TBH: <mimicking Michele> : When he puts on his Batman outfit, he usually goes to a bar called "The Flaming Rod" but he wasn't wearing that so he'll probably go to the closest church for Bingo.

MICHELE: Anywhere. He never tells me.

HTWD: Enter the doormat personality.

Quinn starts towards the door.

QUINN (grim) : Great. That helps a lot.

SL4: Hey, being a buddy is hard work. Suck it up!

L.J.: Wait up, man. I'll give you a lift.

TBH: <mimicking Quinn> : That's okay, guys don't start sagging until they get Arturo's age.

Michele watches, surprised, as all the Sliders follow --
automatically volunteering to help. L.J. stops Wade.

HTWD: No shrill people on my golf cart, baby. Try Gilbert Grape, he's down the hall.

L.J.: No. You and her have to go to group therapy. They could shoot you if you don't.

SL4: WOO HOO! Now that's my kinda planet! Get mentally healthy or we'll keeeel you!

Wade reacts, frustrated, as the others leave. Then she
turns and looks at Michele -- neither of them is thrilled
about being left alone with the other.

TBH: I'll bet. Michele can't seduce Wade and Wade can't bitch to Michele. Whatever will they have to talk about?

14 EXT. THE STREET - HOUSING UNIT 622 - DAY

L.J. urgently points out directions as he gets in his tram.

HTWD: I'll bet he gets ALL the babes driving a tram. :-P

SL4: One thing's for sure, he can dress however he likes because nothing's a bigger turnoff than that ride.

L.J. (to Quinn) Get in.

TBH: <mimicking Quinn> : That's a good idea, this will keep the chicks away in droves. I've already got two wanting to kiss me, that's all the drama I need right now.

L.J. (to Arturo and Rembrandt) : You try up there.

HTWD: I don't think the roof of the tram is built to withstand Arturo.

QUINN (to Arturo and Rembrandt) : We have to be back here by six for group therapy, whether we find him or not.

SL4: I hope it's an ego group therapy class. These three together have more self love than Death Row on a Friday night.

Arturo and Rembrandt hurry off as the tram pulls away.

TBH: <mimicking Remmy> : Whew! Thank GOD we didn't have to ride in the Dorkmobile again!

15 INT. THE TRAM - CONTINUOUS - L.J. AND QUINN

ride along, scouring the streets for Sid.

HTWD: It's not called scouring unless you can exceed 3 mph.

L.J. : Where do you think he'd go?

SL4: We can eliminate public showers, libraries, college campuses, and book stores. I suggest we try pork rind stores and any place that has a TV or Nascar poster. After that we can try tattoo parlors and comic book stores.

QUINN: How should I know? I just met the guy.

TBH: Take a >:-#-ing look at him and then ask yourself, 'if I was a redneck, where would I go?'

L.J. : Bad news. The whole idea is to keep tabs on each other.

HTWD: Better living through being nosy and snitching. Meanwhile L.J.'s been prancing all over San Prison and we haven't seen a sign of HIS buddy!

QUINN: This "buddy system" is insane!

SL4: No more insane than getting in the middle of a redneck couple having a lovers' spat.

L.J. : Hey, it sucks, but the city'd self destruct without it. Everyone knows they're gonna die pretty soon, so how else can you keep 'em in line?

TBH: If everyone's gonna die soon, why bother with an infrastructure? Why not retreat to the walls and just worry about keeping everyone in like 'Escape From New York' ?

QUINN (shocked) Everyone's gonna die?

HTWD: You didn't know that human beings are mortal? Didn't anyone ever have the skull and crossbones talk with you? Pft. Some genius.

L.J. : Hell, yeah. Big earthquake's coming any time now. All the experts say the whole damn peninsula's gonna drop into the ocean.

SL4: And in 2,000 years Michael J. Fox and a bunch of other annoying bastards will come looking for you.

QUINN: So why do you stay?

TBH: <mimicking L.J.> : Hey, do you realize how cheap that makes property on this peninsula? I paid two dollars and a can of soup for a 3 million square foot mansion!

L.J. : Yeah, right. Like we got a choice. (off Quinn's confusion) This is a prison, man! San Francisco National Penitentiary.

HTWD: Gasp! It is??? Now everything REALLY doesn't make sense!

Quinn gapes at him in disbelief as we

SL4: ...all change the channel.

CUT TO:
16 EXT. A PARK - DAY - THE OTHER THREE MEN

from the back of the pickup truck of the previous world are
hanging out. "GAP" is playing a harmonica

TBH: Because that's what people in prison do.

"BLADE" is whittling a stick to a point

HTWD: Because that's what people nicknamed "Blade" do.

and "PECKS" has a pair of bar bells, doing nonstop curls.

SL4: Because that's what people in prison AND what people nicknamed "Pecks" do. Except that he is working his biceps and not his pecs with curls.

TBH: Not so fast. He's cheating so badly that he might very well BE working his pecs.

Behind them, a very physical basketball game is in progress.

TBH: Ahhhh. Now we have every prison stereotype going on except for anal sex and someone with a pet bird.

SL4: That first is coming, judging by what we've seen the scriptwriter do so far.

Blade notices something in the street and calls Gap's
attention to it with an elbows in the side. The two men
exchange an evil, conspiratorial smile that lets us see how
Gap got his nickname -- a missing front tooth.

TBH: Yes, we can tell that the person handing out the nicknames is as imaginative as a math teacher.

BLADE: Fish...

