![[ The Post-SOL Adventures, by Quinntar ]](vul1.gif)
  Theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime, |  Dr. Sam Beckett stepped into the Quantum Leap accelerator... |  and vanished. |
 He awoke to find himself trapped in the past, |  facing mirror images that were not his own |  and driven by an unknown force to change history for the better. |
 His only guide on this journey is Al, an observer from his own time |  who appears in the form of a hologram that only Sam can see and hear. |  And so Dr. Beckett finds himself leaping from life to life, |
 striving to put right what once went wrong |  and hoping, each time, that his next leap... |  will be the leap home... |
(in a flash of blue light Sam found himself in a kitchen holding two beers. He looks around at the kitchen) Sam: (voice over) Huh. Looks simple enough. But knowing the way things have been going lately, this guy will probably end up being a cop or something. Logan: (from the other room) How can you watch this crap? Sam: (voice over) A woman? Great. I must be married. Tom: (from the other room) Honey, after being on that satellite for ten years watching bad movies, I can watch Batman Returns five times in a row. Sam: (voice over) With kids? (curious as to what this Leap had to offer, Sam walked out into the living room. sitting in two chairs next to the couch was a normal looking man and a woman, Joel and Logan. But the two beings sitting on the couch caught his attention. They were two robots, Tom and Crow! Sam just stared in awe at these two) Logan: (to Sam) Where's my beer? (Sam gives her one, still in shock) Tom: Man, what's wrong with you Mike? Logan: So, I guess you guys will be pretty bored after all the excitement of the past few days. Joel: You'd think so, but no. I'll be happy if we never go on another adventure again. Sam: (sitting down on the couch) Oh boy... (Quantum Leap theme plays) A Mr. Peaches production A Quinntar Fan Fiction A Flying Leap: A Post-SOL Adventure Starring: Scott Backula as Sam Beckett Bill Corbett as Crow T. Robot Kevin Murphy as Tom Servo Zoe McLellan as Logan St. Clair Mary Jo Pehl as The Oracle Michael J. Nelson as Eddie Nelson Special Guest Appearance by Dean Stockwell as Al Calavicci And Joel Hodgson as Joel Robinson Written and Directed by Quinntar Logan: So...uh...Mike, is it? Sam: (voice over) Mike? That must be me. Logan: So, what did you do before that whole satellite thing happened? Sam: Well...I...uh... Tom: Haha! You should have seen this guy. What a loser. He worked in a cheese factory in the '80s. (Logan starts laughing her ass off) Crow: Yeah, and don't forget the temp thing in the '90s. (Logan starts laughing harder. Sam begins to get uncomfortable) Sam: Well...you gotta make a living, right? Logan: Sure, if you call poking holes in swiss a living. (just then a door of light opens and Al walks out and immediately stares at Logan's chest) Al: Lord have mercy! Sam: Al! (everyone in the room stares at Sam) Crow: Al? Tom: Oh great. Mike's finally lost it. Sam: I gotta use the bathroom. Logan: Yeah, thanks for sharing. That made my day. (Sam just walks away in the direction he hopes the bathroom is in. Nobody bothers to point out that he's going the wrong way, so he guesses he picked the right direction. Sam takes a peek into each room he passes, looking for the bathroom. When he finally finds it, he goes inside and shuts the door behind him. Al, being a hologram, just walks through the door... literally) Al: Holy mother of mercy, Sam. Did you see the bazongas on her? Sam: Al, you act like you've never seen a woman before. There are two robots in there! Al: So? Why should that surprise me? One of our biggest funders was founded by a robot. Sam: What? Al: Oh that's right. That swiss cheese memory of yours. Um, I think it was called ConGypsCo. You met the founder once, you know, Gypsy Basehart? Sam: Doesn't ring a bell. Al: Didn't think it would. Sam: So what's the date? Al: (looks at that weird gizmo he always carries) Uhhhhhh....January 21, 2001. You're some guy named Mike Nelson. Sam: Yeah, OK. I already know he worked in a cheese factory in the '80s and was a temp in the '90s. What is he now? Al: We don't know. Sam: What do you mean you don't know? Al: Ziggy's got next to nothing on this guy. Pretty much all we could dig up was what you just said and