Timmy Bighands: Wonders where the hideously annoying TIP is ... but only when extremely bored.

Henry The Wonder Dog: Can pee in public and be called a good boy. How many of you can say the same????

The Pilot - Part VII

<The students are filing out of the classroom. Wing stops for a word> : "Man, I can't believe you came back."

SL4: You know how it is. You always think of the best insult AFTER you leave an argument. This one was so good it'd make Clint Eastwood cry.

Wing: "The guy's Three Mile Island."

TBH: HEY!! We're the only ones allowed to do fat jokes about him, mister.

Wing: "It's gonna take him years to cool off."

HTWD: Maybe he should stop using Magic Shave as a soap.

Bennish: "He's right, dude."

SL4: He was also right when he said you look like you last took a shower in the 4th grade.

Bennish: "I think Arturo's a pompous windbag too."

TBH: <mimicking Quinn> : Here, jump into my back pocket, apple polisher. I might need you to co-sign something else I say.

Bennish: "But I'd never have the guts to say it to his face. Bigtime congrats!"

HTWD: I love people who compliment me by running themselves down.

<The rest file past and a puzzled Quinn is soon the only person in the class.>

SL4: Somebody needs to tell him the meaning of "get the >:-# out of this classroom."

<Scene change to Wade filling out a slip. She hears the door open and her eyes bug out when she sees it's Quinn.>

TBH: <mimicking Wade> : Ohmygod! It's Quinn! Look intelligent! LOOK INTELLIGENT!!

<Wade drops what she's doing and rushes over to him> : "Quinn! What're you doing here?"

HTWD: Making a LOVE deposit, baby. Pucker up!

Quinn: "I work here, remember?"

SL4: I don't see the need to be snappish, Arturo Jr. You act like you haven't already had a million odd things happen today.

Wade: "Not anymore you don't."

HTWD: Hurley's mail ordered talking spider monkey arrived today. Pack your stuff and get out.

Wade: "Have you flipped? Get outta here before he calls the cops!"

TBH: Stuffing a salami up your boss's >:-# is against the law now? You can't do anything for kicks anymore!

Quinn: "Who? Hurley?"

SL4: Nah, Captain Kangaroo! For this generation's Carl Sagan, you sure are slow on the uptake!

Quinn: "C'mon Wade. I'm not that late."

HTWD: Not that, he found out that you're the one who broke the light bulb in his private bathroom and then left a plunger sticking up in the toilet.

Wade: "The man just fired you."

TBH: Aw man! I was just $25 short of being able to afford my very own schooner!

Quinn: "For what?!"

SL4: For keeping Windows from crashing when you load a non Microsoft program.

HTWD: For hitting on his wife, daughter, AND preacher at the company picnic.

TBH: For singing "I'm too sexy" while sweeping last night.

Wade: "For telling him to stick his computer where-."

HTWD: Even a bloodhound couldn't find it?

Wade: "Look, knock it off, Quinn. You know what you said."

TBH: And anyway, I'm too pretty to say such foul, evil words.

Wade: "We were all standing right here."

SL4: Well, except for Stressed Eric, who was hiding in the bathroom.

Quinn: "Look Wade. There's something really strange going on."

HTWD: We've been talking for two minutes and you haven't fawned over me yet. Are you having a crush on someone else behind my back?

Quinn: "I swear to God that wasn't me."

SL4: I was skinny as a kid, so it couldn't have been me in that horrid movie!!! You have to believe me!!

Wade: "Oh right. And I suppose now you're going to tell me that kiss meant nothing."

TBH: Before I commit to knowing anything about it, how hot a kiss was it? French? Spanish? Irish? Full body press? Backwards dip? Hands on back or on the buttocks?

Quinn: "Kiss? Ohmygod. I kissed Hurley! No wonder I'm fired!"

SL4: Not exactly. It was you saying after the kiss that he needed an Altoids that did it.

<Wade punches him> : "Will you stop it! It was with me and don't you dare tell me you don't remember."

HTWD: Tread carefully, Quinn ole buddy. You're about three seconds away from her beaning you with a monitor.

Quinn: "But that's just it. Why would I kiss you?"

TBH: Your Mom never had "the talk" with you? Okay, it goes like this. One day you're going to meet someone you really really like...

Quinn: "We're buds, right?"

SL4: Um, you might want to change that to past tense with the way you're handling this conversation, Daniel Webster.

Quinn: "It'd be incest or something."

HTWD: That's right. Keep going, you silver tongued devil.

TBH: <mimicking Quinn> : It'd be like wrapping my lips around a hot tailpipe. It'd be like sucking on a clam juice and lime gatorade slurpee. Why in the living >:-# would I EVER want to do something as f-ing nasty as kiss YOU???????????????????????????????

Quinn: "What else did I do?"

TBH: Oh, nothing much. You lamented Vanilla Ice's faded popularity.

Wade <standing there indignantly and getting pissed> : "I don't think this is funny."

SL4: Fine! See if I show you another Way it Wuz Talked About!!!!!

<She huffs off. Quinn follows her.>

HTWD: Um, given your oratorical prowess thus far, I think you'll have better luck lobbing wet peanuts at her head.

Quinn: "You're right, it's not. Please Wade. Humor me."

TBH: Letterman hasn't been funny in five years, Seinfeld is over, MST3K was cancelled, and Blinker is at the beach this week! Humor me, I'm fiending!!!!!

Quinn: "I'm losing my mind."

SL4: I found myself singing "Karma Chameleon" in the shower this morning! What more proof do you need?

Wade: "I'll say. You've completely snapped. You walked in here with a strange look on your face."

HTWD: But it was the feather boa sticking out of your nose that really tipped me off.

Wade: "And then Hurley saw us together and made some kind of crack and you went off."

TBH: Speaking of Hurley, where IS that bastard? I can't write a six word personal e-mail at my job without my boss jumping in my lap ... and these two are having a War and Peace conversation without him noticing.

SL4: He noticed a long time ago. He's cowering behind a CD-ROM stand praying to God that Quinn doesn't see him and cuss him out again.

Quinn: "It's like I'm Dr. Jekyll all of the sudden."

HTWD: Shhhhhhh. Peckinballs might be listening! Don't wanna give him any ideas.

Wade: "It really was great; the look on his face."

TBH: Especially when you revealed that you hacked into his computer and discovered he visits a horse bondage porno website.

<Quinn winces, then seems to draw a strange satisfaction from what he's heard.>: "It was?"

SL4: Except for the part where you called him "Spaceman's mental inferior." I didn't get that one.

Wade: "He gets me so mad. I wish I would have said something but ... you know how I am."

HTWD: Spineless?

Wade: "I need the job. And I was afraid."

TBH: If that pip-squeak scares you, you'll love the Kromagg surgeons.

Hurley <still cowering in his office> : "Wade! In my office."

SL4: Argh. I hope he doesn't keep me in there for half an hour again talking about his Beanie Baby collection.

Wade: "Quinn, you better get out of here."

HTWD: And go where? My double has been busier than Reggie Miller's food tester when he's in New York City. He's probably burned down my house, sodomized my teddy bear, and told my mother he was dropping out of college to be a clown.

Wade: "Go home and get some rest. That brain of yours is fried. Go!"

TBH: She let him off waaaay too easy! They cut the scene where she bounced his head off a scanner and made him eat a cash register.