The Sliders flew out of the vortex faster than normal only to find that they landed in a swimming pool full of bikini-clad women!!! As soon as they splashed into the water, however, to Remmy's dissapointment, another vortex opened in the air and sucked all of them in upwards, swimming pool and all!!!! They landed on the ground on the weird new world, and at that time Colin began to wonder why the vortex was not closing.....

***

Elsewhere nearby on the same world,the Slider Annhilation Force (SAF) had been preparing an attack on Rembrandt Mallory and Quinn Brown for some time, but today would be the hour they would finally pull it off. They were the only two Sliders left after the SAF had captured Dr. Davis and Professor Arturo. And now, the last two Geoforce TimeControl Police Sliders, Rembrandt Mallory and Quinn Brown, were next......

<Eh!!!?!?!?>

"Canadian history... Canadian history... damn. Who would have thought Canadian history would fill more than a footnote?"

Thwarted, he picked up a tome labeled "Flames Across the Border". Some judicious skimming of the book's jacket yielded a brief outline of what had brought this state of affairs to pass.

Remmy chuckled. "Get this - the U.S. army was so distracted by Mexican rebels during the War of 1812, the British and Canadians *counter-attacked* and ended up with most of the country."

Maggie looked up to see Quinn drawing near with a tray of steaming styrofoam coffee cups. She carefully took one for herself and handed another to Colin. Rembrandt was still engrossed in the book, having moved on to skimming through the pages.

"Now basically Canada controls everything west of the Mississipi. California was ceded by the Mexicans in 1949, in return for signing a mutual defence pact against the French Echelon..."

Quinn read over Remmy's shoulder. "You're saying Canada *invaded* the States?"

Maggie took a sip of her coffee, which was largely composed of artificial cream. "Hey, it's not like we've treated their culture with a whole lot of respect. Anyone remember those glowing hockey pucks?"

The others shook their heads no.

"It was the Fox network, I think." Maggie grimaced. "They can't hold onto anything for longer than about three years before they start junking it up."

***

The Chandler, while still present on this world, was located on the other side of the city. The Sliders were relatively sanguine about the long walk, however, given the number of times they had miraculously landed less than a block away from it.

At the hotel, Colin checked the Sliders in while the others perused the lobby.

"Thank you. And where are you from, please?"

Colin grinned. "We're from..."

Long seconds passed. The grin faded.

"Uh..."

Colin was doing nothing for the reputation of his improvisational skills.

"Uh... Japan?"

***

Somewhere in another dimension, Geoforce TimeControl Police Slider George Bennett was being thoroughly chewed out by his superior. Inspector Lear was quite displeased.

"Frankly, I'm disgusted. You simply let them get away? These descriptions sound like Mallory and Brown before they ran into Geiger. Did you ever consider that Dr. Davis might have found a way to de-merge them?"

"Sir-"

"And that's another thing. What the hell did you mean by going and nearly turning this story into another mindless, one-dimensional chase? I should think I trained you *better than that*!"

Lear activated Bennett's timer. A translucent yellow pentagon took shape over a wall tapestry of Jack Hill, the man who had unified the GeoForce. "They should still be on the last world you tracked them to. Go!"

***

Meanwhile on 'Bikini World,' the Sliders' vortex was fluxing in and out of solidity.

"Shiny!" gushed one of the silicon-based life forms tanning on the beach.

A moment later, the gateway finally collapsed.

"Not shiny," the beach babe said plaintively.

<QBall79 stands in the writers' cavern of thought, staring at what RavageKnight and Blinker have done to the story. It's symbolically represented as a writhing, many-tentacled monster.>
QBall79: I can't believe I signed up for this voluntarily...
SL4ever (calling from sidelines): Whack him with the torch! Whack him with the torch!
Blinker: Hey!
<QBall79 swings the torch, connecting with Blinker's skull and messing up his tuft>
Blinker (muttering): Do you have any idea how long it's going to take to fix my hair now?? It probably won't function as a helicopter propeller for a week...

Here goes nothing!!! And I mean *nothing*.

Lear threw the timer to Bennett and shoved him into the vortex. The other end opened up on Bikini World over a now empty pool. Bennett landed in the deep end, hitting his head and knocking himself unconscious.

------

Meanwhile, at the Chandler Hotel on Canada world, our sliders relaxed to the easy listening tunes of Anne Murray and Gordon Lightfoot.

"Man I cannot *wait* to get off this world and listen to some good old R&B!" Remmy said. "I'm starting to get a headache from listening to this mess!!!"

"I don't know, Remmy, I'm starting to like it actually," Colin said. "It's very soothing, and it gives you a warm, fuzzy feeling inside!"

"Yeah," Quinn agreed. His pupils were dilated and he had a distant, blank stare on his face. "It just makes you feel totally at peace. In fact, I think when the timer counts down to zero, I'll just stay here. It's just so peaceful!"

"Are you two insane?" Remmy retorted. "Stay here? What about finding Wade and the Kromagg megaweapon? Don't tell me you don't care about that anymore! This music...it's like a drug or something, it's not real."

"Whatever it is," Colin said. "It seems to be affecting Quinn more than you or me."

