SL4: Of course, in our world the Soviet Union was run by Ink Spot Head back then, so what choice did it have?

Arturo: "The Berlin Wall was torn down."

HTWD: And sold, chunk by chunk, to morbid collectors for the next 50 years.

Arturo: "Communism is virtually extinct."

TBH: But Fascism is alive and well, especially in boarding schools.

Wilkins: "Sounds like a dream, doesn't it?"

SL4: Not so fast! If you're given the choice to vote for a moronic, father's rep living off of, cocaine snorting weasel; or a lying, selling out to China, Internet not inventing, Clinton butt boy you might prefer Communism!

Doc: "We're on the wrong planet."

HTWD: Not really. Mars is run by Elvis, Venus by Jim Morrison, and Pluto by Goofy. Earth is suddenly looking good again, ain't it?

<Wade walks over to a monitor to examine what is showing at the moment. A rap singer is spouting propaganda.>

Rapper: "Comrades, comrades get on down..."

TBH: Now get back up.

Rapper: "Get that grain right into town..."

SL4: Rappers will gunsmoke each other over one lyric, and you're trying to tell me they would roll over for Communism?

HTWD: Maybe the lame lyrics are their way of protesting having to do it.

Rapper: "Serve the state, feed the people..."

HTWD: ...or they're be doing a eulogy for you under a church steeple.

Rapper: "The in-div-id-ual is evil."

SL4: How drunk do you have to be to think "people" and "evil" rhyme?

TBH: That was the lamest, most vanilla rap since the last Will Smith CD.

Wade: "This is a joke, right?"

TBH: No. You being commander of a resistance force is a joke. This is a lame rap song.

TV monitor: "This is prime time."

SL4: If that's prime time, then I imagine there's a lot more card playing on this world.

<The channel changes to a man looking straight into the camera.> : "It's pledge week, comrades, on PBS."

SL4: I pledge to cut down on the fat riffs.

HTWD: I pledge to stop licking my >:-#.

TBH: I pledge to stop hammering Bryant Gumbel even though he is a dirtbag making millions a year who refuses to support his own kids OR his own mother.

Announcer: "So pick up your phone and pledge your support for public television ... or else."

HTWD: Or else we'll show another 24-hour documentary on the Civil War.

Announcer: "We know who you are."

TBH: So if I go over to Bryant Gumbel's house and watch PBS for ten hours and he doesn't pledge anything you'll come and take him away? <rising out of his seat> WOO HOO! I'll be riiiiight back guys! >:-D

<The channel changes again.> Doug Llewellen: "Live! From San Francisco, capital of the Western sector."

SL4: The title holder for the worst exploitive program on TV before Jerry Springer came along.

<Pavel, the cab driver walks through the People's Court doors.> Doug Llewellen: "This is the plaintiff, Pavel Kurlienko. He says he was SHOCKED when the defendant slipped up and handed him a counterfeit bill."

HTWD: He could tell it was counterfeit because there was a picture of Mr. Burns on it.

<Remmy walks through the doors.> DL: "And this is the defendant, alias Rembrandt Brown, accused of showing his true colors in a taxi."

TBH: How big of a doorknob is this cab driver if he didn't notice what color Remmy is BEFORE he got in the cab?

Wade: "Ohmigod, Quinn – Look! Come here quick!"

TBH: <mimicking Quinn> : Oh jeez, Wade. I TOLD you, that happens when you get cold. You don't need to show them to me every time.

<Arturo and Quinn join Wade as Remmy makes his way to the podium.>

DL: "This is the case of the Rat Caught in the Trap."

SL4: This is also a case where a third rate actor takes any role offered to him, isn't that right Doug?

DL: "Now the plaintiff did his civic duty by heroically detaining his insidious passenger long enough for authorities to arrive."

TBH: <with Russian acccent> : I screamed like a little girl and ran from the cab. I am a hero.

DL: "The defendant dubiously claims that he is not of this Earth..."

HTWD: If you have to tell the audience that a claim of not being of this Earth is dubious, then maybe your audience needs to wait until they're out of diapers before they start watching TV.

DL: "...and therefore shouldn't be expected to abide by the laws of civilization."

TBH: I'm too young to have seen this original People's Court. Was it this tedious? Was Doug this tedious?

SL4: Worse, on both counts.

<Judge Wapner enters and takes a seat.> : "You may be seated. I have read your complaint, sir,"

HTWD: Oh, so since you're communist all of a sudden you don't know he's been sworn?

