The Crapparatus

New Alliances

Slider120 episode 6.1

MSTed by Blinker


 The Premise

It's DORKY. If you think he needs a premise, you clearly haven't read the forty-plus episodes he churned out prior to this one.

Lucky you...


 6.1 | New Alliances

After a long wait, Sliders has returns

>>> Many happy ones?

with a new season, but this time, on Scifi. During the plans for a sixth season with Fox, it got axed to be replaced by World Scariest Police Chases.

>>> Ha HA! I like the way you've taken FOX's actual programming and extended it to a sublimely satirical extreme. "Scariest Police Chases"... HA!

Previously on Sliders: When the sliders Ryan, Remmy, Jacob, Laura, Sara

>>> Slider Sara?

find the slidecage, they are able to open it, sliding to the Kromagg homeworld, and after meeting the Mallory's, they able to save the real Wade from near death. And even find Mr. Dansforth to help slide home, But things go wrong, when kromaggs attack,

>>> "When Kromaggs Attack. Right after World's Scariest Police Chases!"

and plan a take-over.

>>> "Right, first we're gonna buy out all the Kromagg stock..."

The group is lead to a underground resistance,

>>> Which the resistance finds quite useful, as lead is in short supply.

in case the kromaggs ever returned. The Sliders find their old friend Rick,

>>> aka "Rick Man"

but he is really a kromagg spy. Mr. Dansforth and Sara return to his world to get the weapon. Laura shows her true colors,

>>> *gasp* She's a ZEBRA!

being a kromagg spy, and helps the kromaggs take over. Micheal, Wade, Jacob and Remmy are able to return to the surface,

>>> On the next "Cleopecktra 2525"!

but as they slide out, the timer is destroyed. And Now Sliders.....

-Desert winds blow around the area, as teh sun is hotter than ever.

>>> "Japanese pop starlet Teh Sun was looking hotter than ever at the Golden Globes last night..."

The four sliders that arrived here 3 months ago, were made into slaves for the cavemen, they are in a line of at least 40 other prisoners chained together as they return to their prison cells

>>> "That's the sound of the Sliders, workin' on the chain - / Ga-a-a-a-ng..."

"I wish now that you didn't lose that timer, I can't take this pain anymore!"

>>> "Here, take an Excedrin! They really work!"

"Mr. Arturo, fine blame me, its my fault, I had a choice, either die or slide here. At least you know what happened to the timer-"

>>> "And had a chance to - *sniff* - say goodbye..."

"knock it off, its no one's fault we are here, just calm down" Remmy states.

>>> Like the United States, but with Freedom of Musical Preference enshrined in the Constitution!

Wade meets the 3 men near the entrance, as she sips water from a canteen. Jacob falls to his knees,

>>> "HalleLU-jah!"

but then a guard takes his cane, jabbing Jacob into his back.

>>> Being jabbed into your own back? THAT'S gotta hurt.

Wade stops the caveman,

>>> "'Scuse me, do you know the way to Og Uggh Ennggh?"

as she helps Jacob up, carrying him into the back of the cell.

>>> but did she jab the cell into its own back?

Micheal and Remmy get water from another canteen inside near the sleeping area from Wade.

>>> "Then, after When Kromaggs Attack: it's the Sleeping Area From Wade. Host Jonathan Frakes takes you to Wade, New Mexico, and deep into Sleeping Area 51..."

Several others stare at the sliders, when Remmy says

"what are you looking at?"

>>> At which point Robert De Niro beats him up.

"nothing bud, its just that you aren't from around here are you, but from a parallel world, which I saw for myself."

"wait a minute, I thought you didn't talk, I mean your suppose to be less smart." Remmy states.

>>> Remmy meets Slider120.

"I do, and so does the other 800 people that exist, we learned it from the wise one 6 years ago."

>>> WISE ONE: You know, you DO have the power to speak.
>>> 'LESS SMART' ONE: Wow, you're right! Cool!

Wade sets Jacob down, giving him water.

"what happened to the wise one?"

