In the MSTing theater,
Recall, CS, delly and SL4,
sat entranced, the S8 finale.
"T2 rip off!" they exclaimed.
"Die Rattie, die" SL4 chanted.
delly thudded to the ground again.
"Leave her there!"
SS was busy with her sweet baboo
"Why do they always kill you?"
Sirta was standing watch over Sarah
"I've got a deadline to meet.
Please don't bother me!"
ST, Y, Jenn and SE were busy
ordering new furniture
"Who's going to pay for this?"
All eyes looked to SE.
DMD and SweetOne were playing
in the dark
"I wonder if they know about
the stairs I just put in"
Thud, crash, cursing were heard
"Vig, you should have told them!"
HK, Brit, TM were taking
their time, eating the food
and drinking wine.
No talk of Kari!
MSR and Tigs sat side by side
rereading the story so far.
"Eureka I found a plot!"
"Plot, what plot?"
asked a sleepy Tigs.
"Get on with it!"
Finally, MSR wrote...
At the Presidio…
"Sir, I have the analysis report for both," said the XO at the door.
The CO looked up from his papers. "Well, what are the findings?"
"It's worse than we originally thought. The lab on Alcatraz contained high amounts of the influenza virus."
"The flu *did* this!? This insanity?"
"Well, sir, it's a genetically engineered influenza virus that no one has seen before. It emits gamma radiation to break down the cell structures and allows easy entry of… uh… how shall I say it?"
"Spit it out! We don’t have much time."
"The virus contains genetic material not found on this world," he replied uncomfortably.
"You mean alien DNA."
"Yes, sir. We have yet to determine its role. We also found high amounts of this virus in the body that the autopsy… uh… I really don't know what else to call it… was performed on. "
The CO shrugged. "So what are the chances that the nearby population has been affected?"
"That's the strange thing about all of this. When that lab was destroyed, it released the virus into the fog as it rolled in, carrying it southward to Daly City and South San Francisco and eastward into Oakland and Berkeley and northward across the Azure Bridge into Sausalito and neighboring cities. But this is the only case where someone who's obviously dead comes back to life."
The CO was impatiently waiting for an answer. "And?"
The man had no more answers to give.
At the Transamerica Pyramid building…
The Leader's sensitive antennae atop his snow-white hair detected the familiar footfalls approaching his door. A smile grew on his blue toned face as he heard them outside the door.
"Come in Ryan. What's the update?"
Ryan took a seat in front of his desk and placed his clipboard on his lap.
"Our agent is doing his duty as we planned. Soon we will have two new hosts."
"Very good. What does the military know?"
"Only what we want them to know. We had removed the clone's tattoo before they took him away."
"Excellent. They don't suspect we are using sliders as our incubators."
"We owe it all to Professor Arturo or Transmodiar, God of Sliding, as he calls himself. Turning the Azure Bridge into a what did he call it… slidecage. Interesting that our technology is compatible with theirs."
The Leader pulled out the Egyptian timer from the right hand desk drawer, leaving it still open. "Fascinating how this little crystal allows for sliding."
"Yes, it is. Too bad it can't synchronize correctly to allow a vortex to form."
Both of them laugh.
"In all my years living as both male and female. I've considered myself female," Ryan cooed.
The Andorian had a belly laugh. "Yes, my dear, Leeloo, so have I. It's unfortunate that this was the only body available. I miss your speckled brown markings that start at your face, go down your neck and…" A lascivious smile and roving eyes moved downward.
"You have, my RavageKnight?" Ryan lifted the Leader's chin up to grab his attention and clasped the Leader's left hand with his cold hands.
"First things first, dear," he said lovingly as his right hand reached into the open drawer.
He pulled Ryan closer as if to kiss him then jabbed an air-filled syringe into Ryan's left jugular vein, pumping air into his bloodstream.
"Why?" he cried in his futile attempt to free himself from the Leader tenacious grasp.
The Andorian watched placidly as Ryan spasmed, rolled his eyes back then thudded onto the desk.
Pressing his intercom button, he ordered, "Kodus and Kang bring me the stasis chamber. Prepare another forgotten slider… Michele… for implantation. I certainly won't be missing slider Ryan. Get your tentacles off that window. Those suction cups of yours can't hold your weight and I'm tired of replacing that window. Stop it you, Garfield stick to the window wannabes!"
After pulling the lifeless body onto the table and turning Ryan onto his back, the Leader drew a bloodstained butcher knife from the open drawer. He went to the other side of the desk.
"I'm going to gut you, boy," he murmured, plunging the knife below the ribcage and cutting swiftly downward, ignoring the fountain of blood gushing from the wound.
Within a minute, he found his treasure and extracted it carefully. Lovingly caressing the pulsating two-foot long slug-like creature, he cooed, "Leeloo, my love. 92 hours, 59 minutes and 45 seconds. Another 15 seconds and you could not be separated from your host without dying."
