Mike: Hey guys! I'm back from the video store!

Joel: Great! I'm glad I decided to move in with you guys. It was getting boring living without my robot pals.

Tom: And we're glad to have you Joel.

Joel: There's one thing I don't get though. Why was this story titled "The Revelation?" There wasn't anything revealed in this story whatsoever.

Mike: That's a good point.

Crow: Well...maybe the revelation is "the Sci-Fi Channel sucks." After all, if they never cancelled us, we wouldn't be in this damn story.

Tom: Well, we knew that for years. I mean honestly, was there any show they had that they treated worse than us?

(suddenly, as if on cue, a vortex opens right in the living room. Quinn Mallory pops out. Followed by Wade Welles. Then Professor Maximillian Arturo. The last member of the team, Rembrandt Brown, flies out and tackles Arturo. The vortex closes)

Arturo: Damnit Mr. Brown! I told you once, I told you a thousand times, I am not your own personal landing pad! (gets up and stares at the kitchen) Hey! Eats!

(Arturo runs to the kitchen and immedatley buries his face into the freezer)

Crow: Um...Mike? Do you really want John Rhys-Davies in our kitchen?

Mike: Why not? He's better than Joe Don Baker.

Crow: Point taken.

Quinn: (looking around) Nothing too odd so far. Do you think we're home?

Wade: I don't know. We should probably look outside.

Quinn: Shut up, Wade. I was talking to Remmy.

Rembrandt: Maybe Q-Ball. (looks at timer) But we got 30 seconds to find out.

Quinn: (to Mike) Hey you! Is this Earth Prime?

Mike: Yeah, sure. Why not?

Quinn: Good enough for me.

(Quinn takes the timer from Rembrandt and throws it out the window)

Wade: Quinn! What are you doing? We might not be home!

Quinn: Shut up, Wade.

Wade: I love you, Quinn.

Quinn: I said shut up!

Wade: Now I hate you! You're the biggest jerk ever and I want you dead!

Quinn: Don't make me say it again!

Wade: I didn't mean it Quinn! Please don't die! I love you too damn much!

Rembrandt: Sweetheart, isn't it time for your medication? (hands Wade a pill jar)

Wade: Ooh! Yay! (takes the pill jar and runs into the kitchen)

(Quinn sits down on the couch)

Joel: You're kinda harsh on her, aren't you?

Quinn: Look at it this way, we've done 88 episodes, 49 with her, and about 3 of them acknowledge that she's even alive let alone on our team. If she figures this out, she'll start bitching about how she's underused. We'll never hear the end of it.

Tom: That brings up another question, what are you doing here anyway?

Rembrandt: Well the Sci-Fi Channel paid some loser over the internet to write a reunion story for you guys after continuous bomb threats were made to them. When the same thing happened after they canned our show, they decided to kill two birds with one stone and asked the guy to include us in the story for closure to our show. So you guys get the bulk of the story and we get this lame bumper at the end.

Tom: Yeah, but why are these guys here? Last time we saw you guys Jackass, Ms. Perky, and Sallah weren't even part of the group. You were stuck with the chick with the freaky lips you picked up in season 3, the gal who stood around and did nothing but technobabble, and that guy who took comic lessons from Carrot Top.

Rembrandt: Six beautiful words: "So it was all a dream!"

Quinn: So what are you guys doing?

Mike: Well, I just rented some movies.

Quinn: Cool! Can we stick around?

Mike: Yeah, sure. Go ahead.

Rembrandt: What did you rent?

Mike: Some flick called the Matrix.

Quinn: Alright! I've seen that! It's got everything! Guns, Keanu Reeves, robots, kung fu, Carrie Anne Moss in tight leather pants...it's the best movie ever!

Joel: Wait a minute! Keanu Reeves? As in "Be excellent to each other" Keanu Reeves? Screw that! What else did you rent?

(Mike looks in the bag at the movies he brought home: Speed, Point Break, and Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure)

Mike: Nothing.

Quinn: Dude! Why are you badmouthing Keanu? Bill and Ted kicks ass!

Joel: Oh, right, like I'm really gonna take movie advice from the guy who starred in Joe's Apartment.

Quinn: That's an underrated classic. Time will tell on that.

Rembrandt: Quit BSin'.

