TM: <mimicking Mallory> What if it's another Remmy who's obsessed with getting Wade back and knows the entire history of the group from the day of the first slide and our names and personal histories?

TM: <mimicking Diana> I suddenly remember why I'm considered the brains of this group.

TO19: Yeah, the REAL Remmy would know better than to tolerate your stupidity and cowardice for more than five minutes.

TBH: You could check for that mole on his

SL4 & HTWD: Ewww. NO!!!

HTWD: <mimicking Diana>: Yeah, you may be on to something. Maybe he was kidnapped by fairies on that world and they were able to clone him along with his memories. He could be stuck on that world wearing tight shorts and glitter. This is just an educated guess, but it's all I can think of right now.

Host Segment

TBH: You look worn out, man.

SL4: It's been a harsh couple of weeks getting ready for the stupid International Furniture Market. I haven't had any time to do anything. >:-#

HTWD: Oh. I thought it was because you got your ass handed to you in the tourney after all that >:-# you talked.

SL4: What are you talking about? I made it to the second round and lost a close match to a flame god.

TBH: Oh, NOW he's a flame god since you lost to him! Before he was a flame wetnurse.

SL4: He'd have to be the most awesome flamer in Internet history to beat ME, so he must be a flame god.

HTWD: Don't let him change the subject. He won the first round because the other person quit, and lost in the second round. Anyone could do that. A box of dish washing detergent could win a round by default and then lose the next round. ANYone could win a default and then lose the next game. ANYONE or ANYthing.

TBH: A wind up toy soldier could do that.

HTWD: A dancing teddy bear could do that.

Both: MALLORY could do that!

SL4: All right, all right, I get it. Fine. Let's riff.

TBH: Loser.

HTWD: Lu-ZAR. You are the czar of losing. LU-ZAR!

SL4: Next time I'm signing you guys up. Grrrrrrr.

<the theater lights dim>

TBH: A bobble head doll could do it.

Requiem - Part VIII

Mallory: "What I'm saying is, how can we even be sure this IS our Remmy?"

SL4: Do you know anyone else who would wear mulesweat cologne? This is definitely our Remmy!

Diana: "You were the one who was calling HIM crazy."

TBH: <mimicking Mallory> : All part of my plan to discredit him so we wouldn't have to take any risks.

<Diana shakes her head and follows after the other two.>

HTWD: That Mallory! Always a conspiracy. I remember the time he convinced me Maggie was really a slutty lounge singer.

<The Sliders enter a darkened area and move cautiously. Manacles hang from the walls. They pass high tech tables containing instruments of pain.>

Diana: "What is this place?"

SL4: Leisure Suit Larry's house. Scary, isn't it?

Remmy: "Magg medical lab, so to speak. This is where they tattoo the bars on your skin, if you pass the DNA scan."

TBH: Is it as obvious to everyone else that Peckinballs is obsessed with Nazis?

Mallory: "And if you don't?"

HurriKain: Then you're eliminated as suspects of being the "real killers" of OJ's wife. What the >:-# do you think if you don't???

SL4: Here is our first winner of the Riff It Yourself contest! Come and join us, IHK.

Diana: "Looks like they're gone."

TBH: Why is she getting to talk so much? Remmy is the only one really close to Wade, and Maggie is the only other one who even knew her, but Diana is getting all the lines!

Mallory: "Guess even the Maggs have to deal with budget cuts."

HTWD: LET ME AT HIM!!! I'LL RIP HIS THROAT OUT IF HE TRIES TO BE FUNNY ONE MORE TIME!!! BARK! BARK! GROWL!!!

Diana: "God ... I can't even imagine what it must have been like here."

IHK: That's because it takes a brain to be able to imagine.

ThomasMalthus: If you're keeping score at home, folks, that is 4 straight and 9 out of 10 straight lines from the two losers who didn't know Wade.

SL4: TM! Come on in! You brought a banana pop, moist excellent.

Remmy: "I don't have to imagine, I remember."

SL4: Oh, I'd forgotten. It's been at least two minutes since you've mentioned that you were once held by the Maggs.

<Remmy wrenches in pain and falls to his knees again.>

TBH: <mimicking Remmy> : I'll never listen to Kari's album again! I swear to you, God! Just, please, make the pain stop!!!

<Remmy is in the same cell as before. He turns and sees an image of him staring at the wall. He turns again.> "Wade?"

HTWD: We're sorry, but Wade can't come to the phone right now, she has a goldfish swimming in and out of her mouth.

Wade: "You're closer, Rembrandt. I can feel you close to me, in my thoughts."

