<The four are shivering around the destroyed Caddy.>Arturo: "It would appear that our roulette wheel has landed us on an Earth that has suffered a terrible climatic cataclysm."
TBH: <mimicking Wade> : Really? Are you sure, Professor? Is that why I have to chew my air before breathing it? Maybe you should crunch some numbers before drawing any conclusions!
<scene change to the interior of the car. Remmy is sitting in the driver's seat, Arturo is next to him, and the other two are in the back>
HTWD: Are we there yet?
SL4: No.
HTWD: Are we there yet?
SL4: NO.
TBH: <mimicking Arturo> : Quinn and Wade have been awfully quiet lately. Are you two sharing body heat back there????
Quinn: "Nuclear winter?"
SL4: No thanks, I'd rather have some acid rain please.
Arturo: "Quite possibly."
HTWD: Of course, it could also be that Mr. Freeze lives in San Francisco on this world.
Arturo: "Or a shifting of the planet's axis."
TBH: I thought that would only happen if the Three Tenors, Oprah, and Rosie O'Donnell all show up in the same city at the same time?
Arturo: "Or perhaps an ecological disaster."
SL4: I think this would qualify as one, yes.
Wade: "This is all my fault."
HTWD: I was at Stuckey's last night and I left their freezer door open. And boy, lemme tell ya, they're SERIOUS about keeping their meat frozen!
Wade: "How was I to know that Frosty the Snowman was gonna take over the world?"
TBH: <head in hands> : Look, I'll make you a deal. You leave the corny references to us before you hurt yourself, and we promise to never attempt acting.
Remmy: "Who cares who rules the world, girl?"
SL4: Oh, you'll care if Dogbert gets to!
Remmy: "The question is, how we gettin' home?"
TBH: <mimicking Quinn and waving imaginary timer> : You know the rules, ass, gas, or grass!
Quinn: "The same way we came."
HTWD: It'll just take five years and only one of us will survive the trip, but hey, beggars can't be choosy.
Quinn: "The timer will return us to my basement in about four hours."
SL4: At which point you owe me one (1) tackily colored Cadillac, mendicant.
Remmy: "Four hours??? That's like four years in a place like this!"
TBH: You're going to be the obligatory annoying crying >:-# on this trip, aren't you?
Arturo: "The string theory indicates that time will always be the same on a parallel world."
HTWD: No one likes a literal smeghead. He didn't mean that literally!
Arturo: "Present day wherever you go."
SL4: Well, forget about the episode "Guardian" then!
Arturo: "In fact, time will remain concurrent during all interdimensional Slides."
TBH: That's right, keep digging a deeper hole. We can forget about "As Time Goes By" too!
Remmy: "Wanna float that by me again? In ENGLISH this time?"
TBH: <mimicking Samuel L. Jackson> : English >:-# >:-#-er, DO YOU SPEAK IT?????
Arturo: "I'm saying that four hours spent here are equivalent to four hours spent back home."
HTWD: Is that what you said? Because I could have sworn that I heard, "please, oh please, beat my >:-# for being a pompous, overblown, big-word-using annoying bastard."
Remmy: "So, if now is now, I can still make the game and do the gig!"
SL4: From your little demonstration, I think the ice fleas in this world's Candlestick Park will be more appreciative of you doing it than the people back home.
Remmy <turning to Quinn> : "You're gonna take me back man, and you're gonna do it this instant!"
TBH: Or what? You'll drown me with tears or hit me with your cummerbund?
Quinn: "But, I don't think I'm supposed to alter the timer."
HTWD: Oh, come on. Where's your spirit of adventure? Start >:-#-ing around with the device that TAKES YOU TO PARALLEL WORLDS and which you don't fully understand.
Quinn: "The other Quinn was trying to warn me about that."
SL4: When he wasn't bragging on himself like Hulk Hogan cutting a rap song.
Quinn: "But his voice kept fading."
TBH: Or maybe it was the deaf garage band practicing next door. I just know that I couldn't hear him.
Wade: "Hold it a minute! Hold it!"
HTWD: Aw man, I hate it when people talk out loud to their bladders.
Wade: "Do you guys hear something?"
