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The Story Game Theme Song
"I'll Never Tell" [Buffy the Vampire Slayer's "Once More, With Feeling"]

This is the game that we play when we're bored now
Isn't it swell?
We pass the time with a rhyme or a few COWs
Who wants Michele?

We pass the torch a bit
It's just no fun without a skit
But don't wait round for Brit...The Story Game!!

There's no set rules or a whole lot of tools, just dig in, sign up.
Then off we go, it's like Murderer's Row, check out the line-up!
sliderules, Blinker, SL... MSR, Sarah and misswells
Then wait for the starting bell...The Story Game!!

Here goes the Story Game!

Quinn pants
Wade lectures
Arturo makes conjectures
We meet Kromagg prefectures in Chapter Three

Rembrandt
Is whiny
Guys check out Maggie's hiney
Diana's role is tiny very frequently

The slide...causes complications
Like the world is run by Haitians
Or perhaps the League of Nations
Or bad Japanimations, but it's sort of OK, cause it's just the Story Game!

Then the plot's...in motion
Here comes some far out notion
Like they land out in the ocean
And Remmy can't swim!

Or fire that talks
A dead man walks
<whisper from offstage> It's time for the Hulk's...
Gotta make way for him!

<The Incredible HK comes out and does a minute-long tap dance number that nearly shakes the Story Cave down to rubble. Mentions of "cave" and "rubble" temporarily rouse Recall317's interest, but nobody else cares.>

You know...it's not the worst fic.
SL: <from offstage> Where's my bratwurst stick?

When the lamest of the stories
Make us run out to our lorries
We just remember that...it's the Story Game!

It's cool and cooler
Unless you're a JOC drooler
That's why we'll never fool ourselves and say we'll leave

Just type some text
And pray that you're not next
And some kind of a yarn we'll inadvertently weave

We try, we don't write Shakespeare
I'd sigh, but hey what's in a name?

Is this going to end without a death?
Will Wade end up with fish food breath?

Will Quinn run off with Logan or impersonate Ben Hogan?
Will it feature Josef Stalin or (shudder) Sing Along with Colin?

Are we crazy? Are we stalling?
Is it just some kind of calling?

We could really tell a tale that maybe isn't so lame
So let's play the Story Game!
Sign up for the Story Game!

It's loads of fun!
More than a raid!
Quinn'll move on, forget about Wade!

The Story...Game!

HK: <coming out of Hulk mode> Is that it? Are you done now?

TM: Wait. I'm still deciding whether I want to sign up or not.

The cave groans. TM lets out a small chuckle as he puts his John Hancock on the sign-up sheet. The smell of the rotting corpse from Massachusetts drives everyone else out, except TM who finally does sign up.

- ThomasMalthus

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