Fraternity
Episode: B9	By: Recall317	Date: 6/01/02	URL: 545/27997
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story works much better if you envision it as one of those three-minute morality plays that used to appear on NBC Saturday mornings. You know, like when the kid vandalizes a random car by ripping out the antenna, and the next day when he's in the car with his father, the radio doesn't get any reception? Yeah, it's kinda like that. Only with profanity. Hunter landed on his feet once he had emerged from the vortex, his sword still in hand. He took a quick glance around his new surroundings. Seeing nothing exceptional, he paused a moment to admire his blade. As the setting sun glinted off its steel, he smiled. Hunter gave the weapon an elegant twirl and sheathed it as the first of his two companions arrived. TemporalFlux landed relatively smoothly as well, dropping to one knee to steady himself. He looked up at Hunter and gave him a nod. "Excellent work as always." "Well, I can't take all the credit. It was your plan that got us out of that. I just, shall we say, executed it," said Hunter, giving TF a hand. "Of course, S did play a role..." On cue, S came flying out of the vortex. He hit the ground rolling. When the inertia finally gave out, he lay on the grass and just stared vacantly at the sun. S was dressed in one half of a llama costume, which looked considerably roughed up. The rotten fruit and vegetable stains did little to enhance his appearance. "You okay, S?" asked TF. "Fuck. You," S replied tersely. "Oh come on. It wasn't that bad," TF snickered. S sat up and stumbled to his feet. As he peeled his costume off, S lit into TF. "Why did I have to be the diversion? I'm always the diversion!" "You're just so damn good at it," replied Hunter casually. "It's not right, dammit," said S as he kicked his costume away from him. "It's like TF is the brains and Hunter is the brawn. And what's S? The comic relief. I'm beginning to think that's the only reason I'm on this adventure." To punctuate that comment, S then stepped on the end of a rusty rake, the pole standing up and smacking him in the face. "Eeeggghhhh...." "The maintenance team needs to clean up a bit better," remarked TF as he took a better look around. They were in a well-maintained grassy area and surrounding the common were many brick buildings. Young men and women could be seen walking to and fro between the buildings and common. "Looks like a campus of some sort. Probably a university." TF took out the timer. "We're here about a day. We're going to need a place to crash." "Allow me," said Hunter, drawing his sword. He strolled up to a young male student and pointed his blade at the boy's neck. "Pal, you wouldn't mind if me and my buddies crashed in your place tonight, right?" Hunter asked. The frightened student nearly wet himself. "No, no, not at all. In fact, I'll even sleep on a couch in the lounge!" he exclaimed. "Gracias," replied Hunter, lowering his sword. "Aren't you forgetting something?" asked TF, clearing his throat. "Oh yeah," said Hunter, turning back toward the retreating student and sending his sword straight at his feet. "Keys?" The keys flew right into Hunter's hands and the terrified boy bolted. Hunter yawned. "I don't know about you two, but I'm turning in early. That last world took a lot out of me." "Ditto," replied TF. "You coming, S?" "Fuck no. If this is a college campus, I'm going to find me a place to get plastered. I think I DESERVE it," S huffed as the other two marched off. "Stupid wolf in sheep's clothing plan. At least they could have found me a sheep costume, but noooooo..." It didn't take S long to find himself a good fraternity party to drown his frustrations in. He was already pretty drunk when something caught his bleary eye. Through the confusion, S spied two familiar faces. "Recall? Space?" asked S. He moved in for a closer look. As he got within a few feet, he knew it was definitely them. Recall's appearance was somewhat altered from what S was used to. This one's hair was shorter and gelled. The Co-ed Naked Volleyball T-shirt was also an unusual choice of attire. SpaceTime was dressed similarly, except he had a UCLA ball cap on backwards. "Do I know you, dumbass?" asked Recall, shoving S. "I may have invited 1300 people to this party, but you are definitely not on the list." This Recall was unlike any of the others he had encountered. The Recall he knew hated fraternities and could speak intelligibly. This one looked like he had grown up next door to Charlie O'Connell. "It's cool, man," said S. "I'm a...uh...a pledge." "A pledge, huh?" asked Space, dumping a beer on top of S's head. Different Recall; same old SpaceTime. "Aren't you guys a little old to still be here?" asked S. "You got a problem with the eight year program?!" said Recall, getting in S's face. "No...no..." said S, backing off. "So what makes you think you're rad enough to hang with us?" asked Space. "I have a GPA of 3.98," he replied. Space and Recall looked at him blankly. "I speak five languages fluently," he added. Space and Recall looked at him blankly. "I...uh...once drank 14 beers in an hour and a half?" added S hopefully. The two were suitably impressed. "I'm suitably impressed," said Recall. "But we've got all kinds of guys who can do that. Heck, Scream here can drink 16 in under an hour." "Braaaaaaaaap!" replied RMScream's other as he staggered over to a keg, before tripping and falling out an open window. Neither Recall nor Space reacted. "What if I told you I had the power to slide between worlds?" Neither Recall nor Space reacted. "I can open a tunnel that will take me to a parallel dimension." Neither Recall nor Space reacted. "I've seen chicks with two sets of breasts..." teased S. Now he had their attention. "All right, dude, you show us those breasts, er, tunnel, and you're in," said Space. Why S felt compelled to prove something to these two jokers was unknown. He already had the complete acceptance of both on his own earth. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was the previous slide that set him off, but he was determined to win those guys over here as well. Now S needed to get his hands on the timer. S crept into the dormitory where TF and Hunter were crashed. Hunter slept with his hands on the hilt of his sword...just in case. S slipped past him and on to TF. TF stirred. "No, no, no, professor! You've got the polarity reversed!" TF muttered before turning over. He fumbled through TF's jacket and recovered the timer. S grinned. Let's see what Recall and Space think of him now... "It looks like a really fucked up remote control," said Space, examining the timer. "I don't see no portal thingy." The three were on the top floor of the frat house, away from the ongoing party. Recall grabbed the timer from Space's hands and started pressing buttons. "Woah, stop that!" said S, grabbing for it. "It's not a toy!" But Recall didn't give it back. Instead, he tossed it to Space and began a game of keep away. Back and forth S raced around the room in an attempt to recover the timer as Recall and Space continued to ask questions. "So how does it work?" "When the timer counts down to zero, we can open the portal." "What button do I press?" "The big one, but nothing will happen until it reaches zero." Recall scooped out a low toss from Space and pushed the button. To the surprise of all, a vortex opened in the middle of the room. "Holy fucking shit!" declared Recall. "Holy fucking shit is right," repeated S. "That was NOT supposed to happen!" S grabbed the timer out of Recall's hands and checked the readout. It was still ticking down, but it had advanced 8 hours. It had a very sobering effect on the slider. "TF is going to flip when he sees this!" But Recall and Space were unconcerned with S, TF, or anyone else at the moment. In front of them was the greatest thing they'd ever laid eyes on. The two looked at each other wild-eyed. "Do you realize what we could do?" Recall asked with a wicked grin. Recall and SpaceTime stood before the open vortex...with their zippers undone. The two were gleefully urinating into the maw. "Dude! Somewhere on some other earth, this thing is going to open on top of someone, and it will like piss all over them!" Recall laughed. "Awesome," agreed Space. S grimaced. "What was I thinking? I don't need your acceptance. Now not only have I possibly screwed up the timer, but the vortex will smell like urine for weeks!" "Chill, it's mostly just water anyway. We've been drinking Natty Light all night," retorted Recall, zipping up. Suddenly an idea hit SpaceTime. "Dude, you know what we should really do? We should get one of those monkeys that throws its own shit and put him in front of the vortex, so all this shit would go into the hole." "Or...we could just send the monkey through, and those people will be all like, 'Christ! Where did this fuckin' monkey come from?' And then they'd be all like, "Now it's throwing shit at me!' That would be so damn funny!" exclaimed Recall. "Yeah, too bad you can't see it live," muttered S. SpaceTime and Recall looked at S. "Dude, he's right! What fun is all of this if we can't see it!" "You're right, dude," said Recall. "We need to go to the other side." The two butted heads in agreement. "Man, I can't wait to see what that fucking monkey is up to..." Recall said as the two leaped into the vortex. S sighed with relief. "Idiots." S met up with Hunter and TF the next morning. "So how was the party?" "Let's just say I'm never joining a fraternity and leave it at that. And I'm sorry I blew up at you yesterday over feeling like I wasn't getting my due. I know it isn't true, but sometimes after situations like that it's just more than I can take," replied S. "It's OK, man. We all feel that way from time to time and it's alright to blow off some steam every now and then. And if it's any consolation, we do think of you as an equal member of the team. I suppose we should just say it more often," said TF. "That goes for me too, I guess," said S with a smile. "Come on, it's time to slide." "By my count we have another eight hours," said TemporalFlux. "Eh...it's a long story, tell you on the next earth," said S as he handed the timer to TF. TF looked at his timer and back at S and shook his head. "3...2...1..." The vortex opened. As Hunter prepared to dive in, he sniffed. "What's that smell?" Meanwhile, on another earth... "Dude, I can't believe we forgot the goddamn monkey," said Space as he chugged another Toledo's Best. "Relax, dude. It's like the man said, infinite possibilities. They've probably got shit-throwing monkeys right here, too!" replied Recall. "Or even better...elephants who throw their own shit!" "Awesome!"