SL4: You mean besides a shrill Lisa Kudrowish valley-girl wanna-be? Nope.
<They all grow quiet. A howling sound is audible. It gets louder. The windows are too fogged up to see out of so Remmy rolls down his window. His action admits a powerful rocket blast of cold air.>
TBH: Oh, smooth move Ex-Lax. When I thaw out and can move, I'm gonna kick you out of the car.
<From out the window they can see some incredibly cheesy looking FX that are supposed to represent an "ice tornado" coming straight for them>
HTWD: Look out! It's the cotton ball from hell!
TBH: The tornado in The Wizard of Oz was a pair of panty hose. My guess is this is a K-Mart blue light special tube sock.
<Remmy pulls his head back in, frantically rolls his window back up, pivots, and grabs Quinn's shirt.> : "End of discussion, Q-Ball."
SL4: First recorded use of "Q-Ball" folks.
TBH: Did that line make the final cut? We're working with a revision script here.
Remmy: "We're outta here!"
HTWD: I'd love to see Frank Parker walk up to him at this point and slap the holy bejesus out of him! But then we wouldn't have a series. Still...
<The force of the wind increases, and suddenly the top of the car is ripped off.>
SL4: Hey, you didn't tell me this was a convertible!
TBH: With a tornado, even a three story house is a convertible.
<They scramble out of the car and Quinn frantically adjusts the remote control.>
HTWD: D'oh! The buttons are frozen. It's stuck in CD Player mode! We're doomed!
Quinn: "I hope we're doing the right thing!"
SL4: You're not.
Arturo: "Anywhere's better than here, Mallory!"
TBH: Oh yeah? I'll just drop you off at the Farscape set, then. What? Yeah, I thought so.
Remmy: "Let's go, let's go, let's GO."
HTWD: If you'll stop screaming in my ear and let go of my >:-# I'll see what I can do!
<Quinn activates the remote control. The approaching storm howls louder and the winds grow stronger. The activated vortex struggles to form.>
SL4: Great, the vortex is powered by Energizer. We'll be lucky if it appears in two hours!
Wade <eyeing the approaching storm> : "C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon."
TBH: I know! It seems like the football season will NEVER get here!
Quinn: "I'm trying! Something's wrong!"
TBH: <mimicking Arturo> : I see the problem! You have the dial set for "melodrama." Change it back to "normal operation."
<The vortex finally forms, but it is eight feet off the ground.>
HTWD: Do we look like we should be in Sydney doing the high jump right now? Why so high up, genius?
<the remote control starts to fizz and smoke.>
SL4: Um, that can't be good.
Quinn: "MOVE IT!"
TBH: Geez, give a nerd control over the timer and he turns into a bossy cow.
<The Sliders scramble onto the trunk. Arturo leaps up into the vortex with a boost from Quinn.>
HTWD: SNAP. Three vertebrate demolished. Thanks for "supersizing" lunch Professor!!!
<Wade steps into Quinn's hands and leaps into the vortex next.>
TBH: <mimicking Wade> : Thanks for the help Quinn. I said thanks! I'm up far enough, you can release the butt boost now. Quinn!
Remmy <about to step into Quinn's cupped hands when he hesitates.> : "Wait a minute ... My car! What about my car!?"
SL4: If you can fit in on your back, it can come. I'm outta here in three seconds either way. See ya around.
<A nearby tree collapses. Remmy squeals and leaps into Quinn's hands and up into the vortex.>
SL4: Yeah, that's what I thought.
<Another tree hits Quinn and propels him face first into the front seat of the car.>
TBH: <Mimicking Quinn> : Sniff. Jesus, what did Remmy have for lunch today?
<Quinn spins around and sees that the wormhole is getting smaller and the ice tornado is getting closer. As he scrambles to his feet the snow filled air engulfs him.>
HTWD: Now I'm really going to beat Smarter Quinn's >:-# the next time I see him! "Perfect World" my paw!
<Scene change to Arturo emerging from the vortex. He falls the eight feet to the grass and lands roughly.>
SL4: Well, so far Sliding sucks unless like you like freezing or massive contusions.