in addition to working in a cheese factory in the '80s, he was also part of a band called Sex Factory... Sam: That's the stupidest name I ever heard. Al: Actually, they were one of my all-time favorites. Sam: Why am I not surprised. Al: I'm telling you, if they hadn't broken up, they would have been bigger than... Sam: Yeah, Al. What else? Al: Oh yeah. There was also a five-year period in which he was missing. When he came back he claimed he was sent up to a satellite and forced to watch bad movies. Of course nobody believed him, but then again nobody cared. He was a temp for crying out load. He's currently living here in San Francisco, California. Sam: So why am I hear? Al: (long pause) We don't know. Sam: What do you mean you don't know?! Al: Ziggy just doesn't have enough data on the guy. Sam: What about the other people in there? That other guy? Al: (looks at his gizmo) If Ziggy had next to nothing on you, he has even less on him. His name is Joel Robinson. He used to be a janitor at Gizmonics Institute before they were sued by someone named Larry Erhardt after they fired them. Wow. I remember that day, it was all over the news. That guy had the most annoying voice. He kept screaming "Dr. F needs me!" Sam: Al, get on with it. Al: Oh yeah. Um, Joel disappeared for about five years too. In fact, ironically, he reappeared the same day that Mike disappeared. Joel never told anybody where he was, and nobody really cared. Sam: OK, how about the woman? Al: (checks his gizmo) Woah. Sam: Let me guess. Next to nothing? Al: No, more like absolutely nothing. Sam: What? Al: Ziggy's got no data on her whatsoever. Not even a name. It's like she just appeared out of thin air. Sam: And the... (he pauses, not believing he's about to say the word) ...robots? Al: Well the only data we got on them is that the gumball machine is named Tom Servo and the gold one with a hockey mask on his head is named Crow T. Robot. That's all I can give you right now, Sammy. You're on your own. Sam: Great. (Sam sighs and walks out of the bathroom. He and Al make their way back to the living room where they all sit in silence. Soon, the doorbell rings. Everyone stares at Sam) Sam: What? Tom: Well go get it, meatball. Sam: OK, fine! (Sam gets up, walks to the door, and opens it. Standing there is the Oracle, who just walks in and into the living room without saying a word) Oracle: So there she is. Logan St. Clair. Al: Logan. Her name's Logan, Sam. I gotta run that by Ziggy when I get back. Logan: What's it to you? Oracle: Oh nothing. I'm just the one who tells you all what to do is all. Logan: Nobody tells me what to do. Oracle: Ha. You're starting to remind me of Trinity. Joel: Well, if you came here to see us, this can't be good. Oracle: OK, listen up everybody! I got another mission for you all. (a collective groan from all around the room) Oracle: Oh shut up. Tom: What now? Oracle: Now you shall begin a long journey across the country. Your first stop is Texas. Joel: Why do we gotta go to Texas? Oracle: To provide a plot point. Duh! (Sam just stands there pretending to understand what everybody's talking about) Logan: Good. You guys enjoy your trip. I'll take care of the place while you're away. Oracle: You're going too. Logan: What? I barely know these guys! Oracle: Yeah, but you're part of their group now. Plus I can see the future, and if you don't go, this place is going to to be torn down by tomorrow night. Logan: That's true. I do throw some bitchin' parties. Crow: Can we watch the rest of our movie first? It's already two days overdue. Oracle: Yeah, go ahead. As long as you leave by tomorrow morning. Now if you don't mind, I'd like everybody to leave the room so I can talk to Mike alone for a moment. (Sam gulps) Al: Don't worry, I'm here Sam. Logan: Where the hell are we gonna go? This is a small place. Oracle: To the other room or something, I don't care. Just go! (everyone leaves except Sam and Al) Sam: So...what do you want to talk to me about? Oracle: I think you can guess that for yourself, Sam. Al: Sam! She just called you Sam! Sam: Sam? Did you just call me Sam? Al: She just called you Sam, Sam! Oracle: I think he heard you the first time, Al. Al: Huh? (he takes a quick look behind him to see if some other Al was in the room) You can see me? Oracle: I'm an Oracle. I can see lots of things. It's