sliderules: <mimicking Rembrandt> : No silly, it was the fish! Fish have magical powers you know. So do dogs, and walruses too. I am the king of all walruses! WOO HOO!!

sliderules: <mimicking Diana> : Maggie, tranquilizer, NOW!

SL4: HELLO, you freakin' moron. Were you not paying attention the first hundred times Remmy told you?!

TBH: <mimicking Diana> : Now Mallory, we don't call it a wormhole anymore. We call it dimensional displacement, so as not to offend any worms.

Host Segment

SL4: >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!!

TBH: What's wrong with HIM?

SL4: >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!!

HTWD: Aw man, he just heard the most AWFUL news!

SL4: >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!!

TBH: What on Earth could make him THIS angry??? Did Sliders get renewed for a 6th season with Tom Green, Adam Sandler, TIP, and The Nanny as the four Sliders?

SL4: >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!!

HTWD: Worse.

SL4: >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!!

TBH: Give me that tranquilizer dart! <takes it, turns and stabs SL4ever in the neck with it.> SHUT THE >:-# UP!!! I can't think with you blathering like a beached whale!!!!!

<SL4ever falls to the floor, a drugged scowl on his face.>

TBH: NOW. What the hell happened? Drag it out any longer and I'll stick YOU with this!

HTWD: SL4ever just found out that the second hottest woman on the planet, Winona Ryder, is going to be on the show "Friends."

TBH: Oh my God. He loathes "Friends."

HTWD: To put it mildly.

TBH: Oh well, he hasn't watched most of the movies Ryder has been in because, like Sandra Bullock, she is usually in something unwatchable. And no woman is hot enough to make him endure an awful movie or TV series.

HTWD: Ryder is going to play a lesbian.

TBH: Oh. My. God. <swallows.> Well ... um ... she'll just be playing a character who is that sexual orientation. It doesn't mean anything. That's not enough reason to watch ...

HTWD: Jennifer Aniston is going to remember a college lesbian encounter with Ryder. There is even rumor of an onscreen kiss.

SL4: <raising his head> : >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! >:-# !!! <SL4ever's head falls back to the floor.>

TBH: Ooooo … <falls to the floor in a dead faint.>

HTWD: <surveying the two comatose bodies> : Well, you have a week to build up the resolve to actually sit through an ep of "Friends." Just imagine the payoff if they DO kiss!

SL4: <weakly> : It might not be enough a payoff for enduring "Friends" ... why couldn't it have been something a little less horrid, like "3rd Rock From the Sun" ?

TBH: <weakly> : No, that's still too awful...

Requiem - Part X

HTWD: Come on in, SweetOne and sliderules! The other two are ... erm ... sick right now. So you have to take their places as our first two winners.

SO: Bitching.

SR: Moist excellent.

Mallory: "So Wade did create those wormholes."

HTWD: Duh! Why don't your ears slam together? There is obviously nothing holding them apart!

Kesh <with a laugh> : "Those weren't wormholes."

SO: They were slug holes! Learn the difference!

Kesh: "Not in your limited understanding anyway. We have finally rendered your system of trans-dimensional travel obsolete."

SR: You know, when someone with a grill that messed up is condescending towards you, you are lower on the intellectual food chain than Suzanne Sommers.

Remmy: "And somehow Wade Welles is part of that."

HTWD: Whatever gave you that idea? Remmy! Start giving Mallory and Diana at least ten feet of space at all times! Stupidity is apparently contagious!

Kesh: "She is one of the key elements. Along with the others."

SO: I don't see any others.

HTWD: They could only find one head in the prop trailer.

Diana: "They've turned her into some kind of computer."

SR: How in the >:-# could you draw THAT conclusion from what we've seen? Do you see a keyboard anywhere, or modem coming out of her fishbowl? Is there a "start button" on her forehead? All we've seen so far is a Vincent Price freak show, how in the >:-# could you determine that they're using her for a computer?

Kesh: "Very perceptive."

HTWD: You noticed the "fault error" message flashing in her eyes. We thought you'd miss that.

Kesh: "But she's more than that."

SO: She's more than a computer; she's also a web browser!

HTWD: How far the Kromaggs have fallen. They go from scary invaders to Microsoft competitors.

Kesh: "She's a cyberiad."

SR: Ooooo. I've always wanted a Cybermaid. I'm always leaving files open, data unorganized. How much does Wade charge an hour? Does she wear a cute little maid outfit?

Kesh: "Her mind is the essence of the psionic drive, a system of folding that will power our transdimensional fleet."

HTWD: It's a good thing that you picked Wade then. If you'd picked Maggie you couldn't have powered one space tug.

Mallory: "I don't get it."

HTWD: REALLY????????? <collapses in shock>

SR: <kicking HTWD> : Get up! Timmy has already done that riff!