"he died from poisoning, so we all get sent here to work."

>>> Goodbyyyyyye, cause and effect.

Remmy thanks the man for the information, then returns to the others, Wade sets Jacob down, giving him water,

>>> Blinker sets the manuscript down, feeling déjà vu,

Remmy sits down next to Micheal "Mr. Mallory, I know we never discussed it, but I was wondering, did you ever have any kids, I mean I thought Quinn's double would exist."

"He does,

>>> "WOW! Thus invalidating the PREVIOUS five seasons of Sliders in which Quinn's doubles DIDN'T exist!"

I'm Quinn Mallory!" they all turn to see 3 others, 2 men and a woman.

>>> Three other Quinn Mallorys?? Two male, and one female??? Maybe this episode WILL be interesting AFTER all!!!

"my god, your alive!"

>>> Nietzsche's deathbed conversion.

Micheal exclaims as he runs to Quinn for a hug.

What If You Found A Portal To Alternate Worlds..... When Your The Same Person..... And Everything Is Different.... Where The Slides Have Taken Control Of Your Life..... We're Lost And Can't Find Home.....

Starring:

Cleavant Derricks
Sabrina Lloyd
David Charvet
and
John Walcutt as Micheal

"Sliders"

(Season Premiere) Episode 1: New Alliances

>>> REMMY: So, now that we've bought out the Kromaggs, whaddaya say to a merger with Doctor Geiger?
>>> DIANA: Not funny.

Guest Stars: Antonio Sabato Jr., Mark Wahlberg, and Rebecca Chambers.

>>> I can just imagine the script readings...
>>> CHAMBERS: No more, Dorky, I will kill you.
>>> MARKY MARK: Wanna see this trick I picked up in "Boogie Nights"?

In the dark cave, Micheal speaks up again "how did you find us?"

"dad, its a long story, you better sit down. We all better sit down." when the woman with blonde hair sits down,

>>> Wade remarks, "Thank GOD, I thought she would never shut up."

Wade recognizes her from the past

"Michele is that you?"

>>> "No, I'm 'Micheal.' Get it straight!"

"whats it to you?"

"its me, Wade, you should remember me and the others that saved you from Sid, and you remained on another earth."

"right, well thanks a lot, I was in kromagg hell for a month, until Quinn saved me."

>>> "Hey, beats the world we left Christina Griffin on! BWAHAHAHA!"

"let me begin. On what I thought was my world, my dad told me, I was from a parallel world, I thought he was crazy, until he showed me the sliding device, to go in search of my real home. I slid to worlds for almost 3 years until I was joined by Michele who had just slid 8 months back. After I told her my name, she thought I was crazy,

>>> "until he showed me the sliding device, to go in search of my real home, this is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends..."

until she showed me a picture of the Quinn she knew, I realized I was a fraternal twin. She joined me and we kept sliding. Last year, we got separated,

>>> "Irreconcilable differences and all."

being put in kromagg prisons, and after we all were rescued by a raid,

>>> "Only the BEST of insecticides work on Kro-Maggots!"

we found a new timer and I brought Joe with us, then about a month ago, we landed here, the timer was fried, and here we are."

>>> In the late '90s.

"we have a story too, but I'll make it short,

>>> Dorky, you could learn from this guy...

we landed on 'magg prime for help, the kromaggs took over, a friend of ours betrayed us, and your dad got us stuck here. By the way, I'm Jacob Arturo, that is Rembrandt Brown and Wade Welles."

"calm down Jacob, whats your problem anyway."

>>> "You tellin' me those are Rembrandt Brown and Wade Welles?! Them's FIGHTIN' WORDS!!"

"Joe, I'll take care of this. Jacob, we have a way to slide all of us off this world. I have a timer, and I realized those mines we have been working in, has a source of power, all I have to do is get enough to power the timer and we're off." By the next morning, the prisoners were heading to the mines, in straight lines. The sliders group tried to stay together as much as possible, but were taken to separate cave entrances. Wade and Michele had to remain with the women, while Micheal, Quinn, Joe, Remmy and Jacob were in another mining cave. The temperture was heating up to about 100 degrees, with everyone sweating. Several workers collapsed, and some just die off.

