The Crapparatus
SHINY:
a Kari Wuhrer album

MSTed by HurriKain

Lyrics courtesy
kariwuhrer.net

Okay, so it's really a screencap from 'Data World.'

 SHINY - Part III

( The screen is black. The intro to "The Real Slim Shady" begins playing. )
    May I have your attention please...

    May I have your attention please...

    Will the real HurriKain please stand up...

    Will the real HurriKain please stand up...

( The music stops as a spotlight lands on HK, wearing a straitjacket. )
    It's time you got back to your cell. That is all.
HK: DAMMIT!

Hey, fellow music fans, welcome to another edition of Kari Wuhrer's "Shiny". This time we'll see the brokenhearted side of Kari in "Hands of Mary", a ballad that is also a tribute to late-80s, early 90s rock. READY THE FIRING SQUAD!

    Where have all the flowers gone today?
Earlier that day, she found this letter in an empty field:

Dear Kari,

We can't take this no more. Every day the constant plucking and sniffing, and your shirts reeking of CRACK vapor. And that song you made about us was so :-#ing horrible that we damn near wilted. So, we think it's best for you (and more importantly, for our own well-being), that we pack up our petals and leave. Hopefully, we will find a place where neither your fingers nor your singing will ever reach us.

Sincerely,

the Pretty Flowers
(hey hey)

    I'm drowning in the pool of words you say
Back at ya, Kari.

    and hold me down
    words, all unfound
    in the Hands of Mary
You're having visions of the Virgin Mary raping you?!?!?!!?! Kari... it's time to step down and call Betty Ford...
    She floating off the walls she said today
Huh? <Twang!!>
    Bringing in her world in all her ways
Just a couple of hits of E, and Kari's transporting herself to exotic and imaginary locales.
    And blow me down
NO!! NO NO NO NO NO!!!
    Words, all unfound
    in the Hands of Mary
I'm just wondering, is this a proper use of the word "unfound"? IS "unfound," for that matter, a word?
    ( Guitar solo )

    Where have all the flowers gone today?

What IS it with you and your fascination with flowers? Is it a fetish?

It's the "Mighty Mouse" syndrome, I tell ya.

    I'm drowning in a pool of words you say
You are drowning ME, missy. In a pool of madness. Your words make no sense and that hinders my intelligence and sanity. You'll hear from my lawyer! >:-(
    And blow me down
For the last time, NO!!!!!!!!
    Words, are unfound...
    ( Drums and guitars starts to pick up )
    I'm drunk in your splendor
    Warm in your splendor
    HIIIIGH in your splendor (x2)
Yet another 'holiness' reference associated with substance abuse. Jesus, Kari.
    HIIIIGH
    HIIIIGH
    HIIIIGH
Yes, you are.

Hope you like (or dislike) today's song. Boy, I'm beat…