The Andorian's head flew through the air and landed on the couch. His treasure dropped back into its bloody sea before his body slammed on top of it. The Andorian's blood mixed in with that of human blood, pooling underneath the desk.
"Isn't that trilling," Transmodiar chortled, his eyes gleaming with madness, a bloody broadsword in his hand. "Who would have thought those two would last?" He rubbed his bandaged head.
Turning to the door, he ordered, "Bring them." The blood dripped down his arm and he took another taste of it. "Hmmm… salty."
A diminutive man dropped the tentacle remains of Kodus and Kang onto the Andorian. Turning around, Transmodiar ripped the two battleaxes that were strapped onto the man's back.
The man announced, "Chairman Kaga reveals the secret ingredients. The theme today is Trill, Andorian, human and alien tentacles. Whose cuisine will reign supreme? Watch as Transmodiar prepares original dishes for your tasting pleasure. Do you want buttocks slapping now or afterwards?"
Transmodiar replied, "Later, Rufferto. Ready the chopper so we can catch that ship. Now stand back while I prepare the first course." The man little man stepped back and let him hack away.
At the hotel restaurant…
Maggie was perplexed just like the writers of this story. "Remmy, why did you say "This is LA, you might see that in any world's LA"? You know we're in San Francisco and we went to Quinn's house."
"Dunno, Maggie. SL4 made a mistake when he wrote that part."
"Moron," added Diana, the patented blank stare showing its face.
A bewildered man and woman stopped at their table.
The man asked in a clipped Russian accent, "We are looking for nuclear wessels. Do you know where they keep the nuclear wessels?"
"We heard they were in Alameda," added the tired woman.
"Yep, Alameda," Quinn answered without skipping a beat. "But I'm afraid you're a few years late. That Navy base is already closed. I have no idea where they are now. Maybe San Diego. Try the Blue Pages."
The hapless duo left the table, their hopes dashed.
A waiter handed Remmy the check. After he turned it over, his jaw dropped.
"What?" asked Quinn and Maggie.
Remmy mumbled, "Uh, I didn't expect it to be this high for food and drinks.
"Let me," insisted Quinn as he made a grab for the check.
"No thanks, Maggie's got the cash." Remmy grabbed Maggie's arm. "Maggie, let's go pay this check."
Maggie read his face and nodded. "I've got it. We’ll be back in a few minutes. Quinn watch Diana."
"Sure thing. We'll be right here," replied Quinn as he watched the two make their way around the crowded tables.
Diana opened her mouth, but said nothing.
Once out of the line of sight and hearing, Remmy breathed a sigh of relief.
"What was that back there? What's on the check?" Maggie asked, grabbing it from Remmy.
"It's from Fogboy."
"What?!?" Maggie scanned the check. "This is his handwriting. How do we know it's true and this isn't a trap?"
"I wish Wade were here. We're finally back in San Francisco." Remmy's eyes had a distant look, just like before.
"Remmy, come back. We need a plan," begged Maggie as she shook him gently trying to break his reverie.
Remmy blinked his eyes and announced in an unwavering voice, "We ditch Quinn and Diana and hook up with Mallory outside."
Maggie crept behind the stone pillar to check on Quinn and Diana. "How do you know?" They were still sitting there.
"A little voice told me. Now let's get out of here."
"I hope you're right."
"So do I." Remmy escorted Maggie to the front door.
Quinn began to ramble to Diana. "The Leader will be pleased once we start those two on their meds, they will make the perfect host incubators instead of the clones."
"Don't press your luck, Qball," Diana replied before her blank stare returned as she looked around the room.
Quinn fiddled with his watch. "I can't perfect the formula without human test subjects. I have a deadline or else I too will become a host then discarded. This is my last chance."
"Zip it! Shut up!"
Quinn looked up from his watch. "What?"
"They're getting away!" She pointed to the double doors as Remmy and Maggie ducked through them.
Maggie and Remmy turned and saw Diana and Quinn throwing people aside in their attempt to catch them.
"Run!" Remmy pushed Maggie in front of him through the front entrance.
Both ran outside, frantically searching the street for any sign of Mallory.
"Where is he?" cried Maggie as she turned to Remmy.
"Damn, where's that kid?" mumbled Remmy as he looked at his watch.
Their attention snapped to the left as a runaway taxicab nearly ran them over. Skidding to a stop, the back passenger and driver's side doors flew open.
"Remmy drive! I don't know San Fran!" ordered Mallory as he scooted over to the passenger side.
Remmy slid across the top of the hood as Maggie dove into the backseat, slamming headfirst into the opposite door.
"Pedal to the metal!" called Mallory putting his hand out the window and shoving the back door close.