>>> The way your descriptive writing captures the emotive tension of that scenario is just heartbreaking.

Quinn's alternate was able to be alone, to gather some copper, when he hears a loud noise. He walks over to an edge of a cliff to see machines working to turn copper into oil.

"how can this equipment exist?" Quinn asks himself,

>>> Should read "Dorky asks himself,"

and then realized there would be tools for him to use down below

>>> "Take a left past the Zocalo, you can't miss the stench."

for repairing the timer and use the copper to power the system in the timer.

>>> Copper as an energy source. Hey, it's a parallel world!

By nightfall, Quinn and Remmy returned to the prison, where they found the others sleeping. Remmy offers Quinn his canteen and he takes it.

"so, we really haven't talked much, since we arrived, whats your story?"

"My story is big,

>>> "With Tom Hanks. It's my favourite."

I joined this team of travelers and we started sliding, I lost 2 good friends, then when the kromaggs arrived, I joined up with another group who I thought were my friends, now I'm here."

"what do you plan to do when things calm down?"

"just try to get home, find my friends. You really are a different Quinn, thatn from the ones I know,

>>> "You have a heart!"

you must of had a different father and mother."

"I guess everyone has a different double. I was wondering if you know what happened to my mother and brother?"

"I don't know much, the 'maggs hit us hard and fast,

>>> so my head is injured, erasing my short-term memory, which coupled with the erasure of my short-term memory...

she might of died or captured. As for your brother, he wasn't there when we arrived."

>>> "I searched the Magg airport high and low for someone waving a 'Mallory' sign."

"he's probably lost, but I hope to find him if we ever leave this place."

In the following morning, Wade and Michele are forced to go down 24 levels to dig for more copper,

>>> "You'll never take me alive, copper miners!!"

while in the elevator, they chatted.

"Wade, what happened to your Quinn, is he dead?"

"I don't know, I feel he's alive, but the kromaggs may have plans for him. He felt bad when you left our group, he really started to fall for you."

>>> QUINN: "I feel kinda bad about leaving that blonde chick back in Kromagg Hell... cuz damn, she was HOT!"

"yeah, sure, I could of loved him, but Sid was a better lover."

>>> Even in death? Michele = Executive?

The doors open and all the women get off,

>>> *snicker*

grabbing sticks of fire.

>>> *DOUBLE snicker*

Jacob and Joe were sent down in another cave by themselves,

>>> "We sent OURSELVES down to these miserable caves?! What the hell were we thinking???"

when they talked everything out.

"what is your problem with me and the others?"

"Joe, its just that I've been stuck here for 3 months, I want to go home. I hated that Mr. Mallory lost our hope of ever getting back to sliding!"

>>> "You said the same thing every five minutes when we WERE sliding!"

"well, you'd still be here if we never showed up!"

Jacob shoves Joe into a corner of the elevator "what was that for?"

"you should know. But if your a dumb-ass, I'll repeat myself.

>>> "By saying something I never have before which I expected you to already know."

I want you to stay away from Wade. I found her first!"

>>> "She was under the counter at the newsstand, lookin' oh so shiny!"

"bitch, I auta beat your ass now, but its Quinn's orders to play nice, or we all die."

"I don't care about your Quinn's rules, lets go now! Jacob throws the first punch, but Joe beats him to it,

>>> To what? Throwing the first punch? Uhhhhh, hate to burst your bubble, Joe...

and they began to push each other, punching each other, hitting each other

>>> "Today on Dorky Teaches English as a Second Language: The Synonym."

hard enough to be in pain.

>>> That's REALLY gotta hurt! Well, obviously.

The doors open, and Jacob falls to the ground. Then suddenly, the ground begins to shake. Joe helps Jacob up, but he refuses.

"I can get myself up!"

>>> It took several takes to get the "Easy Walker" commercial juuuuust right.