Quinn: OK, OK, but we all made a career mistake, at least once in our professional careers. Professor over there was in those crappy Canadian Lost World movies and you............do you even have a career?

Wade: (walking out of the kitchen) I was on Sports Night!

Quinn: Quit bragging. Look at where that show ended up. Canned after two seasons. (he looks back at Wade, who starts crying) Aw damnit. Not again. Jeez girl, you flood more than a toilet after Arturo uses it.

Arturo: (from kitchen) I heard that!

(suddenly, the door bursts off of its hinges. Agent Antonio Banderas enters the room)

Agent Banderas: Now we shall end this!

Mike: Um...the war is over you know.

Agent Banderas: It is? Shit. I walked all the way over here for nothing.

Joel: Well we're just watching a movie if you'd like to join us.

Agent Banderas: Really? Cool! What're we watching?

(fade out. We hear Kari Wuhrer singing Tight Pants)

Crow: Mail's here!

(Crow walks up to Mike and hands him the mail, Mike flips through it)

Mike: Final notice, final notice, final notice, YES!

Joel: What?

Mike: First notice! (tosses it into the trash can, and returns to the mail) Say now...

Joel: What now? Second notice?

Mike: No. It's a letter from the Sci-Fi Channel.

(Everyone except Agent Banderas crowds around Mike)

Quinn: What do those dickweeds want?

Mike: I don't know. (opens the letter and reads it) It just says "Ratings Through Roof."

Wade: What does that mean?

Quinn: It means "Shut your face, Wade."

(suddenly we see a red glow through the window)

Tom: ...the hell?

(everyone runs to the door, except Agent Banderas, who is still watching TV)

Agent Banderas: You know what this movie needs? Robert Rodriguez and some El Mariachi action. Ah, now Desperado, now that's a great movie.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Mr. Banderas' comments do not reflect the opinion of this writer, who doesn't consider Desperado a movie at all.

(we cut to outside. Mike, Joel, Crow, Tom, Quinn, Wade, Rembrandt, and Arturo all step out of the house and look up at the sky. A red vortex has appeared, a Kromagg Manta Ship flies out of it, and lands right in front of them)

Quinn: Kromaggs. They must have tracked us here.

Crow: What the hell's a Kromagg?

Rembrandt: There these Monkey-like things with ponytails and Christmas sweaters. They go from one paralel earth to another and conquer them.

(the hatch to the Manta Ship opens. A bunch of lumpy-headed guys in Nazi suits run out)

Quinn: No............it can't be!

Crow: What? What is it? I've never seen Sliders in my entire life!

Quinn: Those are Season 4 Kromaggs. When they inexplicably changed their looks in order to fit the measly budget that Sci-Fi gave us.

Mike: That sounds like Sci-Fi allright. But I thought you said that Seasons 3-5 were just a dream?

Rembrandt: They were.

(a lone figure walks out of the Manta Ship, only she isn't Kromagg, she is Captain Maggie Beckett! She walks over to the shocked Sliders and stares Wade straight into the eyes. For the longest time they stare at each other not saying a word, untill...)

Maggie: Bitch.

Wade: Slut.

Maggie: Twig!

Wade: Whore!

Maggie: WEAKLING!

Wade: HO!

Maggie: That tears it!

(Maggie headbutts Wade, and she falls to the ground. Maggie pounces on her and they start clawing at each other. All the men stare at them so attentively that they don't notice the other three figures walk out of the Manta Ship)

Colin: Hello, brother.

(this grabs Quinn and Rembrandt's attention. They jerk their heads up and see Colin Mallory)

Quinn: Colin?

Colin: Have you forgotten me?

Rembrandt: How could we forget our equivalent of Data, only more android-like?

(Rembrandt looks beyond Colin and sees Diana Davis and Quinn "Mallory" Mallory standing behind him)

Diana: We...

Mallory: (interupting) Did you really think you could shrug us off like that? It's not like we're Wade or anything.

Wade: (punches Maggie in the face, who is down for the count, and stands up) Hey! I resent that!

Quinn: Quiet, Wade! This doesn't concern you! (back to Mallory) What do you want?

Diana: Well...

Mallory: (interupting) To make things right. We inherited the show. We are the Sliders now.

Arturo: Over my dead body.

Voice: (from Manta Ship) That's exactly what we had in mind.

(out from the Manta Ship comes a lone figure. He reveals himself to be Executive Producer David Peckinpah!)