IHK: As fugly as Wade looks now, I don't think you want to get any closer, dude.

Remmy: "I feel you, too, stronger somehow."

TM: This is starting to make me uncomfortable. Get a room, you two!

Remmy: "You brought us to this world, but how?"

SL4: First class tickets, silly. You'd be surprised how much money you can save when you're only a head. The manicure and pedicure savings alone!

Wade: "I ... I'm not sure. My thoughts made it so. But feeling weak."

TBH: <Mimicking Wade> : And feeling need to speak in childlike sentences.

Wade: "You're close, Rembrandt."

HTWD: Will they stop talking about how close they are??? I how close can you get to a severed head?

IHK: Brings a whole new angle to the concept of "getting head," doesn't it?

Wade: "Will maintain link. Follow it."

IHK: Who wrote this dialogue? Executive?

Remmy: "Just lead the way."

TM: Hey, no need to get snappish!

Wade <sounding as if she is falling asleep> : "Be careful ... danger ... Kromaggs ..."

SL4: Yeah, something told us they were involved. But thanks for mentioning them just in case we were so moronic we didn't figure it out.

Wade: "... new weapon..."

TBH: Apparently the new weapon is designed to bore us to death. Jesus, could something happen!

Remmy: "Don't worry."

HTWD: Yeah, don't worry, you've been in the hands of the Maggs for years, being raped, mutilated, and who knows what else but don't worry.

Remmy: "Nothing is going to keep me from finding you."

IHK: Is this a different nothing than the nothing that has kept you from finding her the past 18 months?

Remmy: "Wade, why bring me here? To this place?"

TM: How quickly the honeymoon ends! He's not back with her for ten minutes and he's already criticizing her.

Wade: "memories ..."

SL4: <producing revolver> : If she breaks into that Barbra Steisand song I swear to God I will shoot myself.

Wade: "... the last place I remember you ..."

<Remmy reacts with a guilty look>

SL4: YES! Twist the knife! Now start talking about how long you have waited for rescue!

Remmy: "Helluva final memory. You must hate me."

TBH: <mimicking Wade> : Not as much as I hate Alec Baldwin, but more than I hate Kim Basinger.

SL4: Ouch! I wish those two had stayed together. Now they are going to inflict their hideous selves on other people. Blech.

Wade: "... could never hate you..."

HTWD: I want to bite your nose when I see you, but I could never hate you.

<scene change. Remmy is lying on a bunk, unconscious. Maggie and Mallory are in a heated discussion. Diana is looking over what is left of a medicine cabinet.>

Mallory: "I say we just lay low until we Slide."

IHK: <hands over eyes> : Okay, I didn't see who said that ... now let me think, who of the three could have possibly uttered that cowardly lion line? Ummmmmmmm ... Mallory!

TBH: You are correct, sir.

Mallory: "With any luck we can get Remmy some help on the next world."

TM: Does anyone remember that you can only Slide FROM the world you originally Slid into? No? Okay, sorry.

Mallory: "Even you must be having second thoughts about this."

SL4: Who wouldn't, with a cowering punk gibbering in your ear every three seconds. 'I'm scared! Let's lie low! Remmy's evil! I'm skerrrrrrrrrrrred!'

Maggie: "I know him."

TBH: Maggie!!!! You're actually here! It's been so long since you've said anything I was starting to worry. It just shows how horrid Mallory and Diana are that I actually miss YOU.

Maggie: "If he's determined to do this, he'll do it with or without us. And I want to be there."

HTWD: ...to make sure that >:-# doesn't get rescued. I'm not going back to arguing with her all the time again.

<Diana finds a medical kit and looks inside.>

IHK: Oooooo, CRACK. Give some to Mallory, it IS supposed to give you courage.

Diana <holding an air gun and some darts> : "What if we ... sedate him."

TM: What if we ... slap your traitorous >:-#?

Maggie <taking a vial from the bag> : "The label's in Kromagg. How can you know what this is?"

SL4: I almost feel sorry for Diana. Every moron in the group is punching holes in her PhD theories and ideas.

Diana: "Looks like a standard veterinary tranq. kit."

TBH: <mimicking Diana> : 'It looks like a common alien rock. Let's hit it with some electricity.' 'It looks like some harmless alien fungus, let's take off our biological suits.' 'It looks like a pizza without anchovies, let's dig in.'

IHK: I love her scientific method. <getting up.> Well, let's blow this popsicle stand, TM. Other winners are waiting.

<They leave and TheOne19 and EustiSlider enter.>

SL4: Hey fellows. Come on in. The seats are warm.

ES: Eeeeeew.