"Listen up buddy, we're gonna have to be nice to each other, until we can get the hell out of here!"

All of the prisoners escape the caves above ground.

>>> The above-ground caves are where the "Less Smart" ones mine for energy-giving copper.

Quinn and his father get out, but wonder where the others are. Remmy comes out, but a rock falls on his head,

>>> and Jacob poked him in the eye, playing the "Three Stooges" theme song,

and makes him fall to the ground.

>>> Didn't see THAT one coming!

Quinn and his father picks him up and they carry him back to where the other prisoners are standing. Back down below, Joe tries opening the doors, and when he does, he finds that rocks have caved in the elevator and is now out of service "damn it!"

>>> "NOW where're we gonna get our fix of elevator music??"

"why don't we just use the rope, ad go that way." Jacob exclaims. Joe turns to see a light coming from a path farther below.

>>> Should read, "Furthur below."

"ok, so I take this rope, to use in Quinn's plan of in case of a problem like this, got it."

"Joe thats the smartest thing you've said so far."

>>> Now that says it ALL about Joe...

"don't think that I can't kill you, I've been through hell. My world got invaded by the kromaggs, I fought with all the strenght I had, so shut your mouth,

>>> "But I'm talkin' bout Shaft!"

because I can't stand this bull, your talking."

>>> Representing one's talking as a bull. Ahh, the art of metaphor.

Joe grabs the rope and walks on "aren't you coming or do you want to stay and die?"

Jacob turns around and follows Joe to the outside. Back in the prison, Wade and Michele meet up with Quinn and Micheal,

>>> MICHELE: Wow, it's my double who spells her name differently! I guess everyone has one!

putting ice on Remmy's forehead, who is sleeping.

"are the others back?"

"no, the guard said they were dead. But I don't believe it." Quinn says.

With the hot temperture, Joe and Jacob continue walking

>>> "So Temperture, which way you headed?"

"I think we took the wrong way." Joe then stopped, and pushed Jacob backwards.

>>> JOE: It's YOUR fault for not asking that guy we passed for directions!
>>> JACOB: Well why didn't YOU ask him?
>>> JOE: Uhhhh... shut up! Bitch, I auta beat your ass now!
>>> JACOB: Joe thats the smartest thing you've said so far.

"I was only joking."

"the compound where our friends are at, probably sank down under,

>>> It sank straight through the earth's molten core, and ended up in Australia.

and they may all be dead. We may be able to survive for a couple more days, unless we get water."

>>> "If we get water, we die instantly."

After reaching the top of the hill, Joe immediately see's a work station, as Jacob drags himself to the top, sweating badly

>>> JOE: Ugh, your sweating technique is ALL off.

"I think you better go on without me."

"thats a good idea."

"hey, I really didn't mean that."

>>> "Whoops, too late!"

"No, look theres a work station, either that came above ground or has been here. Lets check inside, for anything." Joe pulls the timer out of his pocket.

"here, hang onto this, we might find parts to fix it." Joe tosses the timer into the sand, as Jacob bends down to get it. wind bloes sand into Jacob's face "ah man, I hate this world. I hate eating dust!"

>>> JOE: What?!! Eating dust RULES! Bitch, I auta beat your ass now!

Joe is able to open the metal door, and finds the place a wreck. There are bodies everywhere "the cavepeople weren't so lucky this time."

>>> "Man, this body gives a whole new meaning to 'Barney Rubble.'"

"what do you mean, a dino probably came in here for a snack?"

"no, I went through a bunch of quakes,

>>> Not even counting the extension packs,

a lot of good friends of mine died." the darkness gets to them, with tripping over everything, hwen suddenly Jacob bumps into a consol and it lights up.

"I didn't do it."

>>> JOE: WHYYYYY, YOU LITTLE -- [chokes Jacob with both hands]

"shut your mouth,

>>> "But I'm talkin' bout the copper mine shaft!"

this is amazing technology they have. Think about it, a very intellectual society has technology advanced before the care is made, odd but amazing."