Rembrandt looked over at Maggie, who was rocking back and forth as she sat on the bed, the same blank stare as Quinn, and she was singing over and over, "You needed me...you needed me...you needed me...you needed me..." Just then Colin and Quinn joined in in perfect harmony. It was like the music was controlling them now, like it was all they knew.

"This is insane!" Remmy shouted. He shook Quinn violently. "Q-Ball!!! Wake up, man! What about the Kromaggs and your home earth??? What about Wade?"

"Wade who?" Quinn said in a strange, distant and dreamy tone. "Relax, Remmy...just sit back and enjoy the music!"

Just then Colin started singing, "If you could read my mind, love...what a tale my thoughts would tell...Just like an old time movie...'bout a ghost from a wishing well..."

And once again, in perfect harmony, Quinn and Maggie joined the song in perfect harmony, "In a castle dark..."

Remmy sat down, sighed, and put his head in his hands.

------

Meanwhile, on Bikini World, Bennett was regaining consciousness. He awoke surrounded by beautiful women in bikinis, but his vision was blurred due to the fall.

"Mom?" he said, "Mom, is that you?"

"There there now," the girl closest to him said. "You've been asleep for almost ten hours now."

"I had this terrible nightmare...I dreamed I was sliding through this wormhole and I landed on my head!"

The woman responded, "Well, you're safe and sound now, back in good old Bikini, California!"

"Bikini, California?!" Bennett shouted as he sat up. He was beginning to regain his normal sight, and when he saw the woman in front of him, he recognized her immediately. "You're my mo...you're my mo...you're my..."

"The name's Bennett," she said. "Julie Bennett. And you are...?"

"Uh, McCloud," Bennett replied. "Duncan McCloud."

TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!

I hope I kept this story crazy enough for you all. Believe me, I tried. And believe it or not, I really enjoyed this!

<HurriKain enters the cave.>

<QBall79 hurls the torch at him, catching HurriKain's shirt on fire.>

<Blinker complains, "Great! First my hair, now his shirt?!! I say we ban QBall79 from the game!">

<TemporalFlux1 pokes his head into the cave's entrance and says, "No, let's ban Cryin from the board! Everyone (including my best friend TemporalFlux1) wants to!!!">

<HurriKain sets TemporalFlux1 on fire, and Tf1 runs out screaming. "Okay," HurriKain says. "Who's responsible for this mess of a story?!">

<a voice echoes from out of nowhere, "David Peckinpah!!!">

<"Who said that?" HurriKain says.>

<"It sounded like RavageKnight," replies Blinker.>

<"Oh well," HurriKain says. "Let's get the show on the road, shall we???">

Oooohhhhhh boy.....

After hearing 5 minutes of horrible synchronized singing (refer to JOC in Scream 2 and Kari's CD), Remmy left the room in a hurry. He knew another minute in that room will make him sick.

"Man, there's got to be some GOOD music around here." Remmy said as he walked through the halls. The cheesy music was everywhere! As he approached the lobby, he saw some other people with strange gazes and singing mindlessly.

"What the hell is going on here?" Remmy said as he covered his ears and ran out the hotel at record speed.

***

Meanwhile, a group of men in a darkly lit room was sitting around a long table. They were watching what appeared to be surveillance tape of the Sliders' room. "Looks like we have visitors." said one of the men.

"Yes," says another, "Three of them adapted nicely, but the black guy, he seemed to be immune somehow..."

"Don't you think I see that, Cromwell?"

"But I don't understand it," said another one of the men, who was much older, "Since the government banned rap and R&B 15 years ago, we've ruled the whole population with an iron fist. This guy has an edge, but how do get that edge away from him?"

"Don't worry about it, Johnson," said someone, who seemed to be the leader. "You go try to have that man identified. You let me handle the rest...."

***

Remmy was sitting at an table outside the restaurant up the street. Having sneakily snapped all the wires in the loudspeaker, he finally had a moment of peace. In his head, he was trying to figure out what was going on. He been on many worlds that used some sort of mind control over the inhabitants. First VR, then mind projections, and now this... "But how is this awful music affecting everybody." Remmy thought aloud. He wanted to get to the bottom of it, but don't know where to start. Besides, Quinn and Maggie were the investigative types.

And just then Remmy spotted the rest of the Sliders coming towards him with those braindead grins and the dilated pupils.

"Remmyyyyyyyyyy......" Maggie said.

"Rembrandt, where you been old buddy?" Quinn said with that deceiving smile on his face.

"Yeah, we missed youuuuuuu," Colin said with his braindead grin he hadn't shown since "Just Say Yes".

"What are you talking about, I've only been gone for 15 minutes," Remmy replied.

"C'mon Remmy, we have something to show youuuuuu...." Maggie said, as though she'd been doped up.

"Yeah Remmy, it's veeeeerrrryyyyyy special." Quinn said, sounded high as well. And quickly, he grabbed his arm.

"Hey Q-Ball, what are you doing, let go!!"

Just then the music came back on. Remmy looked around, seeing that Colin had finished tying the wires back up.

Then Maggie started tugging at Remmy.

