<Remmy is in rush hour traffic, practicing his performance>Remmy: "Oh say..."
HTWD: ... do you have any Grey Poupon?
Remmy: "... can you see ..."
SL4: ... pink spider monkeys or did I use too much spice weasel at dinner?
Remmy: "Can you see?"
TBH: ... a has-been who should be touring with Steve Winwood and Prince?
Remmy: "I wanna know can you see?"
TBH: <head in hands> : People who start jazzing with a national anthem need to be roped to the dunking stool.
Remmy: "... by the dawn's early light..."
HTWD: ... I saw this guy in Santa Monica roller skate naked thru the crosswalk...
<scene change to a pacing Arturo>
Arturo: "Roulette wheel? What kind of scientific jargon is that?"
SL4: Well, Excuseeeeeeeeeeeeee me, Mr. I'm-Older-Than-Dinosaur-Dirt-But-I-Didn't-Even-Come-Close-To-Ever-Solving-The-Chalkboard-Problem!!!
Arturo: "I tell you, I simply don't believe it."
TBH: Well I don't believe that suit you're wearing, so we're even.
Arturo: "A parallel universe is a theory, nothing more."
HTWD: If I were Quinn, I'd get this on tape so I could play it each time we Slid to a new world. He could stand a dose of humility.
Arturo: "I suppose next you'll be telling me the dog ate your homework?"
SL4: If I hear that worn out cliché one more time in a movie or TV show, I'm going to commit an act of unimaginable violence.
<Quinn presses the button on the TV remote and the vortex opens up>
TBH: Nothing says shut your >:-#-ing PIEhole like creating a vortex a blowhard has just said is impossible.
Quinn: "I, uh, don't have a dog."
SL4: That's a weak victory line. Can you two do any better?
HTWD: **KNEEL** BEFORE ZOD, mendicant!!!!
TBH: Do you have any more strongly held convictions which I can shatter?
<Remmy is still stuck in traffic>
Remmy: "... home ... I said home ... I mean home..."
HTWD: They're going to wish they'd hired Rosanne if he does it like this.
Remmy: "... of the braaaaaaaaave."
TBH: It's also the home of 520 million ear plugs that will be put to use tonight.
<Remmy looks deeply satisfied with himself, then irritated when the traffic looks like it is going to remain immobile the rest of the night.>
SL4: Oh man, they might make me too late to butcher the anthem! Plan B!
<Remmy steers off into a shoulder and takes a side street>
HTWD: Hey, watch it buddy! Not only does he want to sing like James Brown, now he's driving like him!
<Back in the basement>
Wade: "Whoa, wait a minute."
SL4: Your chocolate's in my peanut butter.
Wade: "I'm on overload here."
TBH: How could a fat corporate loser walk away with a million dollars when Rudy and Susan were obviously more worthy?????
Wade: "This is really out there."
HTWD: So is that mock valley girl lingo you spout, but we're not complaining about that, are we?
Wade: "You mean, we can just Slide through here ... without getting thrashed..."
SL4: Who said you wouldn't be thrashed?
Wade: "... and, like, boom, we're on another planet?"
TBH: Anyone who says "and, like, boom" is already ON another planet.
Quinn: "No, same planet, different dimension."
HTWD: Or different dementia, depending on what website you visit.
Wade: "And it's safe, right?"
SL4: If you don't mind being shot, melded with taco-boy, or having your head cut off, sure!
<Quinn nods>
TBH: That's a ringing endorsement if I've never seen one.
Wade: "That is so cool! Where do I sign up?"
HTWD: I like your spirit! I have another invention I wanna test next. Come back tonight at midnight wearing a bathrobe ... and bring a can of cheese ravioli.
Arturo: "Don't be a child! This is not a toy!"
SL4: What's with the attitude? McDonalds will bring back the McPizza one day! Just be patient, dude.
Wade: "Whoa, lighten up."
TBH: That's two "whoa's" in the past two minutes. I'm going to start calling you Keanu Lloyd if you keep it up.
Wade: "Quinn's done it. And his double's gone through nearly a dozen times. You got something better to do?"
HTWD: Well, I was gonna catch a Blue Man Group show later ...
Arturo: "This wormhole must be carefully studied."
SL4: Studied with the intensity and care of a Red Lobster menu.
Arturo: "All the permutations must be plotted and computed."
TBH: We're getting old here, granny! Either jump into the >:-#-ing vortex or get your scared elephantine ass out of the way!
Wade: "Fine, you work out the numbers. Quinn and I are gonna take a spin around the universe."
TBH: <mimicking Quinn> : Um, who invited you? There's a 250 IQ minimum, Buffy.
Arturo <glancing at Quinn, who's grinning> : "You can't be serious..."
SL4: I'm as serious as an itch you can't reach!
Quinn: "Coming?"
HTWD: That's kinda a personal question, don't you think?
Arturo: "Fine. Then in the interest of science..."
TBH: ...and male-gods-of-love world...
Arturo: "...I have no other choice than to accompany you on this ... foolish ... joyride."
SL4: Sure you have a choice! You could be scared like your cowardly double on PTSS world and stay behind and become ever more bitter about it, turning into an evil caricature of yourself.
<Quinn punches buttons on the remote control>
HTWD: Oooooo, are you putting it on the Mighty Morphin Ninja Turtles?
Quinn: "What do you think; five hours?"
TBH: That would depend on which world you take us to, wouldn't it? If you take us to orgy world-
SL4: Or PIE world!