really cool. Sam: So you can help me fill in the blanks here? Oracle: Some. Some you have to figure out for yourself. Sam: Do you always speak in riddles? Oracle: Yeah. I like to keep people confused. It's hilarious. Al: Well can you help us out here? We're totally lost. Oracle: Well, I can tell you the whole Satellite story is true. Same thing happened to Joel too. Al: Really? That must suck being stuck up there all those years being forced to watch bad movies...actually that sounds better than what I had most of my life. Sam: Who is Logan? How come Ziggy can't find a listing for her? Oracle: She's some chick from another dimension. She just moved in tonight, so the less you know about her, the better. Sam: Well that's good to know. Al: Why is Sam here? Oracle: I can't tell you. (Sam sighs) Al: Some help you are. Oracle: Some things you gotta figure out on your own. But what I can tell you is that Mike has a brother that lives in Texas. His name is Eddie and you can stay with him when you guys get there. Now, I best be heading off. Have a good trip. (the Oracle leaves) Al: Well Sam, I don't know what to tell ya. I gotta go too, so I'll see you tomorrow some time. (Al opens his door of light and exits, leaving Sam to sit in the room alone, trying to figure out why he's here. The next day, Sam awakens with something licking his ear. He assumes Mike has a dog) Sam: Get off, you mutt. Logan: Well that's no way to make friends with a roomy. Sam: GAH! (he shoots up straight in his bed and stares at Logan) You were licking my ear! Logan: They told me to wake you. My way of waking people may be gross but it's effective. Get up, sleepyhead. Sam: OK, let me just get dressed. (she just sits there) Sam: Anything else? Logan: No. Sam: Why are you just sitting there? Logan: Oh, you mean you didn't want me to watch? My loss. (Logan gets up and leaves leaving Sam with a confused look on his face. Sam gets up from bed and looks for Mike's clothes. He eventually finds a mirror on Mike's dresser and sees Mike's meaty face looking back at him. Sam decides enough stalling, it's time to get ready) Crow: Road trip! Wooooooooooo! (Sam walked out into the living room fully dressed to see everyone running around doing stuff, except Logan) Sam: Why aren't you getting ready? Logan: How the hell am I supposed to do that? I just got in this dimension, remember? I don't have a change of spare clothes or anything. Sam: Well maybe we can stop and get some on the way. Crow: HA! On our budget? We'd probably afford a potato sack and some slippers. Tom: Yeah, what's wrong with you Mike? Usually you're the one to remind us these things. Joel: (walking out of his room) It's OK, Logan. I got a case full of some of my clothes. You could wear these. Logan: (smiling seductively) Thanks sexy. But I'm not wearing your underwear. Joel: Yeah, I knew you wouldn't be comfortable, so I didn't bother. Logan: No, it's not comfort. It's just that I don't wear underwear. (this causes Tom and Crow to drop everything that they're doing and stare at Logan in awe) Tom: I never thought I'd meet a woman like this. At least not living with Mike. Crow: It's like she was plucked right from my dreams. Joel: Less talk, more action people. I wanna get out on the road as soon as possible. Crow: Where are we gonna stay when we get to Texas? A motel? Sam: (trying to remember what the Oracle told him) My brother Eddie's house. Crow: Oh dear god. Not Edward. Anybody but him. Tom: I didn't know you had a brother. Crow: You didn't want to know. Sam: Um....OK, let's load up. (Tom, Crow, Joel, and Logan all take their stuff outside when all of a sudden Al appears out of nowhere) Al: How's it coming, Sam? Sam: Fine, so far. This is a really........................strange place. Al: Do you have any clue why you're here? Sam: No. Not yet. (stares at Logan outside) Although I'm starting to get an idea. Al: Well, fill me in. What's going on in that brainy head of yours, Sam? Sam: Well, I was thinking... Crow: Mike! Get your beefy butt out here! It's time to go! Sam: Coming! Gotta go, Al. Al: Sam! Don't keep me in suspense here. Sam: I'll tell you later. We gotta go. Al: Alright. (holds up a finger) But next time. (Al opens his doorway of light and exits. Sam runs out to the car) Crow: Shotgun! Tom: No way! (Joel climbs in the driver's seat and