CRISIS - Part I

"CRISIS" ===> Pages 1 and 2

From: (EXECUTIVE)
Date: 31 Mar 1997 07:22:36

"CRISIS" --- Act 1 ==> "Overworked and Underpaid"

[ More like, "Overblown and Underwritten" ]

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As >>> Quinn and his friends feverishly runs <<< down the hallways of the

[ Hmm, this bodes well for the rest of the story ]

military installation, the guards are firing at them at every
turn. Maggie once again turns around, and fires her rifle at one of them - injuring, but not killing him.

[ As opposed to injuring AND killing him, I suppose ]

Rembrandt fires another round, as the guard falls to his death.

[ Perhaps the guard remembered reading this abominable story and fell over laughing. ]

REMBRANDT: "I think we got the last of them, Q-ball!"
QUINN: "Good job, guys. Do you have the plastic explosive ready?"
MAGGIE: "Right here in my backpack."

[ Right next to the picnic basket, I bet ]

QUINN: "OK, you know what >>> to to do to <<< that door! Hurry, before that

[ What language is that? ]

bomb we planted goes off!"
MAGGIE: "You could learn a little patience - I am a highly trained military officer!"

[ Great dialogue. I hear people talking like that all the time.
"Damn it Kirk, I'm a doctor, not a good writer." ]

Before another word can be spoken, the building explodes before they can escape....

[ If only that were the end of it! ]

Quinn (with a horrified expression on his face )

[ Apparently realizing Exec is writing his next adventure ]

wakes up in his hotel room bed. He looks at the timer which reads 15 minutes on the digital readout. Seconds later the snooze alarm sounds, as Quinn turns it off and jumps out of bed. Rembrandt puts down the novel he is reading as Quinn approaches.
QUINN: "You better get ready. We slide in 14 minutes." --
"REMBRANDT: " You sure missed a great game on TV last night, Q-ball!"
He gets up out of the chair and walks over to the bathroom.

[ No doubt, to throw up from having to spew such lame dialogue.
Ironically, the sound of vomiting would likely be more intelligible. ]

"The Lakers beat the Bulls in double overtime. Funny thing about this world, though. I've never seen so many white guys on a
basketball team!" Brown knocks on the bathroom door. "Girl, how much
longer are you gonna be? It's almost time to go!"
MAGGIE: "I told you it's my time of the month, Rembrandt. Go to the adjoining suite and use the other bathroom!"

[ That's classy, and SOOOOO in character. Get this guy a Nobel prize for literature! Have you considered writing greeting cards? ]

Rembrandt turns and says to Quinn "I sure hope Wade is finished in there, because Miss Soldier of Fortune doesn't seem to be in any hurry."
WADE (coming out of the connecting door from the other suite): "It's all yours, Rembrandt." Brown walks over through the door.

[ He walks "THROUGH" the door, mind you. That's a handy trick. And who are these Brown and Mallory characters who appeared suddenly? Consistency would help. ]

MALLORY (yelling): "Don't take a shower! I gotta have my turn, you know!"
WADE: "The alarm went off, and you fell asleep -- twice!"
QUINN: "I know. It's just that I've been working so hard on that
damned gyro in the past few days, that I haven't been getting as
much sleep lately."

[ I can just see JOC delivering THAT line. My God! You know the characters so well. It's like you're Tracy Tormé! ]

WADE: "Yeah, well ever since the Professor died and Colonel Rickman got away with his own timer, you've become obsessed with
getting us home. I'm worried about you, Quinn. You haven't stopped
working on that timer for 6 months now!"

[ 6 months! I gather he didn't even take a break to eat, or shower either. What a man! I also love the way Wade conveniently summarizes all the past events in that first sentence. Very subtle. ]

QUINN: "Damn it, Wade! [ "Damn it Jim, I'm a doctor..." ]
I'm getting so close to recalibrating the
timer. It's just a matter of finding a world with the right kind
of >>> advanced technology... Quinn is interrupted <<< by Rembrandt, who comes back into the room.

[ You might want to put quotation marks at the end of the sentence so Jerry doesn't read the stage directions as part of his dialogue. Or does Quinn like describing everyone's actions in the third person? ]

REMBRANDT: "And finding a good hardware store or scientific facility with the right spare parts!" Quinn runs into the other suite. Two minutes later Maggie comes out of the other bathroom, dressed in green Army fatigues.

[ Instead of her usual fluorescent pink army fatigues. ]

She has a backpack firmly secured to her shoulders, and a Winchester rifle attached to a leather strap, around her neck.

[ She has the gun around her neck, and the gun has a strap attached to it? Wouldn't it make more sense to have the strap around her neck, rather than the gun? Besides, if the gun is bent enough to wrap around her neck, how will she shoot it? ]

WADE: "Make sure that gun doesn't strangle you in the wormhole!"

[ Yeah, guns have a tendency to kill by strangling more than anything else. Well, maybe in Executive's twisted mind... ]

MAGGIE: "Lighten up, Welles! At least I'm the one person in this group that has enough sense to carry a weapon."

[ I see. They're on a last name basis now, are they? When did this start? ]

WADE: "So why did you wait until this world to finally buy it?"
REMBRANDT: "Enough of the bickering ladies! You two have known each other for over half a year, and you still haven't learned to
get along." He pauses for 2 seconds.

[ EXACTLY 2.0 seconds? Not 2.1, or 2.2 seconds? Now THAT is dramatic timing! ]

"And this hot summer weather only adds to the arguing. It's a problem on every Earth we visit these days."
QUINN (returning): "Well, it should. This is August!"

[ I see. Arguing should be a problem on every Earth they visit because it is August. Please let me bow to your analytical and logical supremacy! ]

Quinn motions to
Brown [ AKA Rembrandt to anyone else ], who then picks up the timer.
QUINN: "At least we can exit a world without anybody chasing us for a change!" As the readout flashes zero, Brown pushes the
timer button. A vortex opens just over one of the beds. They all jump into the wormhole and slide....

[ Rather than jumping into the wormhole and doing something else I presume? Perhaps they have the alternative of jumping in and playing chess to pass the time. ]

Continued in next message ===>

[ Stay tuned for the next exciting installment of Brain Death Theatre! ]