"Hang on! Belt up. We're gonna fly." Remmy punched it into second gear and stamped on the accelerator, propelling the cab up the steep incline.
Quinn and Diana exited the hotel a few seconds too late and began running uphill. Mallory and Maggie turned back to watch them as Remmy watched the rearview mirror. Mallory pulled out a small device from his pocket and pointed it toward the running duo.
"Pop goes the weasel!" Mallory quipped as he pressed a button.
Quinn and Diana's heads rocketed off their necks, bloody geysers bathing everything around them. Their bodies dropped to the ground in midstride.
"What the hell?!?" gasped Remmy as he hit the break.
"Oh my God! Did you see that?" Maggie watched as the heads rolled down the street, leaving distressed onlookers.
Mallory shook Remmy to get his attention. "No time. We gotta catch a ship. Pier 35! Go Remmy! Go!"
Maggie reached forward and yanked down the back of Mallory's collar. "No tattoo!"
"I'm not a clone. We’ve got two hours to get to the ship or we'll never slide off this world." Mallory pocketed the device.
Remmy shifted to drive and stomped on the accelerator once more, lurching the passengers backward. He crossed the double yellow line into oncoming traffic.
"Remmy!" Maggie closed her eyes as the cab spun 180°, barely missing the cablecar bearing down on them.
Remmy proclaimed, "Where we're going we don't need roads."
Crushing the accelerator again, he drove downhill with reckless abandon switching lanes as he gained speed. The trio never looked back as they passed the shocked onlookers near the remains of Quinn and Diana
As they neared the intersection, Maggie noticed that there was nothing but sky after it. "Rem…" was all she got out as the car went airborne and dropped more than twenty feet in less than a second. Remmy braced for impact, holding the wheel perfectly still. Metal grinded into the asphalt, little sparks shooting everywhere.
"WhooHooo!" Mallory blurted out loud, raising his fists above him.
"Good thing I didn't eat earlier, I would have lost my lunch." Maggie closed her eyes to relieve some of the queasy feeling in her stomach.
Twenty minutes and four flights into the air later, they were in stuck in bumper to bumper freeway traffic going to the San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge.
"Remmy, is this the fastest way to Pier 35?" Maggie watched as two men were spray painting each other in the flatbed of the truck two lanes away.
Remmy was tapping his thumbs on the steering wheel. "Girl, it was this way or we get there after the boat leaves if we went through the financial district. Driving through this kind of traffic is not something I missed."
Mallory checked his watch. "What I'm about to tell you is going to sound unbelievable, but it's all true."
"Fogboy, everything that we've been through on this world is enough to drive any sane person mad." Remmy turned to him and smiled.
Maggie chuckled. "Yeah, Mall, you're going to say there are aliens. Been there done that."
"Not these kind of aliens," Mallory replied, deadpan.
Both Maggie and Remmy dropped their amused facades when they heard Mallory's tone -- he sounded just like Qball.
"There's so much to tell you both." Sighing and staring straight ahead, he began his tale. "Diana's dead… killed before our eyes. The Professor, Transmodiar, is also a slider. He slid to this world about three months ago along with three others-- Quinn, Ryan and a woman named Debra. This world we're on is poised on the brink of alien colonization."
"Mallory, you on drugs?" asked an unbelieving Maggie. "Sounds just like that show on FOX."
"Man, oh man."
Mallory turned to them. "I'm serious. There was a war between a blue-skinned race with antennas called the Andorians and the Trill. Some of the humanoid Trill are joined with a slug-like symbiote. Once joined together for 93 hours, any separation between the two spells death for both . During the war, the homeworld of Trill was devastated by a biological weapon that killed most of the humanoid hosts. Now deprived of slave labor, the Andorians sent the Leader or the Shadowy Man and Leeloo, a Trill representative and his lover, to find suitable hosts. They landed on this world and saw the population was ripe for the taking. They ran into a roadblock when it was discovered that the radiation on this world made the population unsuitable as incubators and new hosts for the Trill. Shortly afterwards, the Professor or Transmodiar, God of Sliding, along with Ryan, Gary Coleman or Rufferto as Transmodiar calls him and Michele slid to this world. The Leader captured the Professor and Michele, but the others had gotten away. The Leader ordered Michele to be implanted with a symbiote… Leeloo volunteered and they survived. Meanwhile the Professor was forced into telling the Leader all about sliding. The Andorians used this knowledge to turn the Azure Bridge into their version of a slidecage. Only those not from this world were capable of being viable incubators and hosts. Transmodiar's sliding knowledge was wiped clean and he became the first test subject of a genetically engineered virus which unfortunately causes insanity. The Leader destroyed his timer. Now he has our timer. The timer I took off him is a fake. No scarab symbol or crystal. He has to have the real one."