Peck: Allow me to introduce an old friend of yours.

(another lone figure walks out of the Manta Ship)

Quinn: What the hell is this? This Is Your Life?

(this figure is Colonel Angus Rickman)

Arturo: Watch out Quinn!

(Arturo pushes Quinn out of the way. Arturo just stands there for about 10 seconds when all of a sudden Rickman pulls a gun and points it at Arturo for another 10 seconds. For some reason Arturo still stands there. Finally Rickman shoots. ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! We watch the bullet fly towards Arturo, who is still standing there, and it his him. For cost reasons, there is no blood)

Arturo: (spins toward Quinn) Get them home!

Quinn: But we are home.

Auturo: (whispers) Sliders... (he flops to the ground...dead)

(a moment of silence)

Tom: ...the hell? What kind of last words are those?

(Peck points his Kromagg guards towards the out cold Maggie, who pick her up and take her back into the Manta Ship)

Peck: I'm not a bad guy. Therefor, I shall give you about 1 minute to mourn him.

Quinn: Anybody want to say something?

Rembrandt: Uh...how about you? He was your mentor!

Quinn: Yeah, but I'm tired.

Wade: Fine, I'll say something. Professor, I don't believe in goodbyes so...............uh..............uh..........

Rembrandt: What's wrong?

Wade: Just trying to think of the right words.......oh the hell with it! Goodbye, professor.

Peck: Time's up. Now then, Colin! Mallory! Grab skinny girl over there!

Wade: Huh?

Peck: To the Kromagg Breeder Camp with her!

Wade: (Colin and Mallory grab her arms and start dragging her away) Aw hell no! I ain't going back there! Not with those impotent bastards again! They don't even have Cinemax!

(Colin, Mallory, and Wade enter the Kromagg Manta Ship. Rickman's next. Diana follows, looking at her feet)

Peck: Soon, we shall be back to our Season 5 ways. Here, you'll be needing this.

(Peck tosses something at Quinn, who in turn catches it)

Quinn: It's the Egyptian Timer. And it's counting down from 3 hours.

Peck: See you on the next world!

(Peck enters the Manta Ship, the hatch closes and it flies off through a vortex, which closes immediately afterward)

Quinn: We have to follow them! And avenge the death of the professor!

Rembrandt: Yeah! And rescue Wade!

Quinn: Who?

Mike: Wait a minute here! What's this "we" stuff? Your problem not ours.

Quinn: Then don't come. We'll track the wormhole and kick Peckerhead's ass ourselves.

Mike: Fine. (Mike's cell phone rings, he answers) Hello?

Oracle: (over the phone) Hey Joel!

Mike: No it's Mike.

Oracle: Oh sorry.

Mike: Oracle? What the hell do you want?

Oracle: I see you, a black guy, and that cute kid from Mission to Mars. Am I right?

Mike: Uhhhhhhhhhhhh....yeah...

Oracle: Bring them over here. I got something to tell them. See ya! (she hangs up)

Mike: Damnit!

Joel: What?

Mike: We're stuck with them.

(We switch to Joel and Mike flying. Mike is carrying Tom and Crow, while Joel is lugging around Quinn and Rembrandt by their shirt collars)

Joel: Why do I have to carry these two again?

Tom: Well, you did become a villain and almost killed us all in the previous story. Think of this as punishment.

Crow: Plus Mike gets top billing in all of these. Special treatment.

Tom: Are they getting too heavy?

Joel: It's not the weight, it's just that they've been playing "I Spy" for a half an hour and it's starting to get annoying.

Quinn: I spy with my little eye something white and fluffy...

Rembrandt: Is it a cloud?

Quinn: Good guess! Your turn!

Rembrandt: I spy with my little eye something cottony...

Quinn: Cloud?

Rembrandt: How'd you know?

Mike: We're almost there.

(they land right in front of the Oracle's house and they walk in)

Rembrandt: Wow. My grandma had a place just like this.

Quinn: (sniffing) It smells like old people in here.

Oracle: (from behind them) Well, let's see how your place smells after living in it for hundreds of years.

(they all turn around to face her)

Joel: You called us here. Why?

Oracle: The path of the Two does not end with the end of the war. There are many battles to be fought.

Mike: I wish you would have told us that before. Now I wish I never took this freakin' job.