Logan gets in back) Logan: C'mon Mike. (she seductively slides her hand back and forth on the seat next to her) Sam: (a little frightened) Oh boy... (Sam sits down next to Logan as Crow tosses Tom in back in between them) Tom: Ow! Crow: Haha! That's what happens when your arms work. Joel: Let's head off! (Joel starts the car as he and the bots start singing "She'll Be Coming Around the Mountain" Two hours later. Joel and the bots are still singing the same damn song. Sam looks a little bored and Logan is clearly annoyed) Logan: MUST YOU KEEP SINGING THAT SONG?! (that shuts them up) Joel: You know, we could play "States." Crow: What's "States?" Joel: It's a game where I name a state and the next person tries to name a state that begins with the letter the last one ended with. I'll start. Alaska! Tom: Alabama! Crow: Arizona! Joel: Alaska! Tom: Alabama! Crow: Arizona! Joel: Alaska! Tom: Alabama! Crow: Arizona! Sam: Um, you guys might want to pick some new states. Crow: He's right. I'll pick one. New Jersey. (silence) Joel: Maybe we should stop playing games and get something to eat. Logan: Good idea. I'm starved. (they pull into a Denny's parking lot) Joel: This place fine? Tom: As long as they got food, I'm sold. Logan: I love eating out...anywhere. (they all go in and are seated, once they sit down Al shows up) Al: Sam! Sam: If you all would excuse me a minute, I have to use the little boys' room. (Sam gets up and leaves) Tom: What's up with Mike lately? Crow: Yeah, he's all polite and stuff. Logan: Maybe he's just trying to leave a good impression on the newbie? Tom: Or maybe he just has the hots for you? Logan: Of course. Who wouldn't? (we cut back to Sam who's walking into the restroom, Al alongside him) Al: So what's the deal, Sammy. What's on your mind? Sam: Well, I'm thinking that this Leap has something to do with Logan. Technically she doesn't exist, so of course Ziggy wouldn't know why I Leaped in. Al: That's a good theory. Anything in particular? Sam: You know how I sometimes Leap just to start a relationship betweeen two people. From what I can gather, it looks like she's got a thing for Mike. Al: Maybe....but... Sam: But what? Al: It's just that she's a slut. Sam: What? Al: I'm betting she acts that way around all men. Hell, I'm betting she would have acted that way around that Oracle chick if she thought she could get a laugh out of it. She reminds me of my ex-wife. Sam: Which one? Al: All of them. Sam: Alright, let's hear why you think I'm here then. Al: I told you before, Sam. I don't know. Sam: OK, then. I'm guessing that this is our best shot. Al: It's worth a shot. All I'm saying is don't get your hopes up. Sam: Al. I've known her for a day. It's not like I'm in love with her myself. Al: I'd like to know why not, because I think I am. Sam: Huh? Al: She's just my type, I heard that underwear comment. Sam: Yeah. I kinda figured that. Al: Listen, I better get back. Good luck. (Al opens his door of light and exits. Sam also exits as two men come out of the restroom stalls) Guy #1: Man did you hear that guy talking to himself? Guy #2: Yeah, there are some crazies that live in his town. Small towns like these just aren't safe anymore. Guy #1: Oh well, let's get ready. (they both put on ski masks, pull out their guns, and run out of the restroom) Guy #2: (waving his gun around) Everyone on the floor now! Guy #1: I want all the cash in the register. And some coupons if you got any. (Guy #2 looks around to see if anybody didn't follow his instructions. He spots a table in the corner where Joel, Logan, Tom, and Crow sit. Sam's cowering inder the table) Sam: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy... Guy #2: Didn't you hear me! On the floor now! Joel: I'm just waiting for my order. We'll be gone soon enough. Gun #2: (points the gun at Logan) On the floor or the bitch gets it! Logan: (stares at the gun pointed at her) I've seen bigger. Tom: Look, I just want my damn sausages. Is that so much to ask? Guy #2: Shut your mouth, shrimp! Tom: Shrimp? That does it. (Tom headbutts Guy #2 in the crotch. ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! Guy #2 jerks the gun away from Logan and toward Joel as he fires. Joel ducks down and out of the way of the bullets) Sam: (watching the whole thing) Oh boy... (Joel jumps up onto the table and kicks the gun out of Guy #2's hand and then kicks him straight in the face with the other knocking him out cold) Guy #1: What the hell? (Guy #1 comes rushing to the table to see what happened to his partner. As soom as he gets there, Logan elbows him in the gut without getting up and he slumps forward as she punches him straight in the nose, also knocking him out cold) Logan: (smiling) That was fun. (the entire restaurant cheers as Joel and Logan wave to the other people. Sam can't believe what he just saw) Sam: Oh boy... (half an hour later they all walk out of the restaurant) Crow: I can't believe even after all of that we had to pay for that meal. Sam: (still in shock) Oh boy... Tom: Jeez, Mike. What's wrong with you today? Sam: Oh boy... Tom: Oh, nevermind. If you're not going to talk to me, why do I try. Sam: Oh boy... Joel: Let's head off. (later that evening they check into a motel and enter their room) Joel: This place isn't too bad. Pretty roomy. Tom: There's even a door to Logan's room. Logan: Which I'm keeping locked in case a certain little robot hovers in and decides to sleep in my bed. Tom: Hey! I only did that once. Logan: I've only been with your group for one night. That's a 100% of the time, so far. (to Joel) So when are you gonna teach me to fight in that cool Ethan Hunt M:I-2 style? Joel: We could right now. Logan: Cool! Joel: OK, punch me in the face. (Logan does, hitting him right in the nose) Joel: OW! Logan: You told me to punch you! Joel: Yeah but I wasn't ready! Wait until I say "now." (she punches him again) Joel: OW! What the hell? Logan: You said "now." Joel: OK, let's just do this on the count of three. One. Two. Three! (ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! She takes her shot as Joel ducks out of the way) Logan: Woah. How do you do that? Joel: Free your mind. Clear your head and just focus. Here, let's try a wall flip. I'll show you. (Joel faces the wall and runs toward it. ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! He starts running up the wall, does a back flip from it, and lands on his feet. Sam just watches the whole thing) Sam: Oh boy... Logan: Oh! Oh! Let me try! (Logan faces the wall and runs toward it. SLAM! She bangs her head face first into the wall) Crow: Ouch. Joel: (kneels down next to her) You OK? Logan: (a little out of it) How'd I do? Joel: I think you need more practice. Logan: (giggling) You sound stoned... Joel: I think it's time for you to lie down. (he helps her up and leads her to the door to her room) Go get some rest. We're leaving early tomorrow) (Joel shuts the door behind her. 5 seconds later, they hear a thump as if somebody passed out) Joel: She'll be fine. (about an hour later, Tom and Crow are watching the Simpsons on TV, Joel is reading a book, and Sam is just sitting on the edge of the bed. Sam was thinking that this would be the perfect chance to talk to Logan. He had to make his move, now or never) Sam: I'm, uh, gonna see how Logan's doing. See if she needs ice or anything. (Tom and Crow just grunt, Joel just sits there looking half asleep. Sam sighs and walks outside because he wanted to have privacy from the beginning. He walks up to Logan's door and knocks) Logan: (from inside) Who is it? Sam: It's Mike! (the door opens to a sight that shocks Sam. Logan, completely nude) Sam: I'm sorry. Were you in the shower? Logan: No. Sam: Getting dressed? Logan: No. Sam: Getting ready for bed? Logan: No. Sam: So....you were just walking around naked? Logan: Yeah, pretty much. Wanna come in? Sam: Uh...I don't think... Logan: Oh, c'mon you big baby! (she grabs his wrist and pulls him in) Sam: Well, OK. Just for a few seconds. Logan: So what do you want? Sam: Just wanted to see how your head is. Logan: It's fine. Headache's down to a minimum anyway. Sam: I........uh..........I think I better go. Logan: Why? You just got here! We could have a drink or something. Sam: Well, it's just that.....could you please put your clothes on? Logan: What's wrong? Got a problem with the female body? Sam: It's just feels a little....inappropriate...to be here with you like this. Logan: Oh, fine. Party pooper. (she grabs a robe and puts it on) I was going to play a game of "I showed you mine, you show me yours" but now I'm not in the mood. Sam: Well...maybe we should talk...about, you know, living with me....I mean us. Joel, Crow, Tom, and I. Logan: (a light goes on in her head) Awwwwwwwww...how cute! You wanna do me don't you? Sam: Yeah.....I mean no! No! Not that! I'm just saying... Logan: Mike, you're really cute, and after being stranded on a world with dinosaurs for 3 years, I may be horny as hell, but I'm just not looking for someone like you. Let me spend five minutes in bed with a professional gigolo, and then we'll talk. (Sam stares at her with a look on his face that says "What the hell did you just say?") Logan: Speaking of bed, I'm getting tired. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to bed. (Sam can take a hint, so he leaves. Totally defeated. There was only one thing to do now. Get drunk. Sam finds the nearest bar and starts drinking. It's been about an hour before Al finally shows up) Al: Sam! What are you doing?! Sam: (obviously wasted) I'm sick of it all. I'm sick of this Leap. I'm sick of that stoned guy. I'm sick of the smart ass robots. I'm sick of the naked chick. Al: Naked chick? Where? Sam: I don't know what I'm supposed to do! Al: So I take it the Logan theory didn't churn out? Sam: She's gotta be the key. There's nothing else that I can see. Bartender: (trying to figure out who Sam's talking to) Excuse me sir, I think you've had enough. Sam: Hey shut up! I'm not done until I get alcohol poisoning and die on this floor. Bartender: Can do! (fills Sam's glass) Sam: I don't get it, Al! (looks up into the sky as if he's yelling at God) WHY AM I HERE?! Al: Well, I don't have any answers. Ziggy says... Sam: Ziggy! It's all about Ziggy! I'm sick of Ziggy! I'm sick of Leaping! And most of all I'm sick of seeing your face every single day! (he gets up and puts up his fists) Put 'em up. Al: Uh...Sam... Sam: We're settling this right here, right now... Al: But Sam... Sam: Oh, scared eh... (Sam takes a swing at Al, but Al being a hologram, it of course goes right through causing Sam to do a 360) Sam: (giggling like a schoolgirl) I love it when you do that, man. I LOVE THIS GUY! (Sam attempts to put his arm around Al's shoulders, but Al being a hologram, Sam falls straight through and lands on the floor with a thud. Sam is completely out) Al: Night, Sam. (Al opens his door of light and exits. The next day, Sam wakes up on the bar floor. The bar is completely empty except for the bartender) Bartender: About damn time. Get out. I need to mop your drool up. Sam: (with a major hangover) Alright. Thanks. (Sam walks outside of the bar, trying to shield his eyes from the bright morning light. He manages to make his way back to the motel. Sam opens the door to his room and sees everybody still asleep. Sam flops down on one of the beds, hoping for at least a few more hours rest. RINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG! Joel's alarm clock goes off and Joel, Tom, and Crow spring awake) Joel: Wow! That was one great night's sleep! These beds are super comfortable! Crow: Tell me about it. I wish Mike could afford a bed like this. But then again he couldn't afford a place bigger than this room. Joel: So how'd you sleep, Mike? Sam: (still half asleep) Like I slept on a hardwood floor covered in dried up booze. Tom: Whew! You smell like it too. How long has it been since you showered? (Sam grumbles something. I don't even think he understood what he just said) Joel: Let's get, Logan. It's time to go. Sam: So early? Joel: Yeah! We want to get to your brother's house by nightfall. We better go now. (Sam groans and reluctantly gets up. Many hours later, Sam is finally asleep again, his head being held up by the shoulder strap of his seatbelt) Joel: Mike! Sam: Huh? Joel: Mike! Sam: What? Joel: So where in town does your brother, Eddie, live? Sam: I....uh.............well he..... Al: Way ahead of you, Sam... (Sam looks over at the seat next to him and sees Al sitting there in between Logan and Tom) Al: I ran the name Eddie Nelson by Ziggy and got the directions right here. (Al gave the directions to Sam who in turn gave them to Joel. In a half hour, the car was sitting in front of Eddie's house) (they all get out of the car and walk to the door) Tom: Well Mike? Sam: What? Crow: He's your brother. You knock. (Sam looks at Logan and Joel and they just nod. He gives a glance at Al too) Al: Go ahead Sam. (Sam knocks on the door) Eddie: (from inside) I'm coming! I'm coming! Keep your