Wapner: "you say the defendant is a treacherous terrorist pig?"

SL4: Actually I said he was a fake bill passing out, lame small talk making, Billy Dee Williams looking like, mendicant, your honor.

Pavel: "It is true, Commissar Wapner. He give ... he give me this."

TBH: What does that hickey on your neck have to do with this case? Oh, you mean what's in your hand! Neeeeever mind.

Wapner: "You know full well this is the trademark of the Underground Resistance."

HTWD: Hey, if they're printing their own money, they're no longer a Resistance, they're a Movement!

Wapner: "This bill came out of your hand, did it not?"

SL4: Well, I sure didn't give it to him with my >:-# you moron!

Remmy: "Look! I can explain!"

TBH: Not the black hole story again. Jesus God Almighty.

Wapner: "What possible defense could you have against this?"

SL4: It's called the Godfather defense. Now examine this picture of you and the bailiff in a hot tub together. Now in this next one, just the bailiff is visible. Where did you go? Your slippers are still on the floor, see? Hmmmmm. Now I have the negatives in a safe place...

Remmy: "Y'see, your honor ..."

HTWD: ... my name is really Lister and I stepped into the wrong timeslide...

Remmy: "... this Earth is not my earth, you dig?"

TBH: ... ironically though, this land IS my land. It's kinda complicated.

Remmy: "I mean, it looks like it, smells like it..."

SL4: If he says "tastes like it" I'm outta here.

Remmy: "But it is definitely NOT my earth!"

HTWD: You see, on my earth you're a retired judge who has a relatively harmless job parodying real civil judges on TV. Here it seems like you are a darker, more evil Wapner whom the people in charge have foolishly given real power.

Remmy: "This guy Q-Ball..."

Wapner: "Q-Ball?"

TBH: Are you as deaf as you are ugly? The man said "Q-BALL" !!!

Remmy: "Right. He's got this, like, gizmo, which sucked my Caddy into a wormhole ... that's kinda like this freaked out limbo land that sits between Earths One, Two, and Three."

SL4: You know, I never understood this Sliding >:-# until just now when Remmy explained it so a retard could understand it.

Remmy: "So when we got to Earth Two, this big albino tornado, man, came hammering down on us..."

HTWD: He oughta be locked up just for his inability to form a coherent sentence! I've been watching Sliders since it first aired and even I don't know what the hell he's talking about!

Wapner: "Sir, I've heard enough."

TBH: YEAAAAH!!!!

SL4: What kinda Judge Wapner are you??? On our Earth, he would have taken about three words of this nonsense. He won't even let someone tell a RELEVANT fact; do you really think he'd tolerate astrophysics as explained by Forrest Gump? Please.

Wapner: "Rembrandt Brown, I find you guilty of treason,"

HTWD: And bad singing of the American anthem.

SL4: And poor communication skills.

TBH: And being generally annoying.

Wapner: "and hereby sentence you to 15 years in the Alaskan Gulag, without possibility of parole."

HTWD: But with the possibility of meeting Janine Turner.

<Remmy is lead out of the courtroom.>

SL4: I'll bet when Wapner was in law school he never imagined ending up doing pilots for TV shows that might never even air.

DL: "The defendant is coming out of the courtroom."

TBH: Oh great, now we get to watch his cutting-edge interviewing skills. There are a million local TV news jobs, thousands of national and cable jobs, and even radio news jobs and obviously he can't get any of those, so he's settled for being a pseudo-journalist on a lame TV court show.

DL : "Mr. Brown, the Commissar simply didn't believe a ..."

HTWD: ...babbling, incoherent, deranged ...

DL: "... word you said. How does that make you feel?"

TBH: It makes me feel like ripping the head off the first moron to ask me a stupid question. But wait! We have a winner! Come here, >:-# !!!

Remmy: "How do you think I feel, fool?"

SL4: Woo Hoo! Let him have it! :-P

Remmy: "I am NEVER watching this show again!"

HTWD: Moist excellent. One person who has seen the light. And this is saying a lot for someone as addicted to TV as Remmy.

DL: "Thank you very much."

TBH: Oh, blow it out your tailpipe, you mouth breather!

DL: "Officer Burrell has some confessions you must sign."

TBH: I hope he wrote a confession for slapping you into next week. ***SMACK***

DL: "And that will bring this case to a happy conclusion. The litigants for our next case are now entering the courtroom."

TBH: <Russian accents> : "You stole my goat!" "No I didn't! You stole my place in the bread line!" "Judge! He poked me!"