PFKAS: <looking at camera>: I didn't think anything could top what happened last week when SpaceTime got his face stung by a sea urchin and RMScream had to help him with the pain. But I was wrong! I couldn't believe it when Sliding_Skull farted right in my face during the last immunity challenge! Why oh WHY did I have to carry the log right behind him? That >:-# is going down in the next vote!

<scene change>

SL4Beaver: Hey guys, where is SL4ever? I haven't seen him all day.

Sliding_Skull: Nah, I ain't seen him!

TBH: The last time I saw him he was out fishing with Dexibal_Lector.

PFKAS: Hey, the wormnuts are finished! Who's hungry??

Dexibal_Lector: <walking in from woods, rubbing tummy> : Not me!

<scene change>

Jeff Probst: <pulling up slip of paper>: And the final and deciding vote, determining this week's loser, is "Watcher's Dignity!" Watcher's Dignity, you must bring me your torch and leave the island immediately!

Watcher's Dignity: Aw man. >:-# all of you! I ain't being a good sport! All of you can kiss my long and hairy >:-#!!!

The Seer - Part XIV

52A INT. WAREHOUSE - STORAGE ROOM 52A
A normal point of view as the Sliders and Mrs. Mallory cross into the room.

SL4: I wish The Seer would stop seeing people because I much prefer this POV.

REMBRANDT: Looks like the Kromagg department at Best Buy.

TBH: Do you see what happens when you let a Mallory into your group?? All of the sudden EVERYONE wants to get in on the lame comedy!

Diana checks out one of the devices.

HTWD: Hey guys! This looks like a calculator with a piece of tin foil wrapped around the display!

Maggie crosses to the other. A couple of lights are blinking on the control console but it's clearly not in good working order.

SL4: Okay, so they DID leave the power on for some reason. But how does MAGGIE, of all people, know whether or not it is in working order?

MAGGIE: I think this is a 'magg sliding machine. Looks pretty beat up.

TBH: <leering meaningfully>: Maybe it replaced a very popular character and added insult to injury by singing.

DIANA (completes her examination, then) : And, I think I know what blocked our slide.

HTWD: Unimaginative and continuity impaired scriptwriters?

DIANA: This device projects a hyperspatial force field barrier.

SL4: <puts on Professor's granny glasses>: Hmmmm. "Hyperspatial force field barrier." Now, the prefix "hyper" means that something is above or beyond something else. Spatial means "relating to space." A force field IS a barrier so that is just duplicated meaning word padding. So boiled down, what she said means "Above-space-related barrier." So it is a barrier that is above and outside of our normal space. Kinda like the Foo Fighters. I hope this clears things up!

TBH: Clear as mud. Mendicant.

Maggie crosses to Diana. The others join her.

TBH: I wish people would stop "crossing" to each other, I'm getting seasick!

MAGGIE: You mean it's a defensive system, designed to keep invaders out.

HTWD: Funny, you'd think the Sliders would have encountered a device this powerful before this ep.

TBH: Maybe the Kromaggs only have them on worlds they haven't captured yet and never on important worlds or breeder camp worlds.

DIANA: Sliding invaders, yes,

SL4: Well, what other kind of invaders would a Sliding wormhole condom device keep out, Diana?

DIANA: and it just as easily kept us in. (hits a few switches) But not anymore. Power off.

TBH: Diana is amazing! She doesn't know that the "M" in "ATM" stands for "machine" but she can glance at a alien device and buttons labeled in an alien language and determine its purpose and how to turn it off in the time it takes me to figure out how to open a Poptart package.

TemporalFlux: <from hallway> : Hey, Diana! Glance at that device again and tell us how it allows our timer to avoid the 29 year rule!

The lights go out.

HTWD: There's another ominous message from the scriptwriter. <shudders>

MALLORY: I don't get it. Why trash the timer if this thing can keep us here?

SL4: <sniffs the air> : Do I smell the classic "set up to allow the villain to enter and simultaneously plug one of the many glaring plotholes in the script" question?

