Choices

Slider120 episode 7.1

MSTed by Blinker

7.1 | Choices

>>> Not that they do any of those things in this episode, which consists of the sliders (as usual) eating a lot, engaging in casual sex, and shopping for clothes. Minus any semblance of a plot whatsoever.

-At a bar, outside Los Angeles,

>>> "Although we are, technically, in New Jersey."

Quinn sits at a bar counter, drinking a beer. Joe, Ryan, Maggie and Jess arrive, entering the bar, finding Quinn, "its about time you guys showed up, we leave in 6 minutes"

The group heads over to Quinn, "sorry Quinn, we got the jeep stuck in the rain forest, so we had to walk here"

>>> Quinn flew all the way to Brazil in the hopes of finally being rid of these losers. No luck.

Maggie is covered in mud, she states that she can get new clothes on the next earth at a store,

>>> Mud-covered women... the need to replace a shirt... is anyone else having "Mutants Among Us" flashbacks?

since she was the one to offer to push the jeep out of the mud.

>>> Yes, Kari Wuhrer will be mud-wrestling a jeep! All this and Tyra Banks' attempt to stomp a trampoline to death, on the next "Man Show"!

Joe takes a seat, and asks for a beer, the bartender gives him one as he pays for it, with a $20. Jess, Ryan and Maggie take seats at a nearby table. Quinn finishes up his glass,

>>> "Mmm, shardlicious."

then tells Joe to hurry, so they won't have to scare people with opening the vortex in the bar. The 3 from the table get up, Joe finishes every last drop, then slams the glass on the counter, and cracks the glass in a few places.

>>> Uh... what exactly is wrong with Joe? Well, if you guessed "the author never remembers to tell us," you're dead on.

The group make it outside, and into a park across the street. They get behind a statue of Benjamin Franklin holding a kite,

>>> Hey, now there's a statue idea we can all get behind.

and below it reads "Every man must fly a kite to have accomplished something"

>>> It wasn't until the '60s that civil rights leaders such as Martin Luther Kite overturned this crippling preconception.

Quinn opens the portal, Jess is first in, followed by Maggie, then Ryan, Joe, and finally Quinn.

>>> Not to be confused with the scene in "The Final Conflict Part 1" where Allison is first in, followed by Mallory, then Maggie, Cory, Remmy and finally Nick.

The group travel through a black colored vortex

>>> ...or the scene in "New Alliances" where Wade is first in, followed by Jacob and Micheal, then Remmy jumps in as Michele and Quinn follow him in.

with a straight path leading to the other side.

>>> ...not to mention the scene in "Adding On New Obstacles To Death With" where Maggie is first in, Wade follows, Remmy enters, Duke shoves Roth and Philisha in, then he leaps in, and finally Mallory, who pushes the king to the ground, telling him he is a lousy leader...

The portal opens, and the group is tossed out, on top of a hill.

>>> Thus fulfilling President Reagan's prophecy of "a shining vortex on a hill." Or maybe that was "From Earth Prime With Love" world.

Joe helps Maggie up, along with Quinn doing the same for Jess as the vortex closes. A figure down at the bottom of the hill sees them, and recognizes one of the sliders, the person quickly runs up, and its revealed as Wade.

>>> She removes her hands from her face and yells "BOO!"

"Quinn, is that you, you've come back to me!" Quinn is shocked to see his old friend be there.

"Wade, its been a while, I thought you would take forever to find"

>>> If by "find" he means "randomly stumble into one day after spending the last few years drinking beer and expending no energy whatsoever on looking for her," then I'd have to say he's quite right.

What If You Found A Portal To Earths Other Than Your Own.... Where Time And Yourself Stay The Same....

>>> Never is Dorky's "Take the third season and mangle it in a blender" philoshophy more literally adhered to than in his opening monologue.

But The Problem With Getting Home.... Is Unable To Locate Your Lost Friends....

>>> Well, of COURSE it is! It's an intangible concept for cryin' out loud!

Starring:

Jerry O'Connell
Kari Wuhrer
Nicholas Lea
and
Mark Wahlberg

"Sliders"

Episode 1: Choices

Guest Stars: Katherine Heigl, Sabrina Lloyd, Jennifer Lopez,

>>> "When I saw the script, I just knew I had to appear in this low-budget cable series written by a stoned 12-year-old."