Oracle: Now begins a long journey through the multiverse. You shall help these Sliders in order to put things right. But in order to do that, you must face a great enemy, David Peckinpah.

Mike: More dangerous than Adam Sandler?

Oracle: Much. An enemy so dangerous that I fear that neither you or Joel can defeat it.

Mike: I'm out.

Tom: Me too.

Crow: That's my cue to leave.

Joel: Well I'm sure as hell not going to do this alone.

Oracle: Hey! If I say you're going, you're going!

Mike: How can we win if we can't defeat him?

Oracle: By going on this journey you shall gain the means to defeat him. You must travel with them when the timer hits zero. Then activate the vortex and travel through it.

Rembrandt: Woah! Hold on here! You can see the future? Can you tell us our future?

Oracle: Why yes, of course. (closes eyes and concentrates) I see Quinn in a movie. A movie with a....................... (opens her eyes wide) talking kangaroo? That can't be right. Something's wrong here.

Quinn: (drops the script to Kangaroo Jack that he was reading) No. Don't be silly. Why would I ever do a thing like that?

Joel: Well, how long left on the timer?

Quinn: (pulls out the timer) About a half an hour.

Joel: About enough time to suit up...

(we are treated to a buch of shots ala Batman Forever of Mike and Joel suiting up in their Matrix trenchcoats, leather, and sunglasses. Now they look ultracool)

Joel: How much time now?

Quinn: Almost there.

Joel: Are you sure we're gonna land on the same world as that weird ship?

Rembrandt: Q-Ball can track the wormhole. It should be a piece of cake.

Quinn: Three...two...one...

(Quinn activates the timer causing a vortex to open up in front of them)

Crow: Do we have to come too?

Joel: Yes!

(Joel pushes Tom and Crow through the vortex and jumps in after them. Mike follows)

Rembrandt: So much for being home.

Quinn: I'm not surprised. This seemed to happen at least once a year.

(Quinn and Rembrandt jump through the vortex.

The vortex opens in another dimension as the group pile out and it closes behind them)

Mike: Woah! That was, like, better than...............than.......than sex!

Crow: How would you know, Mike?

Mike: Well, you see.........................hey!

Quinn: Well, if I'm right, this should be the world that the Manta ship slid into.

Rembrandt: (looking up) I'm pretty positive it is, Q-Ball.

Quinn: What makes you say that?

(Rembrandt points up. Quinn, Mike, Joel, Tom, and Crow all follow Rembrandt's gaze toward the sky and see hundreds of Manta ships hovering over them)

Quinn: Holy lord in hot pants...

Crow: Why does it feel like I'm in Invasion of the Neptune Men all of a sudden?

(a giant red vortex suddenly appears in front of all the ships. The ships all fly in one by one)

Quinn: They're restarting the invasion on Earth Prime.

Rembrandt: Earth Prime taken over. Wade getting lucky in a breeding camp. All dignity lost. Yep. Seems like season 4 to me. How much time do we have here?

Quinn: (checks timer) About six hours. Not long. Whatever we're gonna do, we better do it fast.

Tom: I hate to burst your bubble here, but how are we gonna find this Peckinpah guy?

(all of a sudden two Kromaggs pop out of nowhere, grab Quinn, throw him into a humvee and drive off)

Mike: Wow. That was spontaneous.

Crow: What the hell just happened?

Rembrandt: We're done with 4, we're moving to season 5 now.

Joel: Well you know, we could follow them and see where they take us.

Rembrandt: (smiles) I like the way you think. You're a better slider than Mallory ever was.

Tom: Which one? There were three.

Rembrandt: All of them.

Mike: Let's go.

(they follow the humvee on foot.

Meanwhile, from a big ass building, Peck watches through the window as the Manta ships go through the vortex. Maggie approaches him)

Maggie: (running her fingers through Peck's hair) David, honey, come to bed. You owe me an orgasm.

Peck: We've already done it 14 times today. How much does it take, woman?!

Maggie: But that only totals to about 10 minutes!

Peck: I may be a man, but I'm not a machine! Give me 5 more minutes.

(Maggie storms off, clearly pouting. Mallory and Diana walk in dragging Quinn in with them)

Diana: We...

Mallory: (interrupting) Look what the cat dragged in, boss.

