SL4: He'd make a good agent for Michael Jackson.

Wade: "What are we supposed to tell people? Nobody's seen me for 18 months!"

TBH: You'll have that problem again when you take the Sports Night gig, dear.

<Scene change to the outside of Quinn's house. The three Sliders who don't live there are making their goodbyes in front of a cab.>

Quinn: "We'll just swear our families to secrecy, that's all."

HTWD: Oh, that's gonna work. I give Hard Copy 24 hours to have Wade's sister in front of a camera, telling everything.

SL4: As G. Gordon Liddy used to say, "three people can keep a secret if two of them are dead."

Quinn: "We can tell people we were backpacking through Europe."

TBH: That's a good excuse for the two Yuppie wanna-bes, but what about Remmy and Arturo?

Remmy: "Look, the Professor can say he was on sabbatical, and you two have your bases covered, but who's gonna believe I've been touring in obscurity for the last year and a half?"

HTWD: You can always say you went on a Ben and Jerry's binge because of career depression and you don't even remember the last 18 months.

Arturo: "I doubt you'll have much trouble there. Given the state of your career the day we first Slid."

SL4: HEY! We're the only ones allowed to smash him about his career, SuperSize.

Quinn: "Just stick to our stories and we'll be fine."

TBH: You'll be fine as long as the FBI doesn't show up, like they did in Summer of Love. Oops! I wasn't supposed to mention that the FBI knows Quinn Slid, because it's never brought up again. <sheepish grin>

Quinn: "As long as the people close to us know the truth, and know how important it is to keep this whole thing a secret."

HTWD: And know that I'll send them to a world where Betamax won if they ever snitch on us, cruel as that would be.

Remmy: "Just for a month or so, right?"

TBH: <mimicking Quinn> : Yeaaaah. That's the ticket. That will give me enough time to concoct a plot to kill you three and hog all the glory for myself. MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!! Oops, did I say that out loud?

Arturo: "When the time is right, we'll have the biggest press conference the world's ever seen."

SL4: Bigger even than if Clinton took a long lasting truth serum right before a press conference.

Remmy: "Now you're talking my language!"

TBH: But Quinn isn't fluent in Bitching, so how could he speak that?

Remmy <hugging Quinn> : "I'm gonna miss you man. All you guys."

HTWD: We're gonna miss you too, but not the effect chili has on you.

Arturo: "Get some rest. We'll start to work on the equation first thing Monday morning."

SL4: Hopefully by then a smarter Quinn will have Slid by to help us.

<Arturo and Quinn enter the cab.> Wade: "When I think of all the things we've done ..."

TBH: <mimicking Quinn> : Shhhhh! The other two might hear you!

Wade: "The things we've seen."

HTWD: With the two sequels to Howard the Duck on that one world being among the worst.

Wade: "It's all because of you. Thank you."

SL4: You're welcome. And thank you for never telling the others about the time you walked into my room unannounced on Three Gender World.

<Wade leans forward and gently kisses him on the lips; then gets into the cab.>

TBH: <mimicking Quinn> : Speaking of kisses, we're back home now. So can I write you down for tomorrow night for red hot monkey love?

Remmy <voice over> : "I guess randomly traveling through an interdimensional vortex has a way of making you appreciate what's important in life."

HTWD: So does stepping on a land mine, but I wouldn't recommend it.

Remmy <voice over as we see Arturo going up the University walkway> : "For the Professor, it was getting back to academia."

SL4: If Remmy can SPELL academia, to say nothing of using it casually in conversation, I'll eat his socks.

Vonbaeck: "Professor Arturo?"

TBH: Call me Maxie, sugar.

Arturo: "Miss Vonbaeck? What a pleasure it is to see you again."

HTWD: Arturo has a talent for making that not sound like sexual harassment. If I went around saying that to women I'd be in jail.

SL4: You're a dog. If you went around saying anything to any adult you'd be in a government testing zoo.

HTWD: No need to be speciesist. I was just making an observation.

Vonbaeck: "You too, Professor."

SL4: <rising> I'm going to get a 12 pound Nestle's Crunch. You two want anything?

TBH: Nah, I'm good. Oh, hell with it, get me a licorice stick big enough to choke Marlon Brando and expensive enough to bankrupt him.

HTWD: I'll have a gallon of watered down Cherry Coke, if you please. And tell them just a half ton of ice this time.

Arturo: "Are you all right, Miss Vonbaeck?"

TBH: Actually, I'm half left, just like everyone else, Professor.

Vonbaeck: "I'm just surprised to see you here, that's all."

HTWD: Usually you're not back from the Chinese buffet until four. Did they run out of food earlier than usual today?

