Buffy
All right, almost showtime people. Let's get on set shall we?

Spike
You know we bloody hate getting treated like children.

Buffy
Deal with it, ON SET NOW!

Spike slowly walks on set, looking none too happy. D walks on set casually.

Cameraman
5... 4... 3... 2...

Spike
Welcome to DEAD with Spike & Hunter, with today's guests Brand_S, SliderFanOne, and a special Sock Battle Royale.

D
Once again if you have not figured out who is going to die, please go tell Batman his pointy ears look stupid.

Spike
For the record, that's cool Gothic tough-guy Batman, not the wuss Schumacher made him.

D
Onto the show, here is a good guy, and the only person who has a 0% chance of death on this show, Brand_S.

S walks out.

Spike
So I hear you're working on a war fanfic?

S
Yeah.

Spike
Lots of death I hope.

S
Plenty.

Spike
I like it already.

D
About this true love thing in the story, though...

S
I'm not telling you a thing.

D
Well, it was worth a try. Hope you don't mind if we move along to the killable guests; I think that's what most tune in for.

S
Sure.

Spike
We'll be right back with one doomed person after this commercial break.

(Fade to commercial)

S
Well, at least I can say I was on a talk show.

Spike
Technically, this is more of a 'crush, vivisect and disembowel' show.

S
Details, details.

S walks off.

Spike
So, time to go off and plot the death of some pathetic poster.

D
Yep.

D and Spike walk off to plot death and destruction. They return a few minutes later and take their seats.

Cameraman
5... 4... 3... 2...

Spike
Welcome back to Dead with Spike and Hunter. If you just tuned in you missed what was likely our most boring interview ever.

D
Whatever, just remember not to kill SliderFanOne except for by our planned way.

Spike
Right. I have been taking that self-control course, you know.

D
And now, here's someone totally undeserving of their name, SliderFanOne.

SF1 walks out.

SF1
Hi everyone!

Spike
So, what makes you think you're Sliders' number one fan again?

SF1
Cause it's a great show....so long as Jerry is in it.

D
So regardless of script, acting, or budget, only Jerry makes the show good?

SF1
Everything Jerry is in is great. Body Shots is the best movie of all time!

Spike
This is scaring even me.

D
You develop a resistance to this form of stupidity after a while...or you go insane. I'm not sure which one I did.

Spike
Considering that you deal with them by helping me murder them, I'd say insane.

D
It's all right, I'm just a little crazy.

Spike
As opposed to SF1 here who is totally insane.

SF1
Watch it Spike! What's that mean anyway, that you look for guys to...

Spike
Look you bloody wanker, let's not use the rather pathetic gay insults today shall we?

SF1 stays quiet, for without pathetic gay insults he has nothing to say.

Spike
What say we fast forward to his death so we can get to the Sock fight?

D
Good idea.

A giant bag, filled with every stupid thing and pathetic insult SF1 has said, falls on SF1, killing him.

D
Think we may be wearing the "stuff falling on them" gag a little thin?

Spike
No.

D
Just wondering. Commercial time.

(Fade to commercial)

D
OK boys, set it up.

The stagehands quickly assemble what looks to be a wrestling ring.

D
This should be good.

Spike
Yeah, let's go get the announcer.

D and Spike walk off and return with a fat guy in a cowboy hat.

Fat Guy
What is the meaning of this?

Spike
We're having a Sock Battle Royale and you're gonna call the action with us.

Fat Guy
Why should I?

Spike puts on game face.

Spike
So you live to see tomorrow.

Fat Guy
Great reason.

Spike
Thought you'd see it my way.

D and Spike walk back towards the stage.

Spike (turning to face fat guy)
Run and I swear your death will be slow and painful.

Cameraguy
5... 4... 3... 2...

Spike
Welcome back to DEAD with Spike and Hunter. During the break we set up a special ring for the Sock Battle Royale.

Spike and D walk over to the ring and sit at one of the two tables next to it.

D
We're going to announce the match, along with our other guest Good Ol' JR.

JR (the fat guy) walks over and sits down.

JR
Just so you know, this is being done against my will

(Spike growls)

JR
but I am really enjoying it.

Spike
Good boy.

JR
Introducing first from south of the border, he hails from the E network, Senor Sock!!

Senor Sock makes his way to the ring.

JR
Introducing from Al Snow's ideas to Foley, Sock_O!!

Sock_O makes his way to the ring.

JR
And finally, from the Great White North, introducing Ed_The_Sock!!

Ed walks out, with a stogie in his mouth.

D
And here we go. Senor Sock and Sock_O seem to be teaming up trying to beat Ed_The_Sock.

JR
Oh, the humanity! This isn't fair, someone should help that man, errr, sock.

Spike
No helping here. Two socks are gonna die.

JR
So it's every sock for himself! Wait, Senor and Socko are now fighting with each other. Their teamup was short lived.

D
This fight only ends when the last sock is standing. They must have realized it.

JR
Socko is hitting Senor Sock with the mandible claw, or is that mandible toe?

Spike
Bloody Hell, who cares? This is a sock massacre!

D
Ed is getting up, and he's got the Stogie lit.

Spike
He's burning Senor Sock with the Stogie! Senor is running out of here as fast as he can, the coward.

D
We still have two socks left, Socko and Ed.

JR
Socko is attacking Ed from behind. Socko's got a steel chair, and nails Ed over the head with it. Socko is going up top, he jumps, he's trying for the five-star Sock Splash!

D
Ed moves; Socko missed the Splash.

Spike
Ed throws the chair to Socko.

D
Van-Sock-inator.

Spike
WHAT?

D
ECW reference.

Spike
Oh.

JR
Ed's got the Stogie, and he's burning Socko with it. Socko is tapping out, Ed wins, Ed wins!

D
Your winner and Sock Champion, Ed_The_Sock!!!!!

JR
We're out of time, folks! These two will see you next week, while I hope never to set foot here again. Man, what a slobberknocker!

(Fade out)

JR runs out of the building as fast as he can.

D
Would you have really sucked him dry?

Spike
No. Fat Oklahoma cowboy tastes terrible.