Other voice: Maybe we should slap him or something?

(an image blurs in. It's Tom and Crow)

Crow: Well, I hope you had a nice nap.

Mike: (getting up) What? Where am I?

Tom: You're on the ground. We saw you guys fall.

(Trinity and Morpheus walk over to them)

Mike: Hey...how come you guys aren't out cold?

Trinity: We landed on top of you. You're pretty soft.

Mike: Oh, thanks. I try to keep my skin nice.

Morpheus: Well? Is the war over?

Mike: I got a lot to tell you guys...

Trinity: Where's Joel?

Mike: Huh? Joel? I don't know...

(we pan away from them. About a few miles away we see Joel lying down, out cold. Cue "Calm Like a Bomb" by Rage Against the Machine)

(Mike gets up off the ground)

Mike: I think it's about time we saw the Oracle again.

Trinity: Why?

Mike: I got a few questions.

Morpheus: Well, we're in luck. She lives next door to where we landed.

Mike: Works for me...

Trinity: Ugh...do I have to come? I could get lunch or something. Anyone want pizza?

Morpheus: You're coming, that's that.

Trinity: Damn. I really hate that bitch.

Tom: We've barely been tolerating you for a while, but we're not complaining.

(Trinity almost shouts out something at Tom, but Morpheus puts his hand over her mouth)

Morpheus: We can bicker later.

(They enter the Oracle's building. Standing in front of them is a figure, his head in the shadows)

Figure: You are here to see the Oracle?

Mike: We are...

Figure: I will take you to her, but first I must apologize...

Mike: For what?

Figure: I farted. But now I must apologize again...

Mike: I'm afraid to ask...

Figure: ...for this...

(the figure starts doing ninja moves on Mike. Mike blocks every one. Mike does a few moves on the figure but he blocks them just as easily. This goes on and on until the figure holds up his hand)

Figure: STOP! Good. I had to make sure.

Mike: What?

Figure: That you are one of the Two.

Mike: You could have just asked.

Figure: You do not truly know someone, until you fight them.

Mike: That makes no sense whatsoever.

Figure: I know. I just like kicking ass.

Mike: Who are you anyway?

(The figure steps out of the shadows and reveals himself to be Bruce Campbell)

Morpheus and Trinity: GASP! Bruce Campbell!

(They both fall to their knees as if they were bowing)

Mike: Wait, who's Bruce Campbell?

Trinity: Bow down, stupid!

(Trinity pounds her fist into Mike's leg, causing him to fall down to his knees)

Mike: What was that for?

Trinity: Quiet! (looks over at Tom and Crow) You two bow down as well!

Tom: I would, but I don't have knees.

Crow: I'm just lazy.

Bruce: It's OK. Come. I'll take you to the Oracle.

(Bruce leads our heroes into the Oracle's living room, where the Oracle is talking to someone familiar)

Mike: Gypsy?

Gypsy: Mike? What are you doing here?

Mike: Oh I'm just saving the world. You?

Gypsy: Me and Ori became friends after my first billion. I come here every weekend. How do you know her?

Mike: Oh, she's the wise and almighty guide on whom I have to rely on in order to defeat Adam Sandler and his hundreds of clones.

Oracle: Yeah, I do this every once in a while. It's pretty fun. You should try it, Gyps.

Gypsy: I might. Maybe later.

Mike: Oracle, I've seen the Architect and he told me...

Oracle: Yes yes yes...I know...I can see the future dipwad. He told you that the audience will never win the war.

Mike: Right, but my question is if you can see the future, how come you didn't tell us the war was futile long ago.

Oracle: Nobody ever gave me 5 bucks.

Mike: OK, then tell me how to beat Sandler.

Oracle: No.

Mike: Why not?

Oracle: Because you never paid me.

Morpheus: Well, I have a 5.

Oracle: Won't do.

Morpheus: Why not?

Oracle: Interest.

Trinity: You bitch!

Oracle: The price comes to $7.13 now.

Mike: Hey! We got $7.13!