<There is a loud thud and the sound of a body hitting the floor outside the theater. A moment later someone comes back in.>

Arturo: "Yes, well, life is full of surprises."

TBH: Like the morning I woke up in bed with a giraffe.

Arturo: "I'm back and eager to resume my course load, provided the Dean hasn't already replaced me."

SL3: <sitting down> : The Dean wouldn't replace you! You're the most brilliant educator he has!

Vonbaeck: "Why would he have done that?"

HTWD: You're right! He doesn't know about the chair replacement bill I've run up!

Arturo: "Excellent. I know I've been away a long time."

TBH: But I haven't changed my habit of stating the obvious.

Arturo: "Bear with me, dear Miss Vonbaeck, all will be revealed in due course. Excuse me, will you?"

SL3: Such superb writing! And excellent delivery. I'm getting goosebumps here.

TBH: What the smeg is wrong with you? And where is the >:-# you said you were bring back from the concession stand? You took a mortgage out yesterday so I know you can afford most of what we wanted.

SL3: Timmy! You shouldn't cuss so much! It's unbecoming of you!

Remmy <voiceover> : "For me, it was getting my career back together."

HTWD: That took only five minutes, so then I went to Arby's...

Remmy <appearing in his agent's office> : "Artie? ... Don't you recognize me? It's me, Rembrandt."

TBH: Oh, wait a minute, I need to go find a horrid suit to put on, then you're sure to recognize me!

Artie: "I used to know a Rembrandt, but he died."

SL3: What an awful thing to say. But then again, I'm sure that Artie has suffered a lot, with the loss of his biggest client for 18 months so we can't hold it against him.

TBH: WAIT A MINUTE! PROJECTIONIST! STOP THE TAPE!! <turns to SL3ever> You're an evil double, aren't you?

SL3: Sniff. I'm greatly offended by your accusation.

HTWD: Wait a minute, Timmy. SL4ever is ALREADY evil, twisted, and demented. So his double would be ...

TBH: A pansified, whimpering, sissy boy. It all makes sense now. GRAB HIM!

<SL3ever runs from the theater, screaming like a girl.>

TBH: It's time now for a cheesy host segment anyway; let's go revive SL4ever.

<Scene change to a lounging room with futons, boxes of Hot Cheese Nips, bottles of Mike's Hard Lemonade, and lava lamps.>

SL4: <holding an ice pack to his head> : Okay, so while we have a minute, let's debate. It has been endlessly debated which Arturo Slid. But there is another related debate ... which Arturo came down the stairs?

TBH: Obviously it was the "Good" Arturo. The stated reason for the Bad Arturo to want to impersonate the Sliding one was to recover the timer. BUT THE ARTURO WALKING DOWN THE STAIRS ALREADY HAD THE TIMER!!! So if he was the Bad one, who had already been outed as a coward, he wouldn't have confronted the four Sliders at all. All he had to do was to hear them talking down there, slink out of the house, call van boy, and either confront them with van boy or hide out. He had the timer. It was foolish to confront them by himself unless he was the Good Arturo. Therefore, he had to be the Good Arturo, which means the Bad one was the one tied up.

HTWD: Uh-huh, bright boy. You have to ask the question, what did the evil Arturo intend to do with the good one? Do you really think he intended to keep him tied in the basement for the rest of his life? Of course not! He was waiting for the timer to run down so he could shove Good Arturo through the vortex, forever getting rid of him. That is why Arturo was home at that time, coming down the steps with the timer. If the Good Arturo had escaped with the timer, why would he be looking at the place he had been captured for his friends? His friends had not discovered him in two weeks, why would Good Arturo have any reason to believe they would finally do so at the last second? No, if Good Arturo had escaped he would have been looking at Quinn's house, Wade's house, the University, etc. The last place he would go is back to the site of his imprisonment.

TBH: Not true! The timer was running down! This was a last resort move. If Good Arturo didn't find any of them, then they were together doing something. In that case, they must be at Arturo's house, trying to steal the timer back, which they were. And, if they were not there, then Good Arturo would move to plan B since the timer would have run out.

HTWD: But if the Good Arturo had escaped, why didn't the one tied up have any marks on his face? Obviously Good Arturo was really pissed off, as demonstrated when both of them were free and fighting. So if Good Arturo had gotten free he would have bashed Bad Arturo a couple times, at the very least.

TBH: That was why he was so disheveled, you mendicant! Because he'd bashed him. But, not being a savage, he didn't bash the Bad one badly enough to cause bruising.

HTWD: What about you, SL4ever? What do you think?

SL4: I called Tormé and asked him about which one came down the stairs, so I actually know the answer.

TBH: Oh yeah?????

SL4: Yeah, he said the answer was for the three of us to get a smegging life!