QBall79: Oh no! The Black Helicopters have come for me!

TBH: Hey! Wait a minute! Where's SL4ever? He was just here!

Q79: He's doing the Flame Tourney Final Round today.

TBH: The what?

Q79: The ToFGaL!

HTWD: Huh. Doesn't ring a bell.

Q79: He's been talking about it for the last two episodes of this hideous show!

TBH: We never pay attention to him.

Q79: Anyway, he asked me to sit in for today's segment.

TBH: Whatever. Projectionist! What are you waiting for?

Projectionist: For you to stop yapping up there!

ARTURO: I don't hear them.

TBH: <mimicking Remmy> : You don't hear THE VOICES??? Then they must be only for ME! Ha ha. Ha ha ha. MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!

REMBRANDT: The Crying Man has perfect pitch. I hear everything.

HTWD: Great, so now they made Remmy the Bionic Singer. The Six Meals a Day Man.

REMBRANDT (listens) : There are five of them, and they're circling.

Q79: They never really developed this magical hearing ability of his. I'm disappointed.

31 EXT. HOUSING UNIT 622 - QUINN
runs from the shadows to the front door and slips inside.

TBH: What does he slip on? A banana peel? A used condom? What? This is horrible writing.

32 INT. HOUSING UNIT 622 - QUINN

goes straight for his backpack and begins rummaging through it during:

HTWD: Hey guys. You shouldn't leave banana peels in the hallway.

QUINN: Big trouble.

Q79: In Little San Francisco.

QUINN: Sid robbed a jewelry store.

TBH: <mimicking Michele> : Figures. I send that bastard out to get something useful and he picks the lamest place in this prison to knock over!

32 CONTINUED:

Everyone jumps at the sound of his voice and whirls around to see him.

HTWD: What did he do, walk through the door without opening it and creep to his pack on ninja shoes? They didn't know he was there until he spoke?

QUINN (grim) : Pack up, we have to leave. Now.

TBH: <mimicking Remmy> : Not so fast. I was just organizing my body oils. These things take time!

The Sliders hurry to collect their belongings, Michele looks on, feeling like the fifth wheel.

HTWD: Awwwwww. Who'll beat her now? :'-(

WADE: You better come with us.

Q79: Oh NO! They've bonded! Quick! Someone make a comment about how Michele is skinnier than Wade!

MICHELE: What about Sid?

TBH: Who cares? He's probably lying face down in a ditch next to Nicholas Lea by now.

QUINN (no time to mince words) : I don't think he's coming back.

HTWD: When I last saw him he was swallowing brooches and lockets in case he was caught. I give him two days to live.

MICHELE: You don't know Sid. He can get out of anything.

Q79: He was trapped in a building on a world where prisoners are shot for jaywalking and everyone is going to die any day so the guards don't care about hostages. Not even Chris Carter could write him a plausible way out of this mess.

TBH: Don't worry, it's not going to be plausible.

Quinn finds a small towel in his backpack, takes it out.

TBH: <mimicking Wade> : Quinn! You just said we have to leave! There's no time for pocket hockey! Put the towel away and let's go!

QUINN (indicates bracelet) : Not if he's got one of these. (off Michele) Look, it's your choice.

HTWD: Don't confuse her like that! She hasn't made a decision for herself since she was a baby, when she decided not to eat stewed carrots and instead spit them on her father.

Quinn wraps the towel around his bracelet, puts on his backpack and heads for the door. The others -- except for Michele -- soon follow.

Q79: Watch out Quinn! "The Others" are following you!

AT THE DOOR – WADE

TBH: ... remembers the good times she shared with Michele at the meeting.

turns back to Michele.

WADE: You're sure about this?

HTWD: Hurry up and GO before she changes her mind!

MICHELE

Changes her mind. She doesn't want to be left behind.

HTWD: Oh >:-#! I warned you!

MICHELE: Wait!

Q79: I'm not done >:-#-ing everything up and annoying the audience yet! Wait for me!

She grabs her purse, reaches in and pulls out an automatic pistol, pumps it once (expertly) to check the clip, then puts it away and hurries towards them.

TBH: <mimicking Michele to herself> : If Arturo looks at me like I were a shrimp cocktail ONE MORE TIME ...

MICHELE: I'm coming with you.

HTWD: Thanks Wade. I owe you something horrible.

As the Sliders re-evaluate their opinion of her:

TBH: <mimicking Remmy> "Now I think she's an annoying little bitch and has a gun." <mimicking Arturo> "Now I think she's a weakling and an abuse enabler and has a gun." <mimicking Wade> "Now I think she's skinnier than I am and has a gun."

CUT TO:

HTWD: ... an episode of Sliders that is actually good. Woo Hoo! "Into the Mystic!"

33 EXT. STREET - NIGHT

We can HEAR the HELICOPTERS

Q79: I don't hear any helicopters, you lying bastard.

now as well as some SIRENS in the distance. The Sliders (and Michele)

HTWD: Don't remind us. >:-#

walk carefully down the street, fighting the urge to break into a run as the sirens and helicopters get steadily closer and louder.

Q79: No they don't.

WADE: How do you turn an entire city into a prison?

HTWD: It's easy. Just put huge TV screens downtown and run "Friends" and "Jerry Springer" continuously and no one will ever leave.