(Mallory and Diana push Quinn down to the ground)

Quinn: Hey! Watch it! Looks this good are hard to keep!

Peck: Heh heh heh.......my my my, said the spider to the............................the uh....

Quinn: Fly, you putz!

Peck: Watch what you say, the Sci-Fi Channel might censor it.

Quinn: Huh?

Peck: I'll ask the questions around here, if you don't mind.

Quinn: Fine, go ahead.

Peck: OK then................................................................

Quinn: Well?

Peck: I wasn't going to ask anything...

Quinn: Can I talk now?

Peck: Fine.

Quinn: What do you want?

Peck: I want my show back!

Quinn: Your show?

Peck: Yes, ever since I stole.................er.....inherited this show from Tracy Tormé, my eyes have opened! I've seen worlds that I never even imagined like.....................................like..............................like a world where the Russians ruled America. Or your dreams of becoming a superstar came true. A world where San Fransisco was a maximum security prison...

Quinn: You stole that from our second season opening!

Peck: Aha! Payed homage to!

(Quinn sighed and shook his head)

Quinn: What are you gonna do with me?

Peck: You're going to a better place...

Mallory: That's right. Inside of me, roomy.

(Quinn shudders)

Peck: Exactly! We're picking up right where we left off...

Quinn: Canceled?

Peck: Yes! Er...............I mean, no! I.......................uh........................QUIET YOU!

(just then, Colin and a Kromagg officer walk in dragging Wade, her hair now dyed red)

Wade: (struggling free) Let me go, assclowns!

Quinn: Hi, I'm Quinn. Who are you?

(Wade rolls her eyes)

Peck: Ah! How did the breeding camps go?

Kromagg: This human...................................she uh..................................she bit one off.....

(Peck, Quinn, and Mallory all do a double take with looks of horror on their faces. Diana starts laughing her ass off and Wade just stands there with a smirk on her face. Maggie just looks confused)

Maggie: Huh? Bit what off?

(Diana walks over to Maggie and whispers something into her ear)

Maggie: Oh...ouch...

Peck: (still looking troubled) Well no matter....................Rickman!

(Rickman, played by a new actor, runs in)

Rickman: Yes, master?

Quinn: Wait a sec! That's Rickman?

Rickman: Yes. Who else would I be?

Quinn: He looks completely different...

Peck: The original actor only agreed to do it for one scene on the condition that he have no lines.

Quinn: Oh.................

Peck: Anywho, you and Colin prepare the mergifier thingy and guillotine!

Wade: Guillotine?!

Peck: Yes, we've got to get you into season 5 shape too, my dear...

Wade: Oh shit...

(Meanwhile, Mike, Joel, Rembrandt, Tom, and Crow are still walking)

Rembrandt: Guys, we haven't seen that Hummer for three hours. Are you sure we're not lost?

Mike: Well we're not exactly positive where we are, if that's what you mean.

Rembrandt: That's just great! Some heroes you turned out to be!

Mike: Hey! Give us a break! We're new to this "slipping" thing...

Rembrandt: Sliding, dumbass!

Tom: Will you guys knock it off!

Mike: He started it...

Tom: Now, out of all of us, Rembrandt knows Peckinpah the best. Where would he be?

Rembrandt: That's easy. Something tall and erect.

Joel: Like that building over there?

(Joel points out to a skinny yet tall building a few miles ahead of them)

Rembrandt: That's it! That's gotta be it!

Crow: Great. Now the only question is how do we get in?

(as they approach the building, they see that it is guarded by many, many Kromaggs)

Joel: I'd say there's about 50 of them. Mike and I'll hold them off, you three find your way inside.

Rembrandt: You two? Hold off fifty Kromaggs?

Mike: Hey, we took on over 100 Adam Sandlers once. Don't underestimate us.

Rembrandt: Wow.

(Mike and Joel walk off towards the Kromaggs. Mike taps one on the shoulder, as he turns around, Mike sucker punches him in the gut. The Kromagg flies backwards in ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! Joel and Mike immediately go at it with the other Kromaggs, while Rembrandt, Tom, and Crow make their move)

Tom: OK, now what?

Rembrandt: You hover, right?

Tom: Yeah? Why?

Rembrandt: How high can you hover?

Tom: About 500 feet give or take 450.

Rembrandt: How high could you hover with about 300 pounds extra weight?

Tom: About 30 feet. Wait a second...