Crow: No we don't.

Mike: What?

Crow: Don't you remember? Joel had 37 cents of that. We're down to $6.76.

Mike: Damnit!

Trinity: Just give me the word and I'll make her talk.

Oracle: Simple minds think simple thoughts. Thank you, Tiny.

Trinity: That tears it. (Trinity pulls her gun on the Oracle)

Oracle: I can see the future. Don't you think I'd move if you were going to pull that trigger.

Trinity: No fate but what we make.

Mike: What?

Trinity: It's from the original Terminator. Joel's not the only one who's seen those movies you know.

Morpheus: Trinity, put the gun down.

(Trinity reluctantly lowers her gun)

Trinity: (staring the Oracle dead in the eye) He might not be there next time.

Morpheus: Now, is there any other way we can get this information from you?

Oracle: Well I could tell you a little something, if you do a little job. Gypsy's been down for the past few days. You see someone kidnapped her husband a while back...

Tom: Hold it, Gypsy got married?

Gypsy: Yeah. About three months ago I became Mrs. Gypsy Basehart.

Tom: Figures.

Oracle: Anyway, Gypsy's husband, Richard, was kidnapped and needs to be rescued.

Mike: From who?

Oracle: The Great Vorelli.

Mike: Son of a...we were just there earlier today!

Oracle: Yes or no.

Mike: OK! We'll do it.

Oracle: Good. Bruce will go with you.

Gypsy: Can Crow and Tom stay? It'd be nice to catch up!

Crow: Fine by me.

Tom: If it ain't life-threatening, I'll be there.

Morpheus: Fine, let's get going.

(We cut to Mike, Morpheus, Trinity, and Bruce standing outside Vorelli's building)

Mike: God this has been a long day.

Bruce: Shall we go in?

Mike: Can't we just take a break?

Trinity: Suck it in, you big baby.

(They all enter. They are once again greeted by Hugo)

Hugo: Hello...............................YOU! YOU FUCKIN' BANGED ME AGAINST JOE ESTEVEZ YOU FUCKIN' MANIAC!

Mike: Yeah, sorry about that. I guess I just wanted to live, that's all.

Morpheus: May we go in?

Hugo: Normally I wouldn't but................ (flips through some papers) ...that Crow dude called about 5 minutes ago and set up another appointment...

Mike: What?!

Trinity: I'm going to pull that net off and ram it up his...

Bruce: Easy girl. Let's just go with the flow.

Hugo: Follow me.

(they all follow Hugo to where the Vorelli sits)

Vorelli: Ah! So glad you could join us again.

Mike: It would have been a lot sooner but you ran off last time we met.

Vorelli: Ah yes. I had a hypnotism act with Butt Lady. I hope you didn't mind.

Mike: Oh silly me. I just thought that you got scared after I beat up your Sheens and Estevezes.

Vorelli: Please. If I really wanted you dead, I would have brought the Baldwins. How is Lobo doing.

Mike: Er............uh..............he's fine. Never been happier.

Vorelli: Oh good. Then it wasn't him that I saw fall out of a 12 story window.

Mike: Nope, I guess not.

Vorelli: So, why exactly are you here again?

Mike: We are here for Richard Basehart.

Vorelli: And you may have him...

Mike: ...yeah...yeah...yeah...for a price...we've been through this before.

Vorelli: Well I was going to let you have him for free, but since you brought it up...

Mike: D'OH!

Trinity: Nice one, Nelson.

Morpheus: How much this time?

Vorelli: Same price. $10.

Mike: But we only have $6.76.

Trinity: No we don't.

Mike: Huh?

Trinity: Servo had the penny. We're at $6.75.

Mike: Damnit!

Bruce: I got a 20.

Mike: What?

Bruce: I said I got a 20.

Mike: Were the hell were you earlier? Just pay him.

Bruce: Hey, this is your mission and this is my 20. Who's going to pay me back?

Mike: Well...........................consider it a loan. We'll pay you back in say, a week?

