie screams in pain as Wade pulls her head up and away from her. Wade then forces them both to turn over. Now Wade is on top. With her hand still behind Maggie's head, Wade grabs Maggie by the chin and proceeds to snap her neck. Maggie's body falls limp and Wade gasps for breath.

Mallory still has Quinn in a headlock. Quinn can't breathe. He has to do something quick. In a desperate move, Quinn grabs one of Mallory's legs and pushes it to the side. Thus causing Mallory to do the splits. Mallory lets go of Quinn and howls in a high pitched girly voice. Quinn gets up as Mallory falls face first in to the ground. Quinn does a body slam right into Mallory's back and breaks it.

Rickman circles Logan like a shark circling his prey. Just then Logan twirls up onto her back and kicks herself onto her feet. Rickman looks impressed, but immediately takes a swing at her. Logan ducks and suckerpunches Rickman right in the stomach. Rickman kneels over in pain but isn't given much time to catch his breath as Logan kicks him square in the jaw sending him flying backwards onto the staircase. Logan grabs Rickman by the neck and repeatedly bashes his head into the steps. If he's not dead yet, he will be.

This leaves Joel, Mike, and Peck, who are all duking it out at the top. Peck is surprisingly holding them back at once. But Peck is growing tired of this. He grabs Mike by the back of the neck and tosses him down flat on his face. Joel is going at him fast and furiously, but Peck is faster as he punches Joel right in the jaw, sending him onto his back. Peck lets out an evil laugh. He is victorious!)

Bennish: (behind Peck) Woah man. That was like so not nice.

(Peck turns around to see Bennish lighting up a joint)

Peck: What are you doing up her?

Bennish: Came to see if the altitude helps with the smokatude man. (he takes a puff) Oh foul! This is some bad sh*t!

(Bennish tosses the joint onto Peck's chest. Peck goes into a panic as it burns him. He starts swatting at it and then runs around like an idiot. Peck missteps and falls off the back of the structure which is a good few stories off the ground. Nobody can survive that)

Bennish: Bitchin'!

Wade: (running up to the top with the rest of the group) All right Bennish!

Quinn: (helping Joel up while Logan helps Mike) Let's get that timer.

(they all run down and to behind the structure)

Bennish: Hey look, a soda machine! They got cream, dudes!

(Quinn starts digging around in Peck's pockets looking for the timer while the others stare at the Kromagg Manta ship that landed behind the structure earlier)

Joel: Anybody know where to go once we're inside?

Wade: We were in one once, long ago. Let's just see if our memory's good.

Quinn: AGH!

Mike: What?

Quinn: I found a used condom!

Everyone: Ewwwwwwwwwwww...

Quinn: I got it! I found the timer!

Bennish: (running up drinking a cream soda) All right dude!

Logan: You don't even know what we're doing.

Bennish: That's just a technicality.

Quinn: (looking at the Manta Ship) The hatch is open. Let's go.

(Quinn, Wade, and Bennish all make it inside when the door slams shut, locking Mike, Joel, and Logan outside)

Mike: Well this can't be good.

(suddenly a bunch of Kromaggs come out of hiding)

Logan: Uh oh.

Joel: I don't wanna deal with these guys. At least not now. My head hurts.

Logan: Doesn't look like we got much of a choice.

(a few Kromaggs grab their laser guns and start shooting)

Joel: (to Logan) Get down!

(ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! Joel grabs Logan by the waist and they fall to the ground, dodging all the laser blasts)

Logan: You gotta teach me how to do that.

Joel: What?

Logan: That whole Baywatch slowmo thing. It's really cool.

Joel: Maybe later.

(Joel jumps up on his feet and starts kicking Kromagg butt with Mike. Logan decides to join in, but she's not as fast as either.

Meanwhile, inside the Kromagg ship...)

Wade: It's locked. They're trapped outside.

Quinn: Let's just do what we came here to do.

(they all run to the control room. Once there Quinn studies the equipment)

Quinn: OK... (he hooks up Peck's timer) Downloading Slidecage's coodinates...done! Vortex at maximum...now! Kromagg signature...loaded. Let's make a slidewave.

(Quinn hits the button, sending a huge slidewave across the land. Mike, Joel, and Logan who were once fighting Kromaggs were now fighting nothing)

Mike: ...the hell? It worked?

Joel: Are you surprised?

Mike: I had no clue what the hell those people were talking about. How was I supposed to know it would work?

(back in the Manta ship, Wade cheered as they watched the monitor in the room brocasting the Kromagg battles, only now without Kromaggs)

Bennish: Like way to go dude!

(Bennish got so excited, he spilled his cream soda on the controls)

Computer: Warning! Self destruct initiated!

Quinn: What the hell?

Wade: All that from a little cream soda?

Quinn: Don't ask questions just RUN! RUN LIKE HELL!

(Quinn presses the button to open the hatch and they all start running out of the room and out of the hatch and they all shout out to warn Mike, Joel, and Logan)

Wade: Go!

Quinn: Run!

Bennish: This place gonna boom dudes!

(soon they're all running at full speed and of course ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! BIGASS EXPLOSION!

Later that evening, at Mike's house)

Mike: Wow. That explosion reminded me of when the SOL crashed.

Crow: Yeah, sorry we missed it. Would you keep it down? I can't hear what Keanu Reeves is saying. Does everyone have to whisper in this movie?

