[setting: a mysteriously deserted San Francisco. Daytime.]
Quinn and Remmy: Stop the Kromaggs! Stop the Kromaggs! [to the tune of 'Stop the Pigeon' - this line only]
Maggie: My hair's just gone from bad to worse,
Quinn: It's the writers' idea of a curse.
Remmy: Your acting belongs in a hearse.
Maggie: That's 'cause I don't reeee-hearse.
Colin: Kolitar! Kolitar! Kolitar!
Kolitar: [aims a gun at Rembrandt] Last time you Sliders saw me,
You ended my scene for me.
You made me take up riding horses,
Not indicative of the Kromagg forces.
Now it's time for you to die,
You separated my son and I.
[BANG! Kolitar is struck from behind]
Quinn: Wade! it's good to seeeeee yooouuu!
Wade: Yes, I know, how very truuuue.
Now I'm back, you can ice the military chick,
Go ahead, I dare you, give her the flick.
Maggie: They need me around for sex appeal.
Wade: Well, at least my... assets are completely real!
You're the most unconvincing characterrrrr.
Maggie: I'm further with Quinn than you ever werrrrrrre.
[Colin waddles across the stage]
Colin: [to Wade] Pleased to meet you, I'm Colin Mallory.
Wade: There's a certain resemblance I can see.
Quinn: Keep your eyes off, she's mine.
Colin: Then I'll have Maggie, she's mighty fine.
Quinn: She's mine too!
Colin: [to Remmy] Then how about me and yoouuuuuu..
Remmy: Now, now farmboy, I don't want to offend,
It's just you're not really THAT good a friend.
Quinn: I have to leave you all after season four,
Lately sliding's become quite a bore,
I know I am the show's hero,
But for me the timer's on zero.
[a vortex opens and Quinn leaps into it, snatching Colin with him on the way in]
[another vortex opens at the opposite side of the stage and a figure exits it, tumbling across the floor]
Wade: Could it be, I think it is...
Remmy: Oh, my...
Maggie: Who, that fat old English guy?
Arturo: That's right, whoever you are, I wasn't dead,
Just left behind, slid without instead.
Maggie: What do you mean, "whoever you are"? You remember me,
I'm Maggie, "Ms. Beckett" we met back in season threeeeee.
Arturo: That wasn't me who encountered you,
But my double who'd been sliding since season two.
I've been stuck in 'Invasion' since 1996,
Till I got my hands on a timer which I managed to fix.
Now, if you don't mind, if it's all the same,
I'd like to get on with 'Rules of the Game.'
Wade: But Professor, that episode was two years ago.
Arturo: You blistering idiot, don't you think I know!?
That's where I'm up to, I'm so far behind you,
Is it really necessary for me to remind you?
[Arturo opens a vortex and exits the stage]
Remmy: Well that little reunion was all very swell,
We'd better get some sleep back at the hotel.
[Wade heads for the Dominion and Remmy heads for the Chandler.]
[light, sorrowful string music plays]
Maggie: Here I am, all alone. A soldier, a tough guy, a fighter.
I should have been nicer, if I wanted to remain a sliiiiiiiderrrrrrrrr.
[lights fade to darkness, curtains close]