"We never got a good look at the timer he showed us earlier" Maggie added.
Remmy was starting to understand. "So they've been using sliders for their cloning experiments too. Why wait for another group to slide in when you can clone new ones. Jeez, destroy one world to save your own slaves."
"You're right, Remmy. Months later, "Pop goes the Weasel" Quinn, Arturo, Bennish, Waggie and Logan slid here. This Quinn was a biochemist and was forced to work in the secret lab on Alcatraz island. In order to keep Arturo alive, the others went along with the Leader's plan of capturing new sliders using Real Radio. Too bad their Arturo was killed and Transmodiar took his place without their knowledge. This Quinn was genius in the area of biochemistry on his world so he was forced to work in the secret lab on Alcatraz to work on the virus and develop a drug that would enable this world's population to become Trill incubators. He also developed a formula to delay the effects of the virus. That's what he has in his med-bracelet."
"Mall, who told you all this?" asked Remmy as they passed by the police station on their right side.
"I'm getting to that, Remmy. Leeloo blew that lab up, but the virus spread when the fog rolled in. She also sabotaged the cloning lab at Geiger Applied labs. That's why we haven't seen any clones under the number 3. She doesn't believe sacrificing another race for hers. After the lab was destroyed, Quinn was given one more chance and we were it. After we ate the pizza, DNA samples were taken and clones made."
"So all we have to do is find Michele? Leeloo is in her, right?" asked Maggie as she stared at the .
"No, Michele was dying so they she was implanted into another slider they had captured a day before we got here… Ryan."
Remmy took the Embarcadero exit. "That explains that revolting public display of affection."
"After the house of mirrors, Leeloo got me out of there and switched in a clone. Leeloo told Quinn that I was killed in an escape attempt. Leeloo wrote /Mallory 6/ on my neck, gave me that device then left to get our timer. She never came back so I have to assume Transmodiar found out about her plan and has the timer. I knocked him out when he came to the lab and grabbed this fake. All he has to do is blow the Azure Bridge and slide out of here."
"Leaving us in this hellhole." Maggie didn't think it would get worse. "So how much time left before we slide? Any idea, Mallory?"
He checked his watch. "Four hours."
"Why do we always cut these things close?" complained Maggie as she saw a large group of people.
In Remmy's and Mallory's mind they heard the same thing. *o/`She's a hooooo… she's a hoooo…. Oh me so horny… oh me so horny… she bangs… she bangs o/`" They snickered together, ignoring Maggie's question.
"Wade!" Mallory and Remmy chuckled.
"Wade? Where's Wade?" asked a surprised Maggie.
"You didn't hear her in your mind? We did." Remmy said before getting out.
"No, I didn't. What did she say?"
Remmy and Mallory glanced at each other before Mallory answered. "She said 'There can only be one!' She saw what happened back there." Remmy nodded in agreement.
*So why can't I hear her?* Maggie thought as the trio walked the stairs leading to the ship.
"Tickets, please," ordered the man in a uniform that was two sizes to short. He took the tickets, scanned them then handed them back to the passenger.
"Uh, we don't have tickets, guys. What's the plan?" asked Remmy when they were about to reach the ticket taker.
"Let me." Maggie pushed the guys out of the way and made her way to the man.
"Silicon-filled bitch," echoed in the minds of Remmy and Mallory.
"Wade, girl. You don't know that," Remmy chided.
"I bet Mallory knows," Wade retorted, making Mallory blush.
"Tickets, please, ma'am," he said as he took in her lovely sight.
Maggie whispered in his ear then pursed her lips and blew him a kiss.
The ticket man coughed, waving them onboard. "You three go ahead. I hope the captain enjoys your show."
Remmy and Mallory smiled as Maggie led them away from prying ears. The ticket man was enjoying the view.
"What did you say?" asked Remmy as he looked at his watch.
Maggie pulled them in close. "I said that I was the stripper for the captain's party. Remmy's the singer and Navy cook. And you Mall, you're the guy in charge of pushing out the cake."
"Thanks, Maggie. That's it? Man."
Remmy looked around. "We've got three and a half hours before the slide. Anyone got a plan?"
Jenn was perplexed with
Many pages to read
"What the hell is this?"
A smirking MSR replied,
"Trying to pull everything together
and putting a twist on it."
The writers were clamoring
"Why the hell are we talking like this?"
"The timer doesn't work like that!"
"How much CRACK did you have?"
"Fairy dust, anyone?"
"Shit, you killed a lot of characters!"
"How are we going to follow this?"
Tigs just laughed,
"She's not nuts, she's crazy!"
MSR winked and replied
"No Crack or fairy dust
was used for this.
This is what happens when
I'm deprived of Highlander!
As for this form of skit,
well, it's different."
Torch proclaimed once again
"Get on with it!"