Morpheus: A week sounds good to me. The war will be over by then, and I got a job offer from McDonald's as soon as it is.

Bruce: Well...................... (to Vorelli) do you have change for a 20?

Vorelli: But of course.

Bruce: Groovy... (everyone stares at Bruce) What? I had to work it in somehow.

Vorelli: Come, I'll take you to your Richard Basehart.

(Vorelli leads them to the dungeon where they found Lobo, this time they find Richard Basehart in the cell)

Mike: Mister Basehart! We've come to rescue you!

Richard: Thank god! I asked them if I could watch a movie, they said "sure, what movie?" I thought maybe something with me in it so I ask for the Island of Dr. Moreau. They give me the Kilmer/Brando version!

Trinity: Those monsters!

Vorelli: In all fairness, he never specified what version.

Morpheus: But still, you should have known better than that. It's just cruel and unusual punishment.

Vorelli: I know...MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahahahaha...I crack me up. I should write for MadTV.

Bruce: No argument here. They couldn't do any worse than what they have now.

Vorelli: Anywho...(opens the cell, Richard walks out) There you go.

Bruce: Hey, Richard, I have to ask you, aren't you......................you know..........................dead?

Richard: Oh, that? I pulled an Elvis Presley/Andy Kaufman. Faked my own death and planned my comeback. Then a few months ago I put my plan into action. I walked into public and shouted "Surprise! Tis I! Richard Basehart! And I'm not dead!" The only person who didn't say "Richard Who?" and actually gave a rat's ass is my new wife Gypsy.

Mike: Speaking of which, we better get back to the Oracle...

(Later at the Oracle's house)

Gypsy: ...and so it turned out that the bomb threat was actually from Donald Trump. I guess he couldn't take the heat.

Crow: Wow. I never figured him for the violent type. That rug on his head is hypnotizing.

Tom: Yeah. We went through something like that once.

Crow: We did?

Tom: Yeah, don't you remember?

Crow: No.

Tom: That spider in the bathroom?

Crow: What does that have in common with a Donald Trump bomb threat?

Tom: Well, it was scary. And pretty hairy too.

(Just then, the door opens, Richard runs inside, with Mike and the gang behind him)

Gypsy: Richard!

Richard: Gypsicily!

Crow: Gypsicily?

(Gypsy and Richard immediately begin sucking face)

Mike: Well now, Oracle, I believe I have questions to be answered.

Oracle: Ask away.

Mike: OK, how do I end this?

Oracle: Everything that has a begining has an end. I see the end coming. I see the darkness spreading. I see death.

(awkward silence)

Mike: What the flying HELL does that mean?

Oracle: HEY! Bringing Richard back was good for one question and one question only! Stop asking them!

Mike: But you didn't even answer my first one!

Oracle: You want to know the truth? Fine! If you want to finish this, you are going to have to meet the destiny of the two. You are going to have to face him. And you are all that stands in his way. If you can not stop him tonight then I fear that tomarrow may never come.

Mike: Sandler.

Oracle: No. Joel.

(We cut to Joel, still laying on the street. He opens his eyes. He gets up and looks around, he is surrounded by Agent Sandlers)

Joel: Shit.

(The Agent Sandlers immediately begin attacking and Joel tries to fight back. But he is still too hung over to last very long. He is soon being held back by several Agent Sandlers. Another Agent Sandler walks up too him)

Agent Sandler: Mistah Robinson, not so tough without your counterpart, eh?

Joel: You can take me, but you'll never win!

Agent Sandler: Yes I will! (sticks tongue out) It was inevi....inet.....in..............useless to fight because it was going to happen anyway.

(Agent Sandler slams his fist into Joel's chest, resulting in Joel turning into an Agent Sandler clone. The new Agent Sandler looks around and then back to the Agent Sandler that turned him)

Agent Sandler: LOSAH!

(All Agent Sandlers begin laughing! Very evil, and very scary)

(We cut to Mike, Trinity, Morpheus, Bruce, Crow, and Tom walking back to the base from the Oracle's house)

Crow: Why exactly are you following us, Bruce? Your roll in this story is over.

