The Crapparatus
SHINY:
a Kari Wuhrer album

MSTed by HurriKain

Lyrics courtesy
kariwuhrer.net

Okay, so it's really a screencap from 'Data World.'

 SHINY - Part VII

<Chuck Berry stands on stage at a nightclub.>
    Way down in Louisiana, town of New Orleans;
    HK's trying to figure out what Kari means.
    She's writing crappy lyrics all 'bout death and flowers,
    Which soon enough will activate his Hulk-like powers.
    The CRACK ho may have never learned to read too well,
    But she sure can put us
    Through an occasional hell.
<Suddenly, Peckinpah rushes onstage, grabs the microphone, and shoves Chuck Berry into the wings, where his impact destroys $4,500 worth of audio equipment.>
    Go, go!
    Go, Kari, go; go!
    Go, Kari, go; go!
    Go, Kari, go; go!
    Go, Kari, go; go!
    Shiny be GOOD!
<HurriKain once again wakes up, screaming.>

    "Normal"
Okay, this song is about the typical Kari day and what she is in her hallucinogenic fantasies. Good God, what a bad, weird song!
    In the middle of this messy day
    I always find the reason
    To treat myself this way
Kari sits in her living room, which is covered in dirty laundry, baggies, cigarette paper boxes, used condoms, junk food wrappers and a bullhorn. Her excuse for not picking it up is that she's just too busy sucking on this lollipop.
    In a place where no one
    Really understands
    I'm a green space monster
    In a scary land.
Uh oh. Looks that the shot of heroin just kicked in. The mounds of trash morph into a scary fortress, the used condoms becomes giant latex slugs... <shudder>... scary indeed.
    IIIII just want to be normal
    And IIIII just want to be normal
Dammit Kari, PICK ONE!
    And IIIII don't want to lie
    Look me in the eyes
    Halalala
<someone knocks on the door>
Uh, Mr. Hurri Kain? I'm here to deliver your "CRACK-o-meter". It's been fully repaired and...

<Twang!!>

Uh... never mind.

    Find my favorite jacket
    Surround myself with me
...... Huh?
    You don't even notice
    I cry myself to sleep
Well, I did suspect, what with the dried tear tracks on your make-up, the red eyes, and the bed hair; but the peculiar odor of CRACK and weed emanating from your shirt made me think otherwise.
    Listen to all my records
    It's all better now
How come when you listen to your CD you feel better, but when I listen to it, I became a comic book character? Tell me, Kari. <dials lawyer>
    Shiny fortress keeping
    All my demons out.

    ( chorus )

Wow, this song is finally getting through to me! In fact, I've got a sudden craving to read Executive's magnificent fan fiction, CRISIS!
    Bleed to be alive
    Cross that thin red line
Uh, no thanks. Keep that damn razor blade away from me!
    Don't call me freak
    Don't call me
Okay: CRACK ho. Slut. Dumb bitch. Dickslurper...
    In the middle of this messy day
    Another broken bottle, another razor blade
    Cut out all the pressure, bleed my brain to sleep
Uh, Kari, why don't you put that broken bottle down and try on this new jacket I brought you. It's white and has lots of straps. I even brought over a couple of friends to help you try it on...
    I'm a ghostly vision
    Pretty tragedy
It won't be a tragedy if no-one cares.
    ( chorus )
I would say something here, but Kari just about creeped me out with this song. Be back tomorrow with another review...