DMD

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(Background music: Sportscast intro)

DieselMickeyDolenz: And while we're waiting for Yeontoo to write her SG segment, it's time for athletics, and over to CoolSlider in Paris.

CoolSlider: Hello, well you join us here in Paris just a few minutes before the start of today's big event: the final of the Writers-Being-Eaten- By-A-Crocodile event. I'm standing now by the crocodile pit where- AAAAAAHHHHH!

(FX: Crocodiles eating, French exclamations and sirens)

Recall317: Ah. Well I'm afraid that we've lost CoolSlider. While they're sorting that out, we have a report from ThomasMalthus in the Story Cave on the Sliders preparations for this most important event.

ThomasMalthus: Here in the StoryCave are the five young writers chosen last week to be eaten by a crocodile for the Sliders team this summer. Obviously, the most important part of the event is the opening 60 yard sprint towards the crocs. And young Slider_Sarah is rated by some not only the fastest but also the tastiest Sliders morsel since Robin14334 got a bronze at Helsinki. In charge of the team is Sergeant Major Blinker.

Blinker: <to his team> Aww, well, you not only got to get in that pit first, you gotta get EATEN first. When you land in front of your croc, and 'e opens his mouth, I wanna see you right in there. Rub your 'ead up against 'is taste buds. And when those teeth bite into your flesh, use the purchase to thrust yourself DOWN his throat...

TM: Blinker's trained with every Sliders team since 1996, and it's his blend of gymnastic knowhow, reptilian expertise and culinary skill that's turned many an un-appetizing novice into a crocodilic banquet.

Blinker: Well, our chefs have been experimenting for many years to find a sauce most likely to tempt the crocodile. In the past, we've concentrated on a fish based sauce, but this year, we are reverting to a simple bernaise.

TM: The Sliders team are worried because Olympic regulations allow only the competitor's heads to be sauced. Sabre_Edge...

SE: Yes, well, I mean, (clears throat) you know, two years ago, everyone knew the Farscapers were coating the insides of their legs with bolinaise, the First Wavers have been marinating themselves. One of the MST3kers, was caught actually putting, uh, remolarde down his shorts. And the Quantum Leapers were using tomato flavoured running shoes. Uh, I think there should either be unrestricted garnishing, or a single, Olympic standard mayonnaise.

TM: Sabre, does it ever worry you that you're actually going to be chewed up by a bloody, great crocodile.

SE: The only thing that worries me, Thomas, is being the first one down that gully.

TM: Well, the way things are going here in the Story Cave, it looks as though Sliders could easily pick up a place in the first seven hundred. But nothing's predictable in this tough, harsh, highly competitive world where today's champion is tomorrow's crocodile shit. And back to you, in the studio, Diesel.