Tyson Beckford, Paul Norell as Ryan's agent, and David Gail as Dale

>>> The horrifying result of Dr. Geiger merging someone's first and last names together.

- The group walk with Wade, until they arrive at a camper. They get in,

>>> He must be one unhappy camper. OUCH!

and they take off with Wade driving, heading to the city.

"so, where are the others, did they slide here too?"

"Quinn, what are you talking about, there was no one else here, I went camping by myself. I was shocked to see you standing at the top of the hill.

>>> "I mean, you SUCK at 'King of the Hill.' Usually the other kids pelt you with so many snowballs you can't even stand for a week."

You know I cried for nights when you never came home that night,

>>> "It was two weeks before you stumbled in the front door, crying and covered in snow. You vowed you'd never play again... I wanted so much to believe you."

4 years ago after you took a leap into a portal"

"well its a long story, we can chat and sort things out late r"

>>> See preceding word for a prime example of a late R.

"Wade, if you don't mind, we would like to be droppe

>>> And now he's dropped a letter from "dropped." Man, this is right up there with rain on your wedding day.

off at the Concord Hotel,

>>> Seven seasons, seven hotels. Even if the last four have all pretended to be one and the same...

if its no problem"

"sure thing, it was Maggie right?" Maggie shakes her head, telling Wade, she was right.

>>> Blinker nods, telling Dorky, that sentence was wrong.

After arriving in the parking lot, Quinn tells the others to check into a room, and he would be by later to see how things were going.

>>> "I'd better see nudity, people!"

Jess asks Quinn what he was doing and he tells her that he needed to catch up with Wade. The 4 exit the camper,

>>> CAMPER: First that magic school bus, and now THIS.

and head inside. Maggie heads to the front desk, and ask for a room, Ryan had to pay, and they were each given a key. Jess heads to the bar, and shocked to run into Brandon, who was walking out and he did know her.

>>> One of Dorky's favourite time-filling gambits has always been to introduce the never-before-seen acquaintance of a main character, and let the two of them catch up on old times for a spell... but never before has he spun an ENTIRE EPISODE out of them. Just hang on: it gets worse.

"hey Jess, I can't believe its been so long to see each other.

>>> According to the American Institute of Grammar, this is the sole case yet documented where "long time no see" would have been preferable.

We last saw each other, was college graduation"

>>> "Major was English mine, remembered?"

"I guess it has been awhile. Its great seeing you. Are you staying in the hotel?"

>>> "Nah, we're just visiting."

"yeah, how about we get dinner later, catch up on things"

>>> "I prefer stuff, myself."

"that would be nice, whats your room number, and I'll come by around 7 p.m." Brandon gives Jess his room number, which was 200, and says he would be waiting for her to show.

>>> BRANDON:

o/` Room 200
That's my room
That room again is Mr. Plow! o/`
I mean, Room 200.

Maggie and Joe head up to their room, and relax on the couch.

>>> Well, wasn't THAT an unexpected turn.

"you know, I think this has been the first time we've been able to relax, in about 2 weeks"

"your right Joe, all we've been doing is walking, running from people, or searching for the others.

>>> Indeed, a glimpse at Maggie and Joe's daily planner largely supports this statement:

10:20 PM - WAKE UP, EAT BREAKFAST, SEARCH FOR OTHERS
11:51 AM - TAKE BATH, WALK
13:00 PM - LUNCH WITH SHAWN, TAKE SHOWER, RUN FROM PEOPLE
2:15 PM - SWALLOW A MUTANT NUCLEAR CHEMICAL ROCK EGG
9:63:02 PM - GET PULLED INTO BATHROOM FOR A SEXUAL EXPERIENCE
10:17 PM - GO TO SLEEP, SLEEPWALK, SEARCH FOR OTHERS, ACTUALLY FIND THEM, REALIZE IT WAS ALL A DREAM, CURSE VIOLENTLY

I mean we started this journey a month and a half ago to find Wade, Colin and Brandon"

>>> Their research was bogged down by countless false leads to suburban preschools.

"I just hope Quinn doesn't go to far with the Wade of this world, and consider bringing her with us"

>>> "Yeah, the last thing we need is a second 'Harem Era'..."