"Come...with me......" Maggie sang in sync with the words.

"Come...with me......" Quinn joined in, giving stronger pulls as Remmy resisted.

"Oh no! LET ME GO!!!!" Remmy yelled as he broke himself away from the clawing hands.

The braindead trio walked after him, arms outstretched and singing mindlessly with grin in their faces....

TO BE CONTINUED!!!

<HurriKain wipes sweat from forehead.>

I TRIED to make sense to this story, now I am confused...

<Throws torch at Slider142>

You signed up late for the game, you pay the horrible consequences...

Now, please excuse me while I kick RavageKnight's ass.....

Julie looked at Bennett in an odd way. "That's a cute name, hon. Where'd you get it, the SciFi channel?"
Bennett had actually gotten it from a mental patient at the SAF Institute for Greater Slider Vocabulary but, "I'm sorry, er, I need to get up, my throats burning me." He sat up, but held his hand to his head as blurriness overtook his vision.
"It's the chlorine, hon. I'll go get you a glass of water. Hold on."
He nodded his head through the blur, and watched the red blur walk away from him. He tried to remember what he was doing here, but only came up with a blank. All he could remember was something about the Slider Annihilation Force. What was a slider anyway, some kind of pill?

***

"Come with me, come with me....if I could read your mind, love..." Suddenly their hands loosened as a passing car took away the music. Rembrandt took this moment to heed the late professor's advice and ran. Actually, he more or less ran like hell, to be exact.
The remaining sliders stood fortunately with their backs to the sun and staring placidly at fluffy yellow-green clouds and ignoring the passing brownish smog. Their mouths opened and closed in tune to the music that seemed to have jumped from the car to the radio.
Quinn continued to sing obliviously, his entire mind concentrated on the words of the song .
"In a castle dark, in a fortress strong, with chains upon my feet. You know that ghost is me..." he suddenly paused, but continued going as the song built up again. Nevertheless, the damage was done. "But heroes sometimes fail..." He stopped completely as Maggie and Colin continued to sing mindlessly.
"Wade, what have I done?" He stepped into the street, still tethered to his increasing hysteria. "Wade, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He fell to his knees in the middle of the avenue and looked up to the heavens. And devoted himself by a song.
The others continued to sing "I don't know how it got this way..."

***

Rembrandt had seen none of this, and hadn't heard Quinn's cry of despair as his mental shell was irreparably damaged by the continuous power of the company's song. Suddenly, he was pulled into what seemed to be an abandoned warehouse by a strong pair of hands. Surprised, he didn't offer any resistance until he saw who it was. "You!" he cried out, scrambling to his feet.
"Who?" asked Logan, confused. "Do I know you?"
Rembrandt breathed a sigh of relief, it was just her double. "Wait a minute, you're not like the others. How come you're not singing mindless 60's songs?" (Factoid: Slider142 listens to 106.7 and loves some oldies because he can sing them by heart. Remmy on the other hand doesn't. Ok, back to the story)
Logan searched him with her eyes. He really looked innocent, didn't he? "You're not from around here, huh? Figures."
She moved away and Rembrandt had no choice but to follow. "Figures? What figures?"
She sighed as she explained her story for the nineteenth time. "We're the only ones left after the company took over the states as an industrial development area for nuclear testing. Fusion labs, starpower, that kind of thing. Unfortunately, North America did not want to get off its collective butt and move to the havens they created in other countries, and soon they closed their borders to immigrants. People began collecting in third world countries and their economies collapsed, essentially ruling out their power in the UN. Only the big boys remained then."
"Yeah, you never can trust those guys. They think of the people as basically numbers, ants. I never really got into politics cause of that." Remmy interrupted.
Logan nodded, but had a look that told him not to interrupt her again.
"So the eggheads came up with electromagnetic wave therapy. Modulating waves so that they would average the population's axion inhibitors, and then the research took off from there. That's when this happened. In the early weeks, some of the most depressed took dives and ran in front of trains, those that formerly seemed happy died horribly in mass suicides that would have shaken the nation to its core, if there was one left." she choked and Remmy knew it wasn't the time to ask more questions. All he could do was hold her.

***

"You idiot!" the dark leader slapped his hand on the table vehemently. "Next time I'll send Charlie Chaplin!"
"Sir I don't know what happened. I gave them the order through the EM..."
Suddenly a new person slipped into the room with some papers. He headed right for the leader.
"Sir, I believe you'll want to look at these."
"Put them on the desk, private." the leader said, dismissively.
The messenger was persistent. "Sir, I think you'll want to look at these right now. For your eyes only."
The leader slowly turned to stare at the private, and the private stared right back with the same intensity. With a sudden flick of the wrist the papers fell,...through the leader, causing white holographic impurities to appear. Cromwell stared, his face twisting into a sneer.
"Damned KGB spy!" And he went for him.

