Bootlicker: We're still getting 135 hits on the bboards per day.

Dominion: >:-# There's gotta be some way to get that even lower!

Bootlicker: Well, we've got the tedious pop-up ads that jump out every time you click a link. Our random denial chip is still working perfectly, denying access at random. And don't forget the most evil creation ever, Beginning Text!!

Dominion: I think still think there's more we can do to annoy the >:-# out of everyone so much they leave the board forever.

Bootlicker: I have an idea! Let's just completely shut off access to all the boards for a couple days!

Dominion: Moist excellent. I love it. And to give it a particularly evil twist, let's announce it but not follow the announced start and stop times at all!

Bootlicker: You're a genius sir!

SL4: <sitting up in bed>: AIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!

HTWD: What IS it? I was chasing some rabbits, you >:-# !

SL4: Oh, it must have been a horrid dream. Sorry. <settles back and down and hugs body pillow.> Ahhhh.

TBH: <from computer in next room>: AIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!! I still can't get on the board! It's Sunday morning, those lying bitches!!!

The Seer - Part XIII

MALLORY (a look at the others): They left the rest?

SL4: Just so we're clear on this, the Kromaggs invented Sliding and have these hoverships but they can't figure out how to make spacesuits or biocontainment suits for soldiers? They couldn't come back in force dressed as Dustin Hoffman?

MRS. MALLORY: Before the government was back in control, Claire hoarded all the leftover Kromagg equipment she could find. It's in a storage facility owned by the Center.

TBH: <mimicking Mrs. Mallory>: You should see the Kromagg version of a backscratcher! TEE HEE!!

The Sliders react to this revelation.

HTWD: Look, Mallory's still reacting to the last revelation twenty minutes ago.

SL4: He's a little slow, give him a break. O:-)

MAGGIE: Then it's possible they left some of their technology behind. Something that could prevent us from leaving.

TBH: The only thing they need to do to prevent YOU from leaving is wave an album contract in front of you.

DIANA: Or help us leave.

HTWD: This IS the Maggs we're talking about. Most likely their equipment will help you pull someone's brain out through their ear. And don't put on ANYTHING that looks like egg scoopers attached to glasses frames.

REMBRANDT: You're right. You should have told US.

SL4: That's two yous in one line meaning two different people. Confused yet?

MRS. MALLORY: I just wanted you to stay and if my silence could keep you here... well... I was wrong.

TBH: No you weren't! Your silence DID keep them here!

The others look on, not in anger but in sadness and pity.

HTWD: Ick, I'd rather have anger.

Mallory gives the others a nod.

SL4: So what? Mallory doesn't run anything.

MALLORY: Can I have a moment?

TBH: All of the sudden he turns into John Cage. If he pulls out an automatic toilet flusher I'm outta here!

The others nod and exit, leaving the two of them alone. Mallory sits on the bed next to Mrs. Mallory.

HTWD: Bad mommy! You're a bad mommy! GET IN TIMEOUT!!

MALLORY: Looks like we both have some apologizing to do. I'm sorry.

SL4: You ARE sorry! Very, very, sorry! Hee hee. I never get tired of that one! :-P

Mallory turns away. At first that seems like sufficient consolation for the pain she has endured

TBH: It IS!! Turning that hideous face away from someone is the best thing you could ever do for them!

but his conscience kicks in. He turns back to her.

HTWD: NO!!! Point that face somewhere else!

MALLORY: There's something else I have to tell you.

TBH: <mimicking Mallory>: I'm a woman trapped in a man's body.

HTWD: A ferret trapped in a man's body more likely.

MALLORY: I do feel somehow connected to you.

HTWD: It's not surprising for losers to feel a kinship to each other.

MALLORY: At first I denied the feeling because I was afraid that if I didn't I would lose myself - my identity.

SL4: Jesus God, this is turning into Ben Affleck's TEDIOUS "I love you, please turn straight" speech in Chasing Amy.

MALLORY (takes a breath, then)

TBH: Unfortunately speaks again.

HTWD: At least he's not "cracking wise."

TBH: THANK GOD!!

MALLORY: There is still a small part of your Quinn inside me. And I think he wants you to know that, to him, you aren't just a stepmother.

SL4: She's not to any sane Sliders fan either.

MALLORY: You raised him, loved him. For that reason you are more his mother than any blood relative could be. He loves you very much.

TBH: This sounds like the dramatic conclusion of his speech! WHEW!! I'd rather watch Arturo EAT than endure this again!

Mallory takes Mrs. Mallory in his arms, embracing her deeply.

HTWD: Um, guys, I'm scared. How do you embrace "deeply" ?

TBH: <gulps> : I can only think of one way.

HTWD: <reaching for barf bag> : I was afraid of that.

46 INT. HOTEL SUITE - LIVING ROOM 46
Rembrandt and Maggie are watching Diana who is at a table trying to piece together the shattered timer.

TBH: <mimicking Diana>: I can't concentrate with you two staring at me! This ain't CNN!!

Rembrandt places his hand on Maggie's shoulder.

HTWD: Speaking of HazMat suits. :-X

REMBRANDT (whisper) : You know, if it's family you're looking for... look no further.

SL4: This is a Booty Call, isn't it?

She looks up at him and places her hand on his. Comforting words at the right moment.