Rembrandt: (smiling) You got yourself a couple of passengers!

Tom: Woah now! I'm not doing that. You can't make me.

(Cue Mission: Impossible theme...5 minutes later, Tom is hovering straight up with Rembrandt clinging to his hover skirt and Crow clinging to Rembrandt's legs)

Rembrandt: Damn, Goldboy, you're heavier than you look!

Tom: Oh will you SHUT UP! I have to haul you both! Maximum height now.

Rembrandt: Zoom us over to that window over there, Bubblehead.

Tom: Yes, all mighty master...

Rembrandt: Now we have to break through.

(Rembrandt starts swinging his legs back and forth)

Crow: WOAH! HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Rembrandt: You're going to have to break the window, let go on the count of three. One...

Crow: WHAT ARE YOU, NUTS? I'M NOT DOING THAT!

Rembrandt: Two...

Tom: Oh, quit complaining Crow. I had to haul you both up here.

Rembrandt: Three!

(Crow lets go and flies stright through the window screaming. Soon afterward, Tom and Rembrandt hover in)

Rembrandt: See? That wasn't so bad.

Crow: (getting up out of the glass shards) Yeah, remind me to throw you out the next window we find and see how you like it.

Rembrandt: We can do it later, now we gotta find Q-Ball.

(we switch to Quinn and Wade both strapped to a table, unable to move)

Quinn: (making small talk) So...you're kinda hot. What part of the dimension do you usually hang out?

Wade: Damnit Quinn! Don't you remember me? I'm Wade! You just saw me seven hours ago!

(Quinn just stares at her with a confused expression on his face)

Wade: OK....FINE! I'm the one you almost scored with on that world where that asteroid was going to hit.

Quinn: Oh! The petite brunette...you changed your hair...

Wade: (rolls her eyes) Well at least you're not telling me to shut up.

Quinn: Shut up? Why would I....Oh Wade! I remember you now!

Wade: Thank god.

Quinn: Shut up, Wade.

Wade: UGH!

(Colin walks in rolling a big laser gun)

Quinn: Colin! Colin, you got to free us! I'm your brother for god's sake!

Colin: Brother? What kind of brother would just forget about me, and the 17 episodes we have been through? You tell me!

Quinn: I shrug off everyone! Just ask Wade!

Wade: It's true.

Quinn: Shut up, Wade. Look, Colin, Peckinpah wants to get back into Season 5. You weren't in season 5! He'd have to get rid of you too!

(Colin just stares at Quinn. It's obvious Quinn struck a nerve)

Colin: No, he wouldn't do that. Not after everything I have done to help him. In a few hours, her head will be in a fish tank and you and Mallory will become one...

Quinn: And you'll become unstuck...

Colin: Just SHUT UP!

(Colin runs out of the room)

Wade: It doesn't feel good to be told to shut up, does it Quinn?

Quinn: Shut up, Wade.

(Rembrandt, Tom, and Crow are still wondering around the hallways)

Tom: This place is huge. How do we even know we're on the right floor?

Rembrandt: We don't. Most of the time during sliding, we just wing it and catch a lucky break.

(Crow suddenly stops and stares at a sign on the wall)

Tom: Crow! What the hell are you doing?

Crow: Something tells me the room we're looking for is on floor 5, room 521.

Tom: How do you know?

Crow: Lucky guess, let's go.

(they all follow Crow to the elevator as we pan down to the sign Crow was reading:

DIRECTIONS
Evil plan: Floor 5
...
...
...
Getting rid of Quinn and Wade: Room 521

But back to Quinn and Wade)

Quinn: (being strapped to a wall by Rickman and Mallory) You know, you don't really have to strap me in. I'll be good, promise!

Rickman: Yeah right. And I can act.

Quinn: Oh, c'mon! If you can't trust the fat kid from Stand By Me, who can you trust?

(Wade's being dragged toward a guillotine by a Kromagg)

Wade: Let me go!

Kromagg: You don't remember me, do you?

Wade: How can I? All y'all look alike!

Kromagg: I'm the one you had your little "incident" with in the breeding camps.

Wade: Uh-oh...(tries to think) Uh......................would you believe it if I told you that it was a human ritual? You know, like a circumcision? (the Kromagg starts pulling her by the hair) I didn't think so.....ow..............ow..........OW! Watch the HAIR! (the Kromagg slips her head into the hole of the guillotine and he scoots a fishtank where her head would fall) Dear god, not again. QUINN HELP ME!