"I better find some new clothes and take a shower"

>>> "My showering outfit is so last season."

"theres a store downstairs, then maybe I could join you in the shower, to make sure you really get clean" Joe laughs about his comment, but Maggie slaps him, telling him when hell freezes over,

>>> ...is when she'll get clean.

is when they can share a shower together.

>>> *sigh* Yes, we got that, Dorky.

The camper arrives in a driveway, belonging to Wade, and she shuts off the engine, and tells Quinn to get out and help her bring stuff in. Quinn feels the Wade of this world

>>> He receives a slap for his efforts.

really missed her Quinn, but he knew that he couldn't play along,

>>> What, can't he just act as his double, and then kiss Wade, and then have sex with her, after which she could go down for coffee and he could get into the shower, and then he could go down to breakfast in a dark blue suit, but then sit and eat?

no matter how much he wanted to take this one back home,

>>> "Please, ma, can I keep her?"

since he couldn't survive without her.

>>> "Hey, woman! Where's my PIE, dammit?! Oh, and, uh, what room is the fridge in again?"

"you know, as soon as people know your back in town,

>>> His back's "jabbing into itself" trick is quite the reputation-maker.

I'm sure you'll get job offers real quick"

>>> Presumably she means "jab offers."

"possibly, but I think we need to talk about something really important"

>>> "Oh, not the Branch Davidian pitch again. Face it Quinn, they're OVER."

"lets wait until tomorrow okay. I think I need to make a special dinner tonight"

>>> "My gerbil's on its deathbed, so I've been fattening it up..."

Later in the evening at the Concord Hotel's bar, Ryan is sitting with Maggie drinking. "you know that Quinn could plan on staying here"

"yeah, I know how much Wade means to him. I just wish I could of taken him when I had the chance.

>>> I'll say one thing for Dorky. His Maggie characterization is impeccable.

I know that when we started sliding, all I wanted was to kill Rickman, for my husbands death,

>>> "Except for the episodes Rickman didn't appear in. Then all I wanted was sex."

but as Quinn and me became good friends, I felt we could possibly hook up, since he and Wade were just friends.

>>> "As opposed to he and I, who were good friends."

We had 3 months to sort things out, and all he did, was want to get home to be with Wade and Remmy"

"thats the same way I felt with Wade, I fell in love with her

>>> Huh? Maggie never mentioned "love"; just "hooking up" with Quinn and "taking" him. While paraphrasing from "The Hot Chick."

shortly after meeting her, and when I slid with the group, I thought I might have a chance, but I knew she loved Quinn too much to stay with me, so I took off, knowing it would be for the better"

A man comes up to Ryan, shocked to see him back in town, Ryan doesn't know who the person was, so he plays along, "I think I have a great deal about to go down in stocks,

>>> "About to go down?" That's not the most astute choice of words for a stock pitch. Or most anything else, come to think of it.

so if you sign here, you can get some stock from Microsoft" Ryan signs the paper,

>>> Little did he know, he was actually purchasing 40 subscriptions to Vibe.

and the man tells Ryan he has the board meeting tomorrow,

>>> Tigs, Sarah and BritSlider will all be there.

so he would be by to pick him up at the house. Ryan states he would be here, so he would need to come by his room to be picked up. As the man leaves, with knowing Ryan's room number,

>>> But leaving the audience hanging for some strange reason. Come on, you gave us the OTHER guy's room number!

Maggie figures it was Ryan's double's agent

>>> Double's agent [n.] Someone who works for opposing spy rings in two universes.

or assistant. Ryan figures his double must be really wealthy, and would like to take that as an advantage.

>>> It wasn't until the next world that he thought of SPENDING THE DOUBLE'S MONEY.

Joe heads to the chinese restaurant in the hotel,

>>> It's right next to the bowling alley, the hardware store and the optician's.

when he bumps into Maria Green, who also knows Joe, or actually his double, asking how his job at the corporation was doing.

>>> "Well, it settled down with a lovely young secretarial position to raise some intern openings..."

Joe tells her he likes the place, and he asks how things were going with her, and she talks about her life, an that her husband cheated on her, so she had moved out here, starting over in life.

>>> "I'm up to age 5."

Joe asks if it was inappropriate, but to go out for dinner, and Maria agrees, since it would be good to catch up on old times.

