SL4: I don't suppose this would be a good time to practice "America the Beautiful" really loud, would it?

TBH: Um, no.

Wade <eyeing two men in overcoats who seem to have an inordinate amount of interest in them> : "This place gives me the creeps. When can we leave?"

HTWD: AFTER you've either gotten into some kind of trouble; lost the timer; changed a global belief, economic, or political system; or met one of your doubles.

Quinn: "When the timer recharges itself."

TBH: That's all???? That's the only reason you haven't Slid? So you feel no responsibility for bringing Remmy to this world. >:-# him, let's just get the hell out of here as soon as the timer recharges!

Wade: "And how soon will that be?"

SL4: How the smeg would I know? I couldn't even solve the equation! Why don't you ask the great and wonderful Smart Quinn???

Quinn: "Maybe soon ... maybe never."

HTWD: Thanks for the comfort, ole bean. Whenever I'm feeling suicidal yours is the first number I'll call.

Arturo: "Any chance that gadget can be fixed?"

TBH: I'll bet $1,000 right now that NO University Professors, and especially not Arturo, use the word "gadget."

Quinn: "Maybe with the right tools and a little bit of luck."

SL4: With the right tools and a little bit of luck I can make a 17 layer cake. Care to be a little less vague?

Arturo: "Well, if we do get the chance, please allow me to sit in. I'd love to see what's under the hood."

HTWD: Don't worry, soon enough he's gonna have you doing all the grunt work with the timer. Enjoy your innocence while you can, Prof.

<Scene change to Remmy tied to a chair in a room filled with other people being interrogated. A man circles Remmy's chair.>

TBH: Hey idiot! Musical chairs usually works better if you don't have one of the players tied to the chair.

Remmy: "Look, I ain't heard nothing about no American Underground!"

SL4: I don't even dig ditches! I'm a singer!

Remmy: "Is it a band, or some kind of club?"

HTWD: The only club you're going to see is the one upside your head if you don't start snitching!

Remmy: "You tell me 'cause I don't know!"

TBH: ...Because if I did know I'd fold like a coward with nothing but a pair of deuces.

Interrogator: "You're a very foolish man, Mr. Brown."

SL4: You washed that shirt with the whites, didn't you? Very foolish indeed.

Interrogator: "Lying to us has the gravest of consequences."

HTWD: Um, could you rephrase that to exclude the word "grave" please?

Remmy: "I'm telling you the truth! I ain't lyin!"

TBH: You have to believe me! I don't know where the secret rebel base at 2506 Main Street is! I swear to God!

Interrogator: "Let's begin with your alias."

SL4: So having a nickname as silly as "The Crying Man" is a federal offense now?

Remmy: "Alias?"

Interrogator: "There is no 'Rembrandt Brown' in our computer files!"

HTWD: We know how sophisticated Soviet technology is, Pavlov. The Soviet idea of a computer is a potato-powered abacus! Of course he's not in the files! They ran out of beads before they were done with the A's.

Interrogator: "A man by that name was killed 12 years ago in the Detroit uprising."

TBH: Wait a smegging minute! Are you trying to tell me there is only one 'Rembrandt Brown' in the entire USA? I know that's a lie! There are six just on my block!

Interrogator: "You've obviously taken his identity for nefarious counter-revolutionary purposes."

SL4: Hold on there, Hawking. You were trained to say "nefarious"!! There is no way you came up with that on your own!

Remmy: "Okay. I can explain everything."

HTWD: This oughta be good. Yes?

Remmy: "You see..."

HTWD: Yesssss?

Remmy: "I'm not really from this Earth."

HTWD: Oh. I see.

TBH: And you're not going to be on THIS Earth either with an 'explanation' like that one.

Remmy <reacting to the look on the Interrogator's face> : "No, no, it's true."

SL4: OH! That's a relief! I didn't believe you until you said "no, no, it's true." That was very convincing.

Remmy: "I was just driving along, minding my own business..."

HTWD: ...massacring the American National Anthem...

Remmy: "...when this crazy genius zapped me into a big black hole..."

TBH: NO, it was NOT Oprah! I said HOLE! H-O-L-E.

Remmy: "...and the next thing I knew, my car slammed right into a giant iceberg, and..."

