The Riffers

Recall317: Is having an annoying week at work. Needs to destroy something. This piece of short fiction should do nicely.

JermachesMolaudian: Lovable Mekkan diplomat turned resistance leader. Known for his incisive wit, tough yellow hide, and scholarly curiosity regarding human anatomy.

Our Feature Presentation

Maximilian Arturo was thoroughly toweled and this was probably good because he was getting ready for the big fight.

TM: He's finally challenging Tony Head for most popular over the hill British guy on the Board? Woohoo! Bring it on.

R317: "I've never lost a pie eating contest, Mr. Brown, and I'll be damned if I start now!"

Remmy was there, too.

JM: There have been so many series subplots involving the character of Rembrandt that could be summed up that way.

"It's a good thing we slid into this time period," Rembrandt noted. "Otherwise you'd have to face Mohammad Ali."

R317: Rembrandt really does walk on the sunny side of life, doesn't he?

He laughed hysterically.

TM: My short-lived attempt to put Dr. Hibbert in the role of Rembrandt.

"Yes," Arturo said, his mouthpiece in his mouth making his words sound less good.

R317: "Euh?," R317 said, the drivel in front of his eyes making his brain work less good.

Realizing this, he, took them, from his mouth.

R317: Hmm... more like a Maggie action than an Arturo one.

TM: The comma thing is très Dorky. [yawns] Been there, done that.

"Having landed in the 1950s I'd say it was a stroke of good fortune that I only have to battle it out with Rocky Marciano."

R317: Remmy: "He's white, right?"

He hit a punching bag. "And since we're here for six months and time actually moves backwards here,

TM: ...we're actually here for negative six months!

I've been able to get in good fighting shape and I'm under forty years old now. I can't wait for this."

R317: Well at least you've got the S3 "walking dictionary" style down pat... and it makes about as much sense as your average S3 ep.

They had discovered that the parallel history of this world resulted in the 1970s,

R317: I've been saying it for years... KC and the Sunshine Band is the pinnacle of man's achievement. And finally, it is recognized here.

up to which time had been moving normally. But then in 1975 it stopped.

JM: But enough about Red Sox baseball, back to our story. [gets looks from the others] What? I can't have an interest in human sports?

In 1976, it started going the other way.

TM: Time switched gender orientation? Didn't see that one coming.

A now 23-year-old Rembrandt Brown shared his fiend's enthusiasm.

R317: With fiends like these, who needs enemies?

"I know Quinn and Wade wish they could be here, but they have Kindergarten and since it's illegal on this world they couldn't get out of it."

R317: Little kids clanking their thermoses across barred windows crying out "Attica! Attica!"

"Why do they have Kindergarten?" the Professor asked.

JM: If Arturo can't remember major plot points, you know your story is disjointed.

"Remember Prof, they are six and eight now.

TM: Prof? Geez. That's worse than Rem. Hell, that's worse than Qu.

This world's time moves backwards."

R317: But apparently in different quadrants as Quinn and Wade were previously the same age...

"Oh yeah," Arturo answered. "Well, I guess it's time for the fight."

JM: I suppose that heavyweight champ Marciano has just been filing his nails while all this went on?

The English man stepped out into the lights and got ready to fight the Brown Bomber.

R317: Just be glad they're not professional wrestlers. I'd hate to think what the "Brown Bomber"'s gimmick would be...

Rembrandt decided to step out for a Strawberry Coke, which they had on this world but did not have on his homeworld.

R317: Thankfully this comprehensive alt-world info is bailing out the faltering plot!

It didn't tast good.

R317: That's because we forgot to mention that on this world, strawberries are made of chalk.

It was then that he ran into Quinn and Wade. "Hey, I thought you kids are supposed to be in school?"

"School?" Wade quizzed. "What are you talking?"

R317: Wade's part is being played by a young Gary Coleman.

TM: Can we assume from this that Wade's never actually seen the inside of a classroom?

JM: Having viewed the Pilot, I would say it's an easy wager.

"We were younger, but that was yesterday.

R317: o/` Suddenly... I'm not half the age I used to be... o/`

Since time moves backward, we're back to normal again."

JM: In that case, I think we just bypassed Entropy in more ways than one.

"yeah, I remember now

R317: I think Remmy's having a flashback again. Must be the Strawberry Coke... oh, did I forget to mention that on this world, Coke is made of opium?

"Hey!!" said Wade.

TM: "You!!" said Quinn. "Get off of my cloud," said Remmy.

"You don't want to forget about your job on this world, do you?"

R317: As assistant manager at Blimpy's? Don't remind me!

Remmy blushed.

JM: I would have liked to have seen that.

"Of course not. 70s detectives never go out of style."

TM: That's true if you're talking about detectives from the 70s (e.g. Shaft) but not about detectives in their 70s (e.g. Barnaby Jones).

Rembrandt put on his leather,

JM: Leather courtesy of Heather's House of Leather.

and having put on a helmet to make sure, he went off to Washington.

TM: He put on his helmet to make sure he put on his leather? And how'd he get to Washington from San Francisco?

R317: I'm thinking he took the short bus...

Cents it was the 50s, there was a Brown v. Bored case going on.

R317: I thought it in the 50s, it was pompadours. And in the 60s it was peace.

TM: Considering the historical accuracy of this story so far I would expect P. Diddy to be the NAACP's attorney on the case.

The Warren Commission was there, too and they were just about to rule.

R317: For those about to rule, we salute you!

Suddenly Remmy bursts in. "Take that." Warren falls to the floor.

TM: Still a better fate than he got on "Buffy".

"Arrest that man!" some old guy cries.

JM: I love the specifics of this story. Or I would if there were any.

But Remmy is too slick. He is already out and on.

TM: Eww. I hope he's taken off his leather.

Back to Quinn and Wade. "I don't know."

R317: That's OK, dear. Nobody else knows either... what's going on, that is.

"It's a toaster."

R317: Homer's time traveling toaster? Egad, this ep is starting to come together!

"Oh."

JM: This is the dramatic high point of the story. Enjoy it while it lasts.

"Don't we slide in two seconds?" Wade azed.

R317: Wade's too hip to "axe" questions. She's gone straight to "aze", aight?

"Yeah, but I want to see how this fight turns out." Lennox Lewis and Evandser Holyfield were fighting in this world.

R317: Could have been worse. I wouldn't have been shocked had it been Lex Luthor.

Quinn opened the vortex quickly and jumped through. Soon they were all thru.

TM: Quinn, Wade, Lefty the janitor, everybody.

"Wow, dinos again!" Arturo exclaimed. "Yipee!"

R317: No fair! You just ripped off "Dino Slide"! Which in turn is a rip off of "Dinoslide"! Which in turn is a ripoff of "In Dino Veritas"... which in turn is a homage to "Jurassic Park"... which is loosely based off of "The Lost World"...

"I want to ride one," Wade declared.

JM: Putting her on the stegosaurus should cure her of that.

R317: Does this look like a petting zoo, you stupid, stupid bit

"Not so fast," siad Mr. Slayed. "What are you doing on my construction site?"

R317: That's it! I'm getting my lawyer on the phone.

"Uh oh," Wade groned. This was going to be a tougher slide than the last 1.

TM: Tougher 2 believe perhaps. Good thing 4 us there will be no sequel to this travis3.