Everything I Need To Know, I Learned From Sliders   FogBoy   May13/00  1) When in doubt, don't turn the power up. 2) Always drive slowly through residential areas, lest a kid, a dog, or an interdimensional vortex jump into your path. 3) Feeling under the weather? You could always try penicillin. You never know, it just might do the trick. 4) No matter how clear-cut it seems, no matter how solid the final projections may appear to be... ALWAYS wait until the absolute FINAL count in an election. 5) The next time you go home, and the front gate doesn't squeak, remember that that doesn't mean this isn't your home and you should just leave. Knock on the damn door first. 6) Texas has no paved roads. 7) If you meet a group of interdimensional travelers, and you're thinking of joining them on their journey, don't. Chances are you'll never emerge on the other side of that wormhole. 8) If something happens in your town, and you have the option of getting involved or laying low... LAY LOW. 9) Never assume that your home is really your home until you've checked on every single tiny detail first. 10) Let's say one night you're really drunk, and you aren't quite sure if the guy on your left is your best buddy or the guy on your right is. Take them both home. Believe me, you'll thank yourself for it later. 11) Shoot 'em, stab 'em, or blow 'em up... it doesn't matter. Golden age crooners are INVINCIBLE. 12) See a lone guy claiming the end is here = run like hell. See somebody with no eyes left = run like hell. 13) Never assume that just because somebody is kind of like you, they must be a good person. 14) Teach your kids to solve their problems with their fists. At least they won't be solving their problems with a bat. 15) The next time you see a fire, go over and try to strike up a conversation. Couldn't hurt. 16) Never assume that anyone is dead, even though all signs may dictate otherwise. 17) If your doctor finds a tumor, be sure to make him check to see if it's a Kromagg implant before you go any further. 18) If you wander into an idyllic town full of young, healthy people... get while the gettin's good. 19) Never trust a U.S. military officer with a foreign accent. 20) Don't split up your group for the ride home. 21) Starting to think that you don't look that much like either of your parents? This may be the time for you to perform a little makeshift surgery on mommy's arm. 22) If someone comes along asking you to leave your home and claiming to be your long-lost brother, go with 'em. It's probably for the best. 23) If your friend thinks he or she has seen a ghost, just sit him or her down, calm them down, and then rationally explain that that wasn't a ghost, just an interdimensional traveller trapped on the astral plane. 24) Western-talk shore is funny, pilgrim. [*insert tinny laugh track*] 25) Don't screw around with your world's quantum matrix or you'll live to regret it. 26) Monks are full of crap. 27) Peace-loving robe-wearing god-loving people? Fear them. 28) When you get right down to it, all computers really want is a little friendship. 29) If you meet the president, don't dare trip. Don't let him trip, either. 30) Fellas, the next time you meet some gorgeous gal, be sure to make sure she's not married to a bunch of men -- or IS a man -- before asking her out. 31) Vacations always suck. 32) Mourning for the loss of a loved one? Have sex!