I miss my world today
Haven't shed a tear all season long, but hey
Continuity is for those wussy shows,
You know those soaps that make you doze
My career's far above those

Yesterday, I cried
Over failing to shoot Rickman our last slide
Next thing you know I'm
Delivering a lecture to our fellow Slider Wade,
On forgetting that old fat guy
And why she needs to get laid:

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
Now I'd rather be a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I'm nude and dripping paint

I'm a slut, a marine
I'm nothing in between
Because Peck wouldn't have it any other way...

So take me as I am
We're scouting Caveman Earth and all I want's a man
Just remember, when the mission's not too urgent
Why not go off on a fling,
Tomorrow you'll be sliding
And today won't mean a thing:

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
Now I'm slower than Quinn's brother
I posed for Playboy's cover
If you laugh, I'll make you suffer

From a cold-hearted ice queen
To a warm and fuzzy scene
Because Peck wouldn't have it any other way...

[ Kari "performs" a lengthy "solo" on her trusty guitar ]

Just when you think
You got me, figured out
The season's already changing...

I think it's cool,
You do all those chiiiicks;
And don't
Try to saaaaaave,
Wade --

My B-films, were all lame
Yet I do not feel ashamed
For this season, I'll play 'Waggie'
My career ends when I'm saggy

Straight from cowering in the corner
To some kind of princess warrior
Sign of weakness, huh, what's that?
Now I'm terrified of rats,

It's the fault, of those writers
I'm half mallrat and half fighter
So much for Quinn being my world
Him and all those dead blonde girls

[ By this point, Kari's high-pitched Breeder-style singing voice has strained her throat to the point where she sounds about to vomit with every word. ]

I'm a SLUT, a marINE
I'm NOTHING in beTWEEN
Because Peck WOULDn't -- mMMf -- Peck, get OFFA ME!!! I'm RECORDI-- [sound of two music stands and a terrified drummer being knocked over in quick succession] ...hey, I'm still sore there!!!!

-- *STATIC*

- Blinker

KARI [voiceover]: We did a hundred and forty-three takes, and THAT was the best one.