>>> So she agrees that it's inappropriate "but to go out for dinner," and they go anyway? Well, here's to clarity.

By the next morning, over at a house in San Francisco, Quinn awakes in a bed, with Wade beside him, still asleep. He stares at her for awhile,

>>> He's either regretting his holdup of a hard liquor store, or trying to remember her name.

then she slowly wakes to turn over, to see Quinn awake, and staring at her, "good morning Quinn"

"good morning Wade.

>>> Man. This dialogue is so naturalistic, it should be under EPA protection!

I just can't believe this is how I'm going to feel when I really can connect with...."

>>> I just can't believe that the author of ths tripe found a way to type through a straitjacket.

"you mean you want to start a family. You've decided that when you were gone?"

"well not really, its kind of a different feeling I have,

>>> "Less of a 'let's start a family' feeling, and more of a 'let's hump like crazed sea otters' feeling."

but I feel we should talk. I need to get you to understand something" Wade pinches Quinn's cheeks, and tells him they can talk after breakfast.

>>> Ah, now THERE'S the Dorky we know and love!

At the hotel, Ryan had bought a new suit, and was dressing in the bathroom, when a knock at the door is heard. Jess answers it, and it's Ryan's agent.

>>> Considering his client's presence in this episode, I suggest a prompt firing.

Jess invites him in, and he takes a seat on the couch, while Jess goes back to the table to finish her breakfast. Maggie exits her room, wearing a red silk robe,

>>> With the 10 cents left over in the Shawn Connery fund, Dorky hired the actor to do a few pick-up shots as Maggie.

and her underwear is showing, since she didn't realize there was company, so after the surprise, she quickly covers up,

>>> "Underwear? Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho, no! No, that was my, uh, licensed 'Batman' bikini bottom. Yeah."

then heads to sit with Jess for coffee.

Ryan finally exits, "its about time Mr. Coplin, your 2 minutes late"

>>> [tapping fingers together] "What a pi-ty, Mr. Coplin."

"well lets go" The agent heads for the door, Ryan begins to follow, then stops, turning around, "I'll see you both later, maybe" Maggie and Jess wave by, and he exits the room.

"so, you were out pretty late last night. Did you and Brandon have a good time?"

"sorta. We went to a dance club, danced

>>> "Then we went to a drink bar and drank."

and had a few drinks. We talked about my alternate, then we came back here, and we kissed, then he left back to his room. We're suppose to be going out this morning, theres a festival going on, in the park"

"great. Well I'll just stay here. Waste my slide away,

>>> David Peckinpah's "Margaritaslide."

with laying around on the couch, in my underwear"

>>> "Maggggggie, let's have seeeex!" "Duhhh... no, Quinn."

"did you hear from Joe?"

"yeah. He met up with an old flame, Maria Green. He called early this morning, stating he was staying with her all day, and would show up for the slide"

>>> Have they chosen which rain forest they'll be meeting on the other side of yet?

"Maggie, don't worry about being left of having things to do. If you want, you can come with me and Brandon"

"I don't think so. I would feel like a third wheel.

>>> Alternate History Corner: On Maggie's world, the tricycle was never invented. Nor was the threesome, for that matter.

I'll find soemthing to do. Maybe a good movie is playing today at the local theater"

>>> "But Maggie, the only theater in town is that porno... ah."

Quinn and Wade are eating breakfast, Quinn finally has a chance to talk, "Wade, I know how you must of been feeling when you saw me yesterday, but theres a problem, I'm not your Quinn"

>>> Is this some sort of follow-up to Dorky's earlier Quinn-assumes-his-double's-identity-to-score episode "Anti Grav"? Either way, I think we all know what use Dorky would put sliding to.

"what are you talking about, you are Quinn Mallory, my husband"

>>> Let me guess... she can't stand this bull, his talking.

"no, you don't get it. I come from a parallel world. My double is missing, and you believe he's returned when its only me"

"you mean your an alien from another world"

>>> "Mmm... kinda."

"kinda,

>>> Gah!

but I like to be called a slider, someone who explores parallel worlds. I as well am trying to find a loved one. My Wade Welles is out there in another dimension, but I can't locate her"

>>> "I don't have time."

