QUINN (to L.J.) Look...I'm not sure we can afford this.

SL4: Judging by what I've found from trying to find a hotel in San Francisco, Bill Gates can't afford anything above a Motel 6!

L.J. Hey, I'm connected. My man, Leo, runs this place. Government housing. No charge.

TBH: If government housing is anything like government cheese, NO THANKS!

DELORES: Take them to 622.

HTWD: Aw, man! We have to walk up six flights? >:-# this!

As L.J. hustles them away:

SL4: And "hustle" is the correct word for what he is doing, too.

CUT TO:
8 EXT. GOVERNMENT HOUSING COMPLEX - MAIN OFFICE -

as the Sliders come out. L.J. points to a group of townhouses.

TBH: See those nice houses? That is where you could stay if you weren't deadbeats.

L.J.: Unit 622's just across the quad. I'll meet you there in a few minutes.

HTWD: I have to go sell you out. It won't take long.

ARTURO (holds out his hand) : We'll need the key.

SL4: Hey Einstein! Did you SEE Delores hand him a key??? It is logical to assume you'd need a key, but you were standing right there! Did you see her hand him a key????????????????????

L.J. : Key? There's no lock.

TBH: Be gentle, Arturo was not well this ep.

L.J. (then) : No one steals in San Francisco.

HTWD: Well, la te da! I suppose no one farts there in this perfect San Francisco either, eh?

The Sliders are surprised, but Sid is aroused by this.
Arturo notes Sid's reaction with great concern.

SL4: He SHOULD be concerned! This imbecile would steal water if no one was looking.

L.J. : Look, I know you don't belong here, but L.J.'s lookin' out for you,

TBH: Is that supposed to be comforting? And btw, people who refer to themselves in the third person need to be lined up and shot. NOW.

...so you're cool. Just don't go anywhere, or trust anyone.

HTWD: Oh yeah, can't have anyone else slit their throats before you get around to it.

Off the Sliders' discomfort:

CUT TO:
9 EXT. HOUSING UNIT 622 - DAY - THE SLIDERS 9
approach the perfectly normal townhouse. Rembrandt walks with Quinn and confides his concern.

TBH: <mimicking Remmy> : I'm concerned, Quinn.

REMBRANDT: I don't like owing this L.J. guy all these favors.

SL4: At least one of them is not an abject moron.

QUINN: Me either.

TBH: Thanks for the input, Quinn. That's genius at work!

CUT TO:

l0 INT. HOUSING UNIT 622 - ENTRY AND SITTING ROOM

as the group enters. Michele and Sid go straight for the

HTWD: ...shower. Sorry, wishful thinking. If these two looked any more scruffy they could start their own oil company.

comfortably furnished sitting room. It features a big
window that offers ventilation and a view out to the street.
The Sliders hang back as Sid and Michele move into the:

HTWD: ... shower.

SITTING ROOM

Sid scopes out the street through the windows while Michele
goes through the sitting room, wide-eyed, touching things –

HTWD: Not the soap, I notice.

like a child. She pulls Sid aside.

TBH: <mimicking Michele> : Can you beat me some more? I haven't been dehumanized in over an hour now!

MICHELE: I can't believe this place!

SL4: No one's torn it up yet! Let's tear it up!

SID (has already figured) Everyone's stinkin' rich here.

TBH: We saw his world. What good was money in that hellhole? I can see wanting to steal food or goods, but who would give a >:-# about money on Anarchy World?

MICHELE (urgent whisper) No locks, Sid. We could be rich in no time.

HTWD: Have the writers figured out what they want Michele to be yet? Is she a hapless victim, a moron, a slut, the criminal force that motivates Sid to be bad, or what?

SID (nods) Damn right. We're gonna take home a bundle.

SL4: And do what with it, exactly? Paper the walls? What good is money when all the stores are abandoned or burned down?

Michele watches as Sid moves decisively towards:

THE FRONT DOOR

TBH: NOOOOOO!!! NOT "THE FRONT DOOR" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

where the Sliders have been conversing in whispers. They shut up fast as Sid reaches them. He addresses Arturo.