pants on! (Eddie opens the door, a beer in one hand, a cigarette in the other) Sam: Hey, Eddie. Eddie: What the hell do you want? Sam: We were wondering if we could stay here for a couple of days. Eddie: No. (Eddie slams the door in Sam's face) Sam: Well, we tried. Joel: Hold it. Did anyone phone ahead and tell him we were coming? Crow: I did. His reaction was pretty much the same. Joel: Why didn't you tell us before? Crow: I really wanted to go on a road trip. You know like that movie, Tommy Boy. Joel: Well, we don't have enough money to stay at another motel. Hell, we don't have enough money for the gas on the way back. Logan: So what are we supposed to do? Sleep in the car? Joel: Do you have a better idea? Logan: Yes, I do. (Logan walks up to the door and knocks on it again) Eddie: (opens the door) Damnit Mike! I said.............. (sees Logan standing there) ...hello... Logan: Hi. (sticking her chest out) We would really appreciate it if we could stay here for a few days. Eddie: What's in it for me? Logan: I'm sure we could make an arrangement. If you have anything specific in mind. Eddie: Oh believe me, I do. Heh heh. Logan: Good. C'mon guys. (they all enter Eddie's house) Eddie: I don't have any spare rooms so you'll all have to sleep on the floor. (they all stare at the floor which is covered in beer cans and Playboys) Logan: So, what did you have in mind for that little favor? Eddie: Do you know how to work a plunger? Logan: Sounds kinky. Eddie: My toilet has been clogged for three days. I've been holding it ever since. Logan: (with a look of disgust on her face) OK, I'll see what I can do. (Eddie leads her to the bathroom) Al: Well he seems like a charmer. Eddie: (coming out from the other room, calling out to Logan) Careful, there's water on the floor. I'm not sure why it's that color, though. Joel: So, Eddie. Got anything to eat? Eddie: I do got pretzels and beer. (silence) Sam: That's it? Eddie: What does this place look like? McDonald's? Crow: No, not greasy enough. Eddie: There might be some month old potato chips in the couch. Logan: (from the other room, splashing is heard then a scream) Dear god, it's huge! Eddie: Ah, yeah. Taco Bell always does that to me. Speaking of which, I just had some last night. (runs into the other room and pushes Logan out) Out of the way, doll. Sam: You OK, Logan? Logan: (with a frozen look on her face) I don't think I'll ever eat at Taco Bell again. Al: Sam, I'm gonna get out of here. Even though I'm a hologram, I swear I can smell this place. (Al opens his door of light and exits. Then a flushing is heard) Eddie: (from the other room) Oh yeah! I'm gonna have a urinary infection after that! Logan: Come to think of it, I'd rather sleep in the car. (later that night, they were all watching TV, with Eddie sitting on the couch and the others either standing or sitting on the floor) Eddie: Bwahahahahahaha! That George Clooney kills me. Crow: Um, Edward? I don't think ER is supposed to be a comedy. Eddie: Are you kidding? People getting hurt, bleeding all over the place. This show's hilarious. Best comic gold since the Three Stooges. Tom: Well, it is funnier than that Malcolm in the Middle show. Crow: You got a point there. Eddie: Well, guess it's about time for me to turn in. Joel: So do we get sleeping bags or blankets or anything? Eddie: No. Joel: Not even a pillow? Eddie: Hey! Does this place look like a Motel 6 to you? (Eddie heads toward his bedroom and slams the door behind him) Logan: Ugh. This floor is filthy. Sam: You can take the couch if you want. Logan: It's even filthier! I'm gonna take a shower. I can just feel myself getting stickier by just standing here. Tom: What makes you think the shower's any cleaner than the rest of the place. Logan: I saw it while I was unclogging the toilet. It looks brand new. Pretty much unused. Tom: I can believe that. (Logan walks toward the bathroom, which is in the same direction as Eddie's bedroom. Meanwhile Sam, Joel, Tom, and Crow all try to clear spots on the floor to sleep) Joel: Well, at least it's cleaner than Servo's room. Crow: Hey, a chainsaw! (moments later they hear Logan's moaning coming from the other room) Logan: OH! OH! OH YES! YES! DO IT TO ME! (everyone shudders) Sam: I'm going for a walk. (Sam gets up and leaves the house, while Logan's still moaning) Eddie: (from the