HTWD: I told you not to start watching that new Stephen King miniseries. Remember after the last one? You would cry out and cringe in a corner any time someone said "give me what I want and I'll go away."

TBH: Yeah, but how often does THAT phrase come up in conversation? It was an acceptable risk.

HTWD: How exactly does this "evil shirt" haunt you?

TBH: Every time I wash it, it turns all my socks red. The color is obviously symbolic of blood, and it picks my socks because the white of them represents purity and good. I'm going to start calling this shirt "Toes Red."

SL4: How many times do I have to tell you not to wash your new colors with your whites? You're not haunted by anything more than your monumental stupidity!

TBH: Oh, Mr. "The woods were silent while all this animal and wind stuff was going on" is going to lecture ME on brilliance?

SL4: Sure, fine, whatever. Then do me a favor and tell your underwear to stop haunting the hallway and instead haunt the laundry basket.

<They head for the theater. They stop short as they notice two people camped out in a tent next door the theater door.>

SL4: What the smeg do you two think you're doing?

Camper #1: We're camping here waiting for the riffing of "Way Out West" to begin. You've never riffed Colin before; this is going to be PRICELESS!!!

TBH: That explains why they're dressed up as cowboys.

SL4: You losers! WOW MSTied is not going to start until at least May 16th! What kind of no-life-having moron would sit outside a theater for four months waiting for a movie to start???

Camper #2: It's Colin trying to be a gunslinging cowboy! It doesn't GET any better than that!

TBH: <taking a seat next to them at the campfire> He's right. Hey, can I have some of these beans and franks?

Camper #1: Be my guest.

SL4: Come on, Timmy! Christ Almighty.

The Seer - Part XI

37 INT. THE SEER'S HOME - STUDY - DAY 37
The Seer is still sitting in the chair in his study where we left him. We PUSH IN close on his face.

SL4: Youch! The only person I want to be that close to is the woman I'm in love with! Back the >:-# UP!

His eyes are fluttering. He seems to be in a trance. As the camera moves closer we begin to hear the voices he is hearing.

TBH: <mimicking George Jones> "For the last time, 'Who's Gonna Fill Their Shoes' is about singers, NOT dogs!" <mimicking Elvis> "No, you shovel the lard on BEFORE you put the banana sandwich on the grill! NO, YOU FOOL!!!!" <mimicking Amy Grant> "Look, all you have to do is LOOK at Gary Chapman and you'd know that not even God would have a problem with my dumping that loser for Vince Gill! :-P"

SL4: Hearing voices like that, I think I'd stop taking my heart medication. Besides, he's a Seer, not a Hearer, what's with the voices?

REMBRANDT'S VOICE: There must be a way to recreate the virus. Don't you have Internet contacts or something?

HTWD: Um yeah, we do, but it's with each other, the people in this room.

And now we begin to see what the Seer is seeing in his mind.

SL4: Eeeeew, he has old Green Acres episodes running in his mind nonstop. I'm outta here!

It's the scene at the Four S Club: Rembrandt, Maggie, Vernon, Nubsy and Lisa. Only now we see them from...

TBH: ... a pretentious new camera angle to represent his psychic powers.

38 A HIGH ANGLE DOWN 38
on the room in the Four S Club.

TBH: Damn, you'd think that if you had his powers you could get good seats!

The picture is a bit hazy as if we're looking through some kind of liquid.

HTWD: Not only does he have the crappy $5 nosebleed seats but the only thing he has for reception is a piece of tinfoil wrapped around some rabbit ears.

And their voices are tinny, filtered.

SL4: And sound provided by AT&T long distance. So being able to remote view is like watching the traffic cam on the morning news?

LISA: That only works if you want to build an atomic bomb.

TBH: WHOA! Did you see that??? Lunchboy just referenced "Last Days"!!!!!

SL4: I'm ruling it an accident. Even a broken clock makes continuity references twice a day.

VERNON: Why do you want the virus? You're not going to try to leave are you?

HTWD: >:-# What self respecting nerd is not well aware that you either do or do not, there is no try!

A beat. Should they tell the truth? Then..

SL4: ... they remember these are nerds who are dazzled by Maggie so they let her sing "Tight Pants."

Camper #1: <from doorway> : Tight Pants! I can't wait till you guys riff that!

Camper #2: Always his mind on the future, this one. Never his mind on where he is. What he is doing.

TBH: >:-# Where are the Dominion door guards when you need them?

REMBRANDT: Yes. We have to, Vernon.

TBH: Do you think a nerd named "Vernon" was ever teased by being called "Vermin" ?

HTWD: I'd bet my fur on it.

CUT TO:
39 INT. SEER'S HOUSE 39
suddenly the Seer's eyes pop open. He's very troubled by what he's seen.

HTWD: Then he should stop peeking in SL4ever's bathroom. <shudders>

40 INT. FOUR S CLUB ROOM 40
Back to normal coverage as the scene continues.

SL4: Aw, I liked the Mr. Obvious 'bird's eye view = psychic ability' coverage!

