Warm-Up

Executive's Pizza - Slogan: "Your pizza delivered in 30 minutes, or it's your fault!" (Alternate: "If you complain, it's because TF turned you against us!" c.f. Exec's inability to accept fault for his mistakes.)

Went belly-up after the place burned down because Exec insisted the fire-inspector was wrong and did what he (Executive) thought was correct. Three minutes later the place was a raging inferno.

Bookstore - Only sold books Executive has read. Went under because they only sold 2 items: TV Guide and cheap porno magazines.

Psychiatrist - Barred by the APA when it was found he caused more mental problems than he alleviated. Also, he was more screwed up than the people he was supposed to be helping. (c.f. every post he's ever written).

Secret Agent - Was unable to assume other identities without bragging about the fact he was an undercover agent to people who would expose him (c.f. his new handle Daniel_2 which he used to attack TF and impersonate me).

Author - Hustler wouldn't publish his stories. (c.f. Exec's literary skills).

Weapons Developer - While his story CRISIS was good at inducing illness in just about everyone, it was discovered that he had not planned for this effect and that he was just a lousy writer.

Complaints Department - Kept reversing the complaint, as when he was overheard saying 'No, it's YOUR fault it was broken before you bought it.' He also thought it meant that he was expected to complain about TF to everyone who approached him to return merchandise, etc. (c.f. his propensity for getting insulted, then taking the insult he got and using it on the original insulter as though it were a clever comeback. Well, for him, it is about as clever as things get.)

Air Traffic Controller - caused many plane crashes by telling the pilots not to announce when they are leaving (c.f. his repeated "advice" to people not to announce when they are leaving the board. Best to ignore the fascist's attempts to control others, as he can't even run his own life, much less anyone else's.)

Suicide Hotline - On his first night, 5 people killed themselves. Two were wrong numbers and the other three were fellow employees who had to endure a 3 hour shift with Executive. (c.f. Anyone's who's ever met Executive...)

Aagh! We've got Ex-Lax sign!

(Princess) Diana Davis

Date: 6/16/99
From: Executive

Entertainment Weekly's detailed pre-season article
on SLIDERS had Tembi Locke mentioning that her Diana
Davis character would be no-nonsense and cold, but
she also pointed out that Dr. Davis will show more
warmth as she travels to other dimensions. In the
meantime the prim and proper title of Princess Di
suits her for these reasons:

[ But not because the character has the same first name as Princess Diana?! You say nothing about that below! And all this time I thought stating the obvious was all you were good for. Well, I guess you're not even good for that now. ]

* Diana Spencer has been dead for almost 2 years, so
any such use of that kindly woman's name shows no
disrepect at this point.

[ It's always good to not "disrepect" people. Care to tell us what "disrepect" means? It must be Executive-ese. Equally funny is that you are saying that the "...title of Princess Di suits her for these reasons" and then say that Diana Spencer has been dead for 2 years! My GOD! What a revelation! The title suits the character because she has been DEAD FOR TWO YEARS! Do the sliders know they are travelling between dimensions with an animated corpse? This continuity fits in just perfectly with your characterization of the sliders in CRISIS where (among other things) Rembrandt can walk through doors and walls! ]

* Diana actually hadn't even been a princess for
several years since she divorced Prince Charles. She
therefore gave up the title of "princess" and all
the benefits that came from being part of the royal
family.

[ WOW! Diana Davis was a princess married to Prince Charles and gave up her title! After all, you said the title of Princess Di suits her for this reason and the previous one. How do you pick up on these subtle nuances in the scripts?! ]

What would be a perfect episode of SLIDERS for our
Princess Di to loosen up? Well, how about "A Current
Affair" in which I heard that Maggie will date the
President of the U.S. (By the way, does that mean
the sliders will be in Washington, DC or is the
White House of that Earth located in California?)
Imagine this scenario:

[ Unless you're Executive, the cognitive functions necessary to imagine a scenario of this stupidity could not be achieved without a complete frontal lobotomy and a blow to the head with a sledgehammer. Then again, that might explain how Executive turned out the way he is. ]

Two of the sliders come out of the wormhole but
Quinn and Maggie are nowhere to be seen.

[ They were the lucky ones... ]

DIANA: "How much time until the next slide,
Rembrandt?"