Tom: It's a technique that directors use when their dialogue sucks. Remember that What Lies Beneath movie?

Crow: Oh yeah.

Wade: Well, you know, Quinn and I better be off. We got a wedding to plan.

Quinn: Oh do I have to go through with this?

Wade: You should never have proposed if you didn't want to get married.

Quinn: But I didn't...

Wade: Just wait until we're married, it's going to be so much fun. I'm definitely not gonna be one of those wives who lets their husband be lazy at night just because he has a job. No sirree. He's going to do the cooking, the dishes, the laundry...

Quinn: That doesn't sound like fun.

Wade: It will be for me.

Quinn: Awwwwwwwwww...

Wade: So Logan. What are you gonna do now? You gonna take our timer and look for your world?

Logan: Naw. My world sucks. You guys did me a favor by taking me off of that sh*thole. I think I'll stay here, it actually has resources.

Wade: So why'd you try to kill us if you didn't like your world?

Logan: For kicks. I would have been bored as hell if I didn't try.

Wade: Oh...................so where are you gonna stay here?

Logan: Joel and Mike said I could use their guest bedroom until I get a place of my own.

Crow: Guest bedroom my ass! You're stealing my room!

Wade: (with a smile on her face, she whispers over to Logan) You like one of them don't you?

Logan: Maybe...

Wade: Which one?

Logan: All I know is they both look good in leather. That's all I ask of in my men.

Wade: Well, we better go. C'mon Quinn.

Quinn: Yeah, we'll see you guys later.

(everyone waves goodbye to Wade and Quinn as go out the door)

Mike: I'm gonna get a beer. Anyone want a beer?

Joel: No thanks.

Tom: I'm fine.

Crow: Nah.

Logan: I'll take one.

(Mike walks into the kitchen, just then a bright blue light flashes from inside)

Logan: (watching the screen) How can you watch this crap?

Tom: Honey, after being on that satellite for ten years watching bad movies, I can watch Batman Returns five times in a row.

(Mike walks out of the kitchen with two beers, but it's not Mike, it's Sam Beckett of Quantum Leap fame. He stares in shock at the two robots on the couch)

Logan: Where's my beer?

(Sam gives her one, still in shock)

Tom: Man, what's wrong with you Mike?

Logan: So, I guess you guys will be pretty bored after all the excitement of the past few days.

Joel: You'd think so, but no. I'll be happy if we never go on another adventure again.

Sam: (sitting down on the couch) Oh boy...

(Quantum Leap theme plays)

Sam Beckett		Scott Bakula
Guy LaDouche		John Cervenka
Captain Tenneal		John Cervenka
Malcolm Eastman		Wes Charles Jr.
Crow T. Robot		Bill Corbett
Kenny Blankenship		Christopher Darga
Rembrandt Brown		Cleavant Derricks
Angus Rickman		Neil Dickson
Quinn "Mallory" Mallory		Robert Floyd
Conrad Bennish Jr.		Jason Gaffney
Godzilla		Himself
Joel Robinson		Joel Hodgson
Wade Welles		Sabrina Lloyd
Diana Davis		Tembi Locke
Logan St. Clair		Zoe McLellan
Tom Servo		Kevin Murphy
Mike Nelson		Michael J. Nelson
Quinn Mallory		Jerry O'Connell
David Peckinpah		Himself
Agent Sandler		Adam Sandler
Everygirl		Mary Scheer
Vic Romano		Victor Wilson
Maggie Beckett		Kari Wuhrer

Kenny: Yeah! Not to mention chicks with dudes' names! Wade, Logan, Maggie...

Vic: Last time I checked Maggie was not a guy's name.

Kenny: You haven't met my uncle Maguire. He insisted we call him Maggie. Then he got that sex change. Now he's pretty hot. For an uncle that is.

Vic: That's pretty twisted, Ken.

Kenny: Here's something more twisted!

Vic: It's time for Kenny Blankenship's Painful Eliminations of the Day!

Kenny: Coming in at number 10 is MXC's very own Guy LaDouche! Getting flattened by Godzilla's giant foot. He won't be on the show for a while, sorry Guy fanclub.

At number 9 is another MXC classic, the Captain. He gets flamed by Wade and then gets flamed literally!

Number 8 is Quinn "Mallory" Mallory. Taking a break....in the back!

Number 7 is Rembrandt Brown. Ouch ouch and ouch! Taking those steps like the Crying Man that he is!

Number 6 has to go to Angus Rickman. Logan manages to make him uglier. No easy feat.

Number 5 is David Peckinpah. Taking that huge plunge! I thought I saw a swan dive.

Number 4 is Diana Davis. Getting her shirt ripped off and then getting eaten by a dinosaur probably counts as a bad day in her book. I'll keep this elimination in my private collection. Hehe.

Number 3 has to be Professor Arturo. Didn't he learn the first time? Move out of the way dumbass!

Number 2 is definitely Maggie Beckett. Not painful for her though, but for me. Not even that neckbreak was as painful as not seeing the almost kiss between her and Wade. I really wanted to see them tongue wrestle. God they're hot.

And my most painful elimination goes to that Kromagg who got his nards bitten off! Ouch!

Vic: Until next time...what do we always say?

Everyone: Don't get eliminated!

(screen freezes)

Kenny: Ssssssssssssssssliders. Teehee.