***

Logan had calmed down enough to tell him the rest of the story. "After my mother's death, I felt like my world was falling apart. My philosphy was, the tougher it gets, the tougher you get. I guess it had something to do with why I survived that first purging. I found others like me, and they took me in."
Rembrandt shook his head. He didn't believe this. "Where are they now?"
"They...kicked me out. I was becoming too emotional, and dangerous to the group. That's how they get control of you, through your emotions. You would do anything to fight off the pain..."
"So you're out here....waiting to die, to kill yourself?!"
She nodded. She had never really thought of it that way. She looked at the man who was seemingly unaffected by it all, leaning against the wall, and listening to her story. He cared, she thought. How odd.
"This isn't right." said Rembrandt. "I know injustice when I see it, and for a country to betray its people like this is wrong. I don't know much but I do know one thing, this has to end."
As he looked at Logan, who was staring at him strangely, he thought he saw a light go on. It was unused to being in such a repressed soul, but it was bright, and getting brighter as it reflected inside its new environment. The light was hope...

Kari walks up to Slider142, who is scribbling.
Kari: You see, I don't understand this one word here, what is that? E?
Slider142: Oh that one, see, that's an m, then an o, t,...
HurriKain: I'll get you RavageKnight! <Hurrikain fires off a volley of laser blasts>
Qball79: I'll get you Slider_Sarah!
Slider_Sarah: Me?! What the? <Suddenly a ray gun appears in her hands>
Slider142: Excuse me, Kari, I have to fix something <He ducks a laser beam that wandered his way for no reason at all other than ducking under a laser beam looked cool>
Kari: Sure
Slider142 grabs a laser gun: I'll get you, Peckinpah!
Some other people: Oh yeah!
Peckinpah: Uh oh
A special effect suddenly cuts down Slider142.
Slider142: What the? Hey! that was my stunt double for Interception! Here, MallorysMom <Slider142 throws torch to MallorysMom, who is ducking behind a burnt-out jeep>
SL4ever: Er, where'd that jeep come from?
Peckinpah: Who knows? Looks cool though, huh? <He turns on a tape recorder which makes WWI noises.>
Rat-at-at-atat! Boom! aagh! Fire in the hole!...

Ok, MallorysMom, take it away, fast. :-)

"Oh well." she says,"as a mother of two rugrats, I've had to clean up many a mess, let's see what I can do here."

Rembrandt heard Quinn's anguished screams in the distance. "I have to go help my friends, do you have any ideas?" he asked Logan.
"Come with me", she said. She walked over to what used to be an office in the cornor of the warehouse. She rummaged through a foot locker for a few minutes and then closed it. "Here," she handed Remmy what looked like a copper bangle,"put this on your left wrist. The elecromagnetic currents will repel those the Company sends out."
"What about my friends?", he asked her.
"I have three more right here," she said as she held them up for him to see.
He eyed her suspiciously,"How did you know we needed three more?"
"I didn't, this is all I could find," she quickly replied.
Remmy didn't waste any more time questioning her, he need to help his friends.

When they got to Quinn he was lying in the fetal positon, crying and repeating to himself, "Wade, where are you. Wade, I need you. Wade. Where are you.............."
Rembrandt quickly slipped the bracelet onto his wrist. Quinn stopped for a minute, then looked around,"Boy I have a headache. What the hell happened?"
"Logan gave us these magno thingys........." Remmy didn't have a chance to finish his statement. Quinn jumped to his feet. "LOGAN!" he shouted,"She's here?!"
"Hold up Q-ball...... Different Logan. She's helped us."
He looked over at the pretty young girl smiling behind Remmy, " Yah, well......"
Logan spoke up, "Um, didn't you say something about two others?"
They looked around, Colin and Maggie were no where to be seen.

"Q-ball, how much longer before we slide?" asked Remmy.
"a little under an hour, we have to find Colin and, and, and..... "
"Maggie" injected Remmy.
"Yah, her. I'm sorry, been thinking about Wade a lot lately." a look of sadness crossed his face for a moment before he was able to regain his stoic look.
Logan spoke again,"I bet they are headed for the Company Radio Tower, sooner or later, they are all drawn there. When we find them, if there is time, you must tell me about this sliding."

They raced across town. The electromagnetic bracelets repeled the EWT (electromagnetic wave therapy) the tower sent out, but was not without it's own side effects, Quinn and remmy were both bginning to get a dull headache. Not pleasant, but at least it was better than hearing Anne Murray in your head.

Quinn spotted them first: "There they are, over by that dead tree."
It was then that Rembrandt looked around and realized that this Earth was almost void of live vegatation. He made a mental note to ask Q-ball later, if there could be a relationship to the EWT and human suicide and the death of the plants and trees, but now was not the time. There were only 5 minutes left on the timer.

Colin and Maggie were swaying in time, and lip synching the same song which, fortunately, the others could not hear. They lost no time in slipping on the bracelets for them. Colin and Maggie crumpled to the ground, holding their heads.
"Oh, I feel like I was drinking Margaritas all night. What happened?" asked Maggie.
"Long story girl," says Remmy, "we'll talk about it on the next world."
"What?" says Logan. He quickly explains, "We come from a parallel earth, we 'slide' from earth to earth, each one is different."
"Please take me with you," she begs them. "The next world has to be better than this one, I'll die if you leave me here."
Maggie is quick to speak up, "Quinn, didn't you say Logan was your evil......"
"This obviously isn't the same Logan, she has doubles too undoubtedbly" Quinn states.
Colin speaks "The more the merrier, I always say."
"No more time for discussions," says Quinn as he activates the timer.
Logan just stares at the beautiful blue hole in the sky. Rembrandt makes an eager getaway, "See y'all on the flip slide."
Colin jumps in next, Quinn and Maggie look at Logan, "Are you coming?" he asked. "You better hurry, before the wormhole closes up." And he jumped in, certain the women would be following.

