MAGGIE: I need your help. My friends are going to hang.

TBH: A bad lounge singer and a poncy Bugsy wannabe are sure to inspire fear in the hearts of Special K's gang.

BEN: From what I saw, your pal, Quinn, deserves it.

HTWD: Yeah, he did kinda witness that coldblooded murder, didn't he? Ouch. Only an abject moron would let himself get talked into saving Quinn "I'll Shoot Me A Cheater" Mallory.

MAGGIE: It's too difficult to explain, but I know he was framed. If I can
find Colin, maybe we can figure out a way to bust them out.

SG: Framed? FRAMED? Ben WATCHED Quinn gunsmoke that card player! It's gonna take a lot more than "he was framed" to convince Ben.

BEN: Colin? I heard Mr. K telling the sheriff about someone by that name. Said he was holed up at a ranch outside of town. He was going to
take care of him after he strung up your friends.

TBH: Never mind, Ben's thinking with L'il Ben right now. There's so many holes in Maggie's story you could fly a Kromagg Death Ship through them.

MAGGIE: Did he say where?

HTWD: Of course he did. He gave the exact address and everything. Plot Convenience just gained 40 yards up the middle.

Ben reaches down for Maggie's hand.

SG: Ben is the most gullible guest star since El Sid's hosebeast girlfriend.

BEN: Climb up.

TBH: IHOP's serving bacon straws until 8. We can just make it if I don't spare the whip.

71 INT. JAIL - DAY
Rembrandt is in the cell, apparently alone, Quinn is nowhere to be seen.

HTWD: <baby talk voice> : Where did Quinnie winnie go? Where did he go? Peek a boo!

REMBRANDT: You ready?

SG: I'm ready to get the hell out of this episode, if that's what you mean.

QUINN (O.S.) (strained, grunting) : Yeah, I'm ready.

TBH: Eeeeew, the sounds he's making are not helping my digestion.

REMBRANDT: Guard! Guard!

HTWD: So Quinn magically disappeared from his cell and, instead of following him through the fairy tunnel, Remmy stays behind and tells on him??

The door to the outer office opens and a figure steps into the cell area. Back lit by the light from the outer office, we can't recognize him.

SG: Good thing Sheriff Red-itch has his 5,000 candlepower lamp on in the outer office so this reveal will be a surprise.

REMBRANDT: He's escaped! Quinn's escaped.

TBH: When did Quinn and Remmy become the Keystone Sliders? <holds hands in front of face> Peek a boo! Where did I go???

The figure steps up to the bars... it's Kolitar.

SG: Wow! I never would have figured this from his HUGE DISTINCTIVE outline or anything.

KOLITAR: You don't expect me to fall for that, do you?

TBH: But you expect us to fall for this asinine script?

Kolitar looks up. Reveal....

HTWD: Quinn hanging from the ceiling wearing nothing but a towel.

SG: Huh?

HTWD: It was a 90s thing. You had to be there.

72 QUINN
crabbed to the ceiling of the cell. His arms and legs braced against the opposite sides of the narrow cell.

SG: I still don't get the towel thing.

HTWD: Two words: shut up.

KOLITAR: I saw this trick in 'The Man Who Shot Kaleeth-Tar.'

TBH: ...

HTWD: ...

SG: ...

Blinker: What? Are you trying to tell me that Kromaggs watch movies and/or TV????? They wouldn't even SPEAK human languages and their hatred of humans and thirst for conquest of humans was so great they devoted their existence to multiple world domination ... but they WATCH MOVIES!?!?

SG: Western movies, no less.

Blinker: Kromaggs!! Watching western movies!! <Blinker's head explodes.>

TBH: WOO HOO!!! We're free! Let's go!

<TBH, HTWD, and SG get up and make for the exit.>

<Blinker's body is still clutching the blaster. The weapon tracks the captives as they move. Blinker's body wags his free hand's finger as if saying "eh-eh-eh">

<The captives reluctantly return to their seats.>

SG: I'll stay since you guys have to.

Quinn loses his grip and drops to the floor with a grunt. He stands up and faces Kolitar.

TBH: Well, this is awkward. Sorry about trying to trick you.

QUINN: Why did you frame me?

HTWD: Duh! To kill you! This moron invented Sliding?

KOLITAR: Why did you follow me here?

SG: Duh! To kill you! This moron is part of the master race?

REMBRANDT: We didn't.

TBH: We just wanted to ask you about your line of cosmetics. They've done wonders to your face.

KOLITAR: You expect me to believe that in an infinite number of worlds, you just happened to end up on the same one I did?

HTWD: I have news for you, pointing out the implausibility of your script isn't the best way to keep viewers along for the ride.

REMBRANDT: We released you from the Slidecage. Why would we follow you?

SG: Neither is reminding us about Remmy in that stupid episode. Oooooh, I've been programmed to kill Kill KILL!!

KOLITAR: Why do you humans do anything? Meddlesome vermin.