SL4: ...and that's when Peter Sellers and Mel Brooks emerged from another iceberg and we three started line dancing and ... you don't believe me, do you?

<Remmy falls silent as he realizes how asinine his story is.>

Interrogator <holding up the dollar bill> : "You admit to handing this to the taxi driver?"

HTWD: I have two for this one:

1) My fault. I keep forgetting that I keep my contraband money in my left pocket and my CRACK for paying cab fares in my RIGHT pocket! It was an honest mistake.

2) I'm a Martin Scorsese fan, so sue me.

Remmy: "Yeah. So?"

TBH: Remmy, Remmy. Maybe the Soviet goons who dragged you from the car with AK-47s rammed in your throat and the hammer and sickle flag on the wall behind you are not enough for you. You're in the middle of the long running "Communism, the Western" on this world!
So it just might be a bad thing if you go flashing American money around! Think that might be why you're here?

Interrogator: "Listen carefully, my friend. I'll fight for you with the high command..."

SL4: Oh yeah, a low level questioner, one of a dozen just in this room, has some pull with the people in charge. Uh-huh.

Remmy: "Wait. Say that again!"

HTWD: It turned me on. :-P

Interrogator: "What?"

TBH: HE SAID 'WAIT. SAY THAT AGAIN!' YOU DEAF >:-# >:-#ER!!! Nothing I hate more than a deaf assed interrogator!

Remmy: "I'll fight for you ... I KNEW I recognized you!"

SL4: You're the gay transvestite hooker on Haney's corner! Am I right?

Remmy: "You're Ross J. Kelly, that shyster lawyer from TV! Man, I've seen your mug a thousand times!"

HTWD: And each time it makes me wanna throw up. You know, soap and water does wonders for acne.

Remmy <laughing> : "You're always telling folks you'll get 'em a trillion bucks if they had an accident on the job."

TBH: The sad part is, being a communist Interrogator is actually a step up from being an ambulance chaser.

Remmy: "Like that big moose construction worker who had that anvil dropped on his head."

SL4: I'm calling PETA!! No moose should EVER be forced to work on contruction sites!

<The Interrogator backs away and consults with some others> Shadowy Colonel: "He knows you. Your name. Your civilian profession. How?"

HTWD: Okay, you got me. I'm two-timing you guys because this job is just not evil enough. When you're not looking I'm a music agent.

Interrogator: "I don't know."

TBH: It doesn't have anything to do with me being a traitor though, so just get that thought out of your communist swine head.

Shadowy Colonel: "We've been infiltrated."

SL4: I'll bet it was that moose and squirrel again, Boris.

Interrogator: "What are you looking at?"

HTWD: Someone who's about ten minutes away from sleeping in a cell on paper sheets, dude.

Interrogator: "All that stuff was wrong."

TBH: Except, as they pointed out, your full name and your civilian profession. GUARDS!!!

Interrogator: "I've never been on TV."

SL4: Just my commercials have been! I swear!

TBH: GUARDS!!!!!

Shadowy Colonel: "Subterfuge, performed by a master."

HTWD: That wasn't Bobby Fischer, you moron! That was Remmy!

Shadowy Colonel: "He's flaunting his inside knowledge to unnerve us. This man is highly skilled and extremely dangerous!"

TBH: The only thing Remmy is a danger to is fast food and ear drums, you scared >:-#.

Shadowy Colonel: "He must be tried and disposed of as quickly as possible!"

SL4: Now bring in the next criminal mastermind, James Brown.

Interrogator: "Quickly. Yes. I have connections, I know just the thing."

HTWD: Connections??? What kind of communist government is this where you need connections to execute a man passing out rebel money and demonstrating inside knowledge of your Gestapo operation? Do you also need connections to follow spies or put in wiretaps or park in a handicap zone?

Interrogator <returning to Remmy> : "We have determined your allegiance with fascist enemies of the state. I therefore hand over jurisdiction of your situation to The People's Court where you will be tried and sentenced."

TBH: But this only sounds like it's going to be a rigged decision, right? This is gonna be a fair trial?

SL4: Thank God it was the old People's Court and not this new one with the judge so old and wrinkled he makes Yoda look young and death look attractive.