Maggie: "You want to hit Remmy with something you THINK is a tranquilizer?"

SL4: You know, when MAGGIE makes you sound like a moron, you're in trouble.

TO19: For all they know, this drug will make Remmy a woman or grow donkey ears!

Mallory: "It may be for his own good."

SouthernSlider: <from hallway> : Especially if it turns him into a woman! :-P Everyone's better that way!

SL4: Especially since that means ALL sex would be hot lesbian action! Woo Hoo! :-P~~~~~~~~~~~~

SS: Um, never mind.

Mallory: "We may become permanent residents here unless we act."

TBH: God, he is such a shivering weasel I feel like I need a shower after watching him.

Mallory: "I say we put it to a vote."

HTWD: No one ever says that unless they are assured of winning a vote.

Remmy <groggy> : "Do I get a vote?"

TO19: BUSTED! Mallory is so busted! I love it! :-D

Remmy: "You don't believe me. Can't say I blame you."

ES: But I CAN say I hate you. Especially you, Mallory.

Maggie: "Remmy..."

SL4: Too late for cleaning it up. He heard you all plotting against him.

Remmy: "It's okay. You all can go on."

TBH: I don't need you scared weasels anyway.

Remmy: "But I won't. I have to find her. On my own if it comes to that."

HTWD: I didn't see you saying this last time everyone wanted to leave because the time was up.

Mallory: "Look, that's not the issue so don't even take that stand!"

TO19: It's not the issue? You'd hit him over the head with a brick and leave him in the dirt if it would save your scared >:-# !

Mallory: "You once threw me into the vortex when I was brainwashed."

ES: Jesus, the scriptwriter was so insecure he even threw in references to earlier Season 5 eps!

Mallory: "I didn't want to go. You did it for my own good and you were right to do it. Sometimes we've just got to think for each other."

SL4: Is everyone else as scared as I am at the prospect of this moron thinking for you?

Remmy: "Touché."

TBH: >:-# ! He folded like a cheap suitcase. Grrrr.

Remmy: "Tell you what, I'll cut you a deal. Give me an hour. If we don't find Wade by then we'll run for the hills and you can put me in a straitjacket."

HTWD: Man, less than five minutes ago he was telling Wade "Nothing is going to keep me from finding you." and now he's already negotiating to sell her out! We should start calling him Remmy Clinton.

Maggie <putting an arm around Remmy> : "You know we wouldn't do that, Rem."

TO19: <mimicking Remmy> : What about last night- oh, yeah, I remember you said the other two shouldn't know about our midnight games. Hee hee. Never mind.

Mallory <starts to open his mouth>

ES: COVER YOUR EARS!!!!!!!!!! ANOTHER 'JOKE' IS ABOUT TO EMERGE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mallory: "We don't even know your size."

SL4: <reaching for economy size barf bag> : It was me who didn't get his ears covered in time this time. >:-#

Diana: "One hour."

TBH: <mimicking Remmy> : I'll remember this when you get captured and the Kromagg rape crew is filing into your cell. 'One hour,' I'll say. 'We'll look for her for one hour only.'

<close up of Maggie sneaking the tranq kit into her bag>

HTWD: Aw man! What is this world coming to when you can't even trust a no talent, air headed slut?

Remmy <checking his watch> : "Okay, one hour. Starting now."

TO: <mimicking Mallory> : 59 minutes and 57 seconds until we get to puss out! Woo hoo! Oooooo, it's down to 59 minutes and 54 seconds!

<The Sliders leave that room and enter another and begin moving behind some crates.>

Mallory: "Any idea where we're going?"

ES: Nowhere. Fast. Just like this plot.

Remmy <turning left> : "This is the way and don't ask me how I know."

SL4: How do you know?

<The Sliders come to an open space and react to what they see below.>

Remmy: "Sweet Mary and Joseph."

Maggie: "Look at the size of that thing."

SL4: This is such a beautiful setup line I'm giving everyone a crack at this one! Me first.

Maggie: "Look at the size of that thing."

SL4: I'll bet anything that's not the first time she's said that.

TBH: <mimicking Remmy> : Oppps, my fly IS open. Sorry.

HTWD: When you impress someone with Maggie's experience, you are DA MAN!!!!

TO19: If you think THIS is big you should see one of my four flexible attachments.

ES: Aw, thanks! I'm blushing! I can see all the hours of excruciating stretching exercises have finally paid off!

SweetOne: <from hallway> : Every last one of you is a pig.

All: Woo Hoo!

SL4: Anyone else wanna take a crack at the most perfect setup line in Sliders history? :-P