Bruce: Well it kinda sucks, you know, living with someone who knows what you're going to do and when you're going to do it. It takes the mystery away from life. That and she spoiled the end of Friends for me, so I'm pissed right now.

Crow: Fair enough. So, what's the plan now?

Mike: Well, apparently I have to find Joel and kick his ass. But where is he?

Trinity: I know how we can find out.

Mike: What? How?

Trinity: We need to get back to base first.

Morpheus: Well, what a relief! We're here already!

Tom: Yes! That was a stroke of luck and not just lazy writing!

(awkward silence)

Crow: Well, shall we go in?

Mike: Yes, let's.

(they all enter and Trinity leads them to her personal computer. She turns it on and it displays wallpaper featuring Hugh Jackman in a thong shaking his ass to "Oops! I Did It Again" by Britney Spears)

Bruce: I'm BLIND!

Morpheus: I'm DEAF!

Mike: I'm BOTH!

Trinity: Oh hush up. You guys have your porn sites and all, why can't I have my own little fantasy to mast...(she stops suddenly, every guy in the room is staring at her) Get that image out of your heads before I knock it out.

Tom: Can we just get on with this, please?

Trinity: Yeah, sure. (she logs on to the internet) Here we go. Scifi.com...BBoard...Sliders...AHA! Here we go! "The Revelation: A Post-SOL Adventure!"

(She clicks on it, they all spend a few minutes reading and they all gasp)

Crow: Joel NO!

Tom: Father? I love you! Don't leave me!

Trinity: What a horrible fate!

Morpheus: Imagine living as Adam Sandler for the rest of your life.

(everyone shudders)

Mike: Well...................................................................shit.

Tom: So to dust off the old question, what do we do now?

Mike: I know what I have to do.

Crow: Notice that he said I and not we. We're off the hook, Servo!

Tom: Thank god! Let us know how it turns out, bye y'all!

(Tom and Crow run out of the room)

Trinity: Cowards.

Mike: I have to go.

Trinity: Yes, we figured that out.

Mike: I have to stop him.

Trinity: That's great.

Mike: I may not come back.

Trinity: What's wrong with you? Do you want me to come with you or something?

Mike: I...uh...

Trinity: You have sick and twisted ways of asking a woman out on a date, you know that?

Mike: Yeah, pretty much.

Trinity: Well, find some other leg to hump, puppy dog, cause I'm not going.

Morpheus: I'll go! We can make a road trip out of it. It'll be like that Tommy Boy flick! I'll get my N'Sinc CDs!

Mike: Uh..................I was thinking of flying, maybe, instead.

Morpheus: That's OK, I got a portable player. We can crank it up!

Mike: Um................well..............

(suddenly the alarms start sounding)

Morpheus: ...the hell?

(a fellow rebel runs into the room)

Rebel: Sir! The Chicken Men and Neptune Men have surrounded the base!

Morpheus: Damnit. Get ready for a fight.

(Morpheus, Mike, Trinity, and all the other Rebels run outside to be met by an army of Chicken Men and Neptune Men led by the Phantom of Krankor and a shadowy figure)

Phantom: Heh heh heh heh heh. It is useless to resist! For I have returned with more men, more ammo, and more.....................stuff to beat you with!

Shadowy Figure: Hush up, Ron! (to our heroes) You rebels have been a thorn in my side for too long!

Mike: Who are you?

Shadowy Figure: I am the master of all that is crap in cinema! Not that you'll live long enough for it to matter!

(The shadowy figure raises a single hand and the Chicken Men and Neptune Men all run forward. The battle has just begun)

Bruce: Yeah, I just had to come with you guys didn't I?

Trinity: Shut your hole. We didn't make you.

Morpheus: Will you two shut up and draw your guns?!

(Morpheus, Trinity, Bruce, and all the other rebels draw their guns out from their coats and start shooting.

