Remmy: "So when you stepped into his life..."SL4: You inherited his bad taste in suits.
Arturo: "Exactly. His research assistant telephoned him. I was drugged, placed in a black van, and the next thing I knew-."
TBH: <mimicking Arturo> : I was pregnant. This is an outrage!
Arturo: "I woke up here."
Quinn: "The black van outside my house when my timer was stolen."
SL4: For those of you having trouble following this plot.
Wade: "How're we coming with that chain?"
TBH: Get off our butt!! It's HARD to get enough people out to form a chain across America! We had to use rope to connect people in some places. Sniff.
Quinn: "Hang on." <He slams the hammer down.> "Sorry professor."
HTWD: I'm sure you'll recover full use of your hand after a couple years of therapy.
Arturo: "Though the fellow is my counterpart in many ways, intellectually he is nowhere near my level. His goal was to force me to work out the equation so he could give it to the Nobel committee."
TBH: Why didn't he just go down to Quinn's basement and photograph the chalkboard? You guys were down there so we know it was down there. And he's shown himself to be ruthless. Besides, he could just wait for Quinn's mom to leave for somewhere for the day.
Arturo <pointing to a chalkboard with a frowny face on it> : "As you can see, I told him NOTHING!"
SL4: Other than warning him about how lame my frowny faces were.
Remmy: "You wouldn't believe what that guy's been up to. He even made the cover of Time magazine."
TBH: What's the big deal about that? Anyone with a word processor and a graphics program can make the cover of a magazine.
Arturo: "Really? How was the likeness?"
HTWD: Different Arturo, same ego.
Wade: "Very professional. Come on, let's get out of here."
TBH: <mimicking Arturo> : Before we go, let's see if he stores his porn the same place I did in my house.
Quinn: "Professor – where's the timer?"
SL4: He keeps it in a crawlspace from which weird noises and foul smells occasionally escape.
Arturo <motioning to a drawer> : "He hid it over here when he thought I was asleep."
TBH: <mimicking Arturo> : Strangely enough, I was practicing some comical impressions of farm animals at the time.
<Quinn checks the drawer: empty. The four of them ransack the entire basement to no avail.>
Arturo #2: "Looking for this?" <He is standing on the stairs, holding the timer.>
HTWD: The question is, are you ready for the >:-# whipping you're getting ready to find?
Arturo #2: "Did you really think you could pull off this counterfeit?"
SL4: I hoped so. I usually pass the phony bills at a gas station at three in the morning. Works every time.
Arturo: "All right, look. This man is an impostor. You mustn't believe a word he says."
TBH: Except for that bit about how smart and handsome all Arturos are. I won't contest that statement.
Remmy: "Uh oh. Who's who?"
HTWD: They have a book for that. Look it up!
Arturo #2: "Can't you see, aside from outward appearances, this charlatan is nothing like me? He is a self aggrandizing, malcontented egomaniac!"
SL4: And that's different from you in what way???
Remmy: "Sure sounds like Arturo. Man, if you're Arturo, how come he was the one chained up?"
TBH: <mimicking Arturo> : I hate to malign a double of mine, but this fellow has a certain bondage fetish. I tried to talk him out of doing this, but he simply insisted that I tie him up and go fetch two sumo wrestlers...
Arturo #2: "Listen to me, this is crucial. I managed to escape earlier today and in the process, incarcerate the Arturo of this world, whom you've unfortunately mistaken for me..."
HTWD: This story is weaker than Sinbad's stand up.
Arturo #2: "Don't you find it odd that he knew exactly where to find the timer?"
SL4: Your logic is impeccable. Therefore, YOU must be the impostor: our Arturo is NEVER this good at arguing!
Arturo: "Because I watched you hide it earlier!"
TBH: That's one explanation. Another is that you're a lying dirtbag trying to trick us!
Arturo #2: "The Kromaggs. The world where Bennish and I detonated the atom bomb ... who else would know that but me?"
HTWD: Um, maybe you're just a crazed fan of the show. You probably know all the episode titles and everything.
Arturo: "Obviously he read that in Miss Welles' serialized diary!"
SL4: If I believe that, I'd have to believe Newsweek believed Arturo's story, realized the importance of it, discovered Wade had a diary, held a meeting to decide to purchase the rights to it, negotiated with her to do that, then typed it into the computer, got rid of what was going to be in that's week's issue, and printed the diary ... all in two weeks.
TBH: You forgot that the diary was SERIALIZED, which means that they don't print it all at once. And the bit about the Kromaggs would have been the last thing to come out since it would have been the most recent event if the episode order wasn't switched around.
HTWD: Will you two shut the hell up? It's a smegging plot hole! All TV series have them! Get over it! Better yet, get an F-ing life!
Arturo #2: "It is a disgrace, sir, to think that we share a common genetic structure!"
TBH: Unfortunately, you apparently also share a hair stylist. Sheesh.
<Arturo hits his double hard, and the other man goes down like the Titanic.>
HTWD: Ouch. That's gotta hurt.
Arturo: "That's for keeping me down here for the past two weeks!"
SL4: I don't normally advocate violence-
TBH: Since when?
SL4: -but HIT HIM AGAIN!
Quinn <grabbing the timer> : "There's less than 17 minutes!"
TBH: Just enough time for one Meat Loaf song then.
Remmy: "You better be the right one, man."
HTWD: Oh, any ole Arturo will do. They both say "blistering idiots" good enough for me.
<Scene change to Quinn's house.>
TBH: Now we know who calls the shots. They had enough time to go to only one house, and look whose they went to.
Mrs. Mallory: "I don't understand. You're my son but you're not my son?"