TBH: Interesting talk coming from a Kromagg who's completely gone native.

HTWD: I also love the superior master race logic. Why do humans do anything? Question answered, time to get some bacon straws.

TBH: Yeah, you could answer ANY motivation question with that nugget. Why did Friends last a decade and Herman's Head only a couple seasons? Why do humans do anything!

KOLITAR: You can't ever leave well enough alone, can you? You have to impose your own sense of morality on everyone else.

HTWD: I thought the Kromaggs hated humans because they were on most parallel earths while the Kromaggs were on few of them? I don't remember hearing anything about morality.

QUINN: Maybe we can make a deal. We still have the timer. In a few days, we'll be leaving here. Let us go and we'll get you off this world.

SG: This is the first sensible thing Quinn's said this ep.

Kolitar moves right up to the bars, face to face with Quinn.

TBH: Come on, step right up and destroy some more continuity!

KOLITAR: What makes you think I want to go anywhere? You stranded me on this world. Well, I made the most of it. I'm Mr. K now. My name
inspires terror from St. Louis to Yuma.

HTWD: Meanwhile, the rest of your race has inspired terror on dozens of Earths.

REMBRANDT: You sure it's not your face?

SG: Nooooo, that inspires projectile vomiting.

KOLITAR: It helps. I'm free to go where I want. Take what I want. This
world is mine for the picking. It's a good life for a Kromagg and I don't need you around to spoil it.

TBH: Didn't he have all this before when he was a Kromagg?

He turns to go.

KOLITAR: Sorry it had to end this way, human. But this town ain't big
enough for the both of us.

HTWD: Well, this script ain't good enough to be an episode of Teletubbies.

KOLITAR (smiles) : I love saying that.

SG: So Kromaggs go from refusing to speak a human language to quoting human movies?

He exits. A beat, then....

QUINN: Okay, what if you fake an appendicitis attack?

TBH: Nahhh, they'll expect that. How about you pretend to hang yourself. I swear I won't pull the chair out from under your feet!

Off Remmy's look....

TBH: <mimicking Remmy> : YOU invented Sliding?

73 INT. STARR RANCH - DAY
Colin is painfully easing into his coat. Amanda is watching him.

HTWD: <mimicking Amanda> : How did someone as uncoordinated as you get the drop on Mr. K-pax?

AMANDA: You're going to tear your stitches out again.

SG: If putting his shirt on is going to tear them out, she needs to get back to sewing class!

Colin silently continues to get dressed.

TBH: At least Spock did the eyebrow thing. >:-#

AMANDA (sighs) : At least let me drive you.

HTWD: In the old west, "driving" was something you did to cattle. It would have never been used in this context because cars hadn't been invented yet.

TBH: There there.

Colin looks up and he and Amanda lock eyes. A bond has grown between them.

SG: Two empty minds, together at last!

The moment is broken as the door opens and Maggie and Ben rush in.

TBH: <mimicking Colin> : Dammit Jan- er – Maggie! I was ready to score here!

COLIN: Maggie!

TBH: I mean it! You suck! There was a bond formed between us and everything!

MAGGIE: Colin. Thank God.

HTWD: Thank god you're still alive so I can only be the second dumbest person in our team!

She rushes to Colin and embraces him. He winces in pain.

SG: Actually, he's wincing because she still has her dance-whore perfume on.

COLIN: Ow, Maggie. Easy.

TBH: <mimicking Ellie hiding and listening> : Damn he gets a lot of action.

She lets him go.
MAGGIE: Kolitar's here.

HTWD: But more importantly, I got to dress up like a whore and sing like a banshee!

COLIN: I know. Where are Quinn and Rembrandt?

SG: This is awk-ward. See, I kinda left them to hang. But we can still Slide!

TBH: Who DOES have the timer, anyway??? Colin can't because they didn't search for him with ANY urgency, and if Quinn and Remmy had it, it's been confiscated. Especially since Kolitar would command Redsnot to look extra special for it since he knows they're Sliders. And does anyone believe they would trust MAGGIE with it???

MAGGIE: Kolitar wants us out of the way. He framed Quinn for murder.

HTWD: But why would he have to- oh forget it. It's a losing battle.

BEN: In a few hours, your friends are going to be having a little throat
trouble.

SG: And why does he just simply believe Quinn was framed when Ben saw – oh, forget it.

TBH: Hold on, now. Let's look at what Ben just said in the context of what is about to happen. Quinn and Remmy are about to be HANGED to death. Maggie and Colin are very close to those two. So what does Ben say? Play it again, projectionist!

BEN: In a few hours, your friends are going to be having a little throat
trouble.

TBH: He's making a joke out of their two friends' (I refuse to consider Colin his brother) deadly circumstance! If those two did die, this remark would haunt Ben.

Colin looks from Ben to Maggie to Amanda. Then....

HTWD: <mimicking Amanda> : You helped murder my husband, Ben. On your knees!!

COLIN (to Amanda) : I need to borrow your gun.

