HTWD: That's my name, punk. Ask me again and I'll tell ya the same.

<Wilkins takes Wade in his arms and kisses her deeply. Soon she is responding. Arturo and Quinn exchange a surprised glance.>

SL4: Awww, we can't take her anywhere with her licking the back of some resistance leader's neck!

<Wilkins finally pulls away, leaving Wade breathless.>

TBH: Whoops, here's your tongue back. Sorry.

Wilkins <turning to the other two Sliders.> : "Welcome ... to the Revolution."

HTWD: Sorry, you guys don't look like New Englanders OR soccerish. No offense.

TBH: Oh, get the >:-# out of here! No one on this planet knows that New England even HAS a soccer team, much less that they're called the Revolution.

HTWD: Fine, explain my jokes, you almsman. As long as I'm not as obscure as Dennis Miller, I don't care.

<Scene change to Arturo and Quinn tied to some pipes.>

TBH: <mimicking Arturo> : This is the LAST time I let you talk me into having dinner with Sharon Stone, you smeghead!

<A commando enters the room and cuts their bonds.> : "Wilkins will see you now."

SL4: Well, he's gonna be seeing the bottom of my boot after having us tied up.

<Arturo and Quinn are lead to a room where Wilkins, another rebel named Doc, and Wade are looking at a map.>

HTWD: Ah, the rest of our Risk players are here. I call green!

Wilkins: "Get any rest, gentlemen?"

TBH: Oh, hardy har har, you >:-#-er. I hope you're caught and forced to watch Russian Opera.

SL4: NO! Not that! We can't wish that even on our worst enemy!

TBH: Yes we can. >:-D

Arturo: "And how were we supposed to accomplish that?"

SL4: Oh, quit your crying. When I was a young whippersnapper I slept ON a pipe! You got to hang down from one, crybaby.

Wilkins: "I understand your resentment."

TBH: Somehow I doubt that. Let me shove a cooked carrot up your nose and you then you MIGHT understand my resentment.

Wilkins: "But we had to take precautions."

HTWD: Then use a rubber! But don't tie us up to an F-ing pipe!

Wilkins: "Your appearance here was highly suspicious, to say the least."

SL4: To say the most we think you're lying, communistic, egg sucking dogs!

HTWD: Watch that dog slander, buddy.

Doc: "It's not every day that someone comes to us claiming to be from a parallel Earth."

TBH: Although we DO get a couple people a week in here claiming to have seen Elvis.

Doc: "We had to take precautions."

HTWD: What are you afraid of? That you might catch Sliding Disease? Wilkins by himself could whoop Quinn, and Arturo might last two minutes in a fight before he has a massive coronary ... not to mention all of you have guns and the Sliders don't!

Wade: "They believe us now."

SL4: It took a LOT of oral convincing but they believe us now.

<dead silence>

SL4: What? I just meant she talked their ears off all night.

Arturo: "Really? Exactly when, Miss Welles, did you become our resident expert?"

HTWD: It must have been when you were having your fourth breakfast this morning.

Arturo: "Last night they didn't believe a word I said."

TBH: <mimicking Wade> : I told you it was a bad idea to tell him you were a Clippers fan. That destroyed your credibility.

Doc: "On our world, Commander Wade Welles is a great leader of the revolution."

SL4: It doesn't speak highly of your group if a shrill valley girl computer store clerk is the best you can do.

Wade: "Wild, huh?"

HTWD: No, wild would be if one of your doubles was a topless dancer. One of your doubles being a great rebel leader is a sign of the apocalypse.

Doc: "The Soviets captured her four days ago."

TBH: Well, she couldn't have been TOO great then, could she?

Doc: "She's being held at the NoCal Federal Penitentiary ..."

SL4: A entire prison without calcium? Well, this IS California.

Doc: "A converted college campus now used for high profile political prisoners."

HTWD: A college campus, eh? I'll bet they didn't have to do much 'converting.'

Doc: "And run by former professor, now Citizen-General, Maximillian Arturo."

TBH: Of course, on this world you get to be Citizen-General by collecting butterscotch candy proof of purchases, so he didn't have a problem achieving that rank.

Arturo: "Always a leader of men, no matter what the circumstances."

SL4: You can't keep a huge ego down. This cat is proud of being a tyrannical leader in a communist dictatorship.

