Aagh! We've got Executive sign!

[ For Pete's sake, you'll use any excuse to show off your lame parody, won't you? ]

and I was glad to see he kept my 3rd season MCA NetForum spoof

[ Nobody else was, though... ]

(which follows).

[ *SARCASM MODE* Oh goodie. ]

Be sure to read a few of his new hilarious SLIDERS parodies and side-splitting SLIDERS/X-Files crossover fanfics while you're there.

[ In other words, read everything except Executive's so-called parody. ]

Geez...I can't believe I never posted this on The Dominion in almost a year!

[ Geez... I can't believe you have the gall to post this stupidity again! ]

Enjoy!

[ Unlikely. ]

Have you ever wanted to travel to parallel worlds just to get away from it all?

[ Well, maybe just to get away from you, Executive ]

Do you ever say to yourself, "Seen this Earth - lived
there - done that." ?

[ Do you ever say to yourself, "This is a stupid parody and I'll look more like a buffoon than usual if I post it?" Do you ever say to yourself that you aren't funny (intentionally). Do you ever think before you open your mouth, or type up a post? Do you ever think, period? ]

Well, you shouldn't because talking to yourself in this manner is
not healthy!

[ Neither is your parody, but that didn't stop you from writing it, now did it? ]

But if you are ready to take that next big step into --> the the <-- amazing world of interdimensional travel, have I

[ The things Executive won't do to stretch out one of his posts... ]

got a great deal for you!

[ Do tell.... ]

Yes, now being offered publicly for the first time

[ And hopefully the last... ]

-- it's...

--------------------------
The Parallel Earth Sliding Kit

[ What wit! I haven't seen such comic genius since Bob Saget and the rest of the cast of "Full House" hit the airwaves! ]
--------------------------

Comes complete with the following:

* DIGITAL QUARTZ TIMER (batteries not included) - Guaranteed to work with any parallel-Earth sliding equipment, regardless of operating frequency or overall setup.

[ Or common sense, or scientific realism.... ]

Disclaimer: On our current models, the user will only be able to stay on any given world for a limited period (usually ranging from a few days to one month) until the next slide. Operator uses at his or her own risk. Failure to slide by the moment the timer reaches ZERO may result in the user(s) being stranded on that Earth for approximately 29 years. Our soon to be released upgrade, which is much more flexible to operate, will be --> avaiable <-- soon at no additional charge (for trade-ins only).

[ Avaiable? Some entrepreneur you are. You can't even spell a key word like AVAILABLE! ]

[ Disclaimer: Executive is only able to concentrate for a limited period (usually ranging from 1 to 2 seconds until some piece of data interrupts his thought). Failure to be correct may result in sulking, sophistry, lies, denial, insults and a venegeance streak as long as the yellow stripe down his back. ]

* COMPLETE INTERDIMENSIONAL EARTHS MAP - The most comprehensive
listing to date of 5328 Earths. Which ones to slide to, and the ones
to avoid.

[ Not true. The Earths harboring parallel Executives were blatantly left off the list of the ones to avoid. ]

The dangerous, unruly worlds will appeal to the adventurous
risk takers.

[ The worlds inhabited by single-celled organisms will appeal to all parallel Executives because it will be the only way they can appear intelligent compared to anything else on Earth-and even then it is still a close call ]

Survivalists will prefer Ice Age, desert, or post-nuclear worlds.

[ Anyone who knows Executive will prefer these worlds as well, if Executive is stranded on one of them. ]

For the overworked but underpaid we suggest the calm vacation
spots. There is truly an Earth for everyone!

[ For the overpaid and under-brained Executive, we suggest he takes a flying leap instead. ]

* TIMER REPAIR KIT - All the tools you'll need should the timer break down or malfunction during your travels. Comes in an attractive velcro carrying belt. Very effective when you are thrust out of a wormhole at 40 mph or more!

[ If you are travelling at 40 mph, your kit will be one of the last things you'll be worrying about. Coincidentally, this is the speed at which Executive smashed his head into a brick wall when he was young. The doctors thought there might be brain damage....until they realized there was nothing there to damage in the first place. ]

* INTER WORLD GOVERNMENT HANDBOOK - Details every Earth's political structure. Democracies, republics, communist and socialist societies, monarchies, anarchies, voodoo, the occult

[ Voodoo and the occult are political systems? Political science wasn't your strong point, was it? ]

and every other type of society is full chronicled for 5328 worlds. Also includes a capsulized

[ "...full chronicled"? Try "FULLY chronicled." ]

history of each world. All countries are taken into account. The size of a big city phonebook, we recommend you put this one in a backpack with your clothes and other personal items!