bedroom) HEY SHUT UP IN THERE! Logan: (from the bathroom) OH YES! THANK YOU HERBAL ESSENCE FOR MAKING MY HAIR SHINIER AND BOUNCIER THAN EVER! (meanwhile Sam is walking around town, thinking to himself) Al: (from behind him) There you are, I've been looking all over for you. Sam: Al! Al: We did our best, Sam. Ran the data through Ziggy time and time again. We still have no clue why you're here. Sam: I'm starting to think that I'm here for no reason at all. Maybe I screwed up history at some point and God is punishing me. Al: Don't think like that, Sam. Maybe we're just missing something. Sam: I've been here two days and I don't have the slightest clue of what I'm supposed to do. Voice: (from above) HELP! (Sam and Al look up and see a 13 year old boy hanging onto a window for dear life about 6 stories up) Al: Oh my god. Sam... (Al looks over at Sam but Sam is gone. Al looks around to see where he went but can't find him. Al finally looks back at the kid but instead he sees Sam floating up to him) Al: ...the hell? (ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! The kid lets go and starts plummeting only to be caught by Sam. Sam flies a little higher and puts the kid back in the room he fell out of. The kid watches in awe as Sam flies past the window. Al, being a hologram, floats up to meet Sam in the air) Al: Wow, Sam! Why didn't you tell me this Mike guy was Superman? Sam: (in shock) I had no idea. Al: I need to run this by Ziggy. I'll be back. (Al opens his door of light and leaves) Sam: Al? Al?! Don't leave me! I have no clue how to get down from here! (Sam just floats there. Alone and afraid) Sam: OK, I can get down. I got up didn't I? Except I HAVE NO FREAKING CLUE HOW I GOT UP HERE! OK, calm down. Uh...................the house is that way.... (Sam's body jerks in the direction of the house and he starts flying towards it, screaming the whole time. He lands with a giant crash on the lawn) Sam: (dazed) The landing needs work... (the next day, Eddie was watching Maury on TV with Tom and Crow, while Joel is still trying to teach Logan some ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION tricks) Joel: OK, let's try that wall flip again. (Logan faces the wall and runs toward it in ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! She starts running up it and successfully does a flip, except she lands right on Joel, knocking him down) Logan: How'd I do? Joel: (a little out of it) Better... Eddie: If you two are done screwing around over there, one of you get me a beer! (Sam is standing off to the side in the hallway as Al reappears) Sam: Hey Al. Al: We ran the data by Ziggy and we got a 100% chance that you're here to save that kid last night. Of course there were no other situations we could run through Ziggy, but the odds are pretty good now. Sam: OK, why haven't I leaped yet? (the phone rings) Eddie: Hey! Idiot! Answer that! (Sam sighs and answers the phone) Sam: Hello? Oracle: (over the phone) Hey Sam! Did you find out why you're here yet? Sam: We think so. Oracle: Good. Before you go, could you do one thing for me. Sam: Sure. Oracle: Good, tell them the reason they're in Texas is about to walk through the door. (Just then the door is knocked down by FBI Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully) Mulder: Nobody move! Scully: Freeze! FBI! (right then a giant flash of blue light seems to swallow Sam whole as he Leaps from one life to another. When the blue light disappears, Sam finds himself in a high tech room with several people. He looks down and sees that he is wearing a weird blue jumpsuit) Mayweather: Captain! We're at full impulse and we still aren't budging! (Sam looks at Mayweather with a puzzled look on his face) T'Pol: Captain, the anomaly will tear the ship apart if we continue to struggle against it. (Sam turns around to look at T'Pol. She was a very sexy woman in a tight catsuit. But what caught his attention were her ears. They were pointy! T'Pol sees Sam staring at her) T'Pol: (with a stone cold expression) Captain. The anomaly? (she nods to the viewscreen, Sam immediately follows her gaze and on the viewscreen is a large pink wormhole) Reed: Captain, what do we do?! We can't hold out much longer! Sam: (still staring at the wormhole) Oh boy... (the X-Files theme plays)
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