THE JERRY O'CONNELL HOROSCOPE WATCH
MSTed by Blinker
From the recent JOC chat on PageSix:
goodbikitty: i study astrology and was wondering what sign u r
p6_jerry_oconnell: aquarius Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. 7>:-D
The material below was gathered from the following web pages on April 17, 2001. As many of them are updated daily, the content in question is no longer available. Jerry's attitude towards the fans of Sliders:
http://www.naturalland.com/horoscope/nlpics/aquarius...
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All it takes to turn things around for you is a little financial boost, and such an event is quite likely to take place today. >>> Translation: Someone finally takes pity on Jerry's "Will work for the BEST SEX OF YOUR LIFE" sandwich board, and tosses him a lucky quarter. You can make the most of even a small windfall to get out of a situation that doesn't allow a full range of expression and a good use of your talents. >>> JOC [pouting]: "Stupid >:-#ing Peck won't let me display my full range of expressions. I can do everything from 'smug' to 'conceited' and he expects me to stick to 'oblivious'?! I'm grabbin' my lucky quarter and strikin' the hell outta here!" ...open your mind to alternative ideas and methods. >>> Isn't that more Kari's department? A family member will help you through a difficult personal situation. >>> "Uhhhh, there, there, brother. It is not your fault that Debbie Gibson blew you off faster than UPN could shelve 'Death By Magic: The Series' in favour of more wacky antics on 'Moesha.' Uhhh, though I am not bitter." Aquarius exhibits the steady quality of deep winter, the cool and abstract, capable of pure thought and profound meditation. >>> [mimicking JOC] "Yeah! Uh, THAT'S what I was doing during most of 'Mother and Child'... Meditating! Like winter!" Your fortunate astrological number for today is 303. >>>The #1 search result for "303":
http://www.bact.wisc.edu/bact303/bact303mainpage Find an attractive partner and have a wild night. You'll be having the best sex ever. >>> "C'mon Debbie, even the HOROSCOPE says so! The HOROSCOPE!" Aquarians work best in group projects, provided that they are recognized as having a leading part in them. >>> AND provided their brothers are granted cushy jobs. AND provided they're granted Executive Producer status. AND provided they're only required to act in three episodes a season. AND provided... A true diplomat, you are clear in your own demands without failing to see the value of compromise. >>> Uh-huh. See above. Mark your trail, just in case you ever want to come this way again. >>> Dammit, Jer... ZIP UP YOUR PANTS! You can put your ideas into motion if you present your thoughts to those in a position to help you get the ball rolling. >>> "So Peck, I've got this idea. Next season premiere, Quinn gets jumped by a blowfish on Botulism World and can never again move the muscles in his face..." Maybe you need to make some warm feeling in your family. >>> "Charlie, could you come here a minute?" The beautiful Turquoise is your birthstone. The name comes from the French "turquoise", which means "Turkey"... >>> Your call: Jerry's birthstone, or M2M's? Rationalizing your motives doesn't imbue them with integrity. >>> JOC [speechless for a full minute]: "It doesn't?" [long pause] "That's it; press conference is over." You have very good feelings towards your daily contacts and siblings. >>> "Charlie IS my 'daily contact,' dammit." Among the faults to which they are liable are fanatical eccentricity, wayward egotism, excessive detachment... >>> Score one: Horoscope! Hey, three out of three ain't bad! Normally they have good taste in drama, music and art, and are also gifted in the arts, especially drama. >>> ...But if this doesn't discredit astrology for good, I don't know WHAT can. Being dutiful, they would never let a member of their family go without their basic requirements... >>> You know... food, shelter, a starring role on Sliders... just the essentials. But are they willing to go out and earn a living? Some are, many are not. >>> "Pimping Charlie IS SO a living." Some Aquarians have genius that borders on insanity... >>> [adjusts monitor] What the hell?!!! I just fixed this thing!!!!! They can sometimes be show-offs, but it's usually to draw attention to their causes rather than to themselves. >>> "Good evening, ma'am; I'm soliciting on behalf of the Jerry O'Connell Paycheck Fund..." *SLAM* We all need a daily dose of vastness. >>> You mean that ego of yours DOES serve a purpose? What I wish for you this week, Aquarius, is that you'll be eager to grapple with every last nut and bolt. >>> "I sure am! Wait, one question. What's a 'bolt'?" But once they decide that someone is worthy of their friendship or love, they can exert an almost hypnotic and irresistible mental attraction on them... >>> [mimicking JOCnatic] "...we can't judge him... ...it was the scripts' fault!... ...hey, he's only human... ...Jerry isn't mysogynistic; YOU need to lighten up!..." You are feeling detached today and need to include your partner in your day. Get him/her involved in what you are doing. >>> So Jerry's new partner is best described as "him/her." Shock factor: zero. You are out of your depth, and you know it. >>> "Well, duh! Why do you think I hired Charlie, to make Cleavant look good?" Your ruling planet is Uranus. >>> Whoa, TOO easy... They are so friendly even the dog down the street will find its way to the Aquarian house... and stay. >>> But only because JOC gets it drunk. You want to be the sheep with the pink wool. >>> Well, if nothing else, we now know why he signed up for 'Tomcats'...
http://www.mediatrip.com/tomcats/images/week1... It takes two to tango and lately you've been somewhat neglectful. >>> "Are you implying that my unparalleled looks and a ceiling-mounted mirror in the bedroom DON'T count as 'two'?" Your sights may be fixed on a goal you passionately desire... and, if so, you will bring all the power at your command to bear in acquiring it. There may actually be a sense of destiny associated with your ambitions and projects this year, and your attitude toward reaching these objectives is tenacious, persistent, and even willing to literally risk life and death to succeed. >>> "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm....... Debbie Gibson......." You will be praised for your work. >>> Even if you end up having to do it yourself. Timing superb, star of the show! >>> Hey, HE doesn't need any encouragement!!!! 7>:-# Your financial outlook for today is poor. >>> Why am I bothering to riff this?! That's it, the rest of these're standing on their own! "As a general rule, Aquarians are not too emotional." "You always seem to miss the boat when it comes to love." "This results in an entire lack of pose and perfect wisdom from vanity and self-conceit as far as knowledge is concerned." "Their sexuality fluctuates..." "Continue to visualize the highest and best good to come for yourself and the whole world because after all you are the biggest megalomaniac known to man." "In relationships, you can come across as cold and uncaring..." "...intractable, contrary, perverse, unpredictable, unemotional (distrusts emotions), detached, inflexible, obstinate, having strong dislikes and firm opinions and a tendency to inflate your self-importance and pose as an expert on any subject..." "...and their work is too often attacked in a hesitating and apparently heedless kind of way." "Aquarians are generally known as: unfriendly, bigoted, tattletales, new age nuts, lame brained, huffy, pricks, liars, unhelpful, disloyal, critical, unoriginal, farters, inventive [u kant have sliders w/o the guy who INVENTIVED the tymer!!!!!!!], intellectually boring, unorthodox, eccentric, and a student of human feces." "...and realize that flossing your genitals and cross dressing are not really goals." [I am NOT making this up!!!! http://www.igmos.com/iggy/horoscope/aquarius.htm] "By repressing your emotions you drive the unrest deep inside where it can cost you in terms of health." >>> You mean all those S4 performances exacted PHYSICAL SUFFERING?! WOO HOO!!!!!!!
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