"so why don't you stay here with me. You could take my Quinn's place.

>>> "So you're saying you impersonated my husband and slept with me under false pretenses? Huh. Wanna do it again?"

He's probably out sliding as you are and lost"

"I can't, I have a mother who misses me already,

>>> Already? That's some quick missin' there, Mrs. M.

and I need to get back to her"

"whats holding you back from leaving right now. If you need to go home, then leave me now!"

"for some reason, I can't.

>>> "...Oh, right, the superglue."

I've fallen for you, except I don't know what to really do. If I stay here, I get to be with someone I love, or a double of her,

>>> WADE: "I'm sitting right HERE!"

but if I leave-"

>>> "I get all the CoWs I can eat! Er... handle."

"if you left, it could take 90 years to probably find her.

>>> Again, that's if you define "finding her" as "hanging around drinking beer and having sex with her doubles."

I know you want to stay, so why don't you consider it" Quinn becomes silent as he takes a sip of his coffee.

>>> Then he realizes that his Folger's has been replaced with Easy-Off Oven Cleaner, and becomes markedly less silent...

At a fish market, Joe and Maria pick up lunch, they head to the San Francisco Park Of Ages

>>> The Park of Ages: Proud home of the Rock of Ages.

and eat the food.

>>> It's not like Dorky to be so nondescript about food. You okay there, bud?

"you know, with us meeting up again, I feel we could start something. I know we use to be good friends, but why not try it"

>>> But according to Maggie, it's "good friends" who are supposed to fall in love! Damn, this is hard to follow!

"I guess that would be a possibility, but I'm not sure of my job. I heard I may be transferred somewhere else"

"well, then I may have to consider moving with you.

>>> "Uh... well then I'd move again!" "And I'd follow you again." "Well then I'd... d'oh!"

We could actually get married"

"lets not get to far ahead. But I would be interested in seeing what happens of us"

>>> I'm afraid I don't share the interest of... whoever the hell just spoke.

After finishing his meeting, Ryan got in a limo, and headed to a french restaurant with a few co-workers. He was unsure of how well his double did in speaking french,

>>> Can't possibly be worse than Dorky speaking English.

but tried to speak it with being given a menu.

>>> I rest my case.

A woman sitting beside him asks him if he was getting the same old thing, and Ryan states he may consider something else this time.

>>> And Ryan told her he never had pancakes before, so the woman ordered him some too, and Ryan was willing to try them...

Jess and Brandon arrive at the festival, after driving around town for a while, in the Golden Gate Bridge Park;

>>> I don't know where to BEGIN criticizing this sentence... and it isn't even over yet!

They enjoyed everything there.

>>> Unfortunately their enjoyment of the bird fountain was interrupted by their arrest for indecent exposure.

They were able to take a ride on the farris wheel,

>>> Despite it being the ferris operator's day off.

have lunch and each win an animal for each other.

>>> "A live mongoose! Oh Jess, it's wonderf- OW!"

"this has been a fun day. I think it would be fun to hang with you for a while longer"

"me too, I think things could change in our relationship to a greaterf level"

>>> Halfway through the word "greater," he realized he was discussing their relationship and gasped in horror.

"Jess, how about dinner again tonight?"

>>> "No thanks, I'm not hungry."

"sure, maybe this time, we can get out and have a real great night"

"I think I heard on the radio, there is suppose to be a dance party at a club,

>>> "We will of course relay further details as they become available. And now back to our regularly scheduled broadcast already in progress."

maybe we could do something with that, even though we just went to one"

>>> Just because the characters admit as much doesn't mean this dialogue isn't still incredibly stupid.

"sure, besides, its free admission if you know the right people" Jess smiles at Brandon, he puts his arm around her, and they walk on, heading to the "House Of Mirrors"

>>> It's the star attraction at the Park of Ages 6 and Up.

Later that night, back at the Concord Hotel, Maggie is still in her underwear,

>>> Wow... that's gotta be a record.

sitting on the couch, watching television, when the phone rings. Maggie picks it up,

>>> As the evening wore on, her standards had eroded considerably.

to reveal Ryan is on the other line.

>>> MAGGIE: "Look, uh... John, could you hold? Ryan's listening in on the other... YES, I realize this is costing you $6.95 a minute!"

