A large crowd of people are sitting in individual tables surrounding a stage. Among them are producers Keith Damron and Bill Dial.

emcee: Hello and welcome to "Open Mic Nite" here at the Smoky Radish.

<applause>

First up is Hollywood... super duper producer.. eh?... David Peckinpah!!!

<mild applause fills the air as Peck takes the stage>

Peck: OK, here goes...

<the band starts playing a 70's style beat and Peck starts singing in a high-pitched, but strained voice.>

I know what you want
I know what you need
but I'm gonna >:-# it up, yeah
'cause I'm an idiot, and I'm your producer
yes I am

I'll take the creator out
and before I go back home
I'll pay a visit to Blockbuster, yeah
now that's a season
and I'm your producer

You know that I am a man of many things
I still don't know how to produce
I made out with a porn star the other day
and now SHE'S MY LEAD ACTRESS TOO!
YEAH YEAH!

I know what you want
I know what you need
But I'm gonna >:-# it up, yeah
'cause I'm an idiot, and I'm your producer
yes I am

Tracy has some fans
but I have my fans too
There waiting outside for me, yeah
carrying blankets
'cause I'm a producer

BA-BABABA- BABA-BA-BA-BABA-BABY!
BA-BABABA-BABA-BA!
I-DON'-CARE-IF-THE-SCRIPT-IS-SUB-PAR-JUST
GO-OO
WI-ITH
I-I-I-I-IT
'cause I'm an idiot

Tracy, pick up the phone
Hey guy, it's me Peck
No no, don't hang up just yet
I have some ideas I want to share with ya
They're based on, some great film reels I picked up
Well, not exactly "picked up", more like borrowed
But anyway, I was thinking about, paying homages
you know, tributes, to movies like
Jurassic Park and Cutthroat Island
Then we can have Maggie dressed in a tight pirate outfit
SO HER BREASTS CAN MOVE FROM SIDE-TO-SIDE WHILE DANCING ON A WOODEN MAST, YEAH!!!
YEEEAAAAAHH!
<funky trumpet>

Hey, you want to be back to the show
Well, I have a "consulting producer" position open, with your name on it
It's like, my job... you know, without the power and authority
check it out

<drums still keep pace>
<funky trumpet>

AND YOU WILL NEVER GET PAID, YEAH
<funky trumpet>

AND YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED ON THE SET NOW, TRACY!
<funky trumpet>

Kari?
CAN I HONK THE HORNS
CAN I HONK THE HORNS
CAN I HONK THE HORNS
I WANNA SEE YOU HONK THEM
YEAH!!!!
<funky trumpet>

I WANNA HEAR YOU SAY "UGH UGH!"

LET ME HEAR YOU SAY "UGH UGH UGH!"

LET ME HEAR YOU SAY "UUGH UUGH!"
<funky trumpet>

LET ME HEAR YOU SAY "ugh ugh Ugh Ugh UGH UG..."

emcee: OK, that's it! Get the hell off of my stage! Out! You trying to put me out of business?? Get the >:-# out!!

All the tables are empty except for Bill Dial and Keith Damron, who are clapping and whistling.

- HurriKain