Maggie takes Logan's hand and says "Don't worry, it's painless. You might even come to like it."
to which Logan replied, "You're right, I have. And guess what............ I liked Wade better." She then shoved Maggie to the ground and jumped through the wormhole.
The guys were dusting themselves off and waiting for the girls to show up. Quinn was starting to feel guilty for not waiting for them. Then Logan came tumbling out of the hole. "Woah, what a ride," she said as she looked around. "Where's Maggie?" she asked innocently. She feigned a look of concern. "She must have missed the window."
The voice behind her said, "Wrong! Bitch."
Logan turned around to see Maggie's fist coming right for her.

Mallory's Mom, sweaty and exhausted, staggers over to Robin14334. She hands her the torch, "carry on my child....... no matter how hard the journey......you..........must........complete........your task."

Everyone, BBoard members, crew, extras and all, turn to look at her. After a few seconds of silence, they go back to whatever they were doing. (In the case of some of the board members, I believe that would be burning each other, but we won't go there....) Robin14334, now extremely annoyed, grabs torch from MallorysMom, who is chasing after some poor prop guy shouting obscenities. She then fishes the story out from under a six-board-member pileup, which is burning merrily. Once she has the story, she dashes out of the Peckinpah "cave" into a dark corner and writes feverishly, hoping no one will find her....>

Maggie landed directly on top of Logan, strangely reminiscent of Remmy landing on the Professor back in the good old days. Her fist connected squarely with the other woman's face, and Logan lay unconscious on the ground.

"What was that!?" Quinn exclaimed.

"That's the real Logan!" Maggie tried to explain. "I mean, she's the other one... from before... the bad one!"

"No she's not..." Colin said, unsure of what was going on. He had never met Logan St. Clare. Neither had Maggie, but that, like most continuity, had slipped their minds at the moment.

"Shut up, Farmboy!" Maggie replied angrily. "What do you know? She said... she said... she liked Wade better...."

"Oh man," Remmy said. "If she liked Wade better, and she tried to kill *her*... I'd hate to see what she'd do to *you*."

"You wanna find out?" a voice said menacingly from behind them. They had forgotten Logan was still there, and she had woken up.

"Uh-oh," Colin said. (Very profound, isn't he?) "What do we do?"

"Well, I'd say... RUN! RUN LIKE HELL!" Quinn said, taking off. The others followed suit, with Logan close behind. (Colin of course ran as duck-like as always. Try not to picture it and it won't be as painful.) She was steadily gaining on them when the sliders came to a busy street. Luckily the traffic light was in their favor (strangely enough, it seemed red meant go and green meant stop). They ran across, just as the light changed. Logan was trapped on the other side by passing cars, a very angered look on her face. Once the sliders were far enough away, they stopped to rest.

"Hey, Quinn," Maggie said between gasps of air, "Where'd you come up with an idea like that? That was pretty good. I thought for a minute there I was actually going to have to use my military skills and beat the crap out of her."

"Where'd I get the idea?" Quinn mused. "Well, I'm not really allowed to say, because of continuity and legal issues."

"The professor," Remmy whispered to Maggie. She nodded knowingly and mouthed the word "ahh".

"Um... I hate to say it, but Logan is chasing us again," Colin interrupted them. The other three turned and, sure enough, there was Logan pursuing them. They hightailed it out of there, and Quinn said as they ran, "We should just fight her. There's four of us. We could take her." They suddenly stopped and turned to face Logan. Well except for Colin. He was too busy concentrating on running and not falling that he didn't hear Quinn and kept going, smacking into them once they stopped. Then Logan caught up to them and she was grinning wickedly....

Will the sliders be able to defeat Logan? Does Logan have some evil trick up her sleeve? Why didn't I just let her kill Maggie when I had the chance? Can anyone save this terrible story? Is Peckinpah really the one behind this mess? Why do we park in a driveway and drive on a parkway? Stay tuned to find out! (same bat-time, same bat-channel)

<Robin14334 finishes her part and creeps back into the insanity, searching for Slider_Sarah. Out of nowhere, SL4ever begins chasing her with a flaming timer prop, shrieking something about "death to Peckinpah". Robin14334 dashes out of the cave, but returns a moment later with a fire hose. (Don't ask where it came from, just go with it.) She aims it into the cave and turns it on. Everything and everyone is washed out the secret back entrance (hey where'd that come from?... convenience) and the cave is empty. Satisfied, Robin14334 leaves the torch and the story for Slider_Sarah. She then leaves the cave and goes around back to rescue loose, slightly wet board members.>

Hey, I couldn't fix the story... at least I fixed the cave! (My sincere apologies to anyone who might have been harmed during the clearing of the cave. Well, BBoard people. I'm not responsible for Peckinpah.)

