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  ThomasMalthus presents...

 [ Peckinpah the Series Slayer ]

1.05: It's OK to Kill a Boy on the First Date

This episode opened with Sarah Michelle Gellar making a public service announcement that it was, indeed, OK to kill a boy on the first date. With the quickly spoken qualifier that he had to be completely soulless. Needless to say, the Tom Green-Drew Barrymore relationship ended a tad differently in this universe.

The plot of the episode has Buffy coming up with an "ingenius" (according to Peck, mind you) idea of combining her social life with her slaying by stalking vamps and then asking them out on dates, at the end of which she slays them. As she explains to Cordelia, "It's win-win. The guy pays and I don't have to kiss him good night. Sure, my new Gucci outfits get a little dusty, but that's why they invented dry cleaning."

When Buffy explains her plan to Angel, he replies, "It's a good thing I'm NOT a vampire, or you'd have to stake me at the end of our dates. Which would NOT turn me to dust." Angel then quietly drinks his glass of very thick tomato juice as Buffy goes on to attempt to seduce latest vampire target Owen.

Owen began life in Joss Whedon's original version as a quiet Emily Dickinson-loving high school student and ended up in Peck's rewrite as a raucous Angie Dickinson-impersonating crossdresser. He and Buffy get along smashingly, as they compare tips on grooming, fashion sense and keeping hair dyed blonde (which Buffy denied all first-hand knowledge of).

Despite a subplot where Xander runs over Angel with his motorcycle, the episode's climax comes when it is revealed, mere seconds after Buffy stakes him, that Owen is not a vampire, but just a really weird guy. Giles lets Buffy off with a warning, stating that he cannot punish her since that would be directly interfering with events, and soon she is once again laughing and joking with her friends, thus making the episode completely pointless.

From the script: Willow (to Owen): "So, crossdressing. Doesn't that make you kind of gay? Not that there's anything wrong with that."

1.06: The Peck

Peckinpah's overwhelming desire to guest star on the show (and his underwhelming inability to get anyone to guest star on this show for more than a few seconds without a paper bag over their head) led to this episode, about a cool 'teenager' (yes, Peckinpah) called "The Peck" who transfers to the school and starts a biker gang called the Hyenas. Of course Xander wants to join, as he immediately starts drooling over their hogs.

The show reaches the height of its dramatic tension when Xander begins to tell Buffy and Willow about joining the Hyenas, which all disappears when both of them are fine with it. The villain of the show is a zookeeper who can literally talk to the animals, but unfortunately all he does is teach them to swear. As Peckinpah said, "We can't have that, this is a family show!" And yes, he said that in the episode.

Buffy and the Gang are dispatched to the Shiny Metal Thing to stop the zookeeper's army of swearing wild animals, but are soon overpowered by an especially profane parakeet. However, "The Peck" soon arrives and pounds on the jukebox, which quickly starts playing the 11-minute dance mix version of "Who Let the Dogs Out?". Since all the animals have functioning eardrums, they are forced to evacuate the Shiny Metal Thing. The Peck celebrates with an especially obnoxious "Heyyy!" and soon announces he is leaving town to become a 'big' Hollywood director. The episode ends with 10 minutes of people at the Shiny Metal Thing dancing enthusiastically to "Who Let the Dogs Out?", the airing of which caused seizures among the elderly.

From the script: Giles: "He's a sixteen year old boy. Of course, you'll have to kill him."
Buffy: "No fair! I did that last week!"

April 11, 1997, "Sliders":

The Sliders must decide whether or not to stay on a world where Quinn accidentally causes a man's death.


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