Quinn: I got my own problems here!

(just then the door opens)

Rembrandt: (walking through) This is it. I hope you...

(Rembrandt suddenly stops talking as he sees the guns of Rickman and several Kromaggs pointed at him)

Tom: Oh sure. Let's just walk in. What could go wrong?

Wade: Remmy!

Rembrandt: Wade? You OK, sweetheart?

Wade: Do I look OK?! I'm about to get MY FUCKING HEAD CHOPPED OFF! And to top it all off, they dyed my hair red. Now my skin looks pasty!

Quinn: Pastier, actually.

Wade: (with that look women get when they're incredibly pissed, you know the one) What?

Quinn: Well, let's face it. You were never that tanned.

Wade: You're just lucky that I can't move a muscle right now...

Quinn: Shut up, Wade.

Wade: NO, DAMNIT! YOU SHUT UP! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR BULLSHIT, QUINN MALLORY! EVER SINCE WE STARTED YOU JUST PUSHED ME TO THE SIDE! WELL NOT ANYMORE!

Rembrandt: Wow.

Crow: Damn.

Tom: Uhhhhhhhhhh...

Quinn: I think I'm in love...

(Peck walks into the room, with Maggie, Diana, Colin, and another Kromagg)

Peck: Ah! We have guests! Well Rembrandt, are you ready to start sliding with Maggie, Diana, and Mallory again?

Rembrandt: I'd rather die.

Peck: We'll see about that. Are we ready?

(Peck looks at the merging laser gun and over to where Quinn is strapped in. Mallory is now strapped in next to him)

Mallory: Ready! I wanna feel him inside me! Well...you know, in a totally hetero way...

Peck: Good. I think we'll start with... (looks back and forth between Quinn and Wade) .........................Colin!

Colin: What?!

Peck: Face it, kid. You were long gone by season 5. It had to happen.

(Rickman points the merging laser gun at Colin and sets it to "unstuck")

Colin: You son of a bitch!

Peck: Bye-bye, amish boy.

(before Rickman can fire, Mike and Joel crash through the window and land on the floor with a thud)

Joel: (getting up) Now we have to find them.

Tom: Mike! Joel!

Mike: Well, that was easy.

Peck: Get them!

(Rickman and one of the two Kromaggs, the other holding the rope to Wade's guillotine, attack Mike and Joel, who attack back. Rickman tears into Joel with fast punches and kicks, but Joel blocks all of them with no problem. Joel manages to grab Rickman's arm and tosses him right into the Kromagg holding the rope. ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! Rickman crashes into the Kromagg who lets go of the rope, sending the blade falling. Joel makes a dive for the rope and grabs it just as the blade is inches above her neck.

Damn, that would have been an awesome visual)

Wade: Thanks.

Joel: No problem.

(Joel frees Wade while Mike is still fighting the other Kromagg. Mike stomach kicks the Kromagg right into the merging laser gun which switches on and slowly starts turning)

Everyone: Shit!

(everone ducks out of the way of the laser, except Quinn and Mallory, who are still strapped to the wall with the laser headed straight toward them. Colin stands up and sees his brother in danger, he has to act fast. He runs into the path of the laser right before it hits Quinn. Colin begins screaming and his body begins bluring. Wade runs to the laser gun and shuts it off. But it is too late. Colin has blured into nothing. He is forever unstuck)

Wade: Oh my god.

Rembrandt: (runs over to Quinn and frees him) You OK, Q-Ball? You know, about Colin?

Quinn: That was so.......................AWESOME! He was like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! And he just fizzled out. It was cool.

(Rembrandt and Wade roll their eyes. Same old Quinn)

Rembrandt: We still got a problem, Q-Ball. Earth Prime is still overrun by Kromaggs.

Quinn: I say we just leave it that way. Rosie O'Donnell will be shipped to a breeder camp and then those Kromaggs will get what they deserve.

Wade: Are you insane?! Our families are on that Earth!

Quinn: OK, OK, you're right...

Wade: I am? What happened to "Shut up, Wade?"

Quinn: I get turned on by people who yell like a complete bitch like you did five minutes ago. Just ask Maggie.

Maggie: (from behind them) It's true!