SG: She'll never give it to you because she doesn't ... believe ... in ... what is she doing???

Amanda nods and moves to the mantle. She opens the box and reacts to what she sees inside.

TBH: <mimicking Amanda> : Oppsie! I forgot this is where I decided to put my hooch. The gun is in the freezer.

AMANDA: It's gone.
(then)
Oh my God. Ellie.

HTWD: It's always a harsh moment when a parent realizes for the first time that their offspring is a complete and utter rockbrain.

CUT TO
74 ELLIE
pressing her way through a crowd of people.

SG: Excuse me. Pardon me. 90 pounds of Sudden Impact coming through. Hey! Step on my foot again and I'm going to make your day!

75 EXT. STREET - DAY
The hangman's ropes are waiting and a crowd of people is beginning to gather for the hanging. Ellie moves through the crowd and disappears down a side alley.

TBH: Yeah, right, I don't believe this town is big enough to have a main alley, let alone ickle side alleys.

76 EXT. STREET - ALLEY - DAY
Ellie hurries down the alley. She moves to a small barred window.

HTWD: How long did it take Old West lawmen to realize that prisoners are better off without a view? Every other western features someone pulling those bars off with a horse or cutting them or blowing them off the window.

ELLIE (low) : Hello?
Quinn's face appears at the window.

SG: Cool Remmy, our pizza finally arrived!

QUINN: You better get away from here before you get into trouble.

TBH: More proof Quinn is a genius. He knows that he has two friends still at large in this town and yet he immediately dismisses a girl who shows up at the window.

ELLIE: Are you Quinn?

HTWD: Helmet hair, vacant eyes, same expression as a coma patient ... yep, it's Quinn.

QUINN: Who are you?

SG: What difference does it make who she is? If she's an enemy, what's the worst thing that will happen? She'll hang you? Otherwise, she's here to help and her time at this window is short.

ELLIE: My name's Ellie Starr. I'm a friend of Colin's.

TBH: No wonder you smell like toffee.

QUINN: He's okay?

HTWD: No, moron, he's been shot. You witnessed that, right?

ELLIE: Yeah. He wanted me to give you this.

SG: <makes spitting sound> : And he said to tell you thanks for taking your time to come find him.

She pulls the Colt Peacemaker out from under her jacket and raises it toward the window.

SG: Nice and high now so everyone in town can see it!

Quinn's hand reaches between the bars for the gun. Just as he is about to take it, however, Ellie is shoved to the ground. She looks up to see....
77 KOLITAR
standing over her.

TBH: Oh for crying out loud! Does Kolitar have on stealth clothes or something? He's a 7 foot tall freak and NO ONE can see him walking up to them! If he came from the side Ellie would have seen him out of the corner of her eye and if he came from behind Quinn would have seen him!

KOLITAR: Little girls shouldn't play with guns.

HTWD: He sure did pick up on human clichés quickly.

QUINN (O.S.) : Are you okay? Ellie?

SG: I'm okay except for my peripheral vision! I think I'll go to the eye doctor now!

Ellie scrambles to her feet. She picks up the Colt.

ELLIE: You killed my father.

TBH: <mimicking Special K> : No, Ellie, I AM YOUR FATHER! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!

She aims the gun at him. Her hands shake.

HTWD: Ah yes, ye olde "I'm going to stand here and talk smack because I know you won't shoot me" routine.

KOLITAR: Yes, I did. Are you going to shoot me now?

SG: No, she's not, because we still have 15 minutes left in this ep.

He walks slowly towards her, narrowing the distance between himself and the wavering barrel of the gun.

TBH: They always try this on punks. They never run this game on Jack Bauer, do they?

KOLITAR: Is that what your daddy would want?

HTWD: Actually, considering what Special K did to him, yes!

Closer.....

KOLITAR: Is that what your friend, Colin, would want? For you to be a killer.

SG: Colin knows you're not human, so he wouldn't mind.

(a grin)

KOLITAR: Just like me.

TBH: JUST SHOOT HIM!!! Prison couldn't be more tedious than how long this is taking him!

Now he's standing right in front of her. The barrel of the gun pressed right against his chest.

HTWD: The funny thing is, as much as this has been done in movies, I doubt this has EVER happened in the entirety of human history! NO ONE has balls this big!

KOLITAR: Come on. Make your daddy proud.

SG: Yeah, keep mentioning her father, whom you murdered. If anything makes her pull the trigger, that will. Moron.

There is a painfully tense moment,

TBH: There is?

then Kolitar simply reaches down and takes the gun away from her. She sags. He drops a large hand on her shoulder.

HTWD: Boy, that WAS exciting! Someone get me a wet towel!

KOLITAR: Come with me. You wouldn't want to miss the party.

SG: We're holding a party for the ten most gutless people in town and you just became the guest of honor.

As he drags her off....

QUINN (O.S.): Ellie... Ellie!

TBH: Oh, great, now he speaks. Why didn't he encourage her to SHOOT HIM!!