TS: Force field? Oh, THAT force field. That was put in by the producers to prevent any more actors from leaving the show just in case there was a sixth season.

TBH: <mimicking the Seer> Force field? Oh, that's our intelligence filter. Morons slide in, but they don't slide out.

TS: The only thing keeping us from not watching this episode was the foolish notion that all the loose ends of the series would be wrapped up.

MSR: That's an adept desciption of Maggie without her Sliders Jeans. The Jeans that slip off with ease. Never miss another slide again!

SMD: That and the fact that this world has no Michael Bolton double.

TBH: <mimicking Mallory> : Well, that and his sidekick connection with us. Hey, what does "connection" mean?

Peck: <from hallway> : At last! A script that has an even more moronic use for "force field" than "The Exodus, Part 1" and "wormhole" than "Paradise Lost"! My cinematic genius has been realized!

TBH: <mimicking Cleavant> That and this damned option in my contract. >:-#

TBH: Who says Tembi lacks dramatic range? Why, she can go from "It seems that there was some kind of force field blocking the wormhole entrance" to "The only thing keeping us here is that force field you put over the wormhole."

HTWD: Did Aaron Sorkin write this script?

The Seer - Part X

DIANA: The only thing keeping us here is that force field you put over the wormhole.

SL4: I still have nothing for this. Thank God our viewers bailed me out with their excellent riffs. They will all be joining us shortly for their reward.

THE SEER: I know nothing of any force field, I assure you.

TBH: I believe him. But it raises the question, how good of a Seer are you if you don't know your own daughter is evil?

MAGGIE: You're not going to deny that you benefit by us staying here? That your crazy cult fizzles if we die.

HTWD: Maggie's the kind of moron who would call her brother a "son of a bitch" or "bastard." This "crazy cult" is fixated on YOU people, Maggie.

THE SEER: Of course I'm not going to deny it.

TBH: <mimicking The Seer> : Unless you're mad enough to tickle torture that omission out of me? :-P

THE SEER: But I have made enough money.

SL4: I finally have all the Star Trek TNG and X-Files videos. What else do I need money for?

THE SEER: At least more than I need for what little time I have left.

SL4: Amateur. If I only had a short time left I'd be flying in Bubba Gump take home orders from San Francisco. The shorter your time, the more there is to spend money on!

TBH: Yeah! You could hire Christie Brinkley to personally model for you at $146,000 an hour!

HTWD: You could bribe the University officials to let you breed with the Washington Huskies mascot!

<The theater goes deathly quiet>

HTWD: F you two, all the more for me! That girl is HOT!

DIANA: You're dying?

SL4: He's dying faster than Mallory's stand up career.

THE SEER: My heart. The doctors say it could happen any time.

TBH: My heart "happens" 60 times a second, what's your point?

THE SEER: Unfortunately, the movement may not outlive me. It is deeply in debt.

HTWD: Damn our decision to mass produce those thousands of Mallory action figures! Double damn!

THE SEER: I had hoped, with your help, to revitalize it by creating phase two of our movement, Slidology.

TM: <from hallway> : Did he say Slidology???

SL4: Yep. So what?

TM: You said that the winners of the Riff It Yourself contest could have anything they wanted, right?

SL4: Not exactly ... You're scaring me TM.

TM: Come on fellows!

<ThomasMalthus, his hair in dreadlocks and dyed blue, runs in. The_Seer, his hair cut into a mohawk and dyed fluorescent orange, followed wearing a leather jacket and ripped up blue jeans. After him came MSR, dressed in skin tight hotpants, her orange hair moosed into spikes. DMD was next, wearing BVDs and nothing else. His hairy chest was dyed red and his ponytail was dyed bright yellow. All of them carried guitars except for DMD, who dragged drums behind him.>

TM: We're the Slide Tones and we're going to perform our huge hit, "Girl on Slidology." Take it away fellows!

<smoke rises from the guitars as the music rises to a crescendo. DMD hammers the drums with manic frenzy>

TM: o/` o/` I was in love with a girl who loved Arturo...
About him, she could be stubborn as an aged burro.
Although she cooked turkey so good you could almost pity it...
I got tired of her making me call her a blistering idiot!

Slide Tones: o/` o/` She loved Quinn and Colin, Arturo too,
Bennish showing up would ... always ... do.

She loved Remmy, Diana, and Mallory too...
That Maggie annoyed her, I ... always ... knew.

Wade's head floating in the fish tank always made her blue...
But that wasn't as depressing as Remmy's first ... season ... doo.

The_Seer: o/` o/` I was in love with a girl who loved Quinn...
To grasp what she saw in him, I can't even begin.
For her sexual skills she should take a bow ...
But I got tired of her making me wear a towel!

ALL: o/` o/` She loved Quinn and Colin, Arturo too,
Bennish showing up would ... always ... do.

She loved Remmy, Diana, and Mallory too...
That Maggie annoyed her, I ... always ... knew.