Quinn: I have an idea. If I could get a hold of a much more powerful timer, like say one of those Manta ships, I could probably create a slidewave, just like in that season four episode.

Peck: (from behind them) And you people say nothing good came out of season four.

Quinn: I could program it to slide only the Kromagg sliding signatures and no human would be touched.

Wade: Like one big "genoslide."

Rembrandt: But what would keep the Kromaggs from coming back?

Quinn: We could send them to the Slidecage.

Peck: Also from season four!

Rembrandt: But wait, do we even have the Slidecage's coordinates anymore?

Quinn: That's the problem. Apparently some IDIOT writer said that season four was a dream.

Writer: (voice coming from the sky, like a God) D'OH!

Peck: Aha! I have the coordinates right here! In my timer.

Quinn: Who the hell gave you a timer?

Peck: Made it myself. And it's got the coordinates to all the worlds from seasons three, four, and five.

Rembrandt: Give it here, Peckerhead!

Peck: Come and get it! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(Peck activates his vortex and jumps through, followed by Maggie, Mallory, Diana, and Rickman. Mike makes a leap for the vortex. ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! But the vortex closes before he is in, and he crashes face first into the wall)

Mike: Ow! My nose!

Rembrandt: We have to get that timer!

Quinn: Thank you, Captain Obvious.

Wade: How much time does our timer have left?

Quinn: (pulls out timer) An hour.

Rembrandt: An hour? You gotta be kidding me! Whenever stuff like this happens we always have less than a minute.

Quinn: Here, check the timer yourself.

Rembrandt: Aw man!

Quinn: Don't worry, I'm tracking the wormhole. We'll get them.

Rembrandt: Not that. Now it's gonna be boring, waiting for that damn timer to run out.

(time goes by, they're all sitting on the floor)

Mike: and then the old guy blows up the vault and he calls the owner of the studio. And when he's done, the nerdy kid asks "can I use your phone?"

Rembrandt: I got that beat. We once slid onto a world where a vampire rock band wanted Wade to be their lead singer. And one of them electrocuted me with a guitar.

Joel: Oh, that's nothing. We were sent a movie once, where there was this astronaut that supposedly turned into a monster and started killing people. In the end, it wasn't the astronaut and the monster just disappeared never to be seen again.

Quinn: Pretty bad. I see I'm going to have to pull out the big guns. There was this one world were people ate worm shit because it made them younger.

Tom: You win. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

(just then Kromaggs burst into the room and point guns at them)

Kromagg: Freeze, humans!

(they all stand up)

Rembrandt: How much time now, Q-Ball?

Quinn: (looks at timer) Less than a minute.

Rembrandt: Now that's more like it. But how do we get out of here?

Crow: Well I don't know about you guys, but he said "humans." I'm leaving.

Tom: Yeah, me too.

(they both pass right by the Kromaggs)

Mike: Well I'll be damned.

Joel: Mike, grab Wade.

Mike: Huh?

Joel: Just do it.

(Joel grabs Quinn and Rembrandt by their shirt collars and Mike grabs Wade by the waist)

Wade: (blushing) Woah! Hey! I just met you!

(ULTRA JOHN WOO SLOW MOTION! Joel blasts into the air with Quinn and Rembrandt and knocks the Kromaggs down as he flies right through the door)

Mike: Oh, I see.

(Mike takes off with Wade and he flies right over the Kromaggs' lumpy heads. And they land right next to Joel, Quinn, Rembrandt, Tom, and Crow)

Wade: And now we run.

(they run down the hall but don't get very far)

Quinn: Guys. We gotta go now!

(he raises the timer and activates the vortex. Wade immediately jumps in. Followed by Tom, Crow, Rembrandt, Joel, and Mike. Just as Quinn jumps in one of the Kromaggs fires a gunshot.

The vortex opens on the next world, they all landed flat on the ground and the vortex closes)

Mike: Wooooooooh! I love this thing, I tells yah!

(they all get up but Quinn looks a little pale. Then, suddenly he falls down)

Wade: Quinn!

Rembrandt: Q-Ball!

(Wade kneels down and cradles his head in her lap. She strokes the back of his head. But then she looks at her hand. Blood. Quinn's blood)

Wade: Nooooooooooooooooooooo!

To Be Continued...

(cue Sliders theme, Season 1)