"Please Press One"

amycamus: "Hi. I'm John Doe. Ever since entering the witness protection program, I, Paul Jenkins, have been....oops...."	TVs_Neal: "ICE CREEEEEEEEAM! ICE CREEEEEEAM!!"	alexgariepy: Most dedicated ballet dancer... EVER.	amycamus: Every screengrab I click on seems to be a Pink Floyd album cover...
HumbugNoir: Def... initely?? Def... erential?? Def... Leppard??	Bittlestiffender: The Kelsey Grammer-cam!	TVs_Neal: "There is no Santa Claus, Billy, your mother hates you, and you were an accident. Now, let's have some milk and cookies!"	TVs_Neal: They've found an all-porn alternate universe.
TVs_Neal: "Satan University! That's my alma mater!! Go Light Bringers! Woo Hoo!"	Bittlestiffender: "...so, even if I'm sliding, all of my shows are being recorded. Neat, huh?"	Bittlestiffender: "Coming up next on Alternate Reality Election Coverage 2000, the undecided voters of Hawaii. Are we facing a Constitutional crisis? Let's ask a circus mime."	rna411: "Psst, buddy. You wanna Diners Club card?"
Bittlestiffender: "If you want to sell drill bits for this store, recognition is important. Quick, what size is this bit?"	TVs_Neal: K-Mart has deals so good it'll make your floorboards curl!	dillinger547: "Darkman, Darkman, DARKMAN! I've told you a thousand times, you can't mix up hidden lines with phantom lines in your sectionals!"	TVs_Neal: "Let's re-enact my favorite scene from OZ."
SovietFlask: "Dumbass University. Like, it's your future. Kinda."	Bittlestiffender: "And then, remember that time we picked that fight with those bikers, and they slapped me around pretty good? Wait, that's what we did for lunch."	Granty_Claus: Touched By A Wuhrer?	Granty_Claus: Scene from "American Beauty 2: American Pulchritude."
Bittlestiffender: "Yo, good evening y'all. Welcome to Leonard Jenkins Presents. I've got some macabre stories to share with all of you, my peeps."	Bittlestiffender: Safety tip guys, this timeline uses 220V...	rna411: "Third floor! Lingerie, coffee makers and homicidal maniacs. Going down!"	kingdugan: "Kids, would you come downstairs for a minute? God just dropped by."
Granty_Claus: Vincent D'Onofrio auditions to replace Bernard Shaw on CNN...	amycamus: Saturn makes the rounds at a cocktail party.	PrezYukonGARnelius: "Look ma -- no cavities!"	Moatas: "Sigh... leg shopping just isn't what it used to be."