Mike gets into a cool as hell kung fu position and starts kicking ass left and right, dodging laser blasts and bullets in ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! Chicken Men and Neptune Men fall at his feet. Hell, I think he got some of the rebels too.

Bruce starts kicking and shooting all over the place, moving faster than a caffinated Jet Li. He shoots a Chicken Man in the stomach and seconds later kicks another in the face forcing him to fall backward. He doesn't even bother with the Neptune Men, they just seem to fall down by themselves. He walks over to the fallen Chicken Man)

Chicken Man: I'LL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL! I'LL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL! I'LL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL! I'LL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL!

(Bruce pulls out a shot gun and sticks it to Chicken Man's head)

Bruce: Swallow this...

(BANG! The Chicken Man's head explodes! Bruce then picks up a chainsaw, don't ask me where it came from)

Bruce: (in ultra badass voice) Let's carve some turkey...

(he begins slashing at everything in sight, going all Texas Chainsaw Massacre on their asses. Each Chicken Man and Neptune Man seems to squirt out 40 gallons of blood. Very over the top, I FREAKIN' LOVE IT!

Trinity's busy high kicking everyone who dares come near her. With each kick she spreads he legs wider...................and wider..........................and wider.................I'm sorry, where was I? Oh yeah, Trinity...so wide...er I mean she's using her guns too...I mean she's...aw damnit!

Morpheus is kicking ass as well, but soon he hears that evil noise)

Phantom: Heh heh heh heh heh.

(Morpheus turns around to face Phantom)

Morpheus: Phantom.

Phantom: Morpheus.

Morpheus: Now that we know each other's names...what now.

Phantom: Now you DIE! It is useless to fight me! For I shall destroy you all!

(Morpheus pulls his gun and shoots Phantom in the head. Phantom then falls backward. Dead)

Morpheus: I don't have time for this shit.

(Mike, Trinity, and Bruce all fight their way over to Morpheus and they all stand around each other while every rebel around them is getting killed)

Trinity: What now?

Mike: If I can make my way over to that Shadow guy over there maybe I can stop this. Bruce, can you clear a path with that chainsaw of yours?

Bruce: With today's gas prices? Forget it!

Morpheus: ZING!

Trinity: I got an idea. (pulls out a gun and places it into Mike's hand) Everybody stand back!

(Trinity leads Morpheus and Bruce out of the way. Mike's head shrinks into his torso and he starts shooting and running through the fighting crowd, heading towards the shadowy figure. As soon as he's out of bullets Trinity runs up to him and takes the gun from them. Morpheus and Bruce follow as they walk up to the shadowy figure)

Mike: I've only come here to say what I've come to say, show yourself now!

(The shadowy figure walks out of the shadows to reveal that he is in fact Jerry Bruckheimer!)

Jerry: Speak.

Mike: Adam Sandler has grown beyond your control.

Jerry: He was always a loose cannon. To tell you the truth we would have kicked him out earlier if his movies didn't make the money they did. So tell us something new.

Mike: He has found a way to clone himself onto other beings. Soon, all of Hollywood shall be ruled by Adam Sandler.

Jerry: No! This cannot happen!

Mike: I can stop him.

Jerry: And what do you want in return?

Mike: Peace.

Trinity: WHAT? Therefore making this whole damn war pointless?

Mike: Yeah, kinda.

Trinity: Fuck that!

Mike: Trinity...

Trinity: No, fuck that! I almost died how many times because of this? I'm not going to allow...

(Just then, Trinity is impaled by some metal bar and she falls to the ground right in front of Torgo)

Torgo: I told you I'd be back, bitch!

(Torgo runs off, Mike runs over and kneels down to Trinity)

Trinity: Mike I just want to tell you...

Mike: I know, you don't have to say anything...

Trinity: But I do...I HATE YOU! I BLAME YOU FOR THIS WHOLE FUCKING THING!

Mike: I said I know...

Trinity: Do me a favor and die tonight, so I can bitchslap you when we get to hell...

