<MSR and The Incredible HurriKain enter the theater.>TBH: It's about time you guys made it. It seems like a month since SL4ever left.
MSR: What's that you were holding, Henry?
HTWD: <innocently> : Nothing.
MSR: You were just holding something, and as we came in you shoved it up your butt to hide it. What was it?
HTWD: Oh look! The movie's starting again!
MALLORY: How's it going?
TBH: It's going to be going up in you if we hear one more "joke" from you.
The Crowd goes nuts. Mallory could let out a juicy belch and
these people would adore him.
HTWD: This crowd must be from Georgia.
SS: <from the doorway> : I heard that, you mongrel!
HTWD: SL4 put me up to it because you completely ignored him in your last SG skit!
SS: What a baby!
They rush the stage.
IHK: <mimicking crowd voices> : Remember his "emotional blackmail" joke? GET HIM!! I don't remember that one, but I don't need anything more than "did you call ahead?"
8 EXT. THE SEER'S HOME - DAY 8
A stock shot of a huge mansion.
MSR: "a stock shot" ROTFLMMAO!!! They don't even try to pretend how cheap they are in the script, do they?
Over this we hear...
TBH: <mimicking Rush Limbaugh> : Get off my yard! I'm tired of film crews coming by to take stock shots of my house! Got any fried CHICKEN out there?
SEER'S VOICE: I apologize for the 'enthusiasm' of your welcome.
HTWD: Why is he offsetting that word with parentheses? They were enthusiastic. So what? Why set aside obvious descriptions? Do we go around saying, "the show Friends 'sucked' didn't it?" No!
9 INT. THE SEER'S HOME - STUDY - DAY 9
A large library/study - signs of a very well off lifestyle.
IHK: It's about time we see a rich psychic. I'm getting of movies where the person who can see the future is living on cat food and using newspapers for blankets. I'd be seeing where people dropped their wallets, what stocks to buy, whether the Saints cover the spread, stuff like that!
Strewn all about are paintings, oils, of the Sliders being depicted in various poses, situations and adventures. The pictures are strikingly lifelike, almost photographic.
MSR: This scriptwriter is definitely a frustrated author. Look at all this unnecessary detail! "The Sliders walk down an ornate marble stairway. The statues of fairies doing odd things with flowers look a little dusty. The coating of dust on the closest one to the left is hauntingly reminiscent of Van Gogh's Pink Period paintings." Dude, you're trying WAY TOO HARD!
THE SEER: But, you understand, none of them ever expected to see you in real life.
TBH: I'm not surprised, as fast as Peckinballs is killing them off!
REMBRANDT: Well, we weren't expecting them either.
HTWD: Hidey Ho, welcome back to the Mr. Obvious Show, with your guest host, Remmy.
Mallory picks up an overly-endowed Diana action figure, examines it and then casually offers it to Diana.
HTWD: Better enjoy it, that's as close as you're going to get to ever touching her body.
TBH: Jesus God, do you see the size of Diana's >:-#s? :-P~~~~~~~~~~ The action figure maker must be on CRACK!
MALLORY: Action figure?
IHK: Oh yeah, act like you don't still play with them! You have six Jar Jar Binks figures alone!
MSR: He should, they're both insanely irritating, so they share that.
DIANA (reacts) : Is that supposed to be me?
MSR: Is that supposed to be her reacting? I guess these razor sharp acting skills are why she's never been in ANYTHING worth mentioning besides this hideous season.
MALLORY: I like it.
TBH: Look, the producers obviously spent three dollars making that prop, but we've burned two minutes of screen time talking about the stupid thing. Can we move on some time this decade????
She grabs it, looks at it closely and turns to the others, incredulous.
HTWD: Oh yeah, she's shocked and outraged! A flat chested woman being outraged at being portrayed with Samantha Fox cleavage is about as believable as Rosie O'Donnell being outraged at being portrayed as a sane, skinny, heterosexual woman who can carry a baby herself instead of skipping the hard bits. No pun intended.
