The Crapparatus

CRISIS, by Executive

MSTed by The_Cynic


 CRISIS - Part VII

"CRISIS - Part II" ==> Conclusion

[ Look out Tolstoy, Shakespeare, Twain, Melville, Dante and Aeschylus! The conclusion to the world's greatest master piece of &*%$ will make you all look like idiots!!!! Executive said so himself.... ]

From: (EXECUTIVE)
Date: 1 Apr 1997 08:38:45

"CRISIS - Part 2" --- Act 3 ==> "The End is But the Beginning" <--

[ Oh God! Say it isn't so! ]

------------------------------------------------------------------
DR. WELLES: "OK, Mallory. I think we are ready. Activate the
equipment." Quinn pushes
>>> a button and few switches <<< ,and the sliding equipment starts up. Wade

[ Exec write good. Me like his write. ]

and Maggie jump off of the countertops that they were sitting on at the opposite end of the room.

[ Was there any way they could jump down from the countertops they weren't sitting on? ]

Rembrandt gets out of his chair. REMBRANDT: "Damn, it's getting hot in here!"
DR. WELLES: "It never takes this long to open a vortex." The equipment starts to malfunction as some of the circuits begin to overheat.

[ Must have been built by Exec. I wonder who he'd blame that one on? Probably TF. :) ]

REMBRANDT: "It's shorting out!"
All of a sudden the main power unit emits a signal directly to it's left, approximately three feet above the floor. Dr. Welles runs to the fire extinguisher.
He grabs it off the wall and begins to spray carbon dioxide on the equipment.
DR. WELLES: "Go on and
slide. I've got this under control!"

[ Yeah, it certainly sounds like it. ]

Rembrandt runs to the other side of the room, and jumps into the wormhole. Maggie jumps in, followed by Wade. Quinn hesitates as he looks at the doctor, but then jumps in also. 20 seconds later the wormhole closes. The building alarm sounds as Dr. Welles continues to spray the console. He runs out of CO-2,

[ Wow, a physics genius AND a chemistry expert. Do your skills have any bounds, Executive? ]

and throws the empty cannister on the floor. Welles runs out of the room, and down the hallway to the elevator. He nervously puts his electropass into the slot. Before the door opens, the sliding equipment explodes!

[ At close range, no less! ]

A good portion of the top 3 floors are destroyed, along with the
doctor himself...

One hour later, back in Washington, D.C., Belasco awakens Wade, who was asleep on the sofa.

[ He woke her up to kill her. How civil of him. Perhaps you could rewrite this so that he decides to have tea with her as well. ]

BELASCO: "Well, we reached the deadline, and your father didn't
>>> show me the money!" <<<

[ Belasco goes "JERRY MCGUIRE" ]

Belasco attaches a silencer to his gun. WADE #2 >>>(screaming):<<< "NO!!!!!"

[ Good thing you added those stage directions. Let's look at some
alternatives that were cut from the final work:
WADE #2 (whispering): "NO!!!!!"
WADE #2 (mumbling): "NO!!!!!"
WADE #2 (laughing): "NO!!!!!"
WADE #2 (yawning): "NO!!!!!"
WADE #2 (coughing): "NO!!!!!"
WADE #2 (sneezing): "NO!!!!!" ]

[ Great rescue plan there. So well written too. Wade#2 pops up to tell the Sliders all about her father, then she does nothing for countless parts just to be killed at the end. Shakespeare must be pretty worried about your work replacing his on bookshelves. And this Belasco guy isn't terribly bright when it comes to taking hostages for ransom either. ]

Belasco shoots her in the head. Wade falls back on the couch, unconscious.

[ Unconscious, huh? Try dead. Why not just cut her head off, then her headless body could fall to the ground UNCONSCIOUS. ]

Belasco puts the gun in his holster, and runs toward the door. He unlocks it and runs down the apartment stairs.

[ He unlocks the door, but he doesn't bother to open it before leaving!!!! Is he Rembrandt's long lost brother since they share the ability to pass through solid matter? And is he related to this mysterious Brown character who appeared with the equally mysterious Mallory in Part 1? ]

Before he makes it to the ground floor, a middle-aged woman in a long white trenchcoat enters the building. She is holding a gun in her right hand.
WOMAN:"Hold it Belasco... Agent Weitzman - FBI!"

[ Always a good idea to introduce yourself first ]

Belasco shoots at her, but just barely misses.

[ But she was at close range!!! Perhaps she was moving at 86 miles per hour. ]

Agent Weitzman returns fire, as her bullet gets Belasco in his left leg. He trips and falls down the short flight of stairs. Weitzman gets out her handcuffs, and reads Belasco his rights as she makes the arrest.

[ That is usually when you read someone their rights. It beats reading his rights while she doesn't arrest him. ]

She then handcuffs him to the railing, and runs upstairs to Wade's apartment.

[ Let me get this straight. He was holding her hostage in her own
apartment? And nobody was able to find her in time? Who's running
the FBI here, Pauly Shore? ]

Weitzman enters the apartment and spots Wade lying in the sofa in a pool of

[ Lying IN the sofa, you say? ]

her own blood. She runs over to Wade, and gets down on her knees as she inspects the body.

[ Lines dropped from this segment include: "KHAAAAAANNNN!!!", and "She could have been a contender." ]

A neighbor enters the room with 5 other people to see what all the commotion was about.
HAL: "Is she dead?" Agent Weitzman stands up, and turns to face the neighbors.
WEITZMAN: "It was such a waste. She was only 24. [ <<< No quotation marks ]

[ Whoa, such gripping realism in that dialogue! To think, "NYPD Blue" hasn't offered you a position as head writer for the series. ]

HAL: "But you FBI guys see that kind of things all the time!"

[ Them F-Bs-Is sees them kinda thing alls the time. ]

WEITZMAN: "Not entirely, sir.

[ Again with the "sir". It's nice to see that the FBI still has time
to have a nice conversation with civilians when:
1) There is only one agent present.
2) A hostage taker and murderer is cuffed to a rail outside.
3) A women is lying dead IN a sofa.
4) She should not be letting people into the room. ]

But if I told you the circumstances behind her death from the information we were given in the past 10 days, you'd never believe
me."

[ Her death was caused by the information they were given in the past 10 days? And they also couldn't locate her in her own apartment for 10 days! MWAHAHA!!!!

So this big rescue was to be implemented by - get this - ONE person! And she showed up too late! LOL!!! I hope you're never in charge of hostage negotiations, Ex-Lax. ]

Hal's wife steps forward. CARMEN: "If only we could reform our god damned, corrupt political system. Then maybe this world would be a better place to live in..."

[ AHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I nominate this line for the "Stupidest Line in the History of History" award. Curse that damned corrupt political system; it's as corrupt as a 3 dollar bill.
Not a day goes by that I don't hear someone talking like that. What is even funnier is that the line comes from someone who doesn't even know the circumstances of why Wade #2 was killed!!!!! ]

Weitzman turns around and walks over to the window. She looks up at the sky.

[ Apparently unaware of the situation around her, her duty as an agent, the most basic of police procedures..... ]

WEITZMAN: "It may not be the only world..."

[ This should go down with all the great lines from cinema. It is sooo much better than "Rosebud" or "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

Granted, the latter line sums up this story very well (at close range). Great work Exec. Keep working on it and someday you may be able to string together a coherent sentence! Thanks for the laughs! ]

============================== END ================================

[ There is a God! Over. ]

T h e
E x e c u t i v e

COPYRIGHT 1997 by JM Productions. Certain Rights Reserved.

[ JM productions: Putting the J and M in "Jackass" and "Moron." ]