Quinn: "What finally convinced you that our Wade wasn't ... your Wade?"

HTWD: When my Wade kisses me, she grabs my ass.

Wilkins: "Wade Welles is my commanding officer ... and my lover."

TBH: I guess we know who gets all the cushy assignments. He hasn't had to take the point on patrol in two years.

Wilkins: "The two may look identical but ..."

SL4: ... my Wade uses apricot shampoo.

Wilkins: "I can surely tell the difference."

HTWD: My Wade squeals like a pig during the height of passion. It's not a sound that is easily duplicated.

<scene change. Wilkins and Doc are leading the Sliders through the hideout.>

Wilkins: "The rebellion is near defeat."

TBH: They always are, aren't they?

Wilkins: "Too much money and power on the other side."

SL4: Oh really? It's hard to believe an entire national government is outspending you.

Wilkins: "Too many upstanding citizens bought off or grown complacent."

HTWD: Hey, spare ribs talk when you're in a communist regime, buddy. I'd sell your >:-# out too!

Arturo: "Then who are you still fighting for?"

TBH: Not "who" ... what. Have you ever seen a Thai restaurant in a Soviet country? I can't live with that!

Doc: "For the idealists who created this country."

SL4: Are you talking about the slave owning idealists who wrote "all men are created equal"? Are those the ones?

Doc: "And we've been at it for a long time. Wilkins here flew for airlines."

HTWD: Oh. My. God. Was that supposed to make me feel good about him being in charge?

Doc: "I was a surgeon."

TBH: But lacking in the imagination to go beyond the absolute most obvious nickname. That's like a police officer's nickname being "Copper."

Doc: "There's no way to go back to our old lives."

SL4: So the Soviets outlawed surgery? No wonder you're rebelling! That sucks.

Wilkins: "It's liberty or death. For all of us."

HTWD: If someone says the "I regret that I have but one life..." line I'm outta here!

Quinn <pulling Wade aside> : "Okay, look. You don't have to answer me..."

TBH: Oh please, you KNOW that if she refused to answer you that you'd cop a bigger attitude than Bob Knight did on that student last week. Of COURSE she has to answer you!

SL4: No doubt. Anytime someone says "you don't have to answer me" it really means "I'm being a nosy bastard but if you don't answer me I'm going to be in a two week snit."

Quinn: "But ... what was all that about ... 'I can tell the difference?'"

TBH: "Do you want the truth?" "Yes." "It means we had hot sex for four hours and he could tell the difference." "Um, I'll take the lie now."

Wade: "What do you care? 'We're buds,' right?"

SL4: Friends are the nosiest people on the planet. So what does just being friends have to do with it?

<The Sliders and rebels have arrived in a control room where people are monitoring the media.>

HTWD: I got dibs on the Koss headphones!

Arturo: "How in God's name did this happen? The United States, a conquered nation?"

TBH: It happened one night during the Super Bowl, a Mike Tyson freeway police chase, an Angelina Jolie press conference where she came out and admitted she's a quadsexual and promised to demonstrate, and QVC was doing their 50% off night ... every single person in America was watching TV at the same time. The Soviets walked in and took over.

Doc: "It began in the 50's when we lost the Korean War."

SL4: Apparently this dude flunked history. We kicked ass in Korea.

TBH: Um, this is an alternate history.

Doc: "The Sino/Soviet empire swept the globe."

HTWD: No, no, NO. You DUST the globe and sweep the floor! Don't you know ANYthing about cleaning?

Doc: "First Indo-China. Then Europe, South America."

TBH: You say that so causally. EUROPE? No empire in all recorded history has been able to hold all of Europe at the same time and the Soviets just magically took it?

Doc: "We were economically isolated from the rest of the world."

SL4: That'll never happen as long as there's McDonald's.

Doc: "Their assets and technology grew while ours shrank and finally collapsed."

HTWD: Well, how exactly does technology shrink? I can see assets shrinking, but how does technology shrink?

SL4: Maybe they washed it in warm water.

Arturo: "The Domino Theory. In practice."

TBH: The Domino Theory. Yes. "If you have absolutely NO life you can make a picture out of falling tiles." Or, "It doesn't matter how much your pizza sucks, if you can get it there under a half hour people will buy it."