Maggie is flipping through a catalog titled, THE SEER'S SLIDERS' MERCHANDISE CATALOG, FALL ISSUE.
IHK: This from the series that has yet to even put their EPISODES on sale yet! >:-# I'll bet on any other world you can get everything from all the eps to Sliders Underoos!
Rembrandt is busy examining the artwork. He is looking at a painting of the Sliders on the battlefield in "Strangers and Comrades." He looks to another, the Sliders dressed as they were in "The Java Jive."
MSR: Did the Seer paint anything from a watchable episode?
REMBRANDT: This is freaky. It's like the person who painted these knows all about us, who we are, where we've been.
HTWD: Yes folks, this is the Mr. Obvious show. Today Remmy will be discussing the fact that some gas station bathrooms are unsanitary and he'll also be taking your calls. The phone number is 1-800-IMA-DUMY
Claire and the Seer exchange a look.
TBH: What is the exchange rate on looks these days?
IHK: You can get 6 sneers or 4 smiles for one coquettish moue.
MAGGIE: How is that possible? Diana and Mallory have never even been to your world.
MSR: What is this >:-# babbling about?
TBH: Before you came in, the Sliders said that they thought their next Slide would be Remmy's home world. Despite the fact that they mentioned they've failed using these coordinates before, and the fact that ever since "Into the Mystic" the Sliders have been consistently skeptical as hell about thinking they are home, Maggie insists on blindly assuming they made it without even seeing the minor evidence that convinced three Sliders in PTSS.
MSR: Can you ever say anything in less than 1,000 words?
TBH: Well, I remember once when I was three years old it took me...
CLAIRE: I'm afraid that's still true. The part about never having been to your world that is.
TBH: <mimicking Diana> : Whew! I thought you meant the cleavage on the action figure. If my double on this world was so much more blessed than me, I'd have to hunt that >:-# down!
They turn to Claire and the Seer.
CLAIRE: But as you've seen, you are more than welcome on our world.
HTWD: Yeah, but after 50 or 60 years that adulation would get old. Ask the Stones.
REMBRANDT: You mean this isn't my Earth?
IHK: Duh. On your world you were reduced to singing backup for Kenny G and doing baseball game national anthem gigs. The fact that more than six hippies and a couple "obscure music" fans know your name should have clued you in!
THE SEER: Unfortunately, that is correct.
TBH: <mimicking Maggie> : So, what are you trying to tell us? We're home, right?
Now our guys are fit to be tied.
HTWD: I'm glad to finally be seeing the script. Now I know what all the expressions were supposed to mean. I thought that Maggie was in need of feminine hygiene products at this point and that Mallory had just remembered his favorite Sesame Street episode.
MAGGIE: Then save your welcomes and tell us why you hijacked our slide.
IHK: Temper, temper! SOMEbody woke up with her sheets stuck to her >:-# this morning, didn't she?
DIANA: And how?
MSR: So now Diana's turned into a Little Rascal? This script writer is all over the place.
CLAIRE: First off, understand, we're not responsible for you being here.
TBH: <Mimicking Remmy> : I believe you. Let's whup the tar out of them instead for making my ass look so big in these paintings.
MAGGIE: Sure, you always hold pep rallies for Sliders and we coincidentally arrived in the middle of it.
HTWD: No, no, you misunderstand. That wasn't a Sliders pep rally, that was a Season 5 writers CRACK party. They smoke a bunch of the stuff and then write the next ep.
CLAIRE: We didn't bring you here. But we did know you were coming.
IHK: It's Maggie's "Mo Ho" perfume. It's so pungent that people on other worlds can smell it coming before a wormhole even opens up.
A beat of silence as this sinks in.
MSR: Okay, now at least we all know where we stand. You two are insane and we're leaving now. Ciao!