HTWD: So is that the nickname of the dude with gills?

Blade throws his knife towards...

SL4: What??? What did he throw it towards???

THE SIDEWALK - ARTURO AND REMBRANDT

SL4: Oh. Thanks. You didn't have to shout, though.
are eyeballing the basketball game SPECTATORS, looking for Sid.

TBH: Yeah, right. Sid looked like a prisonball connoisseur to me.

Blade's knife flies right by Arturo's face and sticks into a tree. Arturo reacts, alarmed, and looks around as:

BLADE (O.S.) (calling) : Hey, Fish! My knife slipped. Bring it back here for me.

HTWD: So this is the way that stupid people intimidate. Here! Here's my weapon! Get it and come back towards me with it in your hand!

Rembrandt turns to see what's going on.

TBH: <mimicking Remmy> : Oh. Nothing but some abject morons. Back to the 4-2 in the second half basketball game.

ARTURO: My name is not "Fish", sir, and I don't much care for your tone, or for your carelessness with a dangerous implement.

SL4: Arturo! Come on, baby! Do you really think any of these sloped foreheads know what the word 'implement' means?

Rembrandt reacts, "Oh, shit!" as he realizes what Arturo is
dealing with. He hurries past Arturo and gets the knife.

TBH: Remmy did NOT say "oh, shit" !!!!

REMBRANDT (sotto voce, to Arturo) : Shut up, man, before this gets ugly.

HTWD: The role of Mallory will be played today by Remmy.

He wipes the blade clean as he hurries it back to its owner.

REMBRANDT: Here you are, sir. Nice and clean.

SL4: So is his ass now that you've kissed it all over.

REMMY (then, ingratiating, to Gap) : Hey! "Ol' Rockpile Blues." Great rendition.

TBH: See Remmy! See Remmy kiss ass. See Remmy move from ass to ass with his lips smooched out.

REMMY (then, hastily) : Gotta go. Have a great day.

HTWD: Is this the same Remmy that is so gung ho about killing Maggs in seasons four and five?

He starts to leave, but the other two men quickly move into position to block his path.

TBH: <mimicking Neville Chamberlain> : Appeasement never works, my friend.

BLADE: What you got for us, man? How 'bout some smokes?

HTWD: Get out of my face, punk, afore I have to get tearful on you.

REMBRANDT: I'm a singer, friend. Smoking's bad for the pipes.

SL4: :-O I'm glad that they didn't make him be this disgraceful in the actual ep.

Rembrandt now tries to dodge his way out of the small circle. One of the men catches him, holds him.

BLADE (threatening) : You don't give us something we're gonna turn you upside down an' see what shakes out.

TBH: So let me get this straight. The guards will shoot you for what SOMEONE ELSE THEY'VE ASSIGNED YOU WITH DOES and these fools are trying to shake down passersby for smokes? They would have been weeded out ten minutes after they arrived.

Arturo doesn't understand why this is happening, but the threat is apparent enough. He calls out to the men on the basketball court.

ARTURO: Are any of you "buddies" to those men? I'm with the neighborhood watch, and it looks to me they may
be contemplating a crime.

HTWD: This is just emphasizing how weak the script is, Arturo. The scriptwriter can't even maintain his own continuity. Anyone stupid enough to act like these three would already be laying face down in a gutter next to Remmy's brother.

The basketball players stop in their tracks to look over at the scene with Rembrandt. No one moves a muscle. Blade turns his attention to Arturo.

BLADE: You want some of this? (then, to Gap) Bring him over here.

SL4: I'd rather see GAP take on Remmy. Two musicians going at it! I haven't been this excited since Mariah Carey and Celine Dion had a slap fight outside the Grammys over which one of them had less talent.

Arturo won't leave Rembrandt, but he's desperate to keep Gap at bay and can't understand why no one is helping.

TBH: Is this scriptwriter under the mistaken impression that JRD relies on the script for how he is supposed to emote?

ARTURO: What's the matter with all of you?

HTWD: You're not supposed to wear hockey masks when you play basketball!

ARTURO: Are you just going to let these men rob us?

SL4: Convicts being gutless? What is this world coming to?

Gap grabs Arturo and begins dragging him back towards the others.

TBH: <mimicking GAP> : Ow! OW!!!! I'm sending you a bill for my back, you fat >:-#-er!

GAP: They know who we are, an' you can bet they ain't gonna do a damn thing to help you.

HTWD: Well, its not just one or even two characters abbreviating the word "and" so the scriptwriter must be the lazy bastard.

But then, from another part of the park, we hear someone WHISTLE. Everyone turns to

SL4: ... look at a woman wearing a fox shawl, a miniskirt, and nothing else.

THE WHISTLER - A LOOKOUT

TBH: <mimicking Whistler> : Look out!

He points to the street where a CUSTODIAN is approaching.

HTWD: Ooo, good! The sidewalks look so dirty! We need a custodian!

Blade and Gap exchange an annoyed look and begin ceremoniously "dusting off" Arturo and Rembrandt so as to hold them a bit longer during:

SL4: Oh yeah, a prison guard will be fooled by this Laurel and Hardy routine. When is the last time you've walked down the street and seen someone dusting off someone else?

BLADE: Another time, Fish. We'll be looking for you.

They release their grip and the Sliders hurry away.

TBH: I wouldn't worry about them seeing you later. They'll do something else stupid like break into a vending machine in front of a Custodian and get blown away amidst a pile of peanut butter crackers.