MAGGIE: We have to have that virus before we slide.

TBH: The irony of Maggie finally WANTING a virus she can't have is too much.

VERNON (to Lisa, gleefully) : Ah ha, pay up! I told you they'd try. The sliders never give up.

HTWD: What kind of point spread did he give her, I wonder? Nerd bets are so complicated.

LISA: Lucky guess. But what good is getting away if they don't have the virus?

SL4: They've been getting away from trouble without a way to fight the Kromaggs for years, they're be okay.

VERNON: Are you high, Lisa? There is a way.

TBH: Cuz its cool to joke about people taking illegal drugs.

SL4Beaver <from doorway> : Hey man! Check out these losers waiting for months to come into the theater! They must be on CRACK!!!

TBH: You know, Beav, there is bad timing and then there is BAD TIMING...

VERNON (to the others) : Think, Space Journey...

HTWD: WOW!! We lasted two entire minutes with these geeks before they brought up space! That must be a world record!

VERNON (to Remmy and Maggie) : That's my second favorite show...

SL4: You better clean it up! You want to keep your chances to have sex with Maggie, don't you? <rolls eyes>

VERNON (back to Lisa)

TBH: Bleeding Christ! This guy is looking back and forth at everyone like a starving weasel sitting on a cherry PIE surrounded by a pack of hungry mongooses. Does he need a tranquilizer?

HTWD: He's just not used to more than two people paying attention to him at once.

VERNON : Episode twelve, The White Menace.

HTWD: Ah yes, the John Tesh ep.

Suddenly all the Students make the connection, AD LIBBING a
few AH HA's, I GET ITs and so forth.

SL4: Come on, let's get in on this AD LIBBING fun!

TBH: You know the names of all 223 Star Trek – excuse me ... Space Journey episodes? Get a girlfriend!

SL4: <moronic voice> : I don't get it. What does the ep where Michael Jackson calls for a global children's holiday have to do with anything?

HTWD: Ooooo! The White Menace! Finally a name lamer than "Attack of the Clones!!" BARK! BARK!!!

Nubsy rushes out of the room while Vernon starts to roll up his sleeve.

TBH: <mimicking Vernon> : Nothing up my sleeves! PRESTO!

Moose_and_Squirrel: <from hallway> : That trick never works!

VERNON: In 'The White Menace' the killer plague was put down by a counter alien plague extracted from the blood of a race known as The Zangs.

HTWD: As horrid as that sounds I'd still rather be watching THAT than this crap.

Nubsy returns to the room with a wood box. He places it on the table and opens it. It's full of syringes and needles. Our guys look on, puzzled.

SL4: So Vern was SERIOUS when he asked Lisa if she was high!! :-P~~~~~~~~~~

VERNON: Lucky thing for us Nubsy here is a diabetic.

TBH: He has to carefully monitor his health and diet like he was a super model without the fringe benefits of getting all that money and sex, his life span is probably 70% of other people's, and he has to take constant injections but boy is he lucky he has it so he can help the Sliders! WOO HOO!!!

MAGGIE: Lucky thing.

TBH: See, even Maggie, our Queen of Sensitivity, agrees! THANK GOD Nubs has diabetes! Its not like they could find a needle in ANY drug store on the planet.

SL4: This saves them the walk. So let's all cheer Nubs' affliction!

ALL: WOO HOO!!!

Vernon preps a needle, plunges it into his arm and extracts a vial of blood.

TBH: And Vernon symbolically does what Peckinballs has been doing for seasons. >:-#

SL4: Before we continue let's have some fun. Projectionist! Stop the film for a moment, will you?

<The action onscreen grinds to a halt.>

SL4: Now, then.The scriptwriter whipped out his trusty thesaurus and found synonyms for "Star Trek" to use as the name of this other stupid series Vernon mentions.

TBH: Because smart people like these nerds can never think up things themselves, they need guidance from horrid SF series!

SL4: So let's do some more! Any synonym of the two words is legal. Me first. "Nova Tramp" !!!

TBH: That would be better for Kari Wuhrer taking over Carl Sagan's old show. Mine is better, "Heavenly Body Wander" !!!

HTWD: That sounds like a dazed trip down a nude beach. :-P Mine is "Sun Hike" !!!

SL4: Um, okaaaaay.

HTWD: Bark you! It's short and catchy!

Projectionist: Are you people about done?

TBH: Yeah, yeah, roll 'em.

REMBRANDT: Whoa, whoa, what are you doing?

SL4: Is he trying to pretend he's the only person in the music business who's never seen someone with a needle before?

VERNON: It's okay. I give Nubsy his shots all the time. I practice on myself.

TBH: Ask Dr. Jekyll if practicing on yourself makes it all okay. >:-#

REMBRANDT: Lucky thing.

HTWD: You know it's the end of a series' run when even the actors are commenting on the convenient coincidences!