REMBRANDT: "1000 hours and change. Where are the
others?"

[ "1000 HOURS AND CHANGE?" What sort of stupid line is that? When has Rembrandt ever talked like that? Oh wait, this must take place in that universe of Executive's ("He's not only the creator of HIS fictional world, but he's also a resident"). As for the location of the others, I'd have to guess they were warned Exec was writing this and decided to jump ship for something more pleasant, like a Kromagg breeding camp. ]

DIANA: "The quantum fluxuation of this particular
vortex must have placed them at least a mile from
here."

[ Gee, I bet we all saw that coming. *guffaw* She didn't even need 1. Any scientific instruments to determine the fluctuation of the wormhole, 2. To look at the timer, or 3. Any time to make her calculation mentally. I guess it is just the obvious solution. *snicker* BTW, Exec, do you have even the slightest understanding of the technobabble you're spewing here? I doubt you do since you don't seem to have ANY understanding of science in the least. ]

REMBRANDT: "Yeah, it was one hell of a bumpy ride! I
just hope Dr. Geiger didn't have something to do
with it."

DIANA: (putting her arms around him): "I hope this
doesn't sound awkward, Remmy, but in the short time
I've known you, I find you very attractive. And with
6 weeks we have more than enough time on this
world..."

[ AHAHAHA. How subtly written. "We just lost our two friends, the main villain may be behind it, and who knows what danger we may be in. Hey Rembrandt, let's make out!" You haven't lost your touch, Executive (unfortunately). ]

REMBRANDT: (interrupting): I like you too, girl, but
now isn't the time. We gotta find Maggie and
Q-Ball!"

[ "I like you too, girl"? You really captured the essence of Rembrandt there. ]

DIANA: (sighing as she lowers her arms): "Is it any
wonder why you once ran from a jealous boyfriend and
jumped on top of a moving train?"

[ Such smooth, flowing dialogue! I'm surprised she didn't summarize all his adventures, just to be even MORE thorough. "Is it any wonder you drove into a wormhole and ended up in a communist USA, where you and the others then...." ]

REMBRANDT: "That woman was an obsessed fan of mine
on that world. You weren't even there... Look, let's
go find them."

[ And I'm sure he would have been quick to tell her ALL about that incident from his life. And what does the woman being obsessed with Rembrandt have to do with him running from her boyfriend? She was addressing how he jumped on the train to escape the boyfriend, not the woman! How about this version:

DIANA: (sighing as she lowers her arms which she placed around Rembrandt for no real reason except that Executive can't write to save his life): "Is it any wonder why you once ran from Executive and jumped in front of a moving train to avoid reading one of his stories?"

REMBRANDT: "That guy was an obsessed fan of mine. You're lucky you weren't even there... Look, let's go find them."

* In those days, Exec's obsession was with proving Logan couldn't be Quinn's double because they didn't look alike. Of course, he lost that argument as well.

This may be why the actress who played Logan had a restraining order put on Exec, since his inability to tell reality from fantasy resulted in him jumping through her living-room window and trying to strangle her, all the time drooling and screaming "I won't let you hurt Quinn, you bitch!" The police arrived in time to save her and hauled the blubbering lunatic away, but only after losing two men to his insane rampage. ]

Diana points in the direction they should go start,
and the two start walking.

[ Walking where? :) Nah, I won't play that line again as I did in CRISIS. Also, "...should go start..." is very awkward wording. ]

At that moment Diana is thinking that making a pass at him was a bad idea,

[ The question is, will Executive ever think that anything he does is a bad idea? Come to that, "Will Executive ever think..." would be a good way to end that sentence. ]

while The Cryin Man thinks the following:

[ To be conveyed by the use of CGI thought balloons added in post-production over a close-up of Cleavant with his head tilted, as he is deep in thought. ]

"That woman has a great body, but that overbite
could be dangerous. If there's a good dentist on
this world, I'm going to have her teeth fixed. I
just hope my ATM card works here!"

[ Whoa! What genius! You sure gave Don Rickles a run for his money with that bit of humor! I'm sure NBC will be calling to give you your own sitcom after the REAL executives there read this! It could be the next HOMEBOYS IN OUTER SPACE! ]

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