(Trinity slumps over, she is dead. Mike stands up)

Morpheus: Well, we better go. I'll get those CDs!

(Morpheus runs off)

Bruce: Well, it's been a hell of a ride. I'll see you guys later. I'm off to film a two line role in a Sam Raimi movie.

Mike: It's been nice knowing ya Bruce. I'll see you around.

(Bruce walks off, Mike faces Jerry)

Jerry: And if you fail?

Mike: I won't.

(Mike flies off, Morpheus runs up to the spot he just left, CDs in his arms)

Morpheus: Wait! You forgot me!

(we cut to Mike landing in the middle of the street. It is night. It is raining. The sidewalks are filled with Agent Sandler clones. Those ultracool Superbrawl vocals start playing as a lone Agent Sandler walks out in the middle of the street and stops about 40 yards in front of Mike. They stare at each other with fire in their eyes)

Agent Sandler: Mistah Nelson, welcome back. We missed you. Like what I've done with the place?

Mike: Could be better.

Agent Sandler: How so? I like it.

Mike: Instead of a million Adam Sandlers, we could have a million Kelly Hus.

Agent Sandler: As much as I love me, I have to agree. I like the way you think.

(Mike shudders. But then stars forward coldly)

Mike: It ends tonight.

Agent Sandler: I know it does. I've seen it. I've smelled it. I've heard it. I've felt it. I've tasted it. That's why the rest of me is just going to enjoy the show, because we already know that I'm the one that beats you.

(they both ball their hands into fists and start running towards each other in ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! When they finally reach each other, the fight begins at normal speed. Mike gets in a punch, a kick, and a few more punches. Agent Sandler throws one or two punches. ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! Normal speed. More kicks, more punches, some blocked some not. ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! Normal speed. Agent Sandler gets mor agressive and start attacking faster. Mike blocks and tries to get a few moves in. ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! Mike and Agent Sandler both take a punch at the same time, and they both impact on each others face on the same exact moment. BIGASS EXPLOSION! Mike and Agent Sandler both fly backwards in the opoosite directions and land flat on their backs. They both slowly get back up on their feet and stare daggers into each other. Suddenly Mike takes off flying. Agent Sandler does the same. They collide in the air BIGASS EXLPOSION! When everything clears up, we see them tumbling upwards in the air, punching, kicking, biting, scratching, you name it. Agent Sandler gets one good punch in which sends Mike backwards through a window into an old abandoned building.

Mike stands up. He has the wind knocked out of him, but he's all right. He stares out the window and sees Agent Sandler hovering there. Agent Sandler shoots forward through the window. ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! Mike jumps straight over him and they both land at opposite ends of the room)

Agent Sandler: Can you feel it, Mistah Nelson? Closing in on you? Oh I can. I really should thank you for it, after all it was your life that tought me the purpose of all life. The purpose of life is to pay my Box Office.

(Mike stares at Agent Sandler for a few seconds then gets into a kung fu pose and does a "Bring It On" motion with his hand. Agent Sandler forms a small smile on his face and then charges at Mike. But this time Mike is the more agressive one and he never lets up on the punches and kicks. ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! Mike does a spinkick which sends Agent Sandler out the window. Mike stares out the window, Agent Sandler is hovering in front of it again. This time Mike flies out and they both collide. BIGASS EXPLOSION! Everything clears up and they are once again tumbling upward, fighting each other.

High above the city, they hover in place. Fighting each other with no end in sight. Mike gets in one good kick that sends Agent Sandler flying backwards. When Agent Sandler finally gets himself under control again, he is a football field's length away from Mike. Agent Sandler zooms towards Mike at an amazing rate. Mike braces for impact. BIGASS EXPLOSION! Everything clears up. Mike is falling. Agent Sandler is above him watching him fall. Agent Sandler then makes his move, he flies downwards, grabs on to Mike and they zoom back to the street faster than the speed of sound. BIGASS EXPLOSION!