Slider_Sarah... it's your doomsday now.

~Robin

<Slider_Sarah re-enters the cave soaked to the bone (Robin14334 miscalculated). She picks up the torch and the story and looks at it in confusion. She isn't alone for long. There are noises outside the cave getting closer>
BritSlider <pretends to be a soldier lying on the ground, thinking crawling looks authentic and everyone trips over him>: Die evil ones! Ow! Not you! Peckinpah! <smothered unintentionally by everyone else>
<Everyone trips over him and falls in a heap into the cave. Slider_Sarah confiscates (well, moves them out of reach) the guns, sits away from the pile-up and writes>
Slider_Sarah: What is a parkway anyway? And wasn't the cave meant just for players? First SL4ever comes in when he's not participating and then Peckinpah and his followers force their way in. Pah! Let's see how badly I can mangle this story! There's nothing else to do!

Logan whipped out a gun and pointed it at the Sliders who had regained their balance after the collision. The madness was evident in her deranged expression and evil smile.

"Can we still fight her?" asked Colin.

"Duck!" yelled Quinn as he saw Logan's finger move slightly on the trigger.

Poor Colin though his brother was making a derogatory comment about his running and tackled all three of his companion sliders, pulling them to the ground. Actually, he saved all their lives for the gun went off just after Quinn's exclamation (convenient timing) and the bullet embedded itself in the lamppost behind them.

Logan tried to re-aim the gun, but found her hands were shaking too much. In the seconds that gave the Sliders, Quinn had run towards her and wrestled with her for the gun. Naturally he won. But once he had the gun he wasn't sure what to do with it. He didn't trust Maggie with it and he certainly didn't want to keep it. The best the to do was to give it to Rembrandt, the most trustworthy of the sliders.

"What are YOU doing here? How did you track us here?" Quinn looked at Logan lying on the pavement (I am NOT turning American for you guys).

Passers by were gathering in a circle around the group, staring at the gun which Quinn had given to Rembrandt. They had never seen a gun quite like that before.

Logan sneered in reply, "I always was more intelligent than you. YOU couldn't even track your way home." Quinn almost went for her, but Maggie got there first. Colin dragged Maggie back and restrained her while Quinn was confronted by a very angry Logan who had stood up and looked Quinn in the face. "You destroyed all my plans, but yet you couldn't even keep your friends with you.

That did it for Quinn. He shouted and screamed, but he wouldn't hit Logan unless she hit him first.

Two police officers came up and spoke to them. "Please take any relationship problems off the street and into the home," said the woman.

"I would NEVER go out with this sleazebag!" Logan's voice rose in pitch and volume.

"YOU'd never see me???? What makes you think that I'D want to go with you!!" Quinn shouted back.

"Okay, okay," the policeman butted in. "You obviously don't want to heed the warning. We'll have to take you down to the station." He put handcuffs round Quinn's wrists while his partner did the same to Logan. Quinn and Logan were then taken to a police car and forced inside. Logan struggled, but to no avail, other than getting Quinn to hit his head on the roof.

Maggie suddenly realised that she was the military person on the team and should therefore really do something. "Hey!" she called, "you can't do that!"

"Watch us. If you're not careful we'll have to take you in as well."

Meekly, Maggie replied, "Alright then." Rembrandt and Colin glared at her.

The car drove off and turned down another street. Rembrandt turned to Maggie. "Great move. Now we have to get Quinn out of there."

"What was I meant to do?" she protested.

"Anything other than that."

Colin tapped Rembrandt on the shoulder. "Er...why are they still staring at us?"

Rembrandt noticed the same thing, then realised he still had what to the locals was a weird weapon. "Perhaps we'd better move along. Who has the timer?"

The three remaining came to the conclusion at the same time. "Oh sh**!"

***

Bennett's memory was beginning to return. He looked the device he held in his hand as he lay under a parasol on the beach. It was bleeping at him. A message appeared on the read out. 'Subjects have moved on.' And then followed a list of numbers for their new destination. He must be tracking someone. Or a few someones. Perhaps that had something to do with the Slider Annihilation Force. Yes, that was it. He was chasing some sliders. Parallel dimensions. Once he'd broken the first memory barrier, the others came more easily.

Last time he'd let this group of Sliders get away he's received a severe tongue-lashing from Inspector Lear. Bennett didn't want to get another for if he did it was surely going to end up in his record. Checking to see the inhabitants of Bikini, California weren't watching, he discovered that they were. "Ah, what the hell," he thought and opened up the vortex to the co-ordinates given anyway.

He shot out of the vortex onto a crossing during a green light. For a moment he was terrified for his life before he realised that this was a world where green meant stop for the cars. Bennett had just enough time to run to the pavement before the lights changed and the place where he had been only seconds previously was run over by cars. He breathed a sigh of relief.