[ What is it written in, microdots? The history of all countries for 5328 worlds in a book the size of a phonebook? The book should be much larger, say around the size of your bloated ego. ]

W A R N I N G !! [ Too late. You should have put that at the beginning ]
-------------
On several dozen of these worlds, a highly evolved race of
--> humans <-- have

[ They aren't humans, they are highly evolved Cro-magnons. I see your biological skills are matched only by your knowledge of voodoo and the occult. ]

been encountered. They are known as the Kromaggs. --> These <-- species are

[ They are ONE species, not two or more. I guess basic math wasn't your strong point either. ]

dangerous and pose a threat to every Earth they slide to in the
interdimensional spectrum.

[ Even the ones they have always controlled, right? ]

Although the Kromagg ships have not yet attacked our world, our Pentagon (in cooperation with military forces on other Earths)

[ But not in contact with any other countries on THEIR OWN earth? Was jingoism your favorite course in high school? Or did you even make it to high school? ]

have deployed Air Force personnel to slide to those
worlds under attack to seek and destroy these creatures. We strongly
suggest that you protect yourself and your travelling companions with the appropriate firearms....

[ Or better still, fax a copy of this "work" and the story "Crisis" to the Kromagg homeworld and they will think the inhabitants of this Earth are so stupid that we won't even be good as slave labor. The same end may also be achieved by introducing the Kromaggs to Executive directly, with the added benefit that they may take him away. ]

FREE BONUS if you order in the next 10 days!

[ Long enough to locate someone being held hostage in their own apartment. (c.f: My rendition of Executive's story, "CRISIS") ]

* THREE (3) FULLY FUNCTIONAL TMS2493 LASER PISTOLS - The ultimate
handgun for defending your life, these weapons are approved by all
governments on this world as well as the NRA.

[ I'm surprised you didn't class the NRA AS a government, like Voodoo. ]

The TMS2493 operates with a heating circuit, corresponding laser sensor and semi-automatic recoil.

[ So it appears to sense the presence of lasers, heat up and recoil for no apparent reason. Does it shoot anything? Ever considered building weapons for a living, Exec? The world would be a safer place with your genius at work. ]

Comes with rechargeable nickel cadnium battery pack, which

[ Cadnium? What is that? Is it like Cadmium? After seeing your chemical prowess in the story "Crisis" (you at least knew of CO-2), I can only guess that it is some kind of new element you created in your spare time between picking your nose and hiding your head in the ground when someone points out when you made an error. ]

plugs into any standard 120 volt wall socket.

Disclaimer: Owner must possess a valid and legal gun license, which will be honored on many Earths. In the United States, the Brady Bill requires us to adhere to this law.

[ Disclaimer: Executive is mentally deranged and can not be held accountable for his actions, no matter how stupid they may be. Avoid him at all costs and pity him from the safety of your own homes. ]

Regular price --- $5,924,804

[ What a coincidence! The cost is exactly 1 000 000 times Executive's IQ - on a good day. ]

Your price ------ $638,098.99 (includes postage and handling)

ORDER NOW!!

Send check or money order (Sorry, no CODs

[ Because Executive can't easily process any words over 2 letters long ]

to):

[ "to" should be outside the brackets ]

EARTH PRIME SLIDING INSTITUTE
c/o Quinn Mallory or Professor Maximillian Arturo
8314 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, CA 90048

[ or to Executive's home:
EARTH PRIME MENTAL INSTITUTE
c/o Dr Freud
0001 Rubber Wall Boulevard
Los Angeles, CA 90210 ]

This advertisement paid for by:

T h e
E x e c u t i v e

[ Some items to take that you left out Exec: By BRANIAC5!!! ]

X-Ecutive's Sliders' Survival Guide

From: (Braniac5)
Date: 12 Aug 1997 22:16:06

Gee, where to start. First, HEY EVERYBODY!!! Now, on to the topic at hand: the Sliders' Survival Guide posted by X-ecutive (it taking the form of a really lame rip-off of a darn good Donner idea):

eeyyeeew.

Now, in the spirit of his idea, and just as an olive branch to good ol' X-ecutive (how's Mulder & Scummy-er, Scully doin'?), here's MY version of the Sliders' Survival Guide. I know X-ec will find it
humorous, what with it being right in line with his concept of this
joke. And now, the Braniac5 Sliders' Survival Guide:

1) Wal-Mart.
2) Jackie Chan.
3) "Pee-Wee's Guide to Theaters" (for th' Slidin' Man, the only
love-interest-less Slider)
4) Aladdin's lamp.
5) Spam, the Meat of One Thousand and One Uses.
6) The English/Executive Dictionary (you just can't be TOO careful)

Boy,-the-show-would-really-be-neato-if-they-just-took-these-
suggestions-seriously-at-the-studio-ha-ha.

One quick personal note: hiya, X-ec. boo.

-Braniac5

[ PLUS, AT NO EXTRA COST!!!

A book - this item will scare away any rabid Executives you may run into as he consistently fears anything educational.
A hammer - used to break any computers Executive may get to as he will invariably re-post his idiotic parody, or refer to his own inane posts like they are something great.
Soap - Dirtiness is next to Executiveness. This is like hydrochloric acid to him.

Safe sliding!!! ]