CLAIRE (O.S.) : I knew as long as you had your timer you would continue to try to escape.

TBH: She knew that, but she didn't know that if you miss a Slide you have to wait 29 years for the next chance?

CLAIRE: You might even eventually defeat the force field. That I couldn't allow.

HTWD: Did you ever think of upgrading the security of this warehouse from "keeping out the Rugrats" level to at least "keeping out Scooby Doo and friends" level?

TM: <from hallway>: I just wish we had a farce field to protect us from this hideous script!! >:-#

The Sliders turn to see...

SL4: ...Guns and Roses covering "Oops! I Did It Again" while wearing pink tutus and red lacy bras on their heads.

53 CLAIRE 53
standing at the open door. Her two faithful Attendants follow her in, pistols in their hands.

TBH: <mimicking Attendants>: We never cheat on Claire with other lame, moronic villains!

MAGGIE: Quite a stash you've got here.

TBH: <mimicking Claire>: Are you coming on to me?

MALLORY: You will share this good fortune with others, won't you?

HTWD: Good fortune? Well, he's got a point. If she had shared this vortex condom with the world maybe these four would have been prevented from coming here.

MALLORY: It's the first commandment of slidology.

SL4: Actually, the first commandment of Slidology is that meddle in the business of people you don't know on worlds whose laws and customs you don't know.

DIANA: I don't think the word 'share' is in her vocabulary.

TBH: <mimicking faithful Attendant> "Say, that's Sonny Bono's exwife on the radio. What's her name again?" <mimicking Claire> "I know but I can't tell you."

CLAIRE: I really don't understand you people.

HTWD: They're hard to understand because they talk and act so differently from week to week.

CLAIRE: You're constantly on the move, never knowing who your friends are. Here everyone loves you. We can even protect you from the Kromaggs.

SL4: She still doesn't get it, does she? Didn't her last six dates chewing their arms off to get away from her when they sobered up tell her something?

MALLORY: You're not concerned about us. You just want to create some crazy religion based on sliding.

TBH: Mallory's one to talk about joining crazy religions!! LOL!!!

HTWD: Shhhh. The writers didn't see any other eps from this season.

CLAIRE: People create religions all the time. It's not a bad career. You can set your own hours and the money's good.

SL4: Both those things are true for prostitution as well. But, like creating bogus religions, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

REMBRANDT: I've seen your kind of medicine show before. Call now, make a pledge of faith and Claire gets a new BMW.

TBH: Yeah! Remmy is a man of dignity! He'd rather cry fake tears on stage to get his new BMW!

CLAIRE: We can all benefit from this. My father wasn't lying about his vision. If you slide out you die.

HTWD: What about if we throw you three into the vortex first and then wait ten minutes before going ourselves. Would that lift the curse? :-P

MAGGIE: And that puts an end to your cash cow.

TBH: <mimicking Claire>: Nope. I've already worked out a religion based on Matlock. The Matlock Holy Adult Diaper sales alone will have me sitting pretty in no time!

Claire nods to the Attendants. They move in on the Sliders.

TBH: <mimicking Attendants> : Um, what did the nod mean again, ma'am? It's been ten minutes since you told us.

CLAIRE: Unlikely. I was hoping it wouldn't come to this.

HTWD: Tie them to chairs while I go get the 100 foot long fuse.

(MORE)

HTWD: This is a mixed blessing. >:-I

CLAIRE: Using this equipment I did arrange your very public arrival.

SL4: <getting up> : Well, that settles it. Intelligent people are now superfluous. Morons like her and Diana have figured how to use sophisticated alien technology. Who needs people with brains?

CLAIRE: Now that the following has new momentum, I'm sure I can persuade your duplicates to take your place.

HTWD: But they don't have a double for Mallory!

TBH: >:-# They could use a potted plant and no one would notice!

SL4: Join us next time for the exciting conclusion of this ep!

<Slide and the Blinker Stone glares>

SL4: Oh, and these guys will finally get to perform the swan song for Sliders!