"your not going to believe this Maggie, I returned to my double's house and its exciting.

>>> Yeah, the audience isn't buying that part either.

I just had a party, and it was wild"

"I guess you weren't the only one to enjoy today"

>>> "But if I wasn't... then who WAS?"

"did you try to go outside today?"

>>> The second Buffy spin-off, "Older and Far Away: the Series," found even less favour with Informant than Angel did.

"not really. I mean I find this funny, everyone except me, has found someone from their past and they are staying with them all the time"

>>> To Maggie, "one day" is an exceptionally long-lived relationship.

"well if you want, you can come over here-" Ryan is cut off,

>>> But not before grunting "Oof, ack, erg! Hey, I have a permit to be out here! Where are you taking me?!?"

then Maggie has to listen to a woman yell out Ryan's name, along with a bed squeaking.

>>> Followed by a wolf whistle, a meow, a purr, some panting, a bark, and a hooooooooooowl.

Maggie hangs the phone up annoyed,

>>> "Please Press Two." This time... it's impersonal.

she then decides it might be fun to at least get blasted tonight, so she can have a little fun on this world. Maggie gets dressed, with buying from a store below,

>>> Chinese restaurants, clothing stores... this hotel has EVERYTHING.

dresses and heads out of the hotel,

>>> Just how many times does she need to get dressed, exactly? What is this, a Teletubbies script?!?

and hails a taxi with a familiar russian taxi driver.

>>> Alas, how Gorbachev has fallen.

"take me to Studio 54 and step on it"

A little while later, Maggiee

>>> "What, it's not Maggiee's birthday?"

is let out by the entrance, she pays the cab fee, and then sees a long line, between red velvet ropes,

>>> The Thin Red Velvet Line.

so she starts walking, when a man near the front of the line stops her. He looks wealthy, with wearing a dark suit and black rimmed glasses.

>>> Black-rimmed glasses?! Ooh, sounds like a PIMP to me.

"if you would like to be my date, cut in front of me"

"sure, why not. Its not everyday I meet a rich pimp"

>>> See? And like I said: perfect characterization of Maggie.

Maggie steps over the rope, with the guy having an odd look on his face for what she just commented,

>>> "I'm not a pimp. Honest. The glasses are just my tribute to Buddy Holly!"

and within a few minutes, Maggie gets in. The 2 head to the bar, Maggie orders a bottle of vodka and a small cup.

>>> Maggie? Small cup? What's wrong with this picture...

The rich guy quickly orders a beer, and exits the scene, leaving Maggie at the bar to get drunk.

>>> Yes, even pimps find her too slutty to associate with.

At Wade's house, her and Quinn are playing a card game, "so, is that what we would be doing for the rest of our lives,

>>> Playing "Old Maid"? Ironically, yes.

or are things different now"

"Quinn. Your a double of my husband, we used to party about every other night.

>>> "He always hogged the lampshade, that bastard."

I guess we're doing this, so I can know if you plan on staying with me or continue to slide"

>>> Will she spend the rest of her days alone? It all comes down to who gets the Old Maid.

"at this point, I don't know. I feel if I never find her, I'd be upset,

>>> Well, that IS the primary consideration in deciding whether to save Wade from ongoing rape and torture.

and wish I could of taken your offer. But if I do find my Wade, then I can go on with my life on my earth with her. Now I know its unfair to you, I feel selfish in a way.

>>> No, REALLY!

But I know some day, your Quinn will get home. I mean it took me almost 4 years to find my home world, which I eventually lost the way to get there, but your Quinn will do everything in his power to be with you"

>>> "Well, unless he's anything like me, that is."

"I guess I feel selfish too. I mean you are from another world, and I know your family would miss you. But its up to you to choose whether or not you will stay with me"

"I have an idea, a possible way to never forget about me or your husband, in case he never returns"

>>> More sex?

Quinn gets up from his chair, he takes Wade's hand, and the 2 leave the room, heading upstairs.

>>> Yep.

Back at the bar, Maggie has drank half the bottle, and ready for more drinks. A man who look stoned,

>>> Curlytop?

having curly dark hair,

>>> Yep.

and wearing a leather jacket, dirty jeans and a cowboy boots, walks up to Maggie, and sits by her.