Wade's head floating in the fish tank always made her blue...
But that wasn't as depressing as Remmy's first ... season … doo.

DMD: o/` o/` I was in love with a girl who loved Mallory...
Buying his Godzilla action figures ate up her salary.
Although her back rubs made me higher than a comet...
Her constant quoting of Mallory "jokes" made me vomit!

ALL: o/` o/` She loved Quinn and Colin, Arturo too,
Bennish showing up would ... always ... do.

She loved Remmy, Diana, and Mallory too...
That Maggie annoyed her, I ... always ... knew.

Wade's head floating in the fish tank always made her blue...
But that wasn't as depressing as Remmy's first ... season … doo.

MSR: o/` o/` I was in love with a guy who loved Maggie...
He claimed he would love her even when she gets saggy.
Although he satisfied my every desire and itch...
I just can't respect anyone who loves that bitch!

SL4: Woo Hoo!!! That was great!

TBH: <fires up lighter> : YEAH!!!

HTWD: Those singing vampires have nothing on you!

<The Slide Tones take a bow and drag their musical instruments out.>

DMD: You better be right about this dye washing out, TM!

REMBRANDT: We're not convinced that we're stuck here.

TBH: <mimicking Peckinballs> : Because it's a parallel world. Continuity doesn't apply.

REMBRANDT: The timer has re-set. If anything we've just had a three-day setback.

HTWD: You ever get the idea Remmy doesn't want to be on this world?

MALLORY: And we want your word that you won't interfere.

SL4: That solves everything! Just get his word and all is cool!

TBH: If you believe he is telling the truth then his hasn't interfered so far. If you believe he is lying then what good is his word?

THE SEER: What can I do?

TBH: You could chuckle at some more of Mallory's jokes. This is the only world he can get THAT. HE might stay at least.

THE SEER: But please reconsider. My vision of your future was quite clear.

HTWD: Yes, yes, we know that none of them will work again after this series is canceled. Unless you count "Eight Legged Freaks" as work.

As they start out.

SL4: This was the big confrontation Remmy was talking smack about? "Give us your word you won't interfere" ????

TBH: And he didn't even give his word! He just said "what can I do?"

REMBRANDT: We've already made our choice. And if you know us as well as you say, you know there's no changing it.

TBH: <mimicking The Seer> : Yes, I know that you're incomprehensibly stupid. I was hoping I was wrong.

The Seer sits down heavily, deeply troubled by what he knows.

HTWD: Didn't see this coming, didja pal?

34A EXT. ALLEY 34A
The Sliders are sneaking back to the hotel.

SL4: Why sneak now? You have three days until your next "Slide Window."

MALLORY: So Claire lied to the Seer about us. That makes her our prime suspect if you ask me.

TBH: Brilliant deduction ole bean! You beat the hamster in the closet this time! Of course EVERYONE ELSE ON THE PLANET HAD ALREADY FIGURED IT OUT, but at least you beat the hamster.

Maggie's patience is thinning. She's ready to kick some butt.

HTWD: I knew we couldn't make it through an entire ep without hearing about her sexual peccadilloes.

MAGGIE: That would also make her our next stop.

SL4: <making meow noise> : Oooo! Cat fight! Cat fight!

Diana is still puzzling over the timer.

TBH: <mimicking Diana> : And you say that all I have to do is press a button to activate the vortex? I don't get it. Can you tell me what a button is again?

DIANA: A little over three days. Enough time to concoct that virus. This whole force field fiasco may have been a blessing in disguise.

HTWD: She really is from a different planet, isn't she? No one on this planet uses the word "fiasco" in casual conversation.

REMBRANDT: If we can get our hands on the ingredients.

SL4: Stop it, you're making me hungry.

TBH: Forest fires make you hungry. Gimmie a break.

Rembrandt gets an idea. He takes the Four S card from his pocket.

SL4: Let's face it, nerds RULE! If it wasn't for nerds half the movies and TV shows around would go around unresolved. :-P

REMBRANDT: I think I know just the person who might help.

TBH: Just make sure you call the nerd before his mommy makes him honor his bedtime.

REMBRANDT (to Diana and Mallory) : You two find Claire.

HTWD: How hard can she be to find? Just follow the trail of canceled TV series!

REMBRANDT: If she's behind this maybe you can talk some sense into her. We'll catch up with you in a couple of hours.

SL4: IF??? Since when did Remmy become a lawyer? She's guiltier than OJ!!

Rembrandt and Maggie split off from the group and are gone.

TBH: <standing up and raising his arms above his head> : WOO HOO!! Maggie's gone!! I'll sacrifice Remmy to make Maggie gone!!

MALLORY: Where are you going?

HTWD: Hee hee. Mallory always was slow on the uptake. HEY MALLORY!!! SCRIPTBOY JUST SAID THEY ARE *GONE*!! Who are you talking to?

REMBRANDT: Back to school.

HTWD: HEY!!! How can Remmy answer if he's GONE????

35A EXT. FOUR S CLUB - DAY 35A
To establish. A basement level entrance located somewhere on Brownstone Street.

