TBH: Then I suggest you need "Depends," NOT a lawyer!

Lawyer: "I know how to exploit the law to give you the benefits you deserve!"

SL4: Why don't you start by suing your dentist? I haven't seen a grill that nasty since I worked at Burger King.

<scene cuts to construction worker in a hard hat> : "I was relaxing on the job..."

HTWD: Do we really want construction workers relaxing on the job?

Construction Worker: "When someone ac-ci-dental-ly dropped an an-vil on my head."

TBH: The sad part is, it actually im-proved my looks and my peech imspediment. Guess what I was like before!

Construction Worker: "Ross Kelly got me a mill-yon dollars!"

HTWD: He also came down here and pers-onal-ly looked for my 25 miss-ing teeth that were knocked out.

Lawyer: "I'm Ross Kelly and I won't take no for an answer. I'll FIGHT for you!"

SL4: They're lucky Richard Jenni isn't a Sliders fan with the way Tracy Tormé ripped off his act right here. He has a ten minute bit that is almost word for word like this. I should know because I ripped it off for my Snidely Stevens bits!

<Mrs. Mallory is cutting flowers on a dining room table and putting them in a vase.>

TBH: <mimicking Tormé> : Okay, we need something domestic here! Dusting has been done to death. We don't want to see her plopped down actually watching TV, what do ya got? Yes, Peckinballs? Putting flowers in a vase! Brilliant! Go with it!

Mrs. Mallory <to an arriving Quinn> : "You're home early."

HTWD: And often. This is the third time you've walked in during the past ten minutes!

Quinn: "Mom ... have I done anything to upset you today?"

SL4: I told you earlier, it's okay for you to try my clothes on, just ask first next time, okay?

MM: "Not that I'm aware of."

TBH: Wait a minute! Have you been smoking glue sticks again?

MM: "Why, are you planning to?"

HTWD: >:-# no! Why would I want to upset my meal ticket?

Quinn <leaving> : "God, I hope not."

TBH: <mimicking MM> : Michael, your son's a weird one! So tell me, while I have you here, have you met any of your doubles up there in heaven? I've often wondered if there is a separate heaven and hell for each parallel world or if there is just one big ole one of each for everyone from all worlds.

<Quinn discovers his cat in his basement and picks him up> : "Oh man, did I lock you in there, Shrode? I'm sorry."

SL4: Meooooow. You mean you STILL haven't figured out a double of you is walking around? Even I figured that out and I eat CAT FOOD, so how smart can I be???????????

Quinn <to cat> : "Nothing makes sense anymore."

HTWD: Like why you're talking to your cat again. You need a friend, Quinn.

Quinn: "Stepping into the hole must have messed up my mind."

TBH: You wouldn't be the first male that's happened to, believe me.

Quinn: "Maybe energy fields causes hallucinations..."

TBH: Or maybe 6 taco breakfasts like I had this morning will do it. I just don't know!

<Quinn stops as he sees something across the room that captures his attention. He sets the cat down.>

SL4: Meoooow. Thank God that nut finally set me down! People who anthropomorphize animals by talking to them give me the creeps!

<on the blackboard the question mark has been erased and replaced with the complex answer he's been trying to find for months. There is also a crudely drawn smiley face.>

HTWD: I haven't seen a smile that sick looking since Kathie Lee Gifford retired from her show last week.

Quinn <approaching the board with stunned excitement.> : "Ohmigod ... that's it!"

TBH: This proves that Homer and Krusty are brothers separated at birth!

Quinn: "Yes. YES! Of course!"

SL4: Miss Periwinkle from 4th grade, EAT YOUR HEART OUT!!

Quinn <his smile fading> : "But who did this?"

TBH: <mimicking Quinn> : If it was Bennish, I'm going to quit science and work as a rodeo clown.

<Voice from offscreen> : "I did."

HTWD: And this makes me your nerd god. MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!! Kneel and kiss my honor student ring!

<Quinn turns to discover his double grinning at him.>

SL4: <tapping fingers together.> : Ex-cel-lent. You're just the person I was looking for. By my count, I owe you about three >:-# whippings.

<out of commercial the scene begins with the two Quinns standing nose to nose. Quinn slowly circles his double.>

TBH: See, audience! We didn't use the old lame split screen trick with a curtain hiding the separation because they're circling each other!