<Before Arturo can move Wade emerges and lands dead on him. They share an awkward moment as they realize their intimate position.>
TBH: <mimicking Wade> : Um, Professor, please tell me you have a jumbo sized roll of Certs in your front pocket.
<The moment is broken as Remmy emerges with a rebel yell> : "Waaaahhh! Look out!"
HTWD: Thanks for coming so quickly, >:-#-er. I might have been able to milk another couple seconds out of this embrace!
<Wade and Arturo roll in different directions a second before Remmy slams into the ground where they had been laying.>
Remmy: "Oh man. That trip is a trip!"
SL4: "That trip is a trip." Your 400 word vocabulary is positively staggering.
<The three Sliders rise and look around the warmer version of the street and park they'd just left.>
TBH: <mimicking Remmy> Oh man! I just remembered that I left my Taco Bell bag on the floor of my car! We gotta go back!
Wade <looking up at the vortex, worried.> : "Professor, where's Quinn?"
HTWD: What are you asking me for? I was the first one through!
Wade <turning to Remmy> : "Wasn't he right behind you?"
SL4: If he was right behind me he would have COME OUT right behind me. Duh.
Wade: "Didn't you see him in the void?"
TBH: The only thing I saw was you and Arturo making out like cats in heat on the ground.
Remmy: "Girl, I didn't see nothing."
HTWD: Most especially, I didn't never see the "double negative" section of an English textbook.
Remmy: "I flew through with my eyes closed."
SL4: Former United Airlines pilot, eh?
Wade: "What if he didn't get through?"
TBH: Then you better get comfortable on this world because he had the timer. I suggest first finding out if your double is rich and successful and if so, then ... MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!
Wade: "We have to go back!"
TBH: <mimicking Remmy> : Good idea! Grab my Taco Bell bag while you're there!
Arturo <grabbing her arm gently> : "My dear ... that portal leads to an infinite number of Earths."
HTWD: Each Earth potentially being one where Sam Donaldson never got that horrid rug for his dome. I say we chance it!
Wade: "I don't care!"
SL4: Have a seat while I explain the concept of "infinite" to you. A trillion seconds ago Neanderthals walked the earth. "Infinite" is a much bigger number than trillion...
Arturo: "There is simply no way to control the journey back!"
TBH: <glancing at watch> : It's been about two minutes. Isn't a vortex supposed to last only sixty seconds?
Wade: "You mean, if he didn't make it ..."
HTWD: You might actually develop a crush on someone who gives a flying rat's >:-#.
Arturo: "... We may never be able to find him."
SL4: MAY????????? You don't even have a timer! Without that, the closest you're getting to another world is watching a soap opera!
Wade <pulling away from Arturo and staring up at the vortex, fighting tears> : "Please Quinn..."
TBH: ...I never even got a chance to pull my "wearing a white tee-shirt on a night I knew it was gonna rain" scam on you!
Wade <as the vortex shrinks> : "... don't let me lose you."
HTWD: Well, technically, don't you have to actually HAVE somebody before you can lose them?
<Quinn pops through just as the gate shrinks down to nothing,. He lands on his chest and quickly bounces to his feet.>
SL4: Hi ya'll. I woulda been here sooner but MAN those burritos were delish!
TBH: <mimicking Remmy> : I'll kill you!
Quinn: "Whoa, that was close."
HTWD: Tell me about it. 30 more seconds of that emotional manipulation and I was gonna snap.
Quinn <noticing Wade wiping away a tear without the faintest clue that she'd been crying for him> : "Hey, what's with the tears?"
SL4: Only girls cry ... um, never mind.
Quinn: "You hit your head or something?"
TBH: <standing up> : HEY QUINN! <points at Wade> SHE DIGS YOU! Why, I have no clue, but she digs you! PAGING ANY WORKING BRAIN CELLS IN QUINN'S HEAD! THIS WOMAN STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU WITH TEARS IN HER EYES AND YOU HAVING ALMOST MISSED THE SLIDE FROM SLURPEE WORLD DIGS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <sitting back down, muttering> Jesus God Almighty.
Wade <wiping the tears and shaking her head> : "Yeah. Maybe I need to have it examined."
HTWD: You're fine. It's Anti-Lifeline Boy here who doesn't have a clue!