SL4: Basements are to nerds the way human flesh is to Mike Tyson.

TBH: What the >:-#??

SL4: I'm just saying they go together real well! Surely you heard that Tyson recently added a chunk of leg to his exponentially growing collection.

A sign fastened to a railing reads: EL SEGUNDO UNIVERSITY 4S CLUB.

TBH: This place is sounding more and more like nerd heaven!

TemporalFlux: <from doorway> : Then where are the life sized Gillian Anderson statues?

36 INT. FOUR S CLUB - DAY 36
As we pan across the contents of a typical college dorm room.

HTWD: Typical, aye? Mmmm, no used condoms stuck to the wall. No bra hanging from the overhead light. No bong poking out from underneath the bed. No Pink Floyd CDs. No roaches littering the ashtray. No five day old pizza cemented to a plate on the end table. No "too dirty to wear a fourth day" pile of clothes. No moss covered toilet. "Typical" my hairy ass!

VERNON (O.S.) : What branch of the service did Maggie serve in?

SL4: Camp follower.

LISA (O.S.) : That's easy, Marines. She was a captain and her middle name is Allison.

TBH: There was more characterization of Maggie in this last ep than in the ENTIRE three years before!

VERNON (O.S.) : Just give me the answer, not her total life story.

HTWD: Nothing is more gratifying to a nerd than finally being able to bust someone else's chops!

We hear the sound of RATTLING DICE.

SL4: The dice have rattlesnake tails attached to them?

VERNON (O.S.) (continuing) : Three.

And we finally see...

TBH: Eeeeeh! My stomach can only take so much ache! Turn the lights back out!

Vernon and two other College Students, LISA and NUBSY

HTWD: Nubsy!!! Nubsy??? How many times an hour do you get your ass beaten like a red headed stepchild if you're a nerd AND your nickname is "Nubsy" ??????

Are seated around a table playing a board game. Two other N.D. college students look on.

SL4: Only geeks could make a board game a spectator sport.

From the top of the box on a nearby chair we can see it is THE SLIDERS GAME.

TBH: Ah yes, we know the Sliders Game very well. It is where you make someone like your show and then drag their poor little hearts through the mud, a pile of steaming cat shit, and yak piss, then pin them against the wall and beat them with a razor blade studded bat and THEN you cancel the show because the ratings are, as a result, down.

Vernon is mercilessly pounding his game piece into the board as it makes the rounds.

HTWD: Damn, he's pounding that piece like it's all he ever gets to pound. Oh. I see.

VERNON: One, two, three.

SL4: And he can count to three, ladies and gentlemen!

LISA (picks up card and reads it)

TBH: <mimicking Lisa> : This card orders you to rip off my clothes and take me like the stud muffin I know you are!

LISA: What was the name of Rembrandt's best friend and former member of the Spinning Tops?

HTWD: <sounding drunk> : SHUT UP DOWN THERE WITH YOUR QUESTIONS! DO I HAVE TO STOP UP THE TOILETS AND FLOOD THE BASEMENT AGAIN??

Vernon is clearly stumped.

SL4: He doesn't look any different than he usually does. Oh. I see.

REMBRANDT (O.S.) : I think I know the answer to that.

TBH: Carrot Top?

The Students turn and all jaws drop when they see...

HTWD: Maggie and Remmy freakdancing down the stairs.

Rembrandt and Maggie standing in the doorway.

SL4: Hi! We need something from you! So we'll breeze in here, butter you up a little, then take some of your blood and get the hell out as quickly as possible! Is that okay?

VERNON: Wow.. you came!

TBH: My last girlfriend used to say those exact words to me all the time. Annoyed the crap outta me.

MAGGIE (seductively) : Yeah, let's get to know each other first. Make it worth the wait.

HTWD: What the >:-# does that mean? That's got to be the lamest sexual innuendo since our last one!

SL4: Ick, stop using that voice Maggie! I feel like I need a shower after hearing it. NOT a cold one, either!

These sex starved male students suddenly seem a bit squirmy, as if... well... just use your imagination.

TBH: Is it just me or is this scriptwriter the most INARTICULATE moronic bastard who has ever thumbed through Scriptwriting for Dummies?

Maggie has them in the palm of her hand.

HTWD: <looking around> : I know its my turn but do either one of you want this one? I don't want to hog all the easy ones.

TBH: Nah, I'm good. Go ahead.

HTWD: Okay. <clears throat> I hope Maggie washes her hands afterwards.

Lisa has no choice but to go along.

SL4: Why? None of the female nerds I know are spineless. Any BY THE WAY, why is it necessary for Maggie to initiate "Ho Mode" ? These people are not merely nerds who love Sliders. They belong to a club DEVOTED to Sliders! I think they would help!

TBH: Maggie is always in "Ho Mode!" She can't turn it off. She would put the blast on a traffic cop who has already said he's letting her off with a warning!

SL4: Join us next time when Recall and Blinker do THEIR musical number!