SID I'm goin' out. When I come back you're gonna get me 'n' her back home.

HTWD: I am not taking you anywhere until you stop leaving letters out of your words. How lazy do you have to be to abbreviate the word "and" ????

ARTURO I'm afraid that's not possible. Our device can't be activated again till tomorrow.

TBH: <mimicking Arturo> : Please don't hurt me.

Sid grabs Quinn by the collar,

SL4: Hey! It was Arturo who said "no" ! Why are you hammering Quinn?

TBH: Duh. Arturo weighs 4,000 pounds, Quinn weights 160 soaking wet with $45 in quarters in his pockets while wearing concrete shoes and holding two 35 pound dumbbells.

jerks him away from the group and pins him -- by the throat -- to the wall.

TBH: <sighing> : Why doesn't the scriptwriter just have these two make love and get it over with? Christ Almighty.

Rembrandt and Arturo make a move to help but:

HTWD: ... they are both abject cowards so they just make it look like they made a move and then pretended to have reconsidered.

SID: All I have to do is lean on him and his windpipe is gone.

SL4: And how exactly are you going to make his windpipe disappear, Mr. Copperfield? I could see crushing it, but making it vanish?

Arturo and Rembrandt stop in their tracks. Sid turns to Quinn -- practically nose to nose.

TBH: <reaching for barf bag> : I want a congressional investigation to determine if SpaceTime wrote this script.

SID: I don't like it here.

HTWD: It's clean and nothing is burning. And peer pressure will make me shower more than once a millennium.

SID: And I wouldn't be here if you hadn't stuck your nose in my business. So, you're gonna see to it I get home when I want to. You got that?

TBH: <mimicking a whispering Quinn> : The only thing I got is that you had anchovies, garlic, onions, and snails for lunch. Can you squeeze harder so I can't breathe in, please?

Quinn can barely breathe, but he's defiant.

SL4: Oh yeah, he is bulging his eyes out and turning blue VERY defiantly.

QUINN: You get this! Piss me off and you're here forever.

TBH: I rest my case. If you can't intimidate someone while choking them to death, you might as well put on a Goofy suit and walk around Disneyworld.

For one tense moment it looks as though Sid will kill Quinn.

SL4: <eyes closed> : ZzZzzzz ... huh? YAWN! I'm sorry, I was supposed to feel tension?

Then, he releases him and storms out the door. Before Quinn can even catch his breath, Arturo is on his case.

TBH: Kick him when he's down! That's the Arturo I know and love! :-P

ARTURO: Don't expect sympathy. If you'd used your brain, we wouldn't be in this mess. You and your ill-considered act of bravado.

ALL: YES!! WOOOO HOOOO!!! Speak for the fans, Arturo! Down with cheap plot devices!

QUINN: I was trying to help someone!

SL4: Get real. You were trying to get in someone's pants.

QUINN: If you had your way, we'd spend all our time in basements, hiding out till the next slide.

TBH: You've spent your whole life hiding in a basement! Now all of the sudden you want to be Jonny Quest?

WADE: Stop it! Both of you. This isn't helping anything.

HTWD: Like your shrill bitching is going to help?

SL4: Easy. This is only her third line in the entire ep. They had to have her say SOMETHING.

QUINN (defensive, to Arturo) : I'm sorry, okay? I don't know how, but I'll get us out of this.

TBH: <mimicking Arturo> : You'd better! Because if I get stuck in this prison because of you, I'm selling you to Big Richard for as many boxes of snackcakes as he will give me!

He goes out the front door.

MICHELE

watches him go -- feels bad.

HTWD: Yeah, right. The last time she felt bad was when Sid cheated on her by hitting some other woman. She is the Queen of Morality... two minutes ago she was urging Sid on to a crime spree!

CUT TO:

11 EXT. THE FRONT YARD 11

Quinn comes down the front steps, stops and takes a deep breath, trying to calm down.

Michele quietly comes out the door, unseen by Quinn.

SL4: Exit criminal mastermind mode, enter slut mode.