TBH: There's a lot of love in the air!

MAGGIE: You know me so well it's scary.

HTWD: It's scary all right, just not the way she means.

DIANA (looks up) : I'm afraid it's useless.

SL4: This script? I agree.

Mallory and Mrs. Mallory enter from the bedroom.

TBH: Hey guys! We found a way to embrace deeply! Wanna see?

MALLORY: Mrs. Mallory wants to help us.

HTWD: He absorbed her son's mind, they've embraced deeply, and they're STILL not on a first name basis?

The others look up hopefully.

MRS. MALLORY: I can take you to Claire's storage facility.

SL4: And today is two for Tuesday! You get a free electric probe with each purchase!

REMBRANDT: Let's get a move on.

TBH: <getting up> : I agree.

HTWD: You're not the only one with a blast gun, mendicant.

They start for the door.

SL4: Don't forget a towel! You're gonna need it!

47A INT. WAREHOUSE - CORRIDOR - DAY 47A
The hallways are in the middle of a renovation. All around we see signs of Kromagg inflicted damage and the current efforts to repair it.

TBH: So the invasion ended recently? Despite all evidence to the countrary?

We hear the hum of an elevator. Doors slide open and our heroes step out.

HTWD: Superman! What's happening buddy?? Wait a minute, they said our heroes!

MRS. MALLORY: When the Kromaggs left, they destroyed everything they could.

SL4: Hopefully they made it to the set of "Friends" before the evacuation. >:-#

MAGGIE: Scorched Earth always was their policy.

TBH: So now she's a Kromagg tactics expert?

Mallory stops to look at a door labeled, RESTRICTED, AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. There is a combination lock panel on the door.

HTWD: Security by Keystone. You protect the most important and powerful technology ON THE PLANET with a simple combination lock and A SIGN????

MRS. MALLORY: This is it.

Like a pro, Mallory pulls out his knife, jimmies the lock and opens the door.

SL4: A pro what? That's the question.

TBH: Why is this scriptwriter acting like Mallory is this ASS kicking, lock busting, articulate super secret agent man?

48 INT. SEER'S STUDY 48
The Seer is at his canvas, trying to work on his painting. It's not coming, and he puts his brush and palette down roughly on a table, suddenly he reels as if having some kind of seizure.

TBH: <mimicking The Seer>: Aw man! I knew I should have stopped eating those tacos at the Mexican place located next to a McDonalds dumpster when I found mustard on the taco meat!

HTWD: That has GOT to be the most simultaneously disgusting and "huh?" inducing riff ever!

TBH: Based on a true story. :-X

He staggers over to his chair and slumps into it. His eyes begin to flutter as before. We PUSH in on his face, his eyes closed, and we see what he is seeing...

HTWD: Ew! I'd be having seizures too if I was watching "Space Ghost" reruns.

49A INT. WAREHOUSE - CORRIDOR 49A
Again we are looking down on the Sliders and Mrs. Mallory from a high angle, the picture a little foggy. We are watching Mallory work on the lock to the door. It opens and the Sliders start to enter.

TBH: <mimicking The Seer's painfilled voice>: That's ... bull>:-# ... there's ... no ... ow! ... way ... he could have ... picked that combination ... lock ... like ... that. This ... is ... painfully lame ...

DIANA (to Mallory) : This stuff is way too easy for you.

SL4: Wink, wink! Why don't they just start talking into the camera?

He smiles at her as we follow them into...

50 OMITTED 50

TBH: Omitted??? They omitted what we follow them into? What kind of scriptwriter would set us up and then just leave us hanging forever?

50A INT. WAREHOUSE - STORAGE ROOM 50A
A high angle down as the Sliders and Mrs. Mallory enter this large storage area,

Bennish: <from doorway> : TEE HEE! He said "high"!! :-P

a clearing house for Kromagg technology. Strewn all about are various pieces of equipment, small hand held devices, larger pieces, medical equipment, computers,etc.

SL4: There are no three letters sweeter to lazy assed writers than "etc." 8-D

Featured prominently in the center of the room are two photocopy machine sized devices,

TBH: If I see a cardboard box with "Transmogrifier" written on it I'm outta here! >:-#

and they seem to be operational.

HTWD: How? Did Claire leave the power on? If so, why, and if not how on earth would it seem to be operational?

TBH: <mimicking Mallory> : Hey! Those Klingon –er- Kromagg photocopiers look operational! You guys watch the door while I copy my butt.

We also see a large crate with a Red Cross stenciled on the side on a table.

SL4: Gasp! The Red Cross is in on it with the Maggs! I KNEW it!!

MAGGIE : Claire didn't do too bad for herself when the 'Maggs pulled out.

TBH: I would think that Maggie, of all people, would exert a little more effort and say the entire "Kromagg" name.

51 INT THE SEER'S STUDY 51
The Seer comes out of his trance, rises, thinks a moment, realizes what he must do, and hurries out of the room.

TBH: <mimicking The Seer>: I must get to PIEworks before the buffet closes down at 9pm!

CUT TO:
52 OMITTED 52

HTWD: The way they keep leaving us hanging is starting to worry me.

Slide and the Blinker Stone: Um, weren't we supposed to sing this time?

SL4: <eyes shift> : Um, yeaaaah. That's right. Oppsie! We're outta time! Join us next time when they sing!