>>> Here's a quarter. Call someone whose care's already made.

"so how will this fix the timer?"

"It won't, we need tools, like Quinn said, so start looking fool."

>>> "Yo! I'm Mr. T, and I don't take none o' that jive-talkin' jibba jabba from YOU!"

the scene leads outside

>>> "Thanks Scene, we can take it from here."

with someone looking, then suddenly, the person heads right up to Joe stabs him in the back with a sharp object

>>> Jabbing the sharp object into its own back...

"Hey, who the hell are you!"

Jacob runs and jumps, attacking a large man with a patch on his right eye.

>>> "Yessir, the ol' 'Slap a patch on their right eye' trick... works every time."

The 2 struggle, as Joe barely can get up, to find something to attack the man with. The man slams Jacob into a wall and then Jacob falls to the ground unconscious. Joe is able to make it up, standing, but the stab wound is getting to him. He has found a metal pole, but the man laughs in his face.

>>> I like the way you're keeping with the subtle "El Sid" homages here.

"this thing is going to kill me, yeah right boy!"

Joe swings, but misses,

>>> Now we know why his last name isn't "DiMaggio."

then the man grabs a hold of it, slamming it down on Joes head, who also goes unconscious. The man walks away, when the ground starts shaking again, but he minds it and enters a stairwell, leading down several stories.

>>> At the very rock bottom... is this one.

After several hours that have passed, Jacob awakes to have a massive headache,

>>> Headaches. They're what's for dinner!

but sees that Joe is in worse condition. Jacob can barely get up, with touching his head from the pain. Jacob walks to Joe, shaking him to wake.

>>> New Shake 'n' Wake, from Pillsbury! Mm mm!

"hey Joe are you ok?"

with no answer, he finds a stab wound in his back.

"damn it, he's dead!"

As Jacob turns around, a moaning sound is heard, he turns around to see Joe grabbing at his leg.

"no one can kill this man."

>>> Insert "Highlander" joke here. Kilt ref optional!

"your alive, here let me help you up."

"good thing your around, or we both would be dead."

"hey, I'm doing this as a friend, now I can drop you right now to end the suffering."

"yeah, I would have to beat your ass, before you got away."

>>> Should read "I would AUTA have to beat your ass."

They find medical bandages,

>>> As opposed to legal bandages, or mechanical bandages...

and Jacob puts them on Joe, to cover the bleeding wound, then they continue to find parts for the timer.

"so did you know that man, Joe?"

"yeah, when we first arrived here, me and Quinn got put in a prison with others, he made trouble,

>>> out of medical bandages,

so I tried to stop him, I guess he either wanted revenge, or realized we had a timer, but couldn't find it."

A noise is heard beyond of their location, they enter a room, where it is a stairwell, and see white light coming from below.

"what the hell is that?"

"that is your fate bud!"

>>> I can just see that in a Shakespearean play.
>>> MACBETH: Is this a dagger I see before me?
>>> BANQUO'S GHOST: That is your fate bud!

They both turn to see the man again

"haven't you tird of being the bad guy, Rax?"

>>> "C'mon, let someone else have a turn!"

"no, not until I kill everyone I hate, including the both of you!"

"Jacob, take this bag and walk out, I'll handle this."

>>> "But it's PANK!"

"yeah, but if you die, he'll come after me, no way, we're a team."

>>> Read: "I'd abandon you to die if I could get away with it."

"fine by me, I love the face of someone right before I kill them."

>>> That's a pretty sick thing to do to a dying man's face!

The man grabs a hold of Jacob's neck, picking him off the ground, then throws him over near the stairs, battling it out with Joe first.

>>> Nice touch with the shattered chronology, having indicated that the timeline will have been being fractured.

They struggle, Joe repeatedly punches Rax, then he picks Joe up off the ground

"do you know what the white light is,

>>> If it's anything like the brown acid, I think I've figured out Dorky's problem.

well I'll tell you, its an electrified ray of sheilding, so when you get to the bottom, you'll get a thousand volts enter your body."