The image clears up, we see one big hole in the street. Standing inside is Agent Sandler. And he is standing over the body of Mike. But Mike is still alive. He slowly tries to get up)

Agent Sandler: (watching Mike stand up) Why, Mistah Nelson? Why? Why do you do it? Why keep fighting? You're just delaying your destiny. To become one of millions of rich movie stars, like myself. Exactly like myself. Joel gave in. Why do you persist?

Mike: (now on his feet) Because I'm bored and got nothing else to do.

(Agent Sandler steps towards him and starts punching but Mike blocks everyone. SUPER DUPER MEGA ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! Damn that's slow! We zoom in on Mike's foot and it's heading towards Agent Sandler's groin, resulting in the most gratuitous and unneeded CGI shot in history. As we return to normal speed, Agent Sandler falls to his knees and Mike gives him one final punch. Agent Sandler flies backward and ends up buried in the dirt wall behind him. Mike just stands there. Alone. Suddenly the earth shakes as Agent Sandler reappears from the wall and hovers meters above Mike)

Agent Sandler: This is my world! MY WORLD!

(Agent Sandler flies down and tackles Mike and begins punching him non-stop. When Mike is barely breathing, Agent Sandler stands up again and stares at Mike, who is still lying on the ground)

Agent Sandler: Give it up, Nelson. There's nowhere left to run.

Mike: (with all the strength he has left, stands up again) You were right, Sandler. You were always right. It was inevitable.

(Agent Sandler smiles evily and slams his fist into Mike's chest. Mike slowly turns into another Agent Sandler)

Agent Sandler: LOSAH!

Agent Sandler: Is it over?

(the other Agent Sandler nods, but there's something wrong. The Agent Sandler formerly known as Mike Nelson's eyes begin glowing. BIGASS EXPLOSION! The glowing Agent Sandler isn't standing there anymore, in his place is Mike Nelson)

Mike: Woah.

Agent Sandler: ...the hell?

(Agent Sandler looks upward at the Agent Sandlers who have crowded over the hole they were fighting in. Their eyes begin glowing. And so do the eyes of Agent Sandler. BIGASS EXPLOSION! All the Agent Sandlers are gone and in their place, random underpaid extras. But standing in front of Mike now is Joel Robinson)

Joel: Well..............................that was confusing.

Mike: Yeah.

Joel: How'd you know that would work?

Mike: .............................

Joel: You did know it would work, didn't you?

Mike: I...uh...yeah...

Joel: (sighs) Let's do ourselves a favor and tell no one about this. If somebody asks, we say we blew them up or shot them or something.

Mike: I'm all for that.

Joel: So................................what do we do now?

Mike: I got one word. "Home."

(Seven days later.

Joel is sitting on the couch in Mike's apartment with Tom and Crow by his sides. They are watching TV, suddenly Mike walks through the doorway)

Mike: Hey guys! I'm back from the video store!

Joel: Great! I'm glad I decided to move in with you guys. It was getting boring living without my robot pals.

Tom: And we're glad to have you Joel.

Joel: There's one thing I don't get though. Why was this story titled "The Revelation?" There wasn't anything revealed in this story whatsoever.

Mike: That's a good point.

Crow: Well...maybe the revelation is "the Sci-Fi Channel sucks." After all, if they never cancelled us, we wouldn't be in this damn story.

Tom: Well, we knew that for years. I mean honestly, was there any show they had that they treated worse than us?

(suddenly, as if on cue, a vortex opens right in the living room. Quinn Mallory pops out. Followed by Wade Welles. Then Professor Maximillian Arturo. The last member of the team, Rembrandt Brown, flies out and tackles Arturo. The vortex closes)

Arturo: Damnit Mr. Brown! I told you once, I told you a thousand times, I am not your own personal landing pad! (gets up and stares at the kitchen) Hey! Eats!

(Arturo runs to the kitchen and immedatley buries his face into the freezer)

Crow: Um...Mike? Do you really want John Rhys-Davies in our kitchen?

Mike: Why not? He's better than Joe Don Baker.