TBH: -then I'd have to throttle you for setting it at only five hours.
Quinn: "That would give us time to explore and still be home by midnight."
HTWD: Awwwww, does the widdle boy genius have to be home by midnight or he gets a spanking???
Arturo: "Yes, I should think you'd want to be well rested for tomorrow's class. It should be a doozy."
SL4: You're the teacher. Don't you know for sure if it will be?
Wade: "Think we'll all fit?"
TBH: Wade! Cutting innuendo on Arturo's size is mean! I like that about you.
Quinn: "Maybe I should increase the power. The question is, how much?"
HTWD: Hint: If you feel your teeth being pulled out of your mouth, you've increased it too much.
Arturo: "God help us."
SL4: Why are you so worried? What's the worst thing that can happen?
<Quinn turns up the dial, the vortex howls louder>
TBH: Well, if this doesn't take people to other dimensions it can still be sold as a new way for teenagers to annoy parents.
<Remmy turns down Quinn's street>
HTWD: Boy are you gonna regret this shortcut, Columbus.
<Quinn, Arturo, and Wade enter the vortex. After it swallows them it moves to the wall and through it>
SL4: It's a good thing Quinn didn't live in a dorm or there'd be about 15 Sliders.
<The vortex moves out into the street>
TBH: Watch carefully folks, this phenomenon is never explained and never happens again in any of the other 98 Sliders episodes.
<Remmy doesn't have time to avoid the vortex and he drives right into it.>
HTWD: Aw man, I KNEW I should've waited another light and taken Hairybutt Lane instead!
<A screaming Remmy appears on a parallel street, this one frozen over. He skids, still screaming.>
SL4: No you fool! Steer INTO the skid! Jesus, you'd think, living in San Fran, that he'd KNOW how to drive on an icy road!
<Remmy's Caddy heads for and plunges into an iceberg. Remmy is pissed to the point of tears as he stares at the destroyed front end.>
TBH: Another musician's car totaled because of snow. It's sad, really.
<in this world's Quinn's basement, Arturo rises shakily to his feet.> : "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph..."
HTWD: Um, that's a tough one, Alex. What are three of the most overused baby names in the last two thousand years?
Arturo: "I think I've just seen God... and I could've sworn he was driving a Cadillac."
SL4: No, that was Jerry Falwell. Easy mistake.
<Quinn dusts himself off and turns to Wade> : "You okay?"
TBH: <mimicking Wade> : I'm the ONLY living woman on this world and you're on it with me! I'm BETTER than okay! I'm FAB-TAB-ULOUS!
Wade: "Man, that was so great! It was, like, better than sex!"
HTWD: I hope all her loser ex boyfriends aren't watching this.
Arturo: "Yes, well, I wouldn't go that far."
SL4: If she'd said it was better than eating he would have really reprimanded her! I would have too, now that I think about it.
Wade <starting to shiver> : "Quinn? Where are we?"
TBH: In Ken Starr's heart. Can't you tell by the temperature?
Quinn: "In my basement. If there's a me living here, I guess he never turned it into a laboratory."
HTWD: You mean he actually had a life?
Quinn: "If we're lucky, there could be candles above the washer."
SL4: As long as you're wishing, wish for a thermal blankie.
Arturo <sweeping up a cloud of dust while running a hand along a table> : "Whatever was here, hasn't been here for a long time."
TBH: That's why he's a professor, folks.
<The shivering Sliders enter this world's kitchen. It's obvious that this world is a frozen hell.>
HTWD: So when do the other two throw a blanket party for Quinn's decision to set the timer for five hours? Brrrrrrrr.
<Quinn's attention is taken with a picture on the fridge.>
Arturo: "Who is it?"
SL4: This world's Charles Manson! RUN!
Quinn: "My family. I mean, the family that lives ... lived here."
TBH: The family that moved to Canada because it was warmer.
Quinn: "That's Bopper. He ... he ran away when he was just a puppy. We never found him."
HTWD: As well he should have. Any family that names a dog "Bopper" deserves to be run away from.
Arturo: "Who's the girl?"
SL4: Hey! I just got here like you did! What makes you think I'm a walking encyclopedia of this world?
Quinn: "The sister I never had."
TBH: How do you know that? Judging from the basement, this Quinn had a life. This was probably his babe-o'-the-week!
<Quinn and Arturo exchange a meaningful glance>
HTWD: How about clueing us in on the meaning, huh? What is the significance of the condom breaking on one world and not on another?
<Outside, Remmy is pacing> : "It's just not fair. My wheels! My beautiful, beautiful wheels!"
SL4: Look on the bright side, at least now people won't be snickering at you as you pass them.
HTWD: There's still the way he dresses.
SL4: Good point.
<Remmy senses movement and looks over at the house as the other three come out. Wade is transfixed by something and stops. Quinn notices her absorption and follows her gaze, gasping as he sees it too. The camera moves in on their stunned looks.>
TBH: Can we see too or are we supposed to guess?
SL4: I think they see US!
HTWD: Great. And me on a bad fur day. Grrrrr.
Wade: "Now is the winter of our discontent."
SL4: Oh, she hasn't read John Steinbeck!!! She saw that quote in a Cosmopolitan ad!
<POV switch to what they were staring at. San Francisco is frozen and abandoned and the Golden Gate Bridge embedded in ice.>
TBH: I guess this means that horrid hockey is popular in this San Fran. Swell. I think I'll move to this world. >:-#