"I already knew that, if you were that smart, You would realize bad guys always lose!"

>>> RAX: NOOOOOO!!! You mean this is a Hollywood movie????

Rax laughs, throwing Joe over the edge, who is then seen falling into the light.

>>> "Falllllll, into the Light, my son!"

He reachs Jacob, who wakes again, as his neck is grabbed, bu just before he turns around, Joe climbs back up, knocking him over the head with a metal bar landing on the ground,

>>> Can you imagine trying to FILM this thing???? "Okay, Jacob, you're being reached by Rax, as you wake and your neck is grabbed. Joe, you're knocking someone turning around with a metal bar that's landing... the hell?!"

with Jacob released

"I guess these things can kill you. Jake your ok, help me pick this guy up."

the guys toss himm over, then after exiting the room, they hear a crackling sound as the light shuts off.

>>> Snap Crackle Pop... Rax Krispies!

"I guess we make a good team, so how about a truce?"

"sure Joe, lets go find the others."

The 2 shake on it, heading back into the desert. The heat soon gets to them, as both of them collapse in the sand with the hot sun shining down on them. Shortly after, 2 shadows

>>> "If you go to Z'ha'Dum, you will collapse in the desert."

appear above Joe and Jacob, they mumble words, but not much makes sense.

>>> That part really resonates with the rest of this story, if you catch my drift.

The scene fades to a fire going inside a cool cave.

>>> Can't blame the poor thing, being a fire must be hell...

We see that both Joe and Jacob are sleeping on blankets, when Wade and Michele enter. Joe awakes to see them, asking

"what the hell happened, how did we end up here?"

"I can explain that."

>>> Sure, but can Dorky?

He turns to see Micheal Mallory, with Quinn and Remmy following.

"after several quakes around the prison,

>>> Okay, the "El Sid" homages WERE subtle...

the guards and leaders of this caveman pack, let us all go. I told some guards to go in search of you, for food,

>>> "You need food? Go find Joe and Jacob! They're cannibariffic!"

so they did, and I found this place to stay until our slide."

"slide?"

"with the tools you got me, me and my son were able to repair it."

>>> "Junior used his Fisher Price Garage wrench and I tossed in some medical bandages."

"it was a good thing they found you, or we may still be looking" Quinn says.

Jacob awakes to see Wade

>>> That's a pretty good reason to "awake," true...

"are you ok Jacob?"

"I'm fine, what about the timer?" Jacob gets up to see everyone and Micheal shows the 2 the timer fully operational.

"we slide in 3 minutes, so you both probably should get up." Remmy states.

>>> REMMY (singing): "Better get off o' me...."

"With the tracking device I put in a few months ago, it still works, so we have a chance to find our friends and reconquer each,

>>> Of their friends???

our earth from the 'maggs." Quinn says as Micheal puts his arm around his son.

"Mr. Brown would you do the honors?"

>>> "Are you kidding?? I barely know them!"

Remmy takes the timer, realizing it resembles the one Logan had.

"Hey Quinn, did you get this from somewhere else?" "no, I found it in the Chandler Hotel, similar to my prototype, why?"

>>> Are you IN the Chandler? NO! What does that MAKE the Chandler? SOMEWHERE ELSE!!

Wade walks over to Remmy "because our worst enemy has an exact duplicate of this."

>>> As Sliders enemies go, I thought Rickman was the worst...

Remmy opens the vortex (resembling the one from S2) Wade is first in, followed by Jacob and Micheal, then Remmy jumps in as Michele and Quinn follow him in.

>>> Being first in, Wade was having followed Jacob and Quinn but after Remmy slides into the vortex (he resembled the one from S2) Quinn and Michele leap past Micheal and they all go to Applebee's and eat ribs while having sex in the bathroom and the sex was a mutant rock named Ort and it slid. And it was good.

THE END

STINGER: "Jacob throws the first punch, but Joe beats him to it, and they began to push each other, punching each other, hitting each other hard enough to be in pain."