Crow: Point taken.

Quinn: (looking around) Nothing too odd so far. Do you think we're home?

Wade: I don't know. We should probably look outside.

Quinn: Shut up, Wade. I was talking to Remmy.

Rembrandt: Maybe Q-Ball. (looks at timer) But we got 30 seconds to find out.

Quinn: (to Mike) Hey you! Is this Earth Prime?

Mike: Yeah, sure. Why not?

Quinn: Good enough for me.

(Quinn takes the timer from Rembrandt and throws it out the window)

Wade: Quinn! What are you doing? We might not be home!

Quinn: Shut up, Wade.

Wade: I love you, Quinn.

Quinn: I said shut up!

Wade: Now I hate you! You're the biggest jerk ever and I want you dead!

Quinn: Don't make me say it again!

Wade: I didn't mean it Quinn! Please don't die! I love you too damn much!

Rembrandt: Sweetheart, isn't it time for your medication? (hands Wade a pill jar)

Wade: Ooh! Yay! (takes the pill jar and runs into the kitchen)

(Quinn sits down on the couch)

Joel: You're kinda harsh on her, aren't you?

Quinn: Look at it this way, we've done 88 episodes, 49 with her, and about 3 of them acknowledge that she's even alive let alone on our team. If she figures this out, she'll start bitching about how she's underused. We'll never hear the end of it.

Tom: That brings up another question, what are you doing here anyway?

Rembrandt: Well the Sci-Fi Channel paid some loser over the internet to write a reunion story for you guys after continuous bomb threats were made to them. When the same thing happened after they canned our show, they decided to kill two birds with one stone and asked the guy to include us in the story for closure to our show. So you guys get the bulk of the story and we get this lame bumper at the end.

Tom: Yeah, but why are these guys here? Last time we saw you guys Jackass, Ms. Perky, and Sallah weren't even part of the group. You were stuck with the chick with the freaky lips you picked up in season 3, the gal who stood around and did nothing but technobabble, and that guy who took comic lessons from Carrot Top.

Rembrandt: Six beautiful words: "So it was all a dream!"

Quinn: So what are you guys doing?

Mike: Well, I just rented some movies.

Quinn: Cool! Can we stick around?

Mike: Yeah, sure. Go ahead.

Rembrandt: What did you rent?

Mike: Some flick called the Matrix.

Quinn: Alright! I've seen that! It's got everything! Guns, Keanu Reeves, robots, kung fu, Carrie Anne Moss in tight leather pants...it's the best movie ever!

Joel: Wait a minute! Keanu Reeves? As in "Be excellent to each other" Keanu Reeves? Screw that! What else did you rent?

(Mike looks in the bag at the movies he brought home: Speed, Point Break, and Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure)

Mike: Nothing.

Quinn: Dude! Why are you badmouthing Keanu? Bill and Ted kicks ass!

Joel: Oh, right, like I'm really gonna take movie advice from the guy who starred in Joe's Apartment.

Quinn: That's an underrated classic. Time will tell on that.

Rembrandt: Quit BSin'.

Quinn: OK, OK, but we all made a career mistake, at least once in our professional careers. Professor over there was in those crappy Canadian Lost World movies and you............do you even have a career?

Wade: (walking out of the kitchen) I was on Sports Night!

Quinn: Quit bragging. Look at where that show ended up. Canned after two seasons. (he looks back at Wade, who starts crying) Aw damnit. Not again. Jeez girl, you flood more than a toilet after Arturo uses it.

Arturo: (from kitchen) I heard that!

(suddenly, the door bursts off of its hinges. Agent Antonio Banderas enters the room)

Agent Banderas: Now we shall end this!

Mike: Um...the war is over you know.

Agent Banderas: It is? Shit. I walked all the way over here for nothing.

Joel: Well we're just watching a movie if you'd like to join us.

Agent Banderas: Really? Cool! What're we watching?

(fade out. We hear Kari Wuhrer singing "Tight Pants" as the credits rise)