SL4: It's kinda like Bewitched, Mom. The new Darren WAS Darren, but at the same time he wasn't.
Quinn: "Your Quinn is still out there. My mom is back on my Earth."
TBH: This is like reverse trigonometry, Mom. Just go with it.
MM: "But, why do you have to leave now? Why can't you wait until my Quinn comes home?"
HTWD: Don't you realize how sick that sounds? That's like naming a new baby after your missing child.
Quinn: "I have no choice, I'm sorry. He loves you. He's never gonna give up trying to get back home."
SL4: Unless he dies, cold and alone, face down in a ditch. ... But that wasn't helpful, was it?
Arturo <activating the timer> : "Mr. Mallory."
TBH: The time for emotional manipulation is over. It's now time to blow this hot dog stand.
<As the Sliders approach the vortex, a cab pulls to a stop and the other Arturo jumps out.>
Arturo #2: "Stop! You're making a fatal mistake!"
HTWD: You almost left without paying for the pizza you had delivered to my house when you were ransacking the place.
TBH: <voice of cabbie> : Speaking of payment, NO Sliding out of here without paying my fare!
Remmy: "Oh no, not again!"
SL4: This is double trouble! Hardy har har! I kill myself.
TBH: I wish.
Arturo: "Quickly, before he Slides!"
HTWD: That's just what the evil Arturo would say.
Wade: "If one's the impostor, why do they both want to Slide with us?"
TBH: IF????????????????? "If" ????????????? IF one's the impostor??????????????? Are you suggesting, my dear, that they are BOTH your Arturo? Do you mean to tell me that there is some doubt in your mind about whether either of them is the impostor????
Arturo: "Because he's lost all hope for the Nobel Prize. He'll try to claim credit for it on our world!"
SL4: So now he's taking credit for the Nobel Prize itself. Well, it WAS only a matter of time.
Remmy: "What do we do, Q-Ball?"
TBH: Don't ask me, this is more confusing than American election laws.
Quinn: "Take 'em both! Sort it out after we Slide!"
HTWD: >:-# that. It's more Darwinistic if we let them scrap and the winner goes with us. You never know when we might need to fight our way out of a situation... do we want a weak Arturo with us?
Arturo <tossing the timer to Quinn> : "Like hell we will! Go! Go!"
SL4: Oh, just take both bags of Halloween candy, you blistering idiot!
<The other Sliders Slide one at a time as the two Arturos duke it out. One finally knocks the other down and Slides out just as the vortex collapses.>
TBH: <mimicking Arturo> : Smell you later, LOSSSSSSSSSSSZAR!
Arturo <rising slowly> : "Oh my god."
HTWD: <yawning> : You're not getting me this time. I've been tricked too many times today.
SL4: THAT was the correct one you blistering idiot!
HTWD: Smegging hell. Projectionist! Roll that back!
<The other Sliders Slide one at a time as the two Arturos duke it out. One finally knocks the other down and Slides out just as the vortex collapses.>
Arturo <rising slowly> : "Oh my god."
HTWD: Ooooooo. You're right, I got goosebumps! :-P~~~
Remmy: "And that's the whole story, doc. Fame and fortune... snatched from our clutches. Condemned to wander the interdimensional vortex like nomads... on top of which we got an Arturo we don't even know which one he is."
SL4: But we'll never again mention this. Not even to speculate amongst ourselves.
<The door opens and the other three Sliders come in as Miss. Jennings tries to stop them.>
Wade: "We don't have time to argue with you! You've got to let us inside!"
TBH: <shivering> : I love it when she gets loud and domineering.
Miss Jennings: "You can't go back there!"
HTWD: Oh, just yell ineffectively whilst we waltz right past you.
Quinn: "Sorry to burst in on you like this doctor."
SL4: But we're the ONLY ones allowed to ask Remmy inane and irrelevant questions! You remember that, punk!
<Arturo closes the door in the secretary's face.>
TBH: Most secretaries I know wouldn't take that lying down. They'd be beating down that door with a file cabinet.
Quinn: "We're gonna miss the Slide."
HTWD: No you're not. You have the timer with you, don't you?
Remmy: "Apologies guys, I lost track of time."
SL4: Oh, be honest. You got hustled for more hours by this money grubbing pro. You're not getting out of here without signing over a car after how long you've been in here.
Arturo: "Three, two, one." <He activates the wormhole.>
TBH: Um, excuse me, but WHY THE HELL ARE WE LETTING THE POTENTIAL IMPOSTOR HANDLE THE TIMER???????????? Until he had passed a ten hour inquiry about >:-# that wasn't in the diary, I wouldn't let him SMELL the timer!!
Remmy: "Sorry about this Doc."
HTWD: But I don't have any money that's good on this world. Next time don't live on a world that uses clam shells for currency.
<The Doctor watches in amazement as they each leap into the vortex and disappear.>
SL4: <in whiny Grandpa Simpson voice> : Oh! My new drapes! I HATE it when clients Slide out of here and mess up the drapes and blow stuff off my tables!
<scene change to Dr. Whelan's outer office.>
Dr. Whelan: "It was the most beautiful blue ... like a robin's egg. The sky on a crystalline summer's morning. A pathway, to other worlds, don't you see?"
SL4: All I see is that you're babbling like a five year old after a brown sugar binge.
<the scene widens and you can see that he's trussed up like a pig and is laying on a gurney.> : "He called it Sliding. A name so charming in it's simplicity, but so inadequate to describe the wonder of it all."
TBH: The good doctor is quite mad, you know.
Dr. Whelan: "You all believe me, don't you?"
SL4: Yes, yes. Now lie back and try not to drool on the gurney. Good boy.
