SHINY:
a Kari Wuhrer albumMSTed by HurriKain Lyrics courtesy
kariwuhrer.net
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Kari wakes up one morning and grabs a carton of milk. As she pours it into a bowl of cereal, she notices something peculiar.Kari: Whoa! The cereal's glowing green! Cool! Daniel Salin stumbles into the kitchen, half asleep and half-stoned from the night before. Dan: Uh, Kari. That milk has been sitting near the heater for about two weeks now and... Kari: Hey, I'm hungry! And WE need to be in the studio in an hour! So just hurry up and eat a damn bowl with me. Little does she realize that with every bite, the radiation seeps into her vocal cords. Eventually, it finds its way into her brain... though nothing is affected. When she sings on her album, however, her voice contains a minute sonic wave that after much repeated listening, can turn any coherent person insane. One unfortunate victim is HurriKain, who was listening to Kari's album for a review. After hours of repeated listening to most of the tracks, his growing insanity managed to trigger a mutation and transformation, and he became.... The Incredible HK!  Okay, maybe it's the over-exposure to Kari radiation. Maybe it's the stress from hours of work and school. Maybe it's the voices in my head. All I'm trying to say that I actually luh... luh... luh... like this song... a little. It has a nice groove… which is distracting from the vocals. Hopefully, after this review, I won't be shot.There's a drug that's killing me
There's a drug that's killing you Speak for yourself, lady. Ritz crackers doesn't kill like the stuff you're on... though now that I think of it, they ARE kinda like crack. Mmmmmm, Ritz...... <drool>One we cannot see
One we can't abuse. Kari Wuhrer has tried every hallucinogen and hazardous substance known to man, but she will not rest until she has gotten her hands on the fabled drug, "Invisiblow", which can grant its user the ultimate high for longer periods of time.You watched that dreck? I heard it was worse than "The 60s." Damn you, NBC!Where life was so free
You could give love like a flower DAMMIT! CAN YOU GO ONE SONG, ONE >:-#ING SONG WITHOUT MENTIONING FLOWERS! WHAT THE >:-# IS IT ABOUT YOU AND FLOWERS?!?! TELL ME!!! <pant pant>And make love every hour
But now it's not so true Yeah... she makes love every two hours now, but somehow it isn't enough.There's a drug that we can't abuse
(Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh
Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh) Viagra?When I look into your eyes
I can see you slowly dyin' Yeah, thanks to you and that dreck of an album. If I'd actually paid for the thing, I would've had to hunt you down just to bitch-slap you with it.and I don't know if I'm tryin'
or doing everything Actually, you're doing everyONE.No! No! The pain is worse enough as it is!There's a drug that we can't use
And I don't know what its missin' Kari: Dammit Daniel, this is flour! I can't believe you got tricked by 16-year old kids. I'm going out, alone, to get some real shit.I only want to be kissin'
All of me all over you (x6) Unfortunate victim: I don't know what happened... I was giving Kari a kiss and next thing you know, I'm laying down next to her naked. Afterwards, I was getting sores in my mouth, bugs on my genitals, and God knows what else. That CRACK ho ruined my life...You have that movie on TAPE? <smack>When life was so free
(so free)
We could give love like a... Don't say it... please don't say it... If you do, I will be forced to do things... terrible things... can't... take... all... this... rage... please... don't...GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! <HK doubles in size and turns green. Things break. Furniture is thrown. Roaring is heard. A cat screams. A few minutes later, HK returns wearing torn clothes.> Oh, where was I?and make love every hour
Now it's not so true Yep, modern laws are tough on public sex nowadays. Oh well.There's a drug that we can't use
and I don't know what it's missin' What Kari doesn't realize that the rock of CRACK is actually an oddly shaped sugar cube. Let's wait a few more minutes to see if she notices.I only want to be kissin'
All of me all over you (repeat until end) I will admit again that I actually like the song and it was hard for me to riff it. Please don't hurt me. I gotta go now and clean this mess...
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