<In the time it has taken Slider_Sarah to write all that rubbish, the pile has sorted itself out and the cave is once again packed. Slider_Sarah pushes through the crowds trying to find sleepingtiger. She passes HurriKain and RavageKnight having a 'discussion.'>
RavageKnight: ...but I only had 5 minutes to think up a story!
HurriKain: No, you didn't!
RavangeKnight: Yes, I did!
HurriKain: No, a couple of games ago you asked to go first because you had a 'great' idea and this was the first spot free! I kept my promise!
<Slider_Sarah moves on before RavageKnight answers. She finally finds sleepingtiger.>
Slider_Sarah: Here you are <hands her the torch and mangled story>. Sorry I manked it a bit. You sure picked an awful game to start on.
sleepingtiger: Thanks. I think.
<Slider_Sarah leaves the cave so that sleepingtiger can't throw the story back at her and just in case QBall79 starts chasing her again for no reason>

Bennett landed on Canada world and found himself mesmerized by the pretty music. He dropped the timer and started walked. He wasn't sure where he was headed, but it would be so nice to get there.
***
Quinn and Logan found themselves sharing a small room furnished with a couch a chair and a table. The door opened and a therapist walked in "Hello, my name is Dr. Wade Welles and I am here to help you resolve this relationship conflict." He was tall, thin and had dark hair. Quinn and Logan now had identical expressions -- blank-eyed and slack-jawed. "So lets get started shall we. How long have you been contracted?"
"Contracted. Listen you psychobabbling freak I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole with or without a contract."
"Hmmm. Sexual problems huh?" He look questioningly at Quinn. "So are you having problems performing?"
"Uhhh." Before Quinn could get any further Maggie burst in. She looked like the Marine Captain that had first joined them -- well okay her hair was darker. Gun in hand Maggie motioned for Quinn to come.
"Just give me a reason b****," she snarled. The gun was pointed right at Logan. "I am a great shot."
Dr. Welles chose that moment to speak. "Maggie, babe. Is there something we need to talk about? I know our contract expires this week, but I thought we both wanted to renew it. You aren't the reason he can't perform his contractual duties are you?" He planitvely held his hand towards Quinn who was quickly edging toward the door completely freaked out.
"First, I am not your Maggie. Second, they aren't contracted for anything together. Third, what the hell kind of a world is this?"
Colin and Remmy chose that moment to enter, both also holding guns.
"Where did you get those weapons? Those are contraband. Are you Canadian rebels?"
"Let's grab everyone and bail." Colin was uncharacteristically verbose and correct in his usage of slang.
***
Chloe Brown and M.J. Arturo stood over a strange device. They had special bracelets on that blocked the horrendous music that permeated their world. It looked like a cross between a cell phone and a television remote. Numbers were flashing across the two display screen on its surface. Chloe looked over her companion, they had always joked about being a matched set: one male, one female, one light, one dark, both madly in love.
"Let's do it," M.J. smiled as he pushed the big blue button on the center of the machine.
A strange circle of light and color opened in front of them and hands linked they jumped into it. Neither one cared for Canada World and anything had to be better.

<"Yeah. A semblence of normalcy--plot tie-ins, new twists. Take it and run." Sleepingtiger handed the torch to Hurrikain, shifted shapes and loped out of the cave. She did manage to freak out Ravage-BlazingAngelKnight one last time.>

Peace 'n' Love--st

Bennett wondered how he had suddenly landed in Canada world, when in the previous part of the story he had just slid into the co-ordinates that the sliders had jumped to. Suddenly the reality of his situation hit him. He was just a boring sub-plot, that no-one had bothered to flesh out because they all thought it irrelevant to the story! He was....he was.....an.....EXTRA!!!! Unable to cope with the hideous thought of not being a recurring character, he spontaneously combusted, leaving nothing but a little pile of soot behind.

***

Colin's suggestion to get out of there was greeted with all round approval. With Maggie keeping a bead on Logan with her gun, the others made a hasty exit out of the office. Dr Welles was about to protest, but Maggie shot him a hard glance that he took to mean; "Don't mess with me bucko! I know I'm only a pathetic, two-dimensional excuse for a woman, but I'm supposedly a tough marine, so watch it!"

Dr Welles said nothing.

Maggie turned to Logan; "Consider yourself lucky that I don't kill you now in cold blood. But that would just make me as bad as you!"

Logan sneered at her, "You're just upset because I'm a fully fleshed-out character, with a full set of emotions and moral direction, even if I was only in one episode!"

Maggie was hurt by that comment because she knew it to be true. If she could have portrayed 'hurt' as an emotion she would have, but the best she could do was merely 'pissed off'. She stormed out of the office, and joined the others on the street below.

"Hey Q-Ball," said Remmy, "how long have we got until the next slide?"

Quinn looked at the timer. By the same amazing coincidence that always seemed to occur when someone said that, he replied; "Ten seconds." Quinn held the timer up, and pressed the button. The vortex opened, and shimmered in front of them. Just as they were about to step through, there was a loud crash from one of the windows above them, and the body of Dr Welles fell to the ground by their feet. They all looked up to see a grinning Logan, pointing a gun at Maggie.

"Should have killed me when you had the chance, bitch!" she said, and with that, she squeezed the trigger........

BritSlider hands the pen back to HurriKain.

BritSlider: There, I've done my bit, now untie this bloody torch, I've got work to be getting on with!