>>> Well, he'll soon be turned off by her crabbiness... and I'm not assessing her mood.

"so, do you plan to drink that all, or are you willing to share"

Maggie looks up at him, "you want some of this.

>>> Scene from "Listless Catfight II: Somnolent Boogaloo."

Yo barkeep, I need another glass for this gentleman" the man is given a glass, and Maggie pours him vodka. He swigs it down, and wants more. The man introduces himself as Dale, along with Maggie telling who she was. After a few too many drinks, and dancing, Dale offers Maggie a place to stay, "sure, I would like the night of fun to continue,

>>> Renaming "Must See TV" to "The Night of Fun" was the worst decision NBC ever made. INCLUDING "The Duck Factory."

lets go. But I think we'll need a taxi" the bartender helps the 2 with getting one, and soon after, are taken to his place, in an apartment.

>>> So an apartment whisked the three of them to the bartender's place?! Did I get all that?

The 2 undress and get into bed together, to make out,

>>> Damn, she HAS lost her touch.

then Dale lights a cigarette, offers it to Maggie, but she is already passed out, sleeping. By the next morning, Maggie awakes to see the shade

>>> "I am the ghost of one-night stands past. You will be visited by three spirits, each of whom will make a drunken pass at you..."

quickly fly up, and smacking the wall with a loud noise. Maggie can't stand her head pounding, then looks to the clock, reading 9:00 a.m.

"my god, I missed the slide. I hope I'm not stuck here forever" Maggie gets up to get dressed, when she soon sees the clock was unplugged, feeling stupid.

>>> CLOCK: "I blame myself."

Dale awakens to see Maggie dressing,

>>> He had to marvel at the unusual sight.

"why don't you stay a while, we can have some fun like last night"

>>> Maggie, however, had had more than her fill of the Care Bears Alphabet Card GameŽ. Especially with the way Dale kept cheating.

"sorry to say, I don't remember anything about last night, and I don't know you, so good-bye"

>>> She'd never seen anyone try to pass off three Es and a Noheart Card as the word "BEAR" before. It was disgraceful.

Maggie heads out of the apartment, hurrying to an elevator as she looks at her digital watch,

>>> Gee! Considering that the slide is this morning and she doesn't yet know what time it is, THAT'S A PRETTY NEAT IDEA!

reading 8:27 a.m.. While in the elevator, she whispers to herself, "well I know I can make the slide, but will the others"

>>> At least she has her priorities straight.

Maggie returns to the hotel, 15 minutes laters. She rushes to the room, to find no one around, and the timer still on the couch, reading 18 minutes.

>>> Volume One of Morley Safer's autobiography.

Maggie heads downstairs for a little breakfast,

>>> Our episode so far: three breakfasts, two lunches, four dinners, one shower, and five sex acts. But who's counting?

and buys more clothes to change into, then returns to the room and changes.

>>> Oh, and four instances of Maggie putting her clothes back on.

With exiting the bathroom, the timer reads 20 seconds.

>>> Man, this is almost as tense as the ending to "Luck of the Draw." You know, where Wade was alone in the hotel with mere minutes to the slide... so rather than hang around waiting for the others, she ordered up some breakfast and went clothes shopping for the second time that day.

Outside the hotel, Quinn, Joe, Ryan and Jess are seen entering it,

>>> By whom? Wait, lemme guess... shadowy guy in a robe?

coming from different directions.

Maggie opens the portal, she looks back at the door, hoping for it to open,

>>> She never did get that Tom Jonesgram she'd ordered. Oh well.

she leaps in, then a few seconds later, the door opens, the others arrive.

>>> JESS: "Next time, YOU guys wrestle the jeep."

Joe then states, "I guess Maggie figured we'd be staying here. Lets go" Ryan and Jess enter, Joe and Quinn follow them, then the portal closes quickly.

Back at Wade's house, she is in the bathroom, looking at something, "my god, I'm pregnant.

>>> Um, Wade... honey... that's a bar of soap.

I can't believe it, I'm going to carry a child from my husband's double"

>>> Now if only the last frame of "Love Gods" had included such a helpful explanatory voiceover, maybe the fans would hold Quinn and Jane's relationship in greaterf esteem...

STINGER: "your right Joe, all we've been doing is walking, running from people, or searching for the others."