Pilot
Episode: A1	By: Nobuyuki	Date: 7/22/00	URL: 2326/22268
A man hunched over in the shadows of his basement was working slowly and painfully, attempting to finish a device that looked like a cellular phone that had the appearance of an early work of Frankenstein. In fact, he had single handedly managed to expand the size, mass and volume of the phone by a factor of three. He finished his work by installing the properly sized Energizers that sat next to his toolbox. "Aha! At last, I've done it!" TemporalFlux shouted as he brought himself back into the light. "I have created a replica timer!" "A replica what, now?" TF turned around to find Brand_S and HunterD_Raven standing no more than seven feet away from him. "How did you two get here?" he asked, stunned. "I caught a ride with S on the Red Sled," Hunter replied. TF was boggled by this turn of events. Hadn't the Red Sled been destroyed? "Hey, there's always a way to get one last ride in a jalopy," S explained. "All you really need is a little duct tape and a foot to give it a swift kick with. So what have you got, there?" "It's my greatest triumph!" TF exuberantly proclaimed. "A replica of the original timer!" S and Hunter took a closer look at TF's device. The monstrosity looked very little like the timer, except for the dial, buttons and digital readout. "You know," Hunter started, "I don't remember the timer ever being that, uh... that... JUST WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? It barely resembles the timer! TF, have you lost it?" Hunter brandished his sword in a threatening stance. It didn't matter if TF knew everything about Sliders. If Hunter didn't like TF's response, he'd start laying a rather bloody smackdown. A brief silence filled the air as convenient wind blew through a window, tossing Hunter's hair in a cool fashion. "Well," TF began, gaping at Hunter's rather sharp looking sword, "I had to make some modifications. This is the best I could do to make a timer that actually works. I'm not a Quantum Physics major, you know." "A working, a working timer?" S replied, the words tripping out of his mouth. "Do you seriously think that that could work? It's like a toaster with wires coming out of the slots!" A red glow entered TF's eyes as a dark aura of energy surrounded him. "DO YOU QUESTION MY AUTHORITY?" he asked in a rough, demonic voice. Hunter lowered his sword as both he and S shook their heads like madmen, feebly attempting to say "No!" "GOOD!" The aura left TF's body and his eyes quickly returned to normal. "Now hold on!" TF aimed his new timer at the wall and pushed the button. A translucent beam escaped and forced open a clear vortex. "Whoa!" S exclaimed. "Now to answer the question, 'Is sliding indeed better than sex?'" S ran for the vortex and jumped in as the others looked on. "Exactly how long did you set the timer for?" Hunter asked. "Only fifteen minutes," TF replied, "Why?" "Stoker is going to be PISSED if I'm late for our date to see X-Men again!" "Hunter, how many times have you seen that movie, anyway?" "Uh...a healthy amount." "Whatever." TF turned and jumped into the vortex, followed closely behind by Hunter. Inside the vortex, as they spun through oblivion, they suddenly remembered one of the hazards of sliding. Excruciatingly rough landings. At the other end of the portal, TF fell out of the gateway and hit a patch of pavement at what was assumed to be the absolute speed limit on the Autobahn. He grimaced in pain and cursed David Peckinpah, but before he could stand up, Hunter fell right on top of him. After a brief rant about how cool that was, TF reminded Hunter to stand up. "Oh, right." Hunter and TF rose to their feet and looked around. They looked around, but nothing seemed familiar. "TF, what's the slide radius on that thing?" TF hit his forehead. "Shit! I knew I was forgetting something!" Hunter couldn't believe it. "This is just great! We could be anywhere!" He paused for a moment to calm down. "Where the hell is S?" At that moment, S leapt out of a bush and screamed at the top of his lungs. Startled, both TF and Hunter screamed their heads off and leapt twenty feet into the air, then landed on their backs. "Pretty cool, huh?" S commented. "Apparently this Earth has some sort of gravitational difference." "So why did you have to scare us like that?!" Hunter and TF shouted simultaneously. "Because it's fun." S replied, "Why else?" "You have any idea where we are, S?" TF asked. "Just some town, maybe a suburb. I don't know." The trio looked around. "How much time do we have left, TF?" "Uh, eleven minutes, 28 seconds. Stay on your toes. We don't know what might be different here." The others nodded agreement and looked around. A couple of houses down the street, S could make out the shape of a person. "Hey, I see someone over there!" S pointed the figure out to the others. Hunter turned, saw the figure, and gave a closer look. "Oh my God!" Hunter's jaw dropped in amazement. "It looks like her, but, but, it can't be!" "Who is it?" TF asked. "It looks like Stoker, but she's dressed like a Valley Girl!" TF and S's jaws dropped in equal amazement. "WHAT?!" The three stood in shock and amazement for several seconds, unable to do anything but stare at this world's Stoker. This shock was only temporary, as it paled in comparison to what happened next. Hunter slowly backed away, but it was too late. Stoker turned around and saw the trio. She leaped into the air across the distance separating them, speaking in Valley Tongues so bizarre that the author doesn't have the skill to write them here. Landing on her feet only three feet from Hunter, the horror could be witnessed up close. It was definitely Stoker, no doubt about it. Only this Stoker was wearing overly bright and cheery colors to match her overly bright and cheery personality. She rarely stopped for breath, but through rough translation, TF managed to extract from her dialect that she wanted to know where Hunter had been all week and why he was dressed like a Goth. Before Hunter knew what was going on, this world's Stoker had taken him by the arm and began dragging him away, presumably to get a change of attire. "HEEEELLLLLLLLLP!" Hunter cried. In the confusion, Hunter had dropped his sword and was now defenseless. TF and S ran to Hunter's aid and a tug-of-war ensued. Amazingly, Stoker was nearly a perfect match for the two. "Just open the damn portal!" Hunter screamed angrily at his supposed saviors. TF began to speak, "But if we do that..." "Yeah, yeah, I know, we'll be lost in the Multiverse...JUST OPEN THE FUCKING PORTAL!" Stoker whacked Hunter upside the head and went on in Valley Speak about how he knew better than to use that word. TF turned and opened the portal, but as he let go of Hunter, Stoker pulled him away and continued on her way. Thinking quickly, S shouted, "There's a sale at the GAP!" Stoker stopped in her tracks, her thought process much slower than her Earth Prime counterpart's. She let go of Hunter and ran off. "Holy shit!" Hunter gasped. He picked up his sword and ran without another word towards the portal. TF and S jumped in not far behind...