Vernon completes the procedure, removes the needle from the syringe, caps it, and hands the vial to Rembrandt who is still quite stupefied.

SL4: They say "still" like that's a news flash or something! "Breaking news! Rosie O'Donnell is STILL fat!!"

VERNON: You don't need to recreate the virus. We all carry it in our bloodstream. It's only harmful to Kromaggs.

TBH: Um, but we didn't rip any of this off of "V: The Final Battle" or anything.

Rembrandt begins to make the connection.

HTWD: Eeeew.

REMBRANDT: You mean the virus is in here? We can make more from this?

TBH: <mimicking Vernon> : Well, not YOU. People a lot smarter than you and Maggie can, though.

VERNON: Absotively. Providing you get it to a lab in two days to synthesize it.

HTWD: The Pet Shop Boys aren't using their synthesizer anymore, let's go ask them!

TBH: Btw, ANYONE tedious enough to say something like "Absotively" needs his face dragged through a dumpster.

REMBRANDT: Thanks, man.

SL4: Now that we've gotten what we want from you, we'll leave and never give you nerds another second's thought. It's a cruel world son.

Maggie plants a kiss on Vernon's cheek. He blushes.

TBH: Now he has another virus to add to his collection.

MAGGIE: You guys are okay.

HTWD: Always nice to get the ringing endorsement from the goddess of COOL.

Rembrandt and Maggie head for the door. Then Rembrandt turns.

SL4: Who took my wallet? I'll cut you >:-#s! I'll cut ya!!

REMBRANDT: And by the way, his name was Maurice Fish.

TBH: <mimicking Rembrandt> : Oh wait, did you say "best friend" or "psychotic no-talent moron who held a knife to my throat"?

And our heroes are gone.

SL4: SHANE!! **SHAAAAAAAAAANE!!!**

VERNON (slaps his head)

TBH: <mimicking Vernon> : I forgot to take my antibiotics today! WHY did I let her kiss me?? Oh, God, WHY!!!

VERNON: And I knew that!

HTWD: Remmy helped him, does that mean he doesn't he get 50 Trivia Bucks for this round?

41 INT. CHANDLER SUITE - LIVING ROOM - DAY 41
Mallory and Diana enter, looking frazzled.

TBH: <mimicking Mallory>: I SWEAR I thought that cop was an ice cream salesman! Who knew their uniforms were all white on this world??

She sets the timer and PDL on a table.

TBH: <mimicking Diana> : These will be safe right here next to the door.

MALLORY: Well, that was a waste of time looking for Claire.

SL4: Did you check the Stereotypical Villain page of Vig's website?

DIANA: I'm going to check on Mrs. Mallory.

HTWD: I feel like I'm watching a 40's movie about the Civil War. All the women have vapors and need to be "checked on" all the time.

MALLORY: Uh... I'll do it. (fumbling for an excuse)

TBH: <mimicking Mallory> : Uh ... I promised her I'd help her skin the yak later.

MALLORY: Shouldn't you be doing something with the timer?

HTWD: That's not an excuse, that's an ineffectual and lame order. Mallory can't get ANYTHING right.

Diana can see right through him.

SL4: As can anyone with more than a 40 IQ.

He's taken on a new attitude toward Mrs. Mallory. For the better.

TBH: Speak for yourself, I prefer him like I prefer my coffee, bitter and cold.

DIANA: You're right. I'll get to it.

HTWD: She really is his tool, isn't she?

Mallory crosses to the bedroom. Mallory enters and sees...

SL4: ... two flying Spider Monkeys circling a midget woman dressed as Little Bo Peep peddling a Big Wheel back and forth in front of the bed as Mrs. Mallory writhes in passion while she watches a CCR video on the TV.

TBH: <looking over>: Did you get a hit off Vernon's needle or something?

The two Attendants, dressed in Sliders T-shirts. Attendant #1 is holding Mrs. Mallory, his hand cupped over her mouth. Attendant #2 is charging straight at Mallory.

HTWD: So am I to infer from what this scriptwriter is implying that the attendant was charging Mallory BEFORE he even entered the room?

He tackles him,

SL4: "He tackles him" ????? You know, this script is a piece of art all by itself, even if the show had never been filmed.

sending the two flying into the...

SL4: ... giant oreo ice cream wedding cake in the corner.

43 LIVING ROOM 43
Diana looks up, surprised to see the two duking it out.

TBH: <mimicking Mallory mimicking John Wayne> : "Now listen here, Pilgrim." <mimicking Attendant #2> "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn! D'oh!! Can I try again?"

They struggle to their feet. Then Mallory lays him out with a haymaker.

HTWD: <standing up on all fours> : That's IT! I QUIT!! There is NO WAY I can continue to watch a show that would have us believe Mallory laid out a 90 year old man with anything less than a hay TRUCK, to say nothing of laying out this healthy young man with THE ROCK Mighty Blow!!!

TBH: <drawing blast gun> : Sit your furry ASS down! There's no way I'm going to sit through the rest of this without you sharing my pain!