Quinn: "Who are you?"

HTWD: Gee whiz. I guess it's been a long time since you've looked in the mirror, sport.

Quinn #2: "Isn't it obvious? I'm you."

SL4: Albeit a smarter version of you, but still...

Quinn: "My God ... The Gateway split me in half!"

TBH: Wrong series, Quinn. That was Classic Star Trek.

Quinn #2 <laughing> : "Not hardly. I'm you, Quinn..."

HTWD: SMACK!! If you were really me you'd know I loathe being laughed at. SMACK!!!

Quinn #2: "But I'm not from this world."

SL4: I'm from Mars, where we say "Grok" a lot for no apparent reason. Can you Grok it????

Quinn #2: "I'm from another Earth. An Earth that exists in a parallel dimension."

TBH: Do they kick your >:-# when you interfere with other people's jobs and classrooms there too, or is it just on this world that we do that?

Quinn: "Wait a minute. I may have been there. Just this morning..."

SL4: Do you consider red to mean "go" like total morons on your world? If so I WAS on your world.

Quinn #2: "Not likely. There may be hundreds, even thousands of Earths all coexisting on the same multi-dimensional space/time continuum."

HTWD: And if this gives you a headache, wait until you see how the dialogue gets in season five!

Quinn: "How do you know that?"

TBH: Oh, excuse me, Mr. I Can't Solve a Simple Chalkboard Problem!

Quinn #2: "Because I'm a Slider."

SL4: You're a type of baseball pitch? I don't get it.

Quinn #2: "And this happens to be my eighth Slide."

HTWD: And I don't mean to be critical or anything, but you're the biggest loser of the doubles I've met so far.

Quinn: "Slider?"

TBH: Oh man! I thought I was hired for the Voyager Pilot! I need to call my agent!

Quinn #2: "Yeah. Little term I cooked up. Like it?"

SL4: Sigh. Well, I was going to go with "Multidimensional Wormhole Utilizing Spatial Traveler" but I guess your idea is a little more compact.

Quinn: "Yeah. That's pretty cool."

HTWD: You're annoyingly more ahead in all this than I am. I hate you.

Quinn #2 : "Probably would've dreamt it up yourself sooner or later."

TBH: <mimicking a muttering Quinn #1> : I'll bet another double helped HIM, smug acting bastard!

Quinn #2: "It's a safe bet we think alike. Mostly."

SL4: Except that I knew better than to build a Turing machine. Who except a total doorknob would bother building one of those????

Quinn #2 <using his timer to create a wormhole> : "That's the entrance to a wormhole that runs between worlds."

HTWD: If you change the setting a little you can also use it as a "bag of holding."

Quinn #2: "When you step inside, you 'Slide' to another universe, completely distinct and separate from your own."

SL4: Distinct except that grilled liver and onions SUCKS on every single one of the infinite number of worlds.

TBH: As does "Friends." Blech.

Quinn: "Can you choose your own destination?"

TBH: Not until Peckinballs >:-#'s with the continuity.

Quinn #2: "Fraid not. Or at least not yet. Think of a roulette wheel with an infinite number of slots, each representing a different planet Earth."

HTWD: Now wait a damn minute. A minute ago it was "There may be hundreds, even thousands of Earths" and now you're saying "infinite." Make up your >:-# >:-#-ing mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quinn #2: "Each time you Slide you're spinning the wheel, never knowing where the ball will come up."

SL4: So Sliding is like a rigged game run by the Mafia? Fascinating.

MM <from upstairs> : "Quinn, telephone!"

TBH: If it's Heaven's Gate again tell them I said I've changed my mind!

<both Quinns> : "I'll call 'em back."

HTWD: I heard two voices! Are you talking to a double from another dimension again? I'm getting tired of feeding any raggedy Quinn who comes Sliding in from God knows what Earth!

Quinn #2: "Sorry. ... How's she doing? Still talking to pictures?"

SL4: So your mother is insane too? Kewl. I'd hate mine to be the only one.

Quinn: "Yeah. I wish she'd meet somebody."

TBH: That's not what you were saying when you saw her double a-hugging and a-kissing on ole Yard Boy.

Quinn #2: "Me too."

HTWD: I thought you were so smart, equation boy! You can invent a Sliding device but you can't log onto Studs-R-Us.com and fix momma up????? What's happening???