She comes to him and gently touches his back. Quinn jumps.

TBH: Relax Quinn. She's called a woman. Women usually touch men. They don't touch geeks as often, but this is normal for other people.

MICHELE: Sorry. (then) I just wanted to thank you for tryin' to help me.

HTWD: And hedge my bets in case Sid gets killed doing the crimes as I goaded him into doing.

MICHELE: I know it made a lot of problems and everyone's pissed off at you an' everything...

SL4: Boy, that "and" sure is a tough word! Everyone is abbreviating it now!

She gives him a kiss that has just the slightest hint of being more than a thank you.

TBH: I would think so! Here's a hint: When your cheeks get sucked inward from the power of her kiss, it is more than a "thank you."

MICHELE: Thank you.

HTWD: Um, can you repeat that? I don't think I caught the first part of that thank you? :-*

Quinn is embarrassed.

SL4: Again Quinn, relax. The bulge will go down in a couple hours.

QUINN: It's okay.

TBH: Aw shucks, missy! Tweren't nuttin'!

Quinn locks at her, quizzically, trying to understand his
feelings, then turns as L.J. pulls his tram up to the curb.
A tall, gaunt man of about forty dressed in a Custodian's
uniform gets out with L.J.

TBH: <mimicking L.J.> : The Custodian is here to clean your bathrooms and mop your floors.

QUINN (weary) : Now what?

HTWD: So tongue dancing with women makes him tired? It has always energized me! :-P

CUT TO:

12 INT. FOYER - FRONT DOOR 12

as Quinn, Michele, L.J. and Leo enter and join the other Sliders in tire sitting room.

L.J. : This is Leo McGill.

SL4: Ironically, his sign is Aquarius. His parents were morons.

L.J. : He's a supervising custodian and he has some things he needs to tell you. Is everyone here?

TBH: What kind of prison guard lets a prisoner speak for him like this?

ARTURO: Yes. Of course.

HTWD: Sid is in the shower, that's all.

TBH: <mimicking Leo> : Yeah, right! In the hole! All of you!

L.J. : I only count five.

HTWD: <handing TBH a $50 bill.> : You right! I never would have believed L.J. could count to five. Now fronting someone out like this, that I believed he could do.

ARTURO (thinks fast) : Our colleague is napping. He was very tired.

SL4: That big ole tough Sid has a preschooler nap time ... as ridiculous as that is, it is still more believable than him showering.

L.J. (supports the lie) : No problem. Just make sure he signs the paperwork.

TBH: <mimicking Leo> : I'm glad it's not a problem with you, convict.

Leo looks them over very carefully. He holds a manila envelope.

HTWD: Well boogie boogie for him.

LEO: Welcome to San Francisco. (waves the manila envelope) These are some forms you'll need to fill out for the Board of Registry.

SL4: So they just let prisoners wander in from all over the country and get around to processing them later? They don't do this processing at the front gate??????

He drops the envelope on the coffee table, then takes a small device from his pocket:

LEO: Now, hold out your bracelets.

TBH: I want to take a picture of how stoopid you look with them on.

The Sliders exchange quizzical glances as he points the
device at Rembrandt's bracelet and pushes a button.
Rembrandt's bracelet begins to glow red, as does Arturo's.

HTWD: Um, officer, whatever kind of S&M games you're into, Arturo and I don't swing that way.

LEO (indicates Arturo and Rembrandt) : You and him are buddies.

SL4: Aw man, I always get Arturo as my buddy! Has anyone seen this guy EAT? Being his buddy doesn't mean I have to get within 10 feet of him at the dinner table, does it?

Leo releases the button and the bracelets return to normal.
Now he points the device at Wade's bracelet. It glows red,
along with Michele's. He indicates them.

LEO: And you two.

ALL: <standing up and raising their arms over their heads> : WOO HOO!! Wade has a buddy! :-P~~~~~~~~~~~

L.J. (indicates Quinn's bracelet) : His is paired with the guy who's sleeping.

TBH: Well duh. Did you figure that out all by yourself?