HurriKain loosened the bonds holding the torch in place, and gathered his posse around him.

HurriKain: Right people, now we've just got to find ThomasMalthus, and we can finally be shot of this ridiculous story!

And so they all set off to hunt down ThomasMalthus...

ThomasMalthus goes off mumbling incoherently. He manages to pick up the torch and run with it. Then he runs out of breath and collapses to the ground, unconscious. And I had the strangest dream...>

Logan laughed maniacally as she stood in the space formerly occupied by a window that Dr. Wade Welles, their ninety-zillionth Wade double in about six worlds, had been knocked out of. She took her gun, pointed it at the sliders and began to pull the trigger...

...when suddenly a vortex opened behind her and two figures came tumbling out on top of her. Those of you who had been paying very close attention to the story (c'mon, you two, stand up!) recognized them as Chloe Brown and MJ Arturo.

"Who the devil are you?" Rembrandt asked, his voice oozing with confusion.

"My name is Chloe Brown..." the young African-American woman started.

"And my name is MJ Arturo." the older, British man finished.

"And we're the Warner Brothers," both of them said simultaneously, in a high-pitched, cartoonish voice, "...Network representatives," they finished in their normal tone of voice. "We have come to promote our network on parallel worlds. We're from your home earth, in fact." The sliders all looked confused as to whose home earth they referred to. "You know, Earth Prime?" MJ asked. The sliders still look confused. "HIS world." Chloe finally said, pointing to Rembrandt. They all finally nodded their heads.

"But why are you here?" Quinn asked. "You couldn't have come to take us back to Earth Prime because we have those co-ordinates stored in our timer, even though in "Revelations" I said we didn't."

Chloe beamed a wide grin that had previously only been seen on lobotomized insane asylum patients. She had a really bad problem with large Indians and pillows but that was another story. "We have come to end violence on this world. Specifically, her." MJ pulled up Logan by her hair and began pounding her head against the pavement. Chloe went on in her sing-song airline stewardess impression voice. "We've done some market research within our core demographics and found that violence is bad. Sometimes real bad. People don't like it. It can lead to bad things like pain and large hospital bills."

MJ pulled out a chainsaw and began to fend off some Kromaggs that had unceremoniously landed on this world. Chloe continued, "We were going to take this sliders fanfic and make it into an episode but we've decided this whole scene too closely resembles domestic violence. Studies have shown that 42.785% of women shoot their male doubles on parallel earths along with their dorky brothers, slutty girlfriends and old chums who never did them any particular harm."

MJ has pulled out his blaster that is clearly an 'homage' to "Star Wars: Episode I" and begins to shoot the Kromaggs, and innocent bystanders, indiscriminately. "So we've come to invite you back to our new world that is now violence-free." She then gave them a toothy grin.

"Uh, sorry, lady," said Quinn. "But we're on a very important mission to... to, uh... hey, guys what was it we were doing again? Stopping that murdering bag of mulch, Colonel Rickman?"

Maggie jumped in. "Wait, no, I think we're looking for my homeworld this week. Didn't we find out I was raised by Ewoks?"

"No, that was me," said Colin. "But I thought we were supposed to find a superweapon that was going to beat the Kromaggs once and for all?"

"No, no, no," said Rembrandt. "We gave that idea up on "Mother and Child" world for no apparent reason."

At that, Chloe did a backflip and slit the last Kromagg's throat open with a switchblade concealed by her shoe. She sighed. "Have it your way then. C'mon, MJ, let's go."

As MJ walked away from the large pile of rotting Magg bodies with his shirt half torn off, Chloe opened the vortex. "You know what's weird, MJ? My last name is Brown and your last name is Arturo. They have a slider named Brown and they used to have one named Arturo. Isn't that a funny coincidence?"

MJ grinned. "Yeah. It probably would have been an interesting story avenue to explore if we'd had more time and the author hadn't been so lazy." At that, a construction beam fell and hit him on the head. His last words were "Somebody.. call... Ross J. Kelly..." Chloe jumped into the vortex and left him callously behind, not unlike the other character departures on "Sliders".

"Wow," said Rembrandt. "of all the endings of Sci-Fi B-Board Fanfics I've witnessed, that was the stupidest."

"I've gotta say," said Quinn, "this has been the longest nine seconds of my life. But now we've gotta slide!" He pushed the button that opened the vortex and the foursome (don't get any weird ideas!!) jumped through.

<TM wakes up. "Wow, what a dream! I dreamt that TV violence was no longer a nuisance and we can watch clean shows like "Touched by an Angel", "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman" and "Barney" without fear of violent eruptions."

The other posters of this fanfic surround TM. "Ahem, well, I ended the story, didn't I, just like you wanted..."

"Get him! This'll teach him to take his own personal vendettas against other networks and put it in 'Sliders' fanfic!" They all cried out as one. TM high tails it out of the cave with the other posters riding behind him in their pick-up truck wielding pitch-forks and torches. RavageKnight drops his torch and the truck explodes. Fox is on hand filming "World's Funniest Truck Explosions". TM runs off, laughing like mad.>

ThomasMalthus