REMBRANDT: Didn't you ever see "Escape From New York?"

TBH: <mimicking the Director> : HEY! I want that line cut from the script RIGHT NOW! We don't want them to KNOW we ripped off that movie!

QUINN: Earthquakes. The government helped evacuate the population, then turned it into a penal colony for >every madman and murderer in the country.

HTWD: But made sure the prison had jewelry stores, banks, necessary stuff like that. Right.

A HELICOPTER swoops low, too close for comfort. The SOUND of its ROTORS drowning out any answer as its searchlight barely misses the Sliders. Then:

ARTURO: Is there a plan, Mr. Mallory? Or are we simply to wander the streets until we're discovered?

TBH: <mimicking Quinn> : The plan is for Michele to hand me her gun so I can shoot your smart >:-#.

QUINN: We have to get to Market and Van Ness -- to the B.A.R.T. station there.

Q79: I'll let the Remmy and the Professor riff this moronic idea.

REMBRANDT (dreading the thought) : A B.A.R.T. station? With all these earthquakes?

ARTURO (caustic) : Yet another strategic gem.

Q79: Hee hee. When your cast mates riff you then you've REALLY said something stoopid.

QUINN (testy) : If you have a better idea, professor, lead on.

SL4ever: <from the doorway> : Sissy! If you couldn't take those love taps then you'd wimp out after two minutes of the abuse I'm taking in this final round! Be a man and suck it up! Jesus.

CUT TO:

34 EXT. B.A.R.T. STATION ENTRANCE - NIGHT - A CHAINLINK FENCE

with a "Condemned - Do Not Enter" sign on it. L.J. is there.

TBH: Hey geniuses! The "condemned" sign is a clue!

L.J. : Come on! Move it!

HTWD: I don't have all minute! I have two more groups to stab in the back tonight!

The Sliders hurry to the fence. L.J. holds back a corner of it that has been strategically cut, allowing the Sliders to nervously slip through.

Q79: Oooo. The person who cut that fence had a STRATEGY! :-O

Rembrandt catches his jacket on a stray link and rips it. He stops to examine the damage.

REMBRANDT: Damn!

TBH: And let's give a big hand to CD for that great The Cat impression! <claps politely>

ARTURO: Keep moving!

HTWD: Oh please. If there was a Big Mac sitting on the ground next to the fence you'd have stopped! We each have our weaknesses.

Rembrandt gets out of his way as Michele takes Quinn aside.

Q79: <mimicking Michele> : If Sid is really dead, will you be my new sugar daddy?

TBH: Not bad. Her voice is more shrill though.

MICHELE: There's something you should know.

HTWD: I used to be a football player.

MICHELE (then) : On my world, L.J. was a lying, double-crossing son of a bitch.

Q79: Thanks for the heads up! Why didn't you tell him this ... oh I don't know ... the FIRST TIME YOU SAW QUINN WAS GETTING COZY WITH L.J. BACK WHEN HE COULD HAVE AVOIDED TRUSTING THE BASTARD???

Off Quinn, bummed out:

TBH: <mimicking Quinn> : Aw, man. Don't harshen my high like that!

CUT TO:

35 INT. B.A.R.T. STATION - NIGHT

Rats scurry out of L.J.'s flashlight beam as he leads them down the rubble-strewn stairs.

TBH: <mimicking a rat> : Hey everybody! It's our God! All Hail King Rat L.J.!

WADE: Don't worry, professor. We're due for a nice luxury hotel any slide now.

HTWD: Arturo was just walking, he didn't say anything about hotels! Are THE VOICES talking to you too, Wade?

REMBRANDT: I'll believe that when I see it.

Q79: She said "don't worry, professor" !! You're getting fat but you'll still have to gain two John Candys to pass for the Professor!

The entrance is boarded up at the bottom of the stairs. L.J. KNOCKS Once... then three times... then once again. There's a return KNOCK from the other side -- two times.

TBH: They have a secret knock! That is so 50's spy movies! Woo Hoo!!

L.J. : It's me, L.J.

HTWD: We don't believe you! Squeak like a rat!

A PANEL of three or four boards is pulled back from the inside of the station and L.J. leads the Sliders through.

Q79: You'd only need one board if you used the Sliders board! It's huge! HA HA HA HA HA!

TBH: Yep, you're a worthy SL4ever replacement. Christ Almighty.

HTWD: One more of those and I'm jumping into the screen and getting Michele's gun.

36 INT. THE B.A.R.T. STATION - CONTINUOUS

as the Sliders come through the barricade into the dimly lit station. It looks like a bomb hit it.

TBH: <mimicking Wade> : It looks like "A.I." hit this place.

Q79: You can't say anything about my riffs anymore!

Rembrandt and Arturo react to see who is holding the "door" for them. It's BLADE, with GAP and PECKS close by.

REMBRANDT: Oh, no.

HTWD: It's a small world! Out of ten million prisoners in this city, guess who's hosting dinner?

BLADE (deliciously) : Well, look at the fish the cat dragged in.

Q79: You can always tell when a scriptwriter is working hungry.

L.J. : Chill, bro.

TBH: Could he be ANY more of a stereotype?

When everyone is through the portal, Blade replaces the "door."

HTWD: Good boy.