HTWD: Oh. >:-#

Mallory: "What does this get you that Sliding doesn't?"

Diana: "Human consciousness has always been a theoretical part of spacetime. Nothing we can prove mathematically."

SO: I think that a lot of people who have been flamed by SpaceTime would agree with you on that one.

Kesh: "WE can prove it."

SR: Man, you're right! The Kromaggs have REALLY gone downhill! They've gone from having so little respect for humans they wouldn't even lower themselves to talk to them ... to feeling the need to IMPRESS human beings with their knowledge!

Diana: "Then a mind with enough imaginative power behind it can travel to any point in any universe without making a hyperspace traverse."

HTWD: Then get Bill Clinton. Not only will that rid of the world of him, but he has enough imaginative power to travel around the universe three times and back!

Diana: "Like the electron fog surrounding the nucleus of an atom."

SO: Which is similar to the pseudointellectual babble fog that surrounds Diana whenever she speaks.

Kesh: "Very good, human."

SL4: <from the doorway> : Here's a doggie treat!

HTWD: Hey!

Kesh: "Our psionic units have to be conscious enough to power the drive but sufficiently tranquilized to keep them docile. I find it deliciously ironic to use the human mind as a weapon against the humans who have banned us from our homeworld."

TBH: <mimicking Remmy from the doorway> : Um, I've been wanting to ask you about that. During "Invasion" we were told that the Kromaggs first encountered humans when they started Sliding. How could you then share a homeworld with human beings?

<TBH and SL4ever, both looking pale and shaken, take their seats>

Remmy: "So you've cooked up all this to get past the Slidecage. To invade Kromagg Prime."

SR: "You don't have to worry about the Slidecage anymore-." "Shut up Maggie!!!!"

Kesh: "To repatriate it."

SL4: If this moron can SPELL repatriate I'll kiss her in her nasty mouth!

TBH: Does this scene remind anyone else of the end of every James Bond movie where the evil genius explains the entire "plot"?

Kesh <to guard> : "Take them to the examination room. We can always use back-ups."

TBH: <mimicking Peckinballs> : I see the rest of their heads cut off. Go with it!

TBH: And btw, this is the part of the Bond movie where the evil genius orders the guards to take him away. In the next scene the Sliders escape the guards, right?

HTWD: Have you been reading ahead in the script?

TBH: Nope. Just seen a lot of Bond movies.

Kesh <tosses timer to guard> : "And throw that antique away."

HTWD: Sniff. You always throw things at me, sir!

<Mallory runs to Wade's fishbowl and wraps his arms around it.>

SO: I got dibs on the head!

<The fish inside are startled and swim to the other side of the bowl. Mallory starts to sob as two guards come up and pry him off the fishbowl.>

SR: Jesus God Almighty, do you have ANY shred of dignity left?

SL4: This scene sticks in my mind more than anything else from this ep. When I watched it I was appalled at how lame and poorly acted this grief was. It was like a Saturday Night Live Parody of someone grieving! Even imbeciles as big as the Kromaggs are would not have been fooled by this disgraceful display!

Mallory: "Wade, Wade, we're sorry we failed you."

TBH: <mimicking an embarrassed Remmy> : What do you mean "we" ? I've never seen you before in my life!

Kesh: "Pathetic."

HTWD: I hate to agree with someone who hasn't brushed her teeth since 1964, but I concur. <shudders>

Remmy <as they are being led away> : "Listen up, Kromaggot. We'll get her outta here, that's a promise."

SO: Oh. In that case, I'd better shoot you in the head right now. *ZAP*!!!

Maggie <to Mallory> : "What the hell was that about?"

SR: Don't tell me you're actually surprised he's a sniveling, gutless, coward? Haven't you been listening to him the past 40 minutes?

<SW and SR get up.> : Thanks for having us. We're going to get our eyes scrubbed. Too much exposure to this ep can be hazardous to your eyesight.

Mallory: "Just hedging our bets. I returned the dial to its original position."

vortex62: <coming in> : You moron! When it was in its original position, she led us right in the hands of the Kromaggs! You should have set it on "sane" !!!!!

SL4: Our next riff winner! And hey, don't you even TRY to duck out of providing more scripts! What other scripts do you have for after El Sid? <tries to peek into v62's valise>

Mychand: <from the doorway> : I just took a poll. We decided that since you've trashed "Friends" mercilessly for three years, if you watch ANY ep of "Friends" INCLUDING the Ryder ep, that means you're a no good, two-faced, dirty, rotten, lying weasel dirtbag!

SL4: >:-# !!! So not only will I have to endure the horrid show for one night, but then I'll have to endure your jibes and insults until the end of boardtime. Hmmmmmmmm ... Nope, still not enough to keep me from seeing Winona give Jennifer a hot lesbian SEXENG kiss!! :-P~~~~~~~~~~~~~