Timmy Bighands: Good mimicker. Better at being irritated.

Henry The Wonder Dog: Sliders, a rawhide bone, a water bowl nearby. Does it get any better than this?

The Pilot - Part II

<close up of calm, passionate man speaking directly into the camera> : "I'm running for Senate because I believe I CAN make a difference for the working men and women of this State."

TBH: Because you can only contribute to my campaign if you have a job.

<camera pulls back to reveal Crazy Kenny who is standing on an apple crate, speaking to a bunch of pigeons>

SL4: The sad thing is, he's leading in the polls.

CK: "It's time to overthrow the chains of capitalistic oppression."

HTWD: I don't believe in capitalism either. I believe in looking cute, barking at stuff that isn't there, and fetching sticks. You get more food that way.

CK: "Communism will soon sweep the world..."

TBH: Oh yeah. Communism's doing great! What, two countries and my high school back in Hicksticks, Indiana still practice it?

CK: "... and the days of the US imperialistic war machine are numbered."

SL4: Look, I think that fat pigeon is being won over by his oratory magic.

<Quinn hurries between Crazy Kenny and the statue of Abraham Lincoln.>

CK <pointing a finger at Quinn> : "Heed my words, boy. The New World Order is at hand!"

HTWD: The New World Order just called. They want you to take a shower or they quit.

CK: "Join the revolution or suffer the consequences!"

SL4: Just go back to trying to win the pigeon vote, Hodgie. Bread crumbs for everybirdy!

Quinn: "Thanks for the warning."

HTWD: I have GOT to change the way I walk to school!

<Inside Professor Arturo's classroom. A dozen students pay rapt attention to the lecturing Prof>

Arturo <pacing slowly> : "As any reasonably intelligent single-celled organism can tell you..."

SL4: Reproduction by cell division SUCKS!

Arturo: "the largest symmetry group of a single Dirac field is..."

TBH: The shortest distance between two photon arrays?

<dead silence from the students>

HTWD: Come ON. That is EASY! I lick my >:-# 20 hours a day and I know the answer! Kids these days, I'll tell ya.

Arturo: "The silence is deafening, my young friends."

TBH: Much like the sound of you and SL4ever devouring a KFC buffet table.

SL4: Spank you very much.

Arturo: "You're supposed to be the best of the best. You are, after all, my students."

HTWD: Suit by Brooks Brothers. Ego by William Shatner.

Arturo: "Miss Zachery?"

TBH: <mimicking female voice> Could you eat >:-# and die ... er, I mean, could you repeat the question?

Arturo: "Montague?"

SL4: I just look and dress like a nerd! I'm actually not very smart.

Arturo: "Mr. Wing?"

TBH: Um, I'm supposed to be in an easier class ... like Spatial Geometry and Statics Using Only Roman Numerals.

Arturo <eyes falling on Quinn, who is doodling on a paper> : "Mr. Mallory, I've spent the better part of my life ..."

HTWD: Single handedly trying to reduce the size of the world's cow population.

Arturo: "...honing my intellect to a razor sharp edge so I could impart to you these pearls of wisdom."

SL4: Prince turned down this role because Arturo's character was too conceited.

Arturo: "The least you could do is PRETEND to pay attention. I won't bother inquiring whether you know the answer ... which, my dear, hapless babes in the woods, is..."

TBH: Remember to phrase it in the form of a question!

<Quinn writes answer on his doodle sheet and shows it to Wing>

HTWD: Oh, you couldn't show me that two minutes ago when he was raking my balls across the fire!

<Arturo flamboyantly writes "U (4)" on the board, spins, and points to Bennish> : "That's U4, Mr. Bennish, NOT U2!"

TBH: <mimicking Bennish's voice> I can't wait until I get a chance to snitch him out in a Kromagg prison.

SL4: Even back here in 1995 that was a dated cultural reference because they were has-beens who couldn't suck enough.

<Arturo checks his watch> : "Now get out of my sight, all of you. You better shape up, people."

HTWD: Look who's talking.

Arturo: "This kind of work might get you a job at Chernobyl ..."

SL4: Is the Professor stuck in the 80's or what????

Arturo: "Or NASA, but it certainly won't cut it with me!"

HTWD: He's got a point there. NASA can't even figure out when they're using the metric system or aren't.

<Quinn, Nan, and Wing leave the class and enter the hallway.>

Wing: "I should have gone to law school like my old man wanted."

SL4: Are we EVER gonna see you again on this show? Then kill the biography, Sherman.

Wing: "This relativistic quantum pop cosmology is such a mind warp."

TBH: I say that if you sign up and pay the tuition for a class with a name like that, you can't bitch when it turns out to be hard.

Nan: "If you ask me, Professor Arturo is not nearly as smart as he thinks he is."

HTWD: I'd like to see YOU cure a planet wide plague with some bread mold, a blender, and three days, Nanny. While you're at it, reinvent the nuclear bomb from scratch.

Quinn: "The man should be a Nobel Laureate for his theory on 'Coset Wormholes in Keller Oribifolds' and I just read his thesis on Chiral Field Anomalies; it's killer."

TBH: <mimicking Nan's voice> I think I just figured out who snitched me out for writing "Arturo is a Smeghead" on the board last month.

Nan <looking worried> : "That's not on the reading list, is it?"

HTWD: If you're this far into the class and haven't glanced at the reading list, it might be time to stick your head in the oven.

Quinn <winking> : "Nah, just a little light reading."

SL4: Given what we already know about his hygiene and now this arrogance, how does he have ANY friends?

<cut to Wade showing a database system to two executives> : "There's really no sense in dropping twenty thousand on this system right now."

TBH: <mimicking Wade's voice> That'll teach 'em to cut out commissions, those >:-#-ers!

Wade: "Wait a month, CD-ROM seek rates are still within the 130 millisecond range,"

HTWD: Does anyone speak English in this movie? These people are more technical than Stoker_chick flaming a nonbeliever.

Wade: "there's tons of screen flicker, and the new Pentium control chips from Intel will make these MX 480's obsolete."

SL4: >:-#, my new coffeemaker has enough processor power to make those MX 480's obsolete.

One of the Executives: "Now I know I'll be back."

<Wade spots Quinn sneak in and head for the back room> : "Why don't you two poke around here. I'll